The How

Masturbation tends to be defined as manual stimulation of one’s own genitals. While it might be assumed that hands are used—and hands, of course, provide a starting point for this discussion—film and television also presents autoeroticism accomplished by a variety of other means. From the deployment of toys that vibrate to objects that penetrate, from edible things to the sexual use of musical instruments, this chapter examines the physical how of masturbation on screen. The many deviations from fingers are also explored and analysis is offered about what such methods reveal about society’s complicated relationship with self-stimulation.

Masturbation Manual Style

In Devo’s song, “Praying Hands” (1978) the right hand is described as “going to work.” In “St. Swithin’s Day” (1987), Billy Bragg sings of “making love” with his hands. The same making love with hands idea is used in Blink 182’s “M&Ms” (1994). Sebadoh’s “Homemade” (1993) used fingers on a “holy bone.” In Tori Amos’ “Icicle” (1994), she sings about touching herself—and “getting off”—with her hand before falling asleep. Britney Spears’s masturbation technique is made obvious in the title of her song “Touch of My Hand” (2003). In Pink’s “Fingers” (2006), she lets her fingers “do the walking,” and in her song “U + Ur Hand” (2006), hands are also alluded to. Masturbation with hands is popular in song, and it is equally the go-to on screen.

In the coming of age film Stand By Me (1986), Teddy (Corey Feldman) commented about going off to relax with his thoughts. His friend Gordie (Wil Wheaton) teasingly responded, “You use your left hand or right hand to do that?” In the British comedy series The League of Gentlemen (1999–2002), Harvey (Steve Pemberton) insulted his nephew with a masturbation reference involving hands: “Perhaps you are a naturally slothful person . . . content to waste his life spread-eagled on pillows forever indulging himself in the pleasures of the palm.” In both examples, an overt mention of masturbation was eschewed and hands served as a metonym.

The music of Britney Spears and Pink, as well as a film like Stand By Me, target a youth market and likely opt for euphemisms and circumlocutions because such expressions are favored by young people over the more clinical terms. A young audience is likely to still find the reference amusingly salacious but the subtleness excludes the naïve.^[1]

While in Stand By Me and The League of Gentlemen masturbation is referred to rather than shown, actual displays of masturbation-by-hand are identifiable. In the drama Antichrist (2009), The Wife (Charlotte Gainsbourg) stood outside, naked, masturbating with her hand. In the thriller Black Swan (2010), company director Thomas (Vincent Cassel) instructed the dancer, Nina (Natalie Portman), to go find her sexiness: “Go home and touch yourself. Live a little,” he instructed. Nina was later shown in bed lying on her stomach, her arm underneath her: she appeared to be thrusting down against her hand. Margot (Nicole Kidman) masturbated the same way in the comedy-drama Margot at the Wedding (2007). In American Horror Story (2011–), as part of Lana’s (Sarah Paulson) aversion therapy for her homosexuality, she was instructed by Dr. Thredson (Zachary Quinto) to masturbate while staring at a naked man: she did so with her hands. In another episode, Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) was shown standing outside, moving her hand between her legs. While there are plenty of other masturbation scenes where we can, of course, assume that masturbation transpired with fingers, Antichrist, Black Swan, Margot at the Wedding and American Horror Story each present this in varying degrees of explicitness.

While the widespread use of objects by women on screen is explored later in this chapter, for men hands are the default technique; to quote Aladeen (Sacha Baron Cohen) in The Dictator (2012): “Teach a man to use his hand as a vagina and he will shpich for a lifetime!” Hands-on-penis action however, is rarely shown in mainstream cinema; explainable largely because of taboos centered on full frontal male nudity.^[2] While most masturbation is implied—for example, through sound (like Ethan’s (Zach Galifianakis) shuffling that wakes Peter (Robert Downey Jr.) in the comedy Due Date (2010), the movement of bed sheets, such as when Lester (Kevin Spacey) masturbated in the suburban-drama American Beauty (1999) and woke his wife (Annette Bening), or via arm movements, as in the television show Weeds (2005–2012) when Doug (Kevin Nealon) was filmed from behind and the jerking of his arm was detectable—there are examples where the hand-on-penis technique is presented more explicitly. In the teen-comedy American Pie 2 (2001) for example, Jim (Jason Biggs) accidentally used superglue as a lubricant and got his hand stuck to his penis. While his genitals were carefully concealed, that Jim was unable to remove his hand from his groin, exposed his method. An outlier and more explicit presentation was included in the Italian drama Il compleanno (David’s Birthday) (2009), when the title character (Thyago Alves) was shown masturbating, swapping the hand that gripped his penis midway through.

Hand masturbation is the most common method for men and women on screen and off: it is easy and cheap.^[3] Of course, as discussed throughout this chapter, women are frequently depicted using other objects too; something that rarely occurs for men. One explanation is that men in real life rarely drift too far from tried-and-true techniques. In Joan Sauers’ work on teenage sexuality, for example, she noted that “boys rely almost exclusively on manual stimulation rather than sex toys or found objects.”^[4] One boy in her study, when asked about his technique, notably demonstrated obliviousness to other options: “I just jack off, I didn’t know you could be fancy.”^[5] Another explanation is that many commercial sex toys for men involve anal penetration: whereas acceptance exists that women might like penetration (because they are assumed to want to simulate intercourse), for male characters to use such a toy would potentially imbue the scene with homosexual allusions.^[6] Even male toys that allow men to penetrate seldom make a screen appearance because there is a level of assumed desperation and deviance attached: such substitutions are glaring reminders about the absence of a real woman for intercourse (chapter 7).

