I sleep alone that night. I go to my room afterwards and take a long shower and I don’t know why, but I cry a little.
I don’t understand why Sebastian did what he did. Testing me with that call. Sharing me.
And I’m worried about Amy.
This whole thing, it’s fucked up and it just keeps getting more and more fucked up.
Late the next afternoon, Gregory seeks me out in my room. I haven’t seen Sebastian all day.
“Come with me, Willow Girl.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“You don’t have a choice.”
“What, you have another test for me? You and your brother cook one up last night?”
He takes a deep breath in and exhales. “This isn’t a test.”
“Yeah, well I don’t exactly trust you.”
“That’s not new. Come on.”
“Why?”
“You’re owed a punishment, remember?”
I feel my face go white.
“Relax, Helena. I’m not going to hurt you.” He sits on the edge of the bed. “I just want some company, okay?”
The way he looks at me, there’s something in his eyes that is so wounded. So much like a lost little puppy and it gets me every fucking time.
Why does this always weaken me?
He continues. I know he reads my face. “You spend a few hours with me and you can consider yourself absolved. Almost painless, apart from having to endure my company.”
“A few hours doing what?”
“You’ll see. I promise you’ll enjoy it.” He smiles what I want to believe is a genuine smile. “I’ll give you five minutes,” he says and walks away. “Wear a bikini. It may be one of the last days of swimming weather.”
He leaves, and I reluctantly change into a bikini. I put on shorts and a light sweater on top. I wonder if Sebastian knows about Gregory’s plan for my punishment, and I don’t know why but I believe him when he says this isn’t a test.
Gregory checks his watch when I get downstairs. “Prompt.”
“Does Sebastian know about this?”
“Don’t worry about my brother. Let’s go.”
“Where are we going?” I ask as I follow him toward the far end of the beach.
He doesn’t reply until we get to our destination and I see it.
“Canoe ride.”
I stop.
The canoe looks like it hasn’t been used in years. I wonder if this is the one Sebastian took out that day he tipped it. The day he almost killed Ethan.
From the look on Gregory’s face, he knows what I’m thinking. I wonder if Sebastian told him the story of what truly happened that day out there.
I watch as he shoves dead branches and leaves off and rights it, seeing the muscles on his arms and back flex as he works.
When he turns back to me, I flush.
“Is it safe?” I ask to distract him or myself, I’m not sure which.
“You’re a strong swimmer,” he says, not quite answering my question as he drags it out to the water.
He takes off his flip flops and tosses them into the canoe. He’s wearing shorts and a T-shirt and walks into the water, dragging it behind him.
“Gregory are you sure it’s safe?”
“Don’t worry,” he says, looking back at me. “I won’t tip it.”
He knows about Ethan. He must know. Is he testing whether or not I know? Why does it matter? Maybe he doesn’t like that his brother told me?
I sigh, take off my flip flops and follow him into the turquoise sea.
The water is cool on my feet and ankles and I toss my flip flops into the canoe too. Once we’re a little farther, he stops and gestures for me to get in.
Reluctantly, I do.
He pulls us out a little farther before climbing in himself and picking up the oar to row us out.
“It’s beautiful out here,” he says. “Peaceful.”
It is. The only sound is the breeze and water calmly lapping up against the canoe.
“Do you come out here a lot?” I ask, dropping one hand out to dip my fingers into the water. We’re sitting facing each other, the island at my back.
“Not really.”
“Why did we come today?”
“There’s a little cove where you can swim. I thought you might like that.”
I study him. I don’t believe he’s just doing this for me. When it comes to the three of us, Gregory has an agenda.
But then again, so does Sebastian. Wasn’t yesterday proof of that?
“Does Sebastian know?”
“Sure.”
“Oh.”
He rows in silence and I look around, feeling awkward but trying to relax. To enjoy the beauty of it. Besides, maybe he’s genuine. Maybe I need to listen to myself, to what I told Sebastian, that Gregory’s lonely. That’s all.
“Where did you take your tumble yesterday?” he asks, looking at my scraped-up knee.
I shrug a shoulder. “Nowhere special. I just tripped over a rock.”
He nods. “And there were cobwebs around?”
“I guess I fell into a spiderweb.”
“Right.”
I want to change the subject. “How far to the cove?”
“Not far.”
“Why didn’t you tell me Sebastian arranged for me to call my sister? Why set me up?”
“Did you ever consider it was him setting you up? Or maybe setting us up?”
“Why would he?”
“Because he can.”
“You both can. I’m stuck in the middle and it’s not where I want to be.”
“No? Because I get the feeling you like it just fine when you’re between us.”
I look away. I know he means the sex and I can’t deny what he’s saying, but that part, it’s different.
“Maybe it was his way to make sure you don’t trust me,” he says.
“I don’t trust you.”
I see an infinitesimal change in his eyes, a moment of vulnerability almost. Although it’s gone in an instant and maybe it wasn’t there at all. Maybe it was my imagination.
I clear my throat. “What did you say to Sebastian that night in Gallo’s office? You said something in Italian I couldn’t understand.”
“You should ask him.”
“I did. He wouldn’t tell me.”
“Maybe there’s a reason for that. Besides, it’s not my place to tell you.”
“Your place?”
“You’re his Willow Girl, remember? You both keep reminding me of that. As if I’d forget.”
