“WHY DID YOU shock the heck out of me by announcing to my mom you’d agreed to marry me without first letting me know?”
After they’d put Bai in a taxi, Jin walked Mimi home to Aaron’s. The cold night sky didn’t empty the New York streets as neon lights still blinked in storefront windows, horns honked, pedestrians boldly jaywalked and dog walkers did their diligence.
“It just slipped out.”
“Slipped out? After you had given me a firm no?”
“You’re angry. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not angry but it might have been nice to know I was engaged before my mother found out.”
“I know. But isn’t that why you insisted I come to the Leo Berringer show? So I’d see what I could be doing and change my mind? And that’s why you invited your mom. To tug at my loyalties.”
He laid his palm flat over his chest in mock indignation. “Special Agent Mimi on the job again. You saw through my master plan.”
“It worked.” Mimi hadn’t actually meant to blurt her acceptance to Bai without talking to Jin about it first. However, thinking about the career opportunity combined with her devotion to the Zhangs brought it swirling together in her brain all at once. She’d decided to leap before she changed her mind. “I hope fooling Mamabai is the right thing to do, Jin. I can’t say I like it.”
“Thank you for caring that much.”
Later that night, she tossed and turned in Aaron’s sofa bed, unable to get the day’s proceedings off of her mind. She was second-guessing her decision to help Jin in a way that might cost her too much.
Reaching over to the side table, she grabbed the thimble Jin had given her as a stand-in for an engagement ring. Fitting it over each of her ten, she found it was most comfortable on her ring finger.
Twirling it around and around, she convinced herself that she could see this deal with Jin through. Although during the night, she woke experiencing a translucent hallucination of children’s laughter filling Jin’s apartment.
In the morning she went straight to the studio. Although it was early, Jin was already there at work and let her in.
“Good morning, fiancée,” he greeted her with a friendly uptick.
“To you, too, dearest husband-to-be.” If he was going to play, so was she. “Can I ask you something? It was nice of your mom to offer to buy me a dress. But do you agree that we’re not going to go the formal gown route?”
“Whatever you want.” He sat down at his desk then glanced up at her. “I know you and my mom always talked about all of that wedding floof. You should have it. Someday. Wait until you fall in love and I’ll throw you a huge wedding with every little detail.”
Oh, that was rich! Jin was going to pay for her real wedding somewhere down the road. Mimi didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She stared at him, into those deep, dark orbs of his. The knife’s-edge cheekbones that gave his face its exquisite angles.
He didn’t have the slightest idea what he was talking about when he spoke of her finding love from which a genuine marriage grew. She did give second best a try with Gunnar, but there would be only one love for her. Always had been and always would be.
“What I was saying—” she gamely tried to regroup, her voice a bit wobbly “—is that I’d like to make a dress to wear to the courthouse, if that’s okay with you.”
“Of course. What are you thinking?”
“Off-white?”
“I’m sure we have some silk dupioni you can use.”
“That would be great.”
“And didn’t my mom say you were talking about forest green velvet trim? I’m sure we have some of that somewhere, too. From the winter collection three years ago.”
“That was if it was to be a gown. Let me just start a dress.”
“Yeah, you might want to save that for your honest-to-goodness wedding later. Why waste it on this?”
Waste. He was referring to this wedding as a waste of good materials. She knew what he meant, that the ceremony was just a formality to put their charade in motion. Nonetheless, the words burned.
“You never know, Jin. This may be the only wedding I ever have.”
“I doubt that, Mimi. Someday, a very lucky man is going to see how incredible you are. He’s going to grab on to you and never let go.”
* * *
The day before the wedding, Mimi was at the studio again putting the finishing touches on the dress she’d made for the occasion. After the decision to have a courthouse civil ceremony with only Aaron and Bai in attendance, Mimi could have worn something from her closet or just bought a simple suit. Instead she decided to use a modern, practical wedding between friends as an inspirational concept.
“That dupioni worked out nicely,” Jin commented as he walked by. “Or is the groom not supposed to see the bride’s dress?”