Variations on the Hand

In the Stand by Me scene, Gordie asked Teddy whether he would use his left or right hand for masturbation. The same non-dominant-hand idea was also briefly alluded to in the French fantasy film La science des rêves (The Science of Sleep) (2006) when Stéphane (Gael García Bernal) used swapping-hands as a metaphor: “It’s like touching your penis with your left hand.” In the military-drama Jarhead (2005), Anthony (Jake Gyllenhaal) noted that part of the marines’ boredom-relief strategies involved, “Debating differences, such as Cuban vs. Mexican, Harleys vs. Hondas, left- vs. right-handed masturbation.” In these scenes, Gordie, Stéphane and Anthony each subtly alluded to the idea that variations on hand masturbation can provide new sensations.^[7] In Il compleanno, David actually changed hands during his self-stimulation. The non-dominant hand is one twist on manual masturbation—and one often noted in literature as a common technique^[8]—another is making the preferred hand numb. In an episode of the British teen series The Inbetweeners (2008–2010), Simon (Joe Thomas) and Neil (Blake Harrison) discussed the “Sleeping Beauty”:

In the action film Gone in 60 Seconds (2000), Tumbler (Scott Caan) provided his own definition of this same technique:

In the Spanish teen film Krámpack (Crazy Summer) (2000), Dani (Fernando Ramallo) mentioned this same method. An outlier female example—albeit presented comparatively cryptically—transpired in the sitcom The Big Bang Theory (2007–) when Amy (Mayim Bialik) and Raj (Kunal Nayyar) discussed loneliness and their shared technique of making one hand numb and then holding it with their other hand to pretend it was someone else. Amy then admitted that sometimes her “left hand tries to cop a feel.” The technique was also briefly discussed in relationship writer Tracey Cox’s book Hot Sex.^[9] While the dead hand could, of course, simply be construed as a variant of manual masturbation, worth spotlighting is that in The Inbetweeners, Gone in 60 Seconds, Krámpack and The Big Bang Theory, specific reference was made to the technique making masturbation feel like someone else is doing it. Each example subtly frames masturbation as a (albeit poor quality) substitute for intercourse: that the sensation of another person needs to be replicated for masturbation to feel “better” (a topic elaborated on in chapter 7), or at least less like solo-sex.

Taking the numb hand idea a few steps further is the use of robot hands. A subtle version of this transpired in an episode of the animated series Futurama (1999–). Fry’s hands got eaten by a dinosaur so he got replacements. After the successful transplant the character remarked, “These new hands are great. I’m gonna break ‘em in tonight.” “Breaking ‘em in” might, of course, involve any number of activities, but masturbation certainly seems like the humorous expectation of a cartoon. In an episode of the Family Guy (1999–), designed as a Star Wars spoof, Chris (as Luke Skywalker) received a replacement hand. The doctor—anticipating how an adolescent boy would use such an appendage—pre-emptively instructed Chris, “Practice on a hot dog first otherwise you might rip your dick off.” In an episode of The Big Bang Theory, Howard (Simon Helberg) built a robot hand. He used the hand for masturbation and later ended up in hospital when he was unable to detach it from his penis. Later, Howard apparently hadn’t learnt his lesson because he ended up in hospital a second time. In an episode of The Riches (2007–2008), the first thing Dale (Todd Stashwick) did when left with Hartley’s (Kaitlin Olson) detached prosthetic arm was attempt to masturbate with it. These examples reference the same rationales for opposite or numb hands discussed earlier: to provide new sensations that feel like something more than masturbation. These comic examples also allude to a very simple idea: that when presented with new technology, men’s brains automatically go to sex; more so, that sexual pleasure is pursued by them even when it might cause injury.

While fingers might be the most obvious masturbation technique, the screen offers a wide variety of others: commercial sex toys—notably the vibrator—is an obvious starting point.

Good Vibrations

In the pilot of the television series The Unusuals (2009), Detective Casey Shraeger (Amber Tamblyn) defensively argued, “I have secrets,” in order to make herself appear more worldly and mysterious. Her colleague, Detective Jason Walsh (Jeremy Renner), sarcastically responded, “A vibrator in your bedside table is not a secret.” Here, Walsh provided insight into how common vibrators are: something evident both on and off screen.^[10] Given that such toys are purposely built to stimulate the genitals,^[11] it is of course, no surprise that they are frequently included in masturbation scenes. Equally, such devices are commonly used to reference masturbation in scenes where an explicit show would be inappropriate.

Vibrators and Gender

Masturbation with a vibrator is an invariably gendered presentation. Even though vibrating toys for men are readily available, on screen and men using them is unusual. While rare, it is however, worthwhile spotlighting some expectations. In an episode of the sitcom Two and a Half Men (2003–), when the deceased character Charlie’s (Charlie Sheen) belongings were being disposed of, his brother—Alan (Jon Cryer)—commented, “Let me just get Charlie’s personal stuff out of here. Oh, here is some of his unfinished music. Um . . . Panties . . . Panties . . . Panties . . . Waterpipe . . . Oh, vibrator.” Charlie was a known womanizer so, while there exists the possibility that the vibrator was his, it equally could have been in his possession for purposes other than autoeroticism. Male vibrator ownership also occurred in the comedy-drama Hurlyburly (1998). Mickey (Kevin Spacey) questioned Phil (Chazz Palminteri) about why he carried around a vibrator. Phil’s explanation was that it is “a form of come-on. So the girls can see I’m up for anything right away.” While we don’t have enough information to know how Phil actually used the vibrator, possibilities for solo or partnered use exist.^[12] Male characters actually articulating pleasure from vibrations also transpired in episodes of sitcoms The King of Queens (1998–2007) and Roseanne (1988–1997). In The King of Queens, Carrie (Leah Remini) asked her husband Doug (Kevin James) whether he had received her phone message. Doug replied, “No, my phone’s on vibrate. I left it in my pocket, and—do you have a cigarette?” Doug’s request subtly referenced the post-coital smoking cliché.^[13] This idea is presented much more explicitly in Roseanne: in a conversation with his friend Fred (Michael O’Keefe) and son-in-law Mark (Glenn Quinn), Dan (John Goodman) reflected on the untimely erections of his adolescence: “You know what usually set me off was the vibrations on the school bus. All through junior-high, I dreamed of being a bus driver.” An episode of the crime-drama The Sopranos (1999–2007) took this idea much further: while in bed, Janice (Aida Turturro) penetrated Ralph (Joe Pantoliano) with a vibrator while talking dirty to him. While Ralph did receive pleasure from vibrations in this scene—as in The King of Queens example—the scene was not one of masturbation as I am defining it in this book, and instead can be considered as coupled sexual activity.^[14]

While not a common mainstream screen presentation,^[15] nevertheless, there exists a cultural acceptance that if a gender is going to use a vibrator, it will be women.