I study him, try to figure out what he’s thinking, what he’s planning.
“Whose canoe is this?”
“Sebastian’s.”
I knew that already, didn’t I?
“He hasn’t taken it out since the accident. He told you about that?”
I nod.
“He trusts you. Are you trustworthy, Helena?”
“What do you want, Gregory? What’s this about?”
He shrugs a shoulder, gestures behind me.
I turn to find we’re approaching a small island or more like a big rock. I watch as he rows us to it, and as we come around the wall of rock, I see the small, pretty, sand beach hidden there.
He rows closer, as close as we can before climbing out, and he drags the canoe onto the sand.
“I didn’t know there was anything like this here,” I say.
He sits on the sand and pats the space beside him.
“Does Sebastian know we’re here?” I ask again.
“Don’t worry about my brother.” Same answer.
“What do you want? Why did you bring me here?”
“You never answered my question from the other night.”
“You don’t answer any of mine.”
“Okay, one for one. I’ll even go first. Ask me a question.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“What did you say to Sebastian?”
“I told him he knew the way out.”
“The way out?”
He nods.
“Way out of this, you mean?”
“That’s two questions.”
“Not really—”
“My turn.”
“Wait, that’s not really fair. You can’t just—”
“Told you the other night that life isn’t fair. How have you not figured that out yet? You of all people, Willow Girl?”
I look out toward the water. “I’m going to swim.” I don’t wait for permission and I’m fully aware he won’t forget to ask his question, but at least I can buy some time.
I strip off my shorts and sweater and walk out into the water. He doesn’t follow but I feel him watching me as I dip beneath the surface and swim out away from the island. I open my eyes beneath the water. It’s crystal clear here but the salt stings my eyes, and although it’s shallow right here, it gets deep fast. Pretty silvery-white fish swim away as I approach, and I wish I had goggles. Maybe I’ll ask Sebastian to bring me back to snorkel.
I’m floating on my back on the water, eyes closed. My ears are beneath the surface which is why I don’t hear him until he’s so close, he’s touching me.
I startle, go under in my panic.
He wraps an arm around my middle and brings me to the surface.
I suck in a breath, push the hair back from my face.
“I’m fine! I can swim just fine!”
But he doesn’t let me go. He keeps his arm locked around me.
“My question,” he says.
I look up at him, see how the turquoise of the sea lights up those specks in his eyes.
“What about how you look at me?” he asks.
I know what he’s talking about. It was just as he’d asked me this question at Gallo’s that we were interrupted.
But I don’t want to answer it, so I shove at him and slip out from under his arm, swimming back to the beach, away from him.
But he’s beside me in a moment and there’s nowhere to go and when I sit on the sand he sits down beside me.
“You made a deal. I answered your question.”
“That’s debatable.”
“Now it’s your turn.”
I look at him but before I can speak, he does.
“I want to kiss you, Helena,” he says. He reaches out to push hair that’s stuck to my face back. “He lets me lick your pussy. Lets me fuck you. But I can’t kiss you and I so badly want to kiss you.”
I shake my head no, pull my knees in.
“Just a kiss. That’s all.”
I shake my head again and keep my gaze over the water.
He puts his hand on my cheek, turns me to look at him. “Because you don’t want to or because you’re scared of him?”
“I’m not scared of him.”
“Then you don’t want to.”
“Why are you doing this? Another test?”
“No test. I give you my word. Answer my question. What about how you look at me?”
“What did you expect? That you’d bring me here and I’d…I’d…what?” I start to get up, but he catches my wrist, stopping me.
“Answer my question, Helena.”
“Why? Why is this important?”
“It is important. It’s important to me.”
“I don’t love you,” the words are out before I can think about them or process what I’m saying myself.
They silence him.
They silence us both.
I hear what I’ve just said.
When he finally speaks, his tone is different. Hard. “Do you love him?” he asks through gritted teeth.
“I want to go back.”
“Answer me.”
“You get one question just like I did.”
He studies me and hurt wars with rage and I know the latter is winning from the way his eyes darken.
“I want to go back to the island. Now.” I stand.
He gets to his feet. “You know he almost killed his brother, don’t you?”
“It was an accident.”
“You don’t believe that.”
I stop, look down at the ground. No, I know it’s not true. I know it wasn’t an accident.
I shake my head no and look up at him. “I know what really happened, but I also know he was a child.”
“Sixteen isn’t a child. Not in our family.”
“What’s your problem? He loves you. And I defended you to him.”
“I don’t need you to defend me. That’s not what you’re for. But don’t worry, you’ll be safe from me. If he has the balls to go through with it.”
“Go through with what?” My aunt’s journal comes to mind, the marking ceremony.
He walks away. “I’ll take you back to the island like you want, Helena.”
“Goes through with what, Gregory?” I ask again, refusing to move.
He comes back, takes my arm, leans in close. “Maybe you don’t want to know, Willow Girl.” He drags me to the canoe, picking up our discarded clothes on the way and tossing them into it.
“Get in.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You didn’t hurt me. Get in.”
“Gregory—”
“Get in the fucking boat before I leave you here!”
I jump at his tone and I climb into the canoe and he pushes it out, then climbs in himself and begins to row us back to the island, not speaking a word, his eyes burning a hole into me.