“I think when the groom provides the fabric and the equipment, he can do whatever he wants.”
“Whatever I want.” He lifted one eyebrow. “That’s a bit racy, future Mrs. Zhang.”
Mrs. Zhang? Flirty talk? There went another rocket launch through her body. “Jin, you hadn’t mentioned me taking your name. Is that a condition of the will?”
“Certainly not,” he snickered. “I’m sorry, I was just using it as a figure of speech.”
Good, Mimi thought with a flashback to the kind of doodles teenage girls like her made in the margins of their school notebooks. Trying on a surname with her own first name. Or as Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So. Drawing initials inside of a heart, linking her name with a pop star’s.
Or, in her case, something like that.
“Let me try it on and get your opinion?” Mimi held up the dress.
“Of course.”
She got up and pulled one of the privacy curtains near the mirrors that were used for fittings. She knew she didn’t have to, that she and Jin had seen almost all of each other’s bodies over the years. In a funny way, though, she felt more modest around him now that they were to be married. They were to be married. Was she going crazy or was this really happening, albeit in its own twisted way?
She rolled off the loose black sweater and slacks she’d thrown on with a coat to brave the morning. Then shimmied into the clean-lined sheath-style dress with a wide boatneck collar and three-quarter-length sleeves. Slipping off her boots, she stepped into the sling-back heels she planned to wear with the dress.
“Can you get this?” Unable to reach it herself, she moved to Jin’s desk and turned her back to give him access to the zipper.
The feel of his hands on the cloth sent tingles up her vertebrae. The exquisite torture of Jin’s touch. It had been known to linger in her mind for hours, days even. As a married couple, there might be more of it than ever before. Still, Mimi remained convinced that she could endure it. As she had for so long already.
What she wasn’t expecting was the way, standing so very close behind her, he tugged the fabric down at her hips. “I don’t like how this is laying.”
“It’s a little too loose?”
He reached to his desk caddy to grab a few pins and returned to her right hip, his hands grazing her backside as he pulled the fabric in order to pin it. Her eyelids fluttered but she sprung them open.
“Yeah, take it in this much. Turn around.”
She obeyed and he carefully scanned every inch of the dress. His gaze brought a tingle to her skin. Once again, nothing new. She’d had to contend with her physical response to him for so many years now. Hoping he wouldn’t notice her blush, she touched her cheek to take its temperature. Hot.
“It’s another good dress. I could see us working on this for a collection. With a matching overcoat?”
“I was thinking the same thing. I don’t have time to do it for the wedding, but it’s not like it matters for that.”
Those words hung in the air for a minute.
It was to be a weekday afternoon wedding with two witnesses. If they so desired, they could wear tracksuits. With fashion in their blood they wouldn’t, but they could.
“Well,” Jin reasoned, “I suppose we should take a few photos to send to industry press. So it isn’t like our union dropped out of the sky.”
“Okay.”
Mimi knew she’d want to look her best simply because for the rest of her life she’d remember the day. As bizarre as it was, tomorrow she’d marry Jin.
Really, life could hardly get any weirder.
* * *
Mimi, Jin, Bai and Aaron met on the courthouse steps the next day at four o’clock. Mamabai looked distinguished in her red coat. An acknowledging smile overtook Mimi’s mouth at the sight of her, knowing that she’d chosen it because the color symbolized good luck in Chinese culture.
Mimi was pleased with how her own dress had finished up. Jin insisted on expertly tailored clothing and had been right to push her for those final alterations. Looking at him now, her tall and distinguished groom in his perfect black suit and red tie, shimmers went through her anew at yesterday’s feel of him adjusting her dress this way and that, as if the fabric could absorb his touch so it didn’t affect her.
Her brother, who had kindly left work early, stood handsome himself in a pinstriped suit.
Bai presented Mimi with a bouquet of pale pink roses.
“You remembered.”
“I’m proud of you, son,” Bai said as she pinned a single rose onto Jin’s lapel. He kissed his mother’s cheek.
Jin held out his elbow for Mimi to slip her arm through. Aaron took Bai’s hand. Together, they ascended the courthouse stairs.
