Chapter Twenty-Five

As I sat looking at all the pictures strewn around the room, I couldn't help but let out a small sigh along with a few tears that spilled out of my eyes. I had been staring at his pictures for hours now, wondering if this was really happening or if it was all just a dream, and soon I would wake up and everything would be back to normal. I started collecting the pictures into the shoebox again, making sure to pack them as nicely as possible. I would have to look at them again sometimes if I wanted to remember what we had.

The bells at the church started to ring, signalling it was about to start. I put the shoebox back on the shelf and adjusted my tuxedo, making sure the wrinkles that had formed were gone, and the shirt underneath was positioned in the right spot. I had to look as good as I could. He would need me to look presentable. Even if I was super uncomfortable, I knew Morgan would want me to dress up and be happy so I would be what he needed.

Shifting to the door, I stood holding the doorknob for a few moments. I had bought a house next to the church we were supposed to get married in because it was a very lovely location. A few steps and I would be in the church.

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts, and I opened the door to see Jenny standing holding her hands to her side with a small frown resting on her lips, "Hey, Mattie. Are you ready to go? It's about to start." She held out her arm, and I wrapped mine around hers. I closed and locked the door, before walking down the pathway to the church.

Everyone seemed to be here today, and I couldn't even remember half of the names of the people standing there. I didn't know Morgan had so many family and friends. I guess he really was one of the most popular people I know. I saw my mother and father standing at the door, handing out pamphlets. I took a deep breath and walked up the stairs to them.

"Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad."

They both gave me a look, my mother reached out her hand and pressed it to the  top of mine, "How are you doing, Baby?"

I just gave a quick shrug, because I didn't know exactly how I was supposed to feel right now. I didn't know what exactly everyone wanted me to do in this situation. Was I supposed to make them all feel better by putting on a smile? Was I supposed to break down and cry uncontrollably while everyone awkwardly tried to make me feel better?

The long walk to the pew really upset me because everyone was looking at me and giving me sad looks. What was this supposed to accomplish? Nothing was going to change, so why did everyone look like I just needed to wake up?

"We are gathered here on this day to celebrate the life of a young man, who passed away in his prime. Even though this young man passed away much sooner than the world would have liked, Morgan Winters felt things most people could only wish for in their entire lifetimes. I would now like to invite Mrs. Winters to the podium, where she would like to read a letter she had found written by Morgan himself before he passed away in the hospital."

The whole building was quiet, and I sat at the edge of my seat. He wrote a letter before he died? Who was it to? What did it say?

"My son made it quite clear he was in love, and with this letter, he let the world know exactly how he felt before he left us.

Dear Family, Friends, and Mattieboy,

I feel no pain right now. I'm looking out the window into the glaring sunset and wishing I could stay longer, but I know this isn't what my life is planned for. I just want everyone to know I love them, and I want Mattieboy to know I will always be here with him. Maybe my soul will transfer to another person, and he can fall in love with that person. I want everyone to know, with my last breath, I thought about how happy Mattieboy has made me, even if it was for a very short period of time."

She went quiet, bowing her head.

A few sobs rang throughout the building, and everyone seemed to be looking at me. I hated when everyone would stare at me. I took a deep breath, turning to Jenny, who at that point was holding back all her tears.

That's when I started crying. That's when I couldn't hold it back anymore. I had been trying to be strong for the last few days, and it all just came crashing down. Everything we had been through, everything we had done for each other had never been enough. He was going to leave me, and I could do nothing to stop it. I just let everything come out. I just let everything come to the surface, and I let it all out.

Jenny wrapped her arms around me as I cried, as I let everyone stare at the mess I had become. I didn't care. I just wanted Morgan to come back to me and love me like he said he would, forever and ever with no compromise. This was not part of my plan, none of this was.

What seemed like hours passed, and I just wanted to go home. Stepping outside the church, I was suddenly drenched as the rain was coming down in buckets. I guess it symbolized my feelings right now. I just started walking. I passed the house I bought and made my way to the cemetery, stopping at the freshly dug grave.

I ran my fingers over the letters and sighed.

"Morgan, how am I supposed to do this without you? How can I go on?"