Declaration

“By the stars,” she whispered. Destiny stepped around her and set her own load of books on the new coffered bed. Mia stood in silence in the center of the room and then she whirled around, her eyes searching for Destiny among her new opulent furnishings. The walls had been painted pale gold and had been fitted with some of Destiny’s older paintings of winged nymphs and ethereal beings. The old plank floor was covered in plush carpets thick enough to muffle Mia’s footsteps. The bed, now resting against the wall opposite the window was dressed in saffron silk and white lace. A much smaller version of Destiny’s magnificent bed, it had white washed posters draped in silks and lace. It rose to about the height of Mia’s waist and was a damn sight better than the abysmal cot she’d slept on before. A white lacquered wardrobe to rival Destiny’s and a new desk flanked the window and the bookshelf, larger by far than the old one, perched beside the bed.

“I thought you might like to reach over and grab a book at night... if you had trouble sleeping,” Destiny replied. Mia shook her head but didn’t speak. Before, the broken window panes had been fitted with a thin sheet of wood to block the frigid blasts of air, now it was almost as glorious as the bed. New glass panes sparkled in the morning light behind sheer white silk under a river of more saffron silk fringed with amber beads and white tassels. A cushioned bench overflowing with pillows gave her a place to relax with a book or with her daydreams. Mia walked around the room and lingered at the window as Destiny leaned against the door frame and folded her arms.

“Is this the same room?” she whispered, her eyes now on Destiny’s face.

“They said it was.” She watched as Mia moved away from the window and stood again in the center of the room. She wrapped herself in her arms and slowly shook her head.

“Your Grace—”

“Destiny will do,” she interrupted with a smile. Mia again shook her head and laid her fingers against her forehead.

“Destiny,” she corrected, “why have you–why would you? By the Stars, Princess.” She gave up with a heavy sigh and Destiny chuckled.

“‘Thank you’ was the more the reaction I’d hoped for.”

“Thank you,” Mia gushed as she looked around the room once more, “but I don’t understand, Destiny. Why? Why all of this?”

Shame swelled in Destiny’s chest as they stared at each other. “Why not?” she mumbled as she gazed down at the floor. She cleared her throat and toyed with the cuff of her jacket. “Royal attendants have proper rooms. I couldn’t have you retreating to that hideous crawl space every night, it was unacceptable.” She tried to laugh but it came out in forced gasps. Mia turned her back to Destiny, the better to hide her face. How could she have ever thought it would be easy to hide her feelings from Mia? She saw through every one of Destiny’s gestures and with good reason.

“I have done nothing to deserve this,” Mia whispered. Without thinking, Destiny walked up behind her and placed her hands on Mia’s shoulders. She turned her around and waited until she looked up to speak.

“You don’t have to deserve beautiful things, Mia...”

She didn’t remember cupping Mia’s cheek. They were face to face now, Mia staring up at Destiny with sparkling eyes. She was so close that Destiny’s lips burned and she wondered if the same desire raged inside Mia, if she responded in the same manner to Destiny’s smell, voice, and touch. Soft as feathers, her fingertips slid behind Mia’s ear, down her neck, over her bare shoulder, down the back of her arm, and over her elbow until they found Mia’s hand. She lifted it to her lips. She felt Mia shudder as Destiny’s lips pressed against her knuckles. Was that Mia’s heart beating so loudly or was it her own, she didn’t know but to her surprise, Mia captured her hand and held it to her face. She closed her eyes and hesitantly circled her other arm around Destiny’s waist. As she rose up on tip toe, her luscious mouth open, Destiny pulled back.

“Mia, don’t,” she breathed, “I...”

“Is this not what you want, Destiny?” her voice trembled, “You don’t have to go to such lengths to have...”

She swallowed audibly and her cheeks were flaming as she stared into Destiny’s eyes. “Kiss m—” Heart pounding, Destiny put her hand over Mia’s mouth and used the other to gently but firmly unwind her arms. Her brown eyes were too wide, her body too still. When she was certain Mia would not speak, she pulled her hand away.

“I did this because I wanted to, no m-more,” she stammered as Mia’s eyes filled. Horrified, Destiny stepped back and Mia dropped her head as she turned away. “Go to Irma’s, they’re waiting to dress you for tonight.” She shut the door between their rooms and locked it.