Even though this was to be a fake marriage, it seemed wrong to Mimi that her parents weren’t there to witness it.
The short ceremony felt as if Mimi was playing a role in someone else’s drama. She’d reminded herself enough times that this wasn’t for real. So much so that the masquerade came naturally. Aaron knew the truth. It was a show really only for Bai’s benefit.
After the officiant pronounced them husband and wife, Mimi turned to Jin to give him the cursory kiss their charade dictated.
What happened next left her so dizzy she had to reach for a chair-back in the courtroom to steady herself.
Because when Jin’s lips touched hers, the ground beneath her crumbled.
His mouth took possession of hers, claiming it, giving her no option. It was a captivating kiss that offered no escape. His parted lips were insistent, passionate even. They conveyed merging and synthesis, joining and amalgamating into one entity.
The kiss was far too intense and went on for far too long.
It was a kiss between two people who had just consecrated their love.
* * *
“From this coupling may great things grow.” Bai led the champagne toast at the austere hotel restaurant. “To happiness. To prosperity. To children.”
Children? Jin hadn’t thought to consider that in marrying Mimi, his mother might assume that they were not only planning to expand LilyZ but the Zhang family as well. He knew that ultimately an heir was expected of him.
It’s what his family had been doing for over a century in the fashion business. One generation passing skills and knowhow down to the next. Helene hadn’t wanted children, so Jin had pushed the issue away.
If he was being honest, Jin would have certainly wanted them had his marriage worked out. He’d adore showering his kids with love and praise and attention. To give them the father he never had. It was too late now, though. He’d never have the perfect family he might have imagined.
In a year, he’d set Mimi free to have all her wishes come true with someone else. Whereas Jin was resigned to spending his life alone, plain and simple. The damage from his past was unfixable.
“To Jin and Mimi.” Aaron gamely echoed Bai’s toast and lifted his champagne glass as the four of them clinked.
With big brother protectiveness, Aaron had made Jin promise not to hurt Mimi or violate this unusual arrangement. Something Jin worried he might have already done, and they’d only been married for a couple of hours.
“Send another bottle of champagne to room—” Bai turned away from the waiter she’d flagged “—what is your suite number?”
“Penthouse Four.” Jin’s mother had insisted in booking them into what was sure to be a lavish hotel suite for their wedding night.
“Send them chocolate-covered strawberries. And a fruit and cheese plate.”
The waiter nodded and left the table.
“I’d still like to treat you to a honeymoon,” Bai continued. “How about a couple of nights in Miami or Las Vegas?”
“Oh, Mamabai, thank you,” Mimi piped in to cover for them, for which Jin was grateful. “But Jin and I want to get right to work. Everyone is in town for Fashion Week and we want to have something to show them.”
“Maybe afterward?” Bai took another sip of her champagne. “In any case, I hope you’ll enjoy your evening together tonight.”
Jin’s mind spun like a top. First of all, when he thought about this marriage ruse he hadn’t yet envisioned a wedding night for him and his pretend wife. With Mimi, or with anyone else for that matter. Once they were away from Bai, he’d need to put Mimi at ease.
Secondly, something strange had happened at the courthouse and Jin was sure he was going to have to do some backtracking. He’d promised Mimi, as he would have anyone who agreed to the setup, that nothing of a romantic nature would be demanded of her other than superficial displays of togetherness when they were in public.
Somehow, though, after the officiant pronounced them husband and wife, Jin had ignored what was going on and gave Mimi a kiss that went past the harmless affection they’d always had for each other.
Was it the actual wedding vows spoken that made time freeze for a moment? To where his mind was wiped clean of the memory that he had once been married, a grave error in judgment that left him with enough scars to last a lifetime? And void of the thirteen years he and Mimi had known each other in friendship?
Jin peered over at Aaron and admonished himself for already breaking his promise to his friend.
Because once his lips made contact with the velvet that was Mimi’s mouth, he’d cushioned into the kiss as if they were floating on a cloud. For a minute, he was immersed in the pleasure of connection that he’d been so sure he’d never have in his life. For a second, he’d enjoyed his own desire and optimism. For a moment, he’d been a blissful groom. And Mimi his gorgeous bride.