Women’s Vibrator Exposure

In line with mainstream film and television’s avoidance of frank and explicit sexual presentations in favor of innuendo and allusion, in many scenes, masturbation is simply implied through a woman being in possession of a sex toy. While scenes of female ownership of dildos are identifiable,^[16] much more common is women owning vibrators. In an episode of the Canadian teen series Degrassi: The Next Generation (2001–) for example, Clare (Aislinn Paul) was caught with a vibrator at school after stealing it from a teacher’s house: when it was discovered, her classmates (and mother) assumed it was hers. While the assumptions were incorrect in this example, in others, possession of a vibrator does in fact seemingly out the owner as a masturbator. In the family-comedy Parenthood (1989), a blackout occurred during a family dinner. While the lights were out, Gil (Steve Martin) searched for a flashlight. Later, with the lights on again, he was holding his sister Helen’s (Dianne Wiest) vibrator which he had mistakenly retrieved from a drawer in the dark. In the romantic-comedy Brown Sugar (2002), Francine (Queen Latifah) found her cousin Sidney’s (Sanaa Lathan) vibrator while helping her move house; Sidney tried to claim that, “It’s a massager from Brookstone.” In the Taiwanese drama He liu (The River) (1997), Xiao-Kang (Kang-sheng Lee) found his mother’s vibrator (and then used it on his sore neck). In the romantic-comedy Whipped (2000), Jonathan (Jonathan Abrahams) found his date, Mia’s (Amanda Peet), vibrator and played with it by rubbing it over his face and body. In the romantic-comedy Dedication (2007), Carol (Dianne Wiest) found her daughter Lucy’s (Mandy Moore) vibrator hidden in the freezer. In the animated series Archer (2009–), Sterling—while searching in his mother’s desk—found her vibrator.

Such scenes are notably far more restrained and less explicitly disgusting than the male caught masturbating narratives discussed in chapter 2; the exposure of a tool of masturbation is far less embarrassing than an act of it. In a similar way to the sprung scenes however, the exposure of a vibrator—the outing of a woman’s masturbation—is nonetheless commonly construed as humiliating. For Helen in Parenthood and Sidney in Brown Sugar their embarrassment centered on being, apparently, outed as lonely and desperate. For Lucy in Dedication—similar to the men caught masturbating—her discomfort centered on her self-stimulation being exposed to her mother. Such embarrassment is indicative of the idea that becoming aware of another person’s masturbation is invariably uncomfortable. Sterling in Archer in fact articulated his discomfort clearly: “There’s not enough liquor and therapy in the world to undo that.”^[17] Another theme apparent in each example is scandal: that regardless of how common vibrators might be in reality, the discovery of one is compulsorily topical; such an object can’t be ignored but seemingly has to become a talking point. In an episode of crime-drama series CSI (2000–) for example, an investigator, Mia (Aisha Tyler), did a verbal inventory of the things she had found at the crime scene: “Nine vibrators, five plugs and four strands of beads.” The romantic-comedy Friends with Money (2006) similarly opened with house cleaner Olivia (Jennifer Aniston) finding a vibrator in a drawer of a home she was cleaning. Olivia kept opening the drawer, eyeing the vibrator, and then closing it again. In Sex Tape (2014), the discovery of Hank’s (Rob Lowe) drawer of sex toys similarly cast doubt on his wholesome family businessman image. Unlike the presence of a spoon or a rolling pin or some other innocuous household object, the discovery of a vibrator inevitably motivates curiosity and functions to reveal “something” about the owner.

Vibrators and Articulated Ownership

A theme detected in the above examples is that masturbation is frequently alluded to without any kind of explicit display: that in such examples—like the fingers and hands discussed earlier—the vibrator serves as a metonym: masturbation as a word is avoided and the character is not shown using the toy, but the toy is shown and the subject subtly enters a narrative nonetheless. This very safe style of presentation is also identifiable in a number of other examples where the vibrator is never shown but simply referred to by a character subtly divulging ownership.

In the romantic-comedy She’s the One (1996), Renee (Jennifer Aniston) threatened her husband Francis (Mike McGlone) that unless he had sex with her, that she would go into the bathroom and masturbate with her vibrator. In the sci-fi comedy The Stepford Wives (2004), Bobbie (Bette Midler) interrupted a boring conversation about Christmas decorations by saying, “I’m going to attach a pinecone to my vibrator and have a really merry Christmas.” In an episode of the sitcom 2 Broke Girls (2011–), Max (Kat Dennings) made a quip: “Tell that to my candy cane-shaped vibrator. I call it Santa’s Big Helper.” In the thriller Sliver (1993), Judy (Colleen Camp) admitted to spending too much time with her vibrator: “I’ve been getting a plastic yeast infection!” In the romantic-comedy Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008), Miri (Elizabeth Banks) remarked, “I’ve never met a man who can make me come like a vibrator does.” In the comedy There’s Something about Mary (1998), Mary (Cameron Diaz) similarly commented, “Who needs him? I’ve got a vibrator!” Dr. Cruz (Roma Maffia) makes a similar comment in an episode of the medical-drama Nip/Tuck (2003–2010), “I have my rabbit vibrator, who needs a real girl?” In the romantic-comedy Men with Brooms (2002), Chris (Paul Gross) mourned the loss of a local hardware store and said, “That hardware store was unique,” to which Amy (Molly Parker) countered, “So was my husband. I’m still glad they came up with vibrators.” In a scene from the Zombie apocalypse series The Walking Dead (2010–), a group of women were washing clothes in a quarry: Carol (Melissa McBride) mused, “I do miss my Maytag.” Andrea (Laurie Holden) divulged, “I miss my vibrator,” a remark with which Carol agreed: “Me, too.” In the sitcom 30 Rock (2006–2013) Jenna (Jane Krakowski) similarly claimed, “Maynard was the longest relationship of my life, after Doug . . . Doug is my vibrator.” While the audience doesn’t see vibrators in any of these examples, the women nevertheless expose their masturbation through the mentioning of sex toys. While vibrators get named in these scenes—and therefore each could be construed as being slightly verbally risqué examples—each also continues with the theme of subtle allusions without any truly controversial displays.

Vibrator Usage

While thus far I have discussed implied masturbation as exhibited through the display and discussion of vibrators; in this section I discuss vibrators actually used for their intended purpose.