Sick with herself, Destiny collapsed on her own bed with her arm over her eyes. Her other hand clenched the velvet coverlet beneath her as she listened to Mia’s quiet sobs. The vision of her in the red world drifted past Destiny’s eyes. She imagined their lips had touched, that she had wound her arms around the girl who offered herself in exchange for an opulent bedchamber. Destiny felt sick as loathing, bitter as bile, rose in the back of her mouth. If she wasn’t the princess, she would be able to think and courting Mia would be effortless but now she would never know if the girl’s feelings were willing or obligatory. It would drive her mad not to know. Her fingers twisted angrily against the fabric. Whether Mia felt compelled to share Destiny’s bed shouldn’t have mattered to her, but it did. It did!

At the very first sight of her honeyed skin all Destiny had wanted was a fast coupling; a satiation of the most ravenous craving. Painless and easy if she were a courtier, another crown-hungry ornament, but Mia was not. For the first time in her life, Destiny felt someone saw and appreciated the person she was. For the first time in her life, someone wanted her to be happy, to have a day of trivial joys not because she was the Princess but because someone cared.

Lust was not enough. Destiny knew she would rather spend a thousand lonely nights than have only one passionate night with Mia. She felt her heart opening, felt it swell as her eyes filled. Gone was the vision of Mia in red, now she saw them together walking the rose garden with their fingers interlaced, she saw them in the grand hall surrounded by admirers as they spun around the marble floor. Mia in splendid regalia, laughing gaily as they shared a private joke. Mia in a flowery gown of pale blue under an arbor of red blooms with her brown eyes sparkling as Destiny laid her father’s ring on her finger.

The wind was knocked out of her lungs. That last spell was of marriage—Mia as her wife. She’d never seen such a vision or wanted it as much.

On an exasperated sigh, Destiny sat up and drove her palms into her eyes. She had to get rid of the sight, it would drive her mad. Friendship was supposed to be easy.

Is this not what you want, Destiny?

“Damn it all!” she hissed into the darkness. No more lies, she told herself. Mia was what she wanted, she couldn’t deny it any longer.

She changed out of her matted clothing from the previous day and dressed in a fury. She didn’t know what drove her to seek comfort in such an unlikely place, but mothers were supposed to be soothing; perhaps her own would provide her with a pearl of wisdom without guessing her secret.

Upon arriving at the Queen’s apartments, she realized she must have appeared disheveled as Brianne opened the door. The older woman peered at Destiny with iron blue eyes. “What’s happened?”

The Princess’s eyes were wild, curls scattered around her face, her cheeks a little flushed. “I’ve just escaped a pack of ravenous Ladies,” she said. Brianne straightened the collar of Destiny’s coat and stepped aside to let her pass.

“Her Majesty is almost ready,” she smiled. “Is Amia well?”

“I sent her to Irma’s. Could you wait for her in my quarters? She doesn’t know about tonight.”

Evasive, Brianne noted, she’d have to speak with Amia to find out what had the Princess so riled up. She patted Destiny’s cheek affectionately, almost willing the girl to spill her secrets. She’d been running behind Destiny and Prince Richard when they tore through the castle, gently guiding the Princess after the loss of father and twin and soothing her after the girl’s first love. She felt a sense of pride as she gazed at Destiny now and also a little touch of sorrow. Something troubled the Princess but it wasn’t her place to pry. Not yet.

“Be a gentleman and escort your mother.”

Destiny watched as Brianne closed the door and breathed a little sigh of relief. A rustle of skirts and tinkling jewelry sounded behind her. She turned to see her mother in a richly embroidered gown of the deepest blue, her blonde hair curled into a thousand tiny ringlets. In one hand she held a silver slipper, in the other a string of pearls.

“Brianne? Have you seen my other slipper? Oh, Destiny!” she laughed, “you startled me!” Destiny smiled weakly. “What’s wrong?”

Having spotted the discarded slipper behind a chair, she bent forward to snag it as she went to kiss her mother’s cheek.

“Nothing. You look beautiful as always,” she pressed her lips briefly to her mother’s offered cheek as she handed over the slipper. Suzette’s eyes were sharp points as she eyed Destiny’s face. She lifted the hem of her voluminous skirts to slip her feet into the shoes.