So smooth and warm were Mimi’s lips that he let the joining linger longer than he should have although, if he was being honest, not as long as he would have liked. His core fought to shut out his mind. It almost won, as his reaction to her jarred through him like electricity. It almost angered him, his body’s reaction to her.
After the aura had swirled around them, encircling him and Mimi in an embrace that felt too real, he snapped back to his senses and pulled away. He saw that the expression on her face was shock, and maybe upset.
Jin swore to himself that he would never, ever, let that happen again. He owed his old friend Mimi that much. In fact, he’d have to choose his words and actions with the utmost care from here on in. Absolutely no more accidental kisses or touching. It was up to him to set parameters for anything physical between them, be it to fool Bai or anyone else they wanted to convince of their marriage. He needed to take the lead on that.
As they said good-night to Bai and Aaron, Jin had some trepidation that there was now nothing left to do but go up to the suite and not behave like newlyweds.
When he opened the door into the posh penthouse forty-three floors above the Manhattan streets, Jin noted to himself that he would not be lifting his bride over the threshold as was a custom. He stepped in and held the door wide for Mimi. As soon as she entered, she kicked off her shoes.
“This is spectacular,” Mimi said, walking over to the glass wall to take in its view of the city and of Central Park. Manhattan was magnificent from this elevated view, with the grid of the park surrounded by the majestic buildings that lined it.
Jin joined her to survey the vista. As they pointed to a few recognizable landmarks, he pushed out of his consciousness the blossoming sadness that reminded him that this was not an authentic wedding night.
That he wasn’t in love.
Nor loved in return.
Between his father and Helene, he’d thought any longings he might have once had were thoroughly squashed into the ground. It was disturbing to realize they weren’t. Even though Mimi was beside him, loneliness tore him up inside.
At the moment, though, her comfort was all that mattered.
“Would you like to get changed?” he asked.
Their bags had been sent up, and Mimi quickly retrieved what she needed and slipped into the bathroom.
Jin took off his jacket and hung it over one of the chairs at the table. Shoes off, his feet took note of the plushy carpet, as he was used to wood floors. The large space had two couches upholstered in slate gray facing each other with a stone coffee table in between.
Farther into the suite was a bedroom. Jin noticed the one king-sized bed, opulently appointed with a striped duvet that echoed the white and gray of the furniture fabrics.
Jin had already decided that since it was Mimi he was embarking on this phony wedding night with, they could probably share the bed when it was time to sleep. They’d slept together plenty of times before, on vacations or long weekends over the years.
If he’d married a stranger, he might offer to sleep on one of the couches, and he’d be happy to if Mimi preferred.
Even though it was his pal Mimi, in actuality his plan felt more awkward than it had in his mind. That kiss at the courthouse had really thrown him for a loop. What was happening to him?
“So, this is weird,” Mimi said as she exited the bathroom.
“I know. I’m sorry. My mom planned it before I had a chance to say no.” He pointed to the room service items that Bai had ordered.
“She’s really happy. I hope we don’t break her heart when we call this off after a year.”
“We’ll take it one step at a time.”
Mimi busied herself laying out her wedding dress. They’d already discussed how that dress done in a bold color, but keeping its slim fit and midi length, might make its way into a collection, so they’d be sure to carefully return it to the studio as a prototype.
When Mimi was in the bathroom, Jin had to admit to himself he’d had a minute’s dread as to what she was going to appear wearing. He’d hoped it was nothing provocative as might befit a bride on her matrimonial night. Mimi had looked good in the clingy pajamas she’d had on at Aaron’s apartment the night Jin proposed to her. She was sexy in just about anything. That was torment he didn’t need. He was still a breathing, responsive man, after all.
For her wedding night, she’d chosen a soft cotton nightgown with spaghetti straps and a matching robe, both in a sweet sky blue. Yes, her voluptuous body was on full display with the fitted design and the low cut at the bosom. And yes, Jin’s hips made an uncontrollable sway forward, which he quickly took control of and stood straight.