In The Slums of Beverly Hills (1998), Violet (Natasha Lyonne) used a vibrator: not only did she use it through to orgasm, but the buzzing of the toy was clearly audible and the audience saw her face transform as her pleasure increased and toes curled. The comedy Not Another Teen Movie (2001), opened with Janey (Chyler Leigh) watching her favorite actor on TV and using a large hand-painted vibrator. In the romantic-comedy Slackers (2002), Reanna (Laura Prepon) was lying on the sofa using a vibrator. In the comedy-drama How the Garcia Girls Spent Their Summer (2005), Lolita (Elizabeth Peña) took the batteries from the television remote control to use when those in her vibrator died: she then masturbated to orgasm. Nancy (Mary-Louise Parker) in Weeds was attempting to orgasm from her vibrator but the batteries kept dying. In several episodes of the drama-series Dirt (2007–2008), Lucy (Courteney Cox) masturbated with her vibrator. In a scene from the romantic-comedy Meet Monica Velour (2010), Amanda (Jee Young Han) masturbated with a vibrator. The romantic-comedy Strictly Sexual (2008) opened with Donna (Amber Benson) tied up, breathing heavily and watching porn; a vibrator dislodged from between her legs and fell onto the carpet. In the Canadian comedy-drama Year of the Carnivore (2009), Sammy (Cristin Milioti) used a vibrator while babysitting twins. In American Horror Story, Vivien (Connie Britton) used her vibrator while fantasizing about Rubber Man. In the sex-dramas Shortbus (2006) and 9 Songs (2004) female characters also used vibrators. Unlike most such examples—which were all cropped above the actor’s waist—in Shortbus and 9 Songs, the masturbation scenes actually offered full body shots as well as visible genitals.

An interesting interpretation for the use of vibrators in these scenes is their symbolic function, notably as consciously not hands and as a different kind of masturbation from the “touching myself” standard.^[18] In the Australian thriller Alexandra’s Project (2003), this not-hands idea was alluded to when the title character (Helen Buday) mentioned the lack of intimacy she assumed was connoted by the vibrator that her husband (Gary Sweet) had given her: “This is a machine. It’s a machine you bought to go inside me so that you can get your rocks off. Don’t say it was for me, because it wasn’t. If I wanted one I would have bought myself one long ago.”^[19] While, as implied in many of these examples, vibrators can be construed as being functionally better than a man or, at least, better than one’s own fingers (chapter 7), on the flipside, they can also be read as putting distance between genitals and hands. This might be done to separate a woman from her vulva on the grounds that genitals are construed as somehow dirty. Another interpretation is that a vibrator can help distance a woman from the reality that she is masturbating; that she is experiencing sex without a partner. In 30 Rock for example, Jenna had given her vibrator a male name: Doug. In The Slums of Beverly Hills, Rita (Marisa Tomei) had dubbed her vibrator her “boyfriend.” Even Amy’s (Mayim Bialik) electric toothbrush (used for masturbation) in The Big Bang Theory had a name: Gerard. By giving a name to an inanimate object, the characters engage in a kind of anthropomorphism: of attributing human qualities to something not human. Meera Lee Sethi discussed anthropomorphism in her Greater Good article, suggesting that such behavior is indicative of “a deep drive to form social connections, even with objects made of metal and wire.”^[20] In doing so in these screen examples, the sex toy can be distanced from its status as an object and instead becomes imbued with qualities that make it more akin to a human sex partner. Thinking of vibrators this way can of course, also signify a kind of sexual desperation: Helen in Parenthood for example, rhetorically asked her daughter, “Do you know why I’m having sex with machinery?” Here, Like Alexandra in Alexandra’s Project, Helen presented sex-with-machinery as the ultimate desperation, debasement and notably dehumanization.

Noted in earlier chapters was the idea that male masturbation is invariably—although not always (chapter 6)—presented as funny and as anything but sexy on screen. This idea contrasts markedly with female masturbation: in each example discussed in this section the masturbation was framed as sexy. The women were clearly enjoying their use of a vibrator and signs of their arousal—facial expressions, curled toes, moans of pleasure—exhibit this. Such imagery recalls the content of the porn website BeautifulAgony.com whereby videos of (mainly) women orgasming via masturbation is sold for viewer stimulation.^[21] Female sexual pleasure is often construed as sexy; a reading rarely extended to male masturbation.

The vibrator is a retail item that offers the benefit of a (routinely) phallic object with the benefits of pulsation. Household substitutes for purpose-built toys are also readily detectable on screen: three obvious examples are mobile phones on the vibrate setting, vacuum cleaners and, as Amy in The Big Bang Theory demonstrated, electric toothbrushes.

Mobile Phones

Identified earlier was the arousal that Doug in The King of Queens referred to when his phone had been left on the vibrate setting. In the drama Wasted (2002), an allusion to the masturbatory use of phones was made when Samantha (Summer Phoenix) remarked: “Owen keeps calling me. You know what? I’m gonna put my phone on vibrate—it’ll be the most pleasure he’s ever given me.” The same link was made in the romantic-comedy Valentine’s Day (2010) when Kara (Jessica Biel) commented, “My closest relationship is with my BlackBerry—thank God it vibrates!” A much more explicit take on phone-masturbation transpired in the comedy Extreme Movie (2008) when Jessica (Rheagan Wallace) actually used her mobile phone as a sex toy (and got it lodged in her vagina). In the comedy-drama The Oh in Ohio (2006), Priscilla (Parker Posey) similarly achieved sexual pleasure from her vibrating phone during a work meeting.

In my book Part-Time Perverts: Sex, Pop Culture and Kink Management I discussed masturbatory use of household objects contending that one appeal likely centers on the “mild exhibitionist thrill that might be experienced if the household object is later used as intended by someone else.”^[22] While this is potentially one way to read the use of phones in these scenes, another explanation is that they provide a subtle insight into women’s attachment to objects. The idea of a phone substituting for a partner—not merely in time-spent-with but also sexually—appears indicative of the modern phenomena of perpetual connectivity and women, notably working women’s supposed inseparability from their phones. Such an idea also references—as well as potentially parodies—research indicating that women would actually rather forego sex than their mobile phones.^[23]

Like mobile phones, another option that combines a vibration sensation is the vacuum cleaner: a household appliance used masturbatorily by both women and men.

Vacuum Cleaners

Literature professor Charles Hartman noted that the image of a man inserting his penis into a vacuum cleaner nozzle was “a recurring image in modern pornography.”^[24] While detectable in porn, the use of vacuum cleaners for masturbatory purposes—be it explicitly shown or merely referenced—is also identifiable in mainstream examples. In an episode of the sitcom Will & Grace (1998–2006) for example, Will (Eric McCormack), his mother Marilyn (Blythe Danner) and friend Jack (Sean Hayes) briefly discussed the “vacuum game”:

In an episode of Two and a Half Men, Alan bemoaned his “blue balls” and his brother (Charlie Sheen) facetiously responded, “Hide the vacuum cleaner!” In the comedy-horror Scary Movie (2000), Buffy (Shannon Elizabeth) rebuked Doofy (Dave Sheridan), saying, “Yeah, well, Mom also said for you to stop sticking your dick in the vacuum cleaner!” In the comedy Teen Wolf (1985), Stiles (Jerry Levine) similarly joked about a teacher who “got his dick caught in a vacuum cleaner.” In an episode of the British comedy-sci-fi series Red Dwarf (1998–), Rimmer (Chris Barrie) described another character—Thornton (Karl Glenn Stimpson)—as someone who was “once admitted to hospital totally naked and attached to the suction end of a vacuum cleaner.” While in Will & Grace there was an air of possibility to Jack playing this game (given that the character was always portrayed as somewhat sexually adventurous), in the Two and a Half Men, Scary Movie, Teen Wolf and Red Dwarf scenes, vacuum cleaner masturbation was an obvious joke. Other examples however, present the method more seriously. In the teen-comedy American Pie Presents: The Book of Love (2009), footage of Cody (Nico McEown) masturbating with a vacuum cleaner was uploaded to a video website by his brother; funny, but also explicit and embarrassing. While in Will & Grace Jack questioned whether they made attachments for girls, the comedy Super Sucker (2002) actually answered the question: the film centered on a vacuum cleaner salesman, Fred (Jeff Daniels), whose wife Rhonda (Sandra Birch) used an attachment on her vacuum cleaner as a vibrator in turn creating a new feature for Fred to sell.

Vacuum cleaners used masturbatorily are a primarily comic inclusion, but such scenes also deliver some mild erotic horror via a household cleaning object—commonly construed of as dirty—having contact with genitals. This horror is exacerbated when the catastrophic—and possibly even castrating—consequences are considered, as referenced in Red Dwarf and as I discussed in Part-Time Perverts.^[25] Another interpretation—given that the majority of examples centered on male characters—is the idea of male stupidity and desperation: that, akin to the robot hand examples discussed earlier, men are so perpetually horny, that they will stick their penises into anything, no matter the danger.^[26]

Just as the appeal of the vacuum cleaner can mimic sensations offered by vibrators, so too can electric toothbrushes.

Electric Toothbrushes

In an episode of Will & Grace, the possibility of an electric toothbrush being used autoerotically was subtly alluded to in a conversation between Grace (Debra Messing) and Jack:

Noted earlier, in The Big Bang Theory, Amy used her electric toothbrush, Gerard, for “tension-relieving techniques for ladies.” In another episode—after becoming aroused during a conversation with her asexual boyfriend Sheldon (Jim Parsons)—Amy again referred to her toothbrush’s off-label use when she remarked, “I need to go brush my teeth. It might take a while.” In the British drama series Sugar Rush (2005–2006) the presentation was more explicit: Kim (Olivia Hallinan), via voiceover, remarked “my toothbrush has seen better days.” She then masturbated with it.

Akin to any sexually repurposed household object, the appeal of an electric toothbrush likely lies in it simply being easier to procure than a vibrator. Similarly, the shame that some people might experience from purchasing an actual sex toy likely wouldn’t be felt buying a toothbrush.^[27] Another reading suggests that use of a toothbrush—an object with other functions—to masturbate with can be construed as a temporary solution, unlike purchasing an actual vibrator and thus committing to being a masturbator. There is also the possibility that some women in fact prefer the toothbrush: sex researcher Rebecca Chalker discussed a woman who “found vibrators too harsh” so adapted an electric toothbrush.^[28] Perhaps the most obvious explanation however, is simply that these screen representations mirror real life techniques. Sex researcher Shere Hite for example, quoted women who described using toothbrushes for masturbation,^[29] and Sauers equally identified a role for the appliance in the self-stimulation of teenage girls.^[30]

A small amount of research also documents male masturbators’ use of toothbrushes. In sex researcher Floyd Martinson’s work on childhood sexuality, one man described a favored technique: “Sometimes I would also push things up my rectum, such as the end of a toothbrush, that would also add to my “torture” fantasy.”^[31] While it is difficult to gauge how common such a technique is for men, it is noteworthy that Jack in Will & Grace is a homosexual and the man in Martinson’s work had masochistic and notably anal fantasies: evidently for a man to masturbate this way boasts a slight undercurrent of perversion, if not also potentially the demonization of his sexuality.

In Matt Paget’s book Make Your Own Sex Toys the author comically suggested the use of a wide variety of household objects for stimulation including bubble wrap, electric shavers, and personal fans.^[32] On screen and many unlikely household objects are reappropriated for self-stimulation. In the sections that follow, these objects will be divided into those used for friction and those for penetration.

The Joy of Friction

In Jean Stengers and Anne Van Neck’s cultural history of masturbation, they discussed the 1785 work of pastor Christian Salzmann who wrote a book on the supposed “sins of youth.” In it, he recommended that children be taught methods of climbing and horseback riding that didn’t cause friction to their genitals.^[33] In his book The Wages of Sin, Peter Allen similarly discussed early twentieth-century efforts to prevent women from accidental self-stimulation:

Inadvertent stimulation is identifiable in scenes from the comedy-drama Cruel Intentions 2 (2000), the period-drama The Road to Wellville (1994) and the television series Mad Men (2008–) and the Italian coming of age film, Melissa P. (2005). In Cruel Intentions 2, adolescent Cherie (Keri Lynn Pratt) had her first orgasm during a horse-riding lesson. In The Road to Wellville, while bicycling, Virginia (Camryn Manheim) revelled in “the pleasure of a leather saddle between one’s thighs,” describing the “bicycle smile” and noting that “a long ride on my bicycle once a week does the trick.” (The arousal of the bicycle was also referenced in a scene from the drama Autoerotic (2011)). In an episode of Mad Men, Peggy (Elisabeth Moss) was assigned to market a vibrating weight-loss gizmo called the “Electrosizer”: it proved to be accidentally sexually stimulating. Melissa P. , the adolescent title character (Maria Velverde) had an accidental orgasm by rubbing against the rope in her gym class; the same technique was alluded to in the drama Nymphomaniac (2013).^[35]

The vibrations of a washing machine on a spin cycle is another example of a household object utilized as a sex toy.

Washing Machines

In an episode of the British police-drama Ashes to Ashes (2008–2010), the erotic possibilities of a washing machine were mentioned when Gene (Philip Glenister) teased his female colleague Alex (Keeley Hawes), “Looking very chirpy, Bolls, you’ve been sitting on the washing machine again?” In an episode of Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update Thursday (2008–) the same idea was mentioned when Fred Armisen—impersonating comedian Joy Behar—remarked, “You know who I have consensual sex with? The corner of my washing machine.” In these examples the idea was only discussed, but washing machine masturbation is actually shown in an episode of Mad Men as well as in the comedy Wild Cherry (2009). In Mad Men, undersexed Betty (January Jones) leaned against the washing machine to arouse herself. In Wild Cherry, Helen (Tania Raymonde)—in pursuit of her first orgasm—sat atop of one during a spin cycle.