“Sit,” she said. Destiny shook her head.

“We should go. The guests will be arriving soon.”

“They can wait. I am the Queen of Caunica,” she gestured to her sitting table, “more importantly, something troubles my child. What is it?”

“Girls,” Destiny mumbled. Her mother smiled as she sat opposite Destiny.

“I should have realized. I do remember this look, you’ve worn it before.” Destiny waved her hand to banish the unpleasant memories.

“I don’t want to talk about Oleanna. That’s been finished for a long time now.” Her mother nodded.

“Who do you wish to talk about? Have you found a bride?”

“I don’t know,” she replied awkwardly. She fidgeted under her mother’s penetrating gaze. “Perhaps. I wish to get to know her better but I fear my reputation precedes me. She doesn’t believe my intentions honorable when I give her a trinket...”

“I see. I’m not sure what advice I could offer other than for you to be completely honest with her. If you had been forward about your intentions from the start, you wouldn’t be facing this dilemma—whatever it is.”

“Aye, but I worry about Darling.” She scratched at the surface of the table with her thumbnail.

“What about him? If you are choosing this girl as your bride there is nothing he can do,” her mother protested.

“It’s complicated, Mother,” Destiny retorted. She fought back a strong desire to tell everything from Oleanna right up to the moment. She imagined lying in her mother’s lap and having her hair brushed as they used to when she was little. It was a very comforting vision but no matter how she suffered, her mother would hold fast to duty. As the Heir, she had to live up to her obligations.

“I can send him back to Keit if you think that would ease this burden,” the Queen replied. She paused, scowling and continued, “he will become suspicious if I know him as well as you but there is nothing he could do if I intervene.” Destiny shook her head and ran her hands back through her hair.

“He would not leave even if you asked. He would find a fitting excuse or return with Saphne. He waits for me to make a decision and he grows impatient. He may proceed with his own plans for her if I do not act swiftly.”

“I am not sure I like this girl,” her mother grimaced. “Is her heart so fickle?”

“You misunderstand. She does not realize Darling waits for my misstep. Besides, I doubt any girl in the kingdom has had both prince and princess fighting for her hand.”

“Aye,” her mother agreed, “she is in a very powerful position. I want to meet her.”

“No!” Destiny sat back in her chair as her mother frowned suspiciously at her. “I mean, not yet. I want to do this my way and Darling may try to paint me unfavorably if he knew what I feel for her.”

“And what is that?”

“She’s unlike anyone else, my crown is nothing to her. She sees me in a way others do not and being with her... I feel whole.” She realized her face was hot with a rare blush.

“Destiny—”

“She’s in every though I have, Mother. I didn’t realize I was incomplete until she came along...” She expected her mother to smile or show some sign of happiness but her face was a stone mask.

“Destiny, I don’t know if your way is the proper course.”

“You think I should give up on her because of Darling?” she asked.

“No,” her mother replied, “that’s not what I meant. I just don’t want to see you as you were ...before.”

“It won’t be so if I plan this right,” Destiny insisted, “you know he will only want her because I do.”

“Well, tell me something about her, at least,” her mother tried her best but couldn’t contain her excitement. Destiny felt a grin split her face.

“She’s extraordinary, painfully beautiful but modest. I fear if I tell you more you will know her.... Would you be opposed to a lower-ranked noble?”

“How low?” her mother inquired.

“Very low...” she offered. Her mother’s eyes narrowed further but she leaned back in her seat and took in a breath.

“You love her?”

Destiny hesitated. Realizing it alone in her room wasn’t the same as a declaration to her mother. Corollaries of such a decision flashed in front of her eyes. The thought of her mother’s reaction, of Darling’s intentions were he to know sickened her. Worst of all, she would have to tell Mia the truth, all of the truth. The fear of Mia’s accusatory eyes... would she ever trust Destiny?

It would be a mess, first to face her mother’s ire, to confront Darling once and for all and somehow end their petty dispute all for Mia to turn on Destiny the moment she offered marriage. It would be Oleanna all over again—the pain, the humiliation, the crippling loneliness.

“Destiny.” The queen reached over and touched her hand. “As long as you meet the Council’s requirements I have no objection to your intended.”