After this year was up, he reasoned, he might need to start having sex with some regularity. Nothing serious ever again, but his body ached for release.
Needing an activity, he uncorked the champagne and poured two flutes.
“To you, Mimi.” He lifted his glass to clink hers. “I will never be able to thank you enough for this. You are a hero.”
“We’re all lucky to have each other.”
Mimi sat down on one of the couches and Jin joined her.
“You know what those remind me of?” He pointed to the copper lampstands on the side tables with a recollection from years ago.
“That cabin in the Adirondack mountains.”
“The wattage was so low we could barely see our way around.”
“Your arms got ravaged by mosquitos.”
“You were kind enough to put ointment on them but we had to hold candles up close to my arms to even see the bites.”
They both laughed. Many adventures had already been shared by them.
“Why wasn’t Aaron there? I can’t remember.”
“He got sick at the last minute.”
“Oh, right. The owner wouldn’t cancel the reservation. So just you and I went.”
Mimi turned away from him as she stared at an abstract painting on the wall.
Funny that tonight he would recall that trip. He’d often thought that if anything romantic was ever going to happen between him and Mimi, it would have been that night. He had been twenty-two and she twenty. Unexpectedly alone once Aaron wasn’t able to come.
They’d decided to use the fireplace and the cabin was toasty with the smell and crackle of the fire. Like a couple, they’d lain in front of the crackling logs on a thick rug while sipping hot chocolate from oversized mugs.
The way her body had sprawled on the rug that night, looking like a row of sand dunes with her perfectly rounded hills and valleys, had sent his hormones into high gear and he hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her.
Aaron and some of the other guys they knew used to tease Jin that he had an enviable fantasy come to life with his family being in the clothing business and him, therefore, getting to be around fashion models all the time. It was true that during fittings at the studio there was never much in the way of modesty and from a young age Jin had seen pretty models, often in their underwear.
His grandfather Shun had spoken to him about it early on. How they were in an unusual business that Jin needed to understand. He wasn’t to stare at the women’s bodies. They were only doing their job. Certainly, Shun’s resolve was easier said than done and there were plenty of times Jin had had to avert his eyes or, at least, tell himself not let his gaze linger too long.
But he’d learned. And perhaps from the over-exposure, it came to be that he found he was not attracted to a female’s body parts like some men might be. He discovered that he only liked a woman if he liked her essence, something about the whole of her. If he felt good around her.
He thought he’d felt that way about Helene but it turned out to be only an illusion.
That night snuggled up with Mimi at the cabin in front of a roaring fire gave him an awareness he’d never forgotten. In addition to allowing himself to appreciate her shape, he was so at ease with her. They’d lain there for hours, listening to music and shifting positions every now and then. He recalled lying on his back and she’d put her head on his stomach. From the angle she placed herself at he could smell her freshly washed hair and he’d actually had to instruct himself not to touch it.
If he was ever going to instigate anything romantic or sexual between them, it would have been then. But he’d held himself in check. Besides, he had no idea what she would have thought of any advance he might make. There was something young and innocent about her that signaled to him she was off-limits.
They’d never talked about it. He remembered chanting to himself she’s your best friend’s little sister. That’s what she’d always be. Nothing more.
“That ended up being a fun night,” Mimi wistfully reminisced as well. “You were able to start a fire. I was impressed since we were such city kids.”
“I was hoping you would be.”
“We didn’t have these,” Mimi said as she got up from the couch and retrieved the tray of chocolate-covered strawberries. Sitting back down, she held one by the stem and brought it to Jin’s lips. He bit into it, the hard crack of the chocolate coating filling his mouth with sweet tastes and the juiciness of the fruit underneath.
As he watched Mimi eat one, fitting the strawberry between her full lips, desire washed over him. For her? For a woman’s touch? For a true wedding night? He didn’t know which. All he did know was that the evening was becoming a punishment. Would it never end?
Because starting the next day, the Zhangs would set off on a partnership Jin needed to be a step forward in all of their lives.