An interpretation relevant to these scenes—particularly the Mad Men example—is that masturbation with a household cleaning appliance works to situate a female character in—if not actually confine her in—the domestic realm and to cast her as a (sexually) desperate housewife: that she is bored, horny and notably housebound. Another reading is that such a method again distances a character from the “dirtiness” of the hands-on-genitals technique. By riding a bicycle or leaning against a washing machine, a character can experience accidental stimulation, not have to take responsibility for, nor accept the label of “masturbator” and not have to even loosen their clothing.

Like many of the non-hands examples discussed in this book, most of the characters who masturbate via friction are female. A simple reason for this is that this mirrors real life. Sex researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson contended that only small numbers of men masturbate “against an object.”^[36] Conversely, for women friction autoeroticism is common. While the obvious appeal of the horse-riding and washing machine methods discussed here lie in vibration and motion, another lower-tech friction method identifiable on screen is the use of bedclothes.

Bedding

In film theorist Steve Cohan’s research on cinema in the 1950s, he discussed the romantic-comedy Pillow Talk (1959) and specifically referred to Jan (Doris Day) singing the title song which includes the line “All I do is talk to my pillow.” Cohan interpreted this song as a reference to masturbation:

Much less coded presentations of the pillow technique transpired in the French drama Un poison violent (Love Like Poison) (2010), the period-drama Manderlay (2005) and the comedy The To Do List (2013). In Un poison violent, adolescent Anna (Clara Augarde) rubbed her genitals against her pillow. In Manderlay, Grace’s (Bryce Dallas Howard) masturbation was narrated via voiceover: “She pressed herself onto the notch she had rapidly and instinctively formed by bunching her quilt.” In The To Do List, Brandy (Aubrey Plaza) began her quest for a solo orgasm by (seemingly) stimulating with her fingers and then progressed to rubbing against a pillow.

While a rare presentation, bedding masturbation reflects a technique identified in research as very common for women,^[38] and one that is also relatively common in porn.^[39] While such presentations are much rarer for men, the use of fabric nevertheless has a role in male self-stimulation: men masturbating into socks, for example, was mentioned in a scene in Weeds as well as in American Reunion (2012). Leather was alluded to in the drama Good Will Hunting (1997) with a reference to Morgan’s (Casey Affleck) masturbatory use of a baseball glove. In Weeds Silas’ (Hunter Parrish) masturbatory material of choice was T-shirts.

The screen also offers some substantially less predictable household objects deployed for self-stimulation: musical instruments are one such example.

Musical Instruments

In the Italian drama Interno di un convento (Behind Convent Walls) (1977) a nun masturbated by rubbing herself against a violin. In the Italian thriller Il miele del diavolo (Devil’s Honey) (1986), Jessica (Blanca Marsillach) masturbated with the end of a saxophone. One of the most often repeated lines from the teen-comedy American Pie (1999) had Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) revealing, “This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.” At the most basic level, these scenes are about shock; they each cause the audience to pause and take notice of something unusual if not thoroughly bizarre. Other readings however, center on not just the unusual objects deployed, but rather that those unusual objects were musical instruments. Academic research presents a connection between women’s bodies and musical instruments. Feminist writer Elaine Showalter for example, noted that sex specialists in the 1920s “believed that sex was a matter of proper technique—that men should learn to play on women’s bodies as if they were musical instruments . . .”^[40] In Diana Richardson’s work on tantric sex, she also connected the two, writing: “Bodies are indeed like musical instruments in that orgasmic states are created through fine-tuning and sensitivity.”^[41] While Showalter and Richardson present a metaphoric link, the same idea is identifiable visually in art. In art historian Brandon Taylor’s discussion of the work of Picasso, he identified the artist’s linking of women’s bodies with musical instruments: “the double-curve of the musical instrument stands for the breasts or the buttocks, the sound hole for the stomach or the vagina, and the neck and scroll of the violin for the neck and head.”^[42] The linking of women’s bodies and their masturbation with instruments on screen may therefore, be a subtle nod to art: that the presentation is a highly-stylized portrayal of autoeroticism rather than something sleazy or disgusting. While this analysis might be applicable in European cinema—which is often considered as more artistic than American cinema—it does of course, seem less relevant to Michelle’s use of the flute in American Pie, an example which appears more sophomoric than sensual. That said, American cinema nonetheless, does have an established history of women sexualized in the context of musical instruments: women sexily draping themselves on pianos—for example Susie in The Fabulous Baker Boys (1989), Roxie Hart (Renée Zellweger) in Chicago (2002), and even the Fairy Godmother in Shrek 2 (2004)—is a cliché, and one without a male equivalent.^[43]

Worth noting, both Interno di un convento and Il miele del diavolo are illustrative of the highly sexual nunsploitation films made in Italy during the 1970s and 1980s where religious themes were fused with non-mainstream sexual practices such as sadomasochism. Having women masturbate with unlikely objects such as violins and saxophones can therefore, be construed as presenting them as sexually voracious, in line with a trope of the genre: that these woman are so horny that they will rub against anything, in turn likening them to the more common horny male characters if not also hinting that they are animal-like (chapter 1).

Michelle’s masturbatory use of the flute in American Pie is reflective of another kind of household object masturbation: penetration.

Objects for Penetration

In heteronormative understandings of sexuality, women get penetrated. While masturbation itself can be interpreted as perverting heteronormativity by implying that sexual pleasure is possible without an opposite sex partner (chapter 9), nevertheless, the heteronormative way for a woman to masturbate is vaginally: that through masturbation a woman is assumed to want to replicate the sensation of a penis. While mainstream cinema almost never includes enough detail for audiences to confidentially ascertain the kind of touch that is transpiring—or even whether vaginal or anal penetration is occurring (Shortbus, 9 Songs and Antichrist are obvious exceptions given their explicitness)—objects being implied to penetrate are detectable on screen.