Duty. The barrier between them, erected when she was well enough to face the world again, rose up and blocked out any vision she had of a life with Mia. Each fancy wavered and vanished like smoke, leaving only an empty hollow behind. Mere moments ago, only several heartbeats, she had been crippled with fear by a simple declaration of love—a love she knew she could never have.

“We must be very cautious,” her mother was saying, “for if they do not agree with your choice Saphne will seize the opportunity. A hint of indecision in them will bring her crawling to our doorstep.”

“Don’t worry,” Destiny managed to say. “I would never risk my people for a wife.”

Suzette smiled sympathetically at her daughter. “My parents forced my hand but I grew to love your father very much over time. Should you choose to marry someone you don’t know, at least let our example give you hope, but if you love her and you want her, tell her the truth so there is no danger from Darling. And I want to meet her so we might prepare the Council promptly.”

“Very well,” Destiny swallowed. “How I miss Father.” She pushed back from the table and took her mother’s hand, lifting her to her feet.

“If he and Richard were alive, your life would be different,” the Queen offered.

“I could marry a peasant if I wanted,” Destiny chuckled. Her mother smiled and patted her cheek in the same manner as Brianne. She held the door open. The Queen took her arm and Destiny steered them down the hall to the balcony over the Great Hall. “When I am ruler, Mother, I hope you don’t mind if I make changes to the seasonal celebrations.”

“I’m already ahead of you, my dear.” She turned Destiny toward the gallery instead where two pages waited in silent attention on either side of the heavy blue draperies that closed off the balcony alcove. Destiny frowned a little but her mother patted her arm. “I’ve grown weary of the ceaseless routine of ball after ball. After the embarrassment at the Harvest I think it best to keep things nice and quiet for now. Most people are more excited for the spring festivals anyhow.”

“You’re giving a speech?” Destiny asked in surprise. Her mother winked as the curtains were pulled back. The pair stepped delicately onto the balcony to wild cheers and shouts of the crowd gathered below. Destiny kissed her mother’s cheek and the Queen raised her hands. The crowd exploded, echoes of their merriment danced off the walls of the castle.

“Thank you. Thank you all for braving the snow and wind to hear me,” Suzette started. “I know this is most unusual for the season; every Solstice we open the castle to celebrate the end of the harvest and the beginning of a new year. And with many of our sons, fathers, brothers, and uncles fighting so that we might enjoy these festivities, let us spend it with our families in memory and in honor of their struggle. I feel sorrow to sit amongst such bright faces and share gifts when so many of our soldiers are north without shelter, without the warmth of a hearth, without their mother’s arms around them and the comfort of their families. I ask that in their honor, you share your bounty and your gifts with each other. Send what you will to the orphanages, to the temples, so the Gods know we honor and celebrate their sacrifice differently this Winter.

“My prayers were answered when my own child returned home,” she paused to squeeze Destiny’s hand tenderly, “and I know so many of you still pray that your loved ones return safely and unharmed from the evil of the North. At midnight, when the temple bell tolls the hour, let us be silent in honor of those who have fallen. Let us hope the Gods have welcomed them to the Summerland. With peace to you all, Great Solstice and may the coming days be warm and loving.” She and Destiny waved once to the crowd and left the balcony.

Waiting on the other side was a crowd of her mother’s advisors and their valets. They pressed forward and dropped to one knee. “Your Majesty!” Baltor rose achingly to his feet with his hat clenched in his hands, round face shining with awe. He was a stooped old man with only a ring of spindly gray hair left around his bald head. Destiny adored him, he had been her father’s most favorite advisor and longtime friend before his death. “A wonderful speech, a magnificent declaration!”

“That was beautiful, Mother,” Destiny said. She brought the Queen’s hand up to kiss it. “If only the men could have heard.”

“We will send word to the generals of Her Majesty’s words and blessings immediately.” Destiny nodded approvingly at Baltor.

“Yes and to all the townships and cities of the nation, have them gather provisions for our men in place of gifts for us. We have more than we need here, the soldiers must know their people are with them in spirit,” Destiny added. He bobbed his head in approval.

“A most excellent idea, Destiny. Baltor, please see to all this at once.” He bowed and rushed quickly down the hall. Destiny walked with her mother amongst praises from the court. She offered wordless smiles and nods for her mind was preoccupied with a nagging worry.

Where was Mia?

* * *

AS LOTTIE DRESSED ME, I tried to keep my anguish inside. I’d cried myself out in my room, using the pillow to stifle my screaming when I realized she was all around me in every furnishing. Her rejection was a blow to my chest, a burning ache next to my heart. Of course it was natural and right that she keep me at arm’s length. I was the maid, she was the princess. She knew her station and I’d humiliated myself by not knowing my own.

Lottie didn’t bother to ask as she painted my face and for that I was very grateful. I didn’t want to smudge the paint and ruin her work but I desperately wanted someone to talk to.

“The festivities will be more subdued this season,” Mistress Irma had said when she inspected me. She scrutinized me before giving her approval. On my way out she told me to make sure to rest after the Queen’s speech.

With that knowledge, I had no desire to be Destiny’s shadow. Brianne waited for me in Destiny’s outer apartment. I didn’t speak as we started toward the Grand Hall. I wondered how I was going to ditch her. As we neared the staircase, a thought came to mind.

“Brianne.” She turned to me and I hesitated, anxious of lying to her. “I’ve forgotten something in my room. Princess Destiny asked me to carry it for her.”

“Very well,” she smiled in sympathy. “Shall I accompany you?”

“No, it’s all right. I’ll go get it and come back.”

“The Queen is to give a speech,” she began.

I nodded quickly, backing away. “Mistress Irma said the same. I won’t be long.” I turned on my heels and fled.

I missed Minda’s calloused hands, I missed her shining eyes, but most importantly I missed being able to talk to someone, someone who wouldn’t disapprove of my thoughts; someone who would help me grasp what was happening between Princess Destiny and I.

I needed someone’s arms around me, someone to stifle my fears–even if it was a sister’s and not a lover’s. I snorted in disgust and listened only to the clicking of the heels of my slippers on the marble floor. All right, I thought, I’ll spend my days as Destiny’s attendant until she marries and then I will return to the kitchens. Or maybe I would ask Madam Evlyn if I could work in her tavern. Anything to get me away from the Princess.

The castle was empty as I made my way swiftly through the corridors, searching for the hidden staircase that would lead me back home. It didn’t take long to get lost and in the silence and gloom, I found myself irrationally afraid. The corridor was empty, dark. The candles all extinguished. At the other end of the long hall, a window opened to the navy night. The air rippled and I shut my eyes as a wave of dizziness stole threw me. I had the impression that what I saw was not what was truly there. With my eyes closed, my heart was at war with my chest, lunging at my ribs with each beat. The vision of the hall and window was familiar in a way that nothing else had been before.

But of course, it was familiar. This was my home, I’d seen these halls countless times before. I had no reason, certainly no need for the coil of dread tensed in my shoulders and the base of my spine. I would find my way to Minda.

“Why is it so quiet?” I whispered.

I forced myself to walk forward, I held my breath. I would not run. I kept my eyes on the window, ignoring all else and walked faster. A brisk trot wasn’t running, not really.

I was running by the time I reached the halfway point. Panting, I reached the window and bent double to catch my breath. The moonlight on my skin made me feel better. It was real and I knew my fears were only inside my head. I took deep breaths as I leaned against the window with my eyes closed. I turned my head and opened my eyes.

A shadow had crossed the moon and thrown the hall into darkness but the paneled wall beside me was covered in a floor length tapestry. It was very old, frayed and faded but, stepping closer, I could make out the shape of three figures. There was something off about them, the color of the skin, the style.

Moonlight flooded the tapestry and I felt my skin grow cold. My heartbeat thrummed in my veins hard, the sides of the magnificent work blurred in time with my heart. It was a family; a mother, father and child, a girl. The man’s face, pale compared to the other two, was proud and strong, the weaver had captured perfectly the power of his being in his eyes. His jaw was covered in a short curly beard of dark hair. The woman seated beside him was different. Her skin was darker than his but her eyes shone bright in the moonlight, her dark hair, ink black in the light from the moon, fell down her shoulders and around her in soft waves. The girl on her lap was almost a mirror image of her, soft dark hair and eyes. The smiles of the parents were easy and secretive but the child seemed happy. The brightness in their eyes leapt from the weaving. But I must get closer, I thought, this can’t be real. As I reached out to the touch the tapestry a heavy boom resounded around me, like thunder.