In the sixth series of the UK reality program Big Brother (2000–), housemate Kinga Karolczak controversially masturbated with a wine bottle.^[44] In the French drama Une vraie jeune fille (A Real Young Lady) (1976), Alice (Charlotte Alexandra) masturbated with a spoon. In Nymphomaniac, Joe (Stacy Martin) inserted several spoons into her vagina while seated in a restaurant. In an episode of Orange is the New Black (2013–), Big Boo (Lea DeLaria) self-stimulated with the handle of a screwdriver. The prisoner Pompadour (Peggy Markoff) used a cigarette in the Swiss horror film Frauengefängnis (Barbed Wire Dolls) (1976). Lucy (Lisbeth Hummel) in the French horror film La bête (The Beast) (1975) masturbated with a long-stemmed rose. In the Australian mini-series The Slap (2011), Connie (Sophie Lowe) tried to penetrate herself with a deodorant bottle. In the Hungarian drama Ópium: Egy elmebeteg nö naplója (Opium: Diary of a Madwoman) (2007), one of the mental hospital patients—the madwoman of the title, Gizella (Kirsti Stubø)—masturbated with a crayon. In the Chinese comedy Yu pu tuan zhi: Tou qing bao jian (Sex and Zen) (1991), Huk-Yeung (Amy Yip) masturbated with a paintbrush. Also, in Nymphomaniac, Joe masturbated with a ruler, a wooden set square and a cane.

Self-penetration with unusual objects is a popular theme in porn, and while uncommon in mainstream cinema, nevertheless reflects the popular use of found-objects as well as phallic objects.

A number of explanations for objects choice exist. The first is obviously accessibility. In her work on masturbation in Iran, Pardis Mahdavi noted that “Some women said they used household appliances instead of proper vibrators, as well as cucumbers, eggplants, deodorant bottles, or other household items.”^[45] Psychologist Lynne Moxon similarly noted, “Females unaware of the use of sex toys have used deodorant cans, scissors, keys and candles.”^[46] In Sauers’ research, the favored masturbation techniques of teenage girls included: “pillows, furniture, hairbrush handles, electric toothbrushes, a deodorant bottle, a cucumber wrapped in cling wrap.”^[47] These items are things found lying around homes: women who, for whatever reasons, have chosen not to use their fingers or to spend money on a commercial sex toy can instead deploy an innocuous-seeming household object to achieve similar ends.

A theme evident in the penetrative examples discussed above—as well as in Mahdavi, Moxon and Sauers’ lists—is that many of the objects referred to are phallic: that women penetrate themselves with objects that resemble penises. A woman quoted in Cathy Winks and Anne Semans’s sex manual for example, made this point explicitly:

The obvious explanation for the selection of phallic objects is that they are (presumably) being used in the vagina; a place where a penis is “meant” to go. More simply however, regardless of the vaguely aesthetic connection to the phallus, in reality, like a penis, these objects simply fit into the vagina: they are deployed because their dimensions are suitable, regardless of whether an actual penis is craved or if the semblance to a penis is registered.

Other explanations of course, pertain to the object choice serving a narrative purpose. In Ópium: Egy elmebeteg nö naplója and Yu pu tuan zhi: Tou qing bao jian for example, the objects used were writing implements. Summarizing the work of the Marquis de Sade on masturbation, literature scholar Yoav Rinon noted, “Both writing and masturbation serve as a kind of imitation and substitution: writing substitutes for talking and masturbation takes the place of copulation.”^[49] Literary theorist Lawrence Schehr also presented an analogy likening male masturbation to writing:

Schehr likens the penis to a pen and semen to ink. While this metaphor is more complicated—about the self-indulgence of writing, for example^[51] —the idea of writing and writing objects as connected to masturbation is certainly viable.

Another explanation for Gizella’s use of the crayon in Ópium: Egy elmebeteg nö naplója is the connection between crayons and childhood: Gizella is in an asylum and thus her technique can be interpreted as a kind of regression. This interpretation is also applicable to scenes where children’s toys are used. In the French drama Je t’aime moi non plus (I Love You, I Don’t) (1976), Johnny (Jane Birkin) masturbated while holding a doll, as did the young title character (Nicole Puzzi) in the Brazilian drama Ariella (1980). In 18 Year Old Virgin (2009), a wind-up mouse toy became part of Katie’s (Olivia Alaina May) self-stimulation. In the comedy Screwballs (1983), Purity (Linda Speciale) masturbated by rubbing against a giant teddy bear. In real life, masturbation with toys is how many children have their first experiences^[52] so for the adult characters to do so in these examples could be construed as implying that the act is immature (chapter 2). This idea, in fact, is referenced by a woman quoted in Hite’s research: “My first experience with myself was in the preschool age. I would masturbate . . . by clutching stuffed toys between my legs and sort of wiggling up and down.”^[53]

Other readings allow for these scenes to be construed as a little more kinky. The incorporation of props traditionally associated with children into adult sexual acts frames the masturbator as child-like: something potentially appealing to the kinkier interests of the audience. In 2013 for example, singer Miley Cyrus performed at the Video Music Awards with autoerotic allusions and teddy bears dancing in the background, a nod to her child-star status as well as to the audience’s well-established prurient interest in her.^[54] In the Swedish drama Mammut (Mammoth) (2009), Leo (Gael García Bernal)—while visiting Thailand—visited a brothel that had a room staged as a child’s bedroom. Such a scene provided an exaggerated version of sexualizing childhood, if not also hinting at the sexualization of children. For characters to masturbate with the props of childhood, they can be construed as incorporating the tropes of pedophilic fantasy.

In this section I discussed the idea of objects being used to penetrate. Also worth examining are objects that get penetrated by male masturbators.

Objects to Penetrate

While men’s use of sex toys is largely absent from screen portrayals, in line with the heteronormative penetrative sex that men are supposed to want, it is no surprise that one toy men use on screen is the sex doll. Certainly not a common presentation, but when the presence of a sex doll is included—be it a crude-looking inflatable doll or an expensive, realistic one—the dolls serve as metonyms for masturbation. While in some narratives such dolls can be construed as providing other services such as companionship,^[55] in essence they are created for sex and thus it can be assumed that—even if not explicit in a narrative—it is used autoerotically.