I jumped and pressed myself against the wall opposite. My bones nearly jumped from my skin and I whimpered against the wall. What was it? What could be making that horrible sound? So loud the very marble beneath my feet lurched. I peered down the dark hall but I saw nothing.

“Mia.”

I almost screamed as I whirled around. Someone had whispered my name in my ear but there was no one behind me. I couldn’t control my heart, all I wanted was to run. The hiss wasn’t behind me as I’d feared but beside me. I peered into the moonlight, straining to see what could be making the sound. I felt dizzy. The woman, the woman in the tapestry was beckoning to me! Her brown hand was raised beside her face and she beckoned to me.

“Come.”

Despite my reason, I stepped closer to the tapestry. She pointed back the way I had come. Another thunderous boom rolled over me and at the end of the hall I saw a strange shadow lumbering in my direction.

“Run,” the woman said. “Run!”

* * *

“BRIANNE? WHERE’S MIA?” She watched the older woman’s blue eyes whip quickly through the crowd.

“I don’t know, Your Grace,” Brianne murmured, “she said she was going back to her room. She said she would meet me here but I haven’t seen her.”

“I haven’t seen her since we returned from the market,” Destiny searched the crowd for a curl of raven hair or Mia’s golden face. She turned and saw Darling laughing mischievously with Elizabeth. Good, she thought, maybe he can seduce Elizabeth away from her heels. It didn’t ease her worry though. Dread at Mia’s absence crept up her spine. When she thought of it, if Mia had rejected her kiss, she wouldn’t want to be near her for a while. “Maybe that’s all this is.”

“Hm?” Brianne asked.

“Nothing, I’ll see if she’s upstairs. Knowing her, she may have gotten lost. Did you tell her where we would be?”

“No,” Brianne’s face fell, “I thought Irma had told her. I assumed...oh dear.”

“It’s all right, I’ll find her,” Destiny replied. “I won’t be missed but you will be.” She nodded and smiled her thanks while Destiny broke off from the group. When she cleared the hall, she took off at a run. It was as if her body willed her to hasten.

Her key fumbled in the lock to her chambers and when at last she pushed the door open, she cursed. The lamps had not yet been lit. Mia wasn’t here. She started to turn away but a sliver of bright light caught her eye. It was almost a flash or a flicker of silver. The door to her bedchamber was only just ajar. Who would be in her rooms? She crept to the door and yanked it open, expecting to see Vivian lying naked on her bed. A chilly gust of air kissed her face and she felt the blood drain from her body. The light she’d seen was moonlight glinting off of Mia’s silver gown. Tendrils of dark curls flew away from her face like ribbons caught in the wind. Though the moon was nearly full and bright, snowflakes swirled around her like white petals pulled from their homes.

“No!” she screamed. She lunged over the bed and crashed into the door. Something shattered and fell, she heard a thud against the carpet but it didn’t matter, nothing mattered. Mia spread wide her arms and tilted her head back. Her breath caught as Mia gracefully tilted forward.

Destiny threw herself over the balcony floor with her arms out reaching. She cried in triumph when her fingers closed on Mia’s wrist. Her eyes were closed, her face slack with sleep. Destiny collided with the stone balustrade, felt the impact against her side and exhaled sharply at the flash of pain. For a moment her vision dimmed and Mia slipped a thumb of an inch. She made some small sound and stirred as she dangled over the darkened grounds. She looked down and then up at Destiny in confusion, her eyes wide.

“Don’t struggle. I’ve got you,” Destiny breathed. “Reach up with your other hand and grab my sleeve. I’m going to brace my legs and pull you up.” She moved her leg and the pain in her side made her wince. “Ready?” Mia nodded once and reached up to take hold of Destiny’s wrist. In the same moment, Destiny locked her knees, pressed down hard with her feet and pulled. She used her other arm against the wide stone columns as leverage and breathed past the throbbing ache in her side.

Mia reached up and grabbed the lip of the balustrade and pulled herself up, the small sounds she made the only signs of her distress. Destiny wrapped her arms around Mia’s waist and pulled her back over the balcony. They collapsed in a sprawl of glimmering silver skirts and soft gossamer billows. Mia was shaking, shivering against Destiny’s chest. She was crying and all Destiny could do was hold her until her own heart stopped pounding while the throbbing in her ribs intensified.