In an episode of Nip/Tuck, Sean (Dylan Walsh) had sex with a Real Doll. In the crime-drama River’s Edge (1986), Feck (Dennis Hopper) owned an inflatable doll that he was seemingly in a relationship with. In the sitcom Married With Children (1987–1997), Bud (David Faustino) had a doll he called “Isis”; in one episode his sister referred to it as being made of rubber and Bud retorted, “Isis is not rubber. She’s breathable latex. And she breaks, just like a little girl.” In the sitcom 2 Broke Girls, Oleg (Jonathan Kite) had a “pre-loved” sex doll named Alexis. In an episode of the medical drama House (2004–2012), a patient, Henry (Kevin Christy), had a sex doll named “Amy.” In several episodes of The Simpsons (1989–) Moe mentioned owning inflatable dolls: in one scene he lamented the departure of one, noting that he “shouldn’t have used helium.” In the animated series The Cleveland Show (2009–), Holt had a relationship with an inflatable doll, as did Jerry (Christian Clemenson) in an episode of the courtroom-drama Boston Legal (2004–2008). In the same series, Denny (William Shatner) was revealed to have a sex doll replica of his colleague Shirley (Candice Bergen). In the comedy-drama Lars and the Real Girl (2007), the title character (Ryan Gosling) was in a relationship with an anatomically correct sex doll who he considered his girlfriend. While not a full doll, nevertheless, in Autoerotic, the unnamed Adam Wingard character masturbated into a rubber replica of his ex-girlfriend’s vagina. A rare example of sex dolls for women was alluded to in the animated series South Park (1997–): Cartman discovered an inflatable Antonio Banderas doll purchased by his mother, Liana. Something similar transpired in the horror film Pin (1988), when a woman masturbated with a medical dummy.^[56]

In line with an undercurrent of many masturbation scenes—whereby the act is presented as the act of the pitiful—male doll-masturbation is evidence of a character as socially inept, unlucky in love, or simply kinky. While audiences may feel sympathy for characters like Lars, his unusual sexual preoccupations nevertheless frame him as deviant; that there are right and wrong ways to masturbate and that using a doll for such purposes is construed as particularly shameful.

The sex doll clues the audience into a very specific type of self-stimulation: masturbation with people-like dolls to emulate intercourse. While masturbation is often considered as a substitute for sex (chapter 7), most techniques don’t resemble intercourse at all. The incorporation of human-like dolls however, is a clear visual example of masturbation functioning as an intercourse replacement. Worth noting, substitution of course, is not the only way to read these scenes. The existence of mannequin and doll-themed porn for example, demonstrates a market for the explicit eroticization of sex with non-people. This unique fetish was actually alluded to in the aforementioned episode of Nip/Tuck. Sean commented to Kimber (Kelly Carlson)—whose body was used as the Real Doll template—“No offence, I can see the doll is well fabricated, but in the end, she’s just rubber, she’s not real,” to which Kimber responded, “Sometimes, Doctor, real isn’t what you want.” The market for sex dolls as well as mannequin and doll-themed porn is indicative of a reality that that for some people specific appeals lies in “intercourse” that doesn’t involve another person, but that the inanimate person-like object is actually the turn-on.

In Mahdavi’s work she spotlighted cucumbers and eggplants, Sauers also mentioned cucumbers and the woman in Winks and Semans’s research identified masturbatory use of corn on the cob. While these objects can all be used penetratively, they are also reflective of a broader trend in masturbation presentations on screen: food.

Edible Sex Toys

In sex researcher Nancy Friday’s work, she presented an interesting connection between masturbation and food as apparent in the late nineteenth and early twentieth century work of conservative health zealots Sylvester Graham and John Kellogg:

Whereas for Graham and Kellogg, foods could stimulate or temper the libido, in this section I explore the use of it in autoeroticism.

In Wild Cherry discussed earlier, part of Helen’s orgasm pursuit involved her masturbating with a carrot. In the comedy I Want Candy (2007), Candy (Carmen Electra) used a pear. In a scene from the Chilean comedy Sexo con amor (Sex With Love) (2003), Maca (María Izquierdo) masturbated with a zucchini. In the romantic-comedy Swinging with the Finkels (2011), Ellie Moore (Mandy Moore) used a cucumber.

On the surface, these examples can be viewed in the same object availability, domesticity and phallic-substitute manners as some of the other techniques already discussed. Such examples are, however, open to other readings. The most obvious is, again, that they reflect real life techniques. Sex therapist Ruth Westheimer, for example, legitimized the cucumber as an “edible green dildo” in her Guide for Married Lovers.^[58] In psychologist R. Murray Thomas’ discussion of sexuality, he also referenced vegetables in his description of standard techniques,

A woman in Hite’s research similarly divulged, “I once used a carrot internally.”^[60] In Lonnie Barbach and Linda Levine work on sexuality, the authors’ noted, “One of our sexual therapy groups roared with laughter as one woman related the story of how it took her fifteen minutes to pick out the zucchini that was exactly the right size and shape she wanted.” In sexologist Mel van Driel’s work, he quoted from a 1925 book on sexuality that also included a food-themed masturbation case study:

Most obviously screen use of food items for masturbation can simply be construed as reflecting real life autoerotic use of produce. Other analyses, of course, are equally viable.

In Mariamne Whatley and Elissa Henken’s discussion on urban legends, the authors described the recurring theme of food; a number of which involved women smearing food on their genitals, getting animals to lick them clean and then being sprung.^[62] One interpretation offered by the authors centers on the way women’s bodies are often spoken about via food references:

Such an explanation could extend to the use of food for masturbation: that women are already spoken about with food descriptors, so therefore, it is unsurprising that they are shown using it for masturbation. Taking this idea further is the fact that fresh produce has a long history of being connected to women’s bodies in art: that fruits and flowers are often included in paintings of women to convey fertility,^[64] and thus, akin to the musical instruments discussed earlier, there is also an aesthetic, classical art connection.

There are of course, less flattering explanations. In some of the variations of the bestiality-themed urban legend, the woman is positioned as a colleague of the storyteller; as Whatley and Henken interpreted: “It may be a negative comment about women who succeed in the workplace, who either find dogs adequate substitutes for men when they are too busy to date . . .”^[65] Certainly this reading links the food-masturbation scenes with those phone-themed ones discussed earlier: that career women are too busy or too desperate and hence masturbate by using things such as food, or, as discussed later in this chapter, animals; in turn, they are in fact punished for deviating from sexuality norms. Another interpretation pertains to the demonizing of women’s genitals. A theme Whatley and Henken detected was “[i]n these legends, vaginas are dirty, disgusting places, which not only smell bad, but like garbage pails, can also breed maggots.”^[66] If women’s genitals are considered smelly and disgusting—certainly something I have examined before in the context of film and television presentations^[67]—then it comes as no surprise that women will be depicted as pushing all kinds of things into them; later in this chapter, objects far more “disgusting” than vegetable items are explored as complicit in this.

While men most often masturbate using their hands, there are examples where they use their penis to penetrate things; presumably in an attempt to replicate the sensations of a vagina. While rib removal to stimulate self-fellatio is an often repeated urban legend, it is actually shown in Shortbus, where a character spends most of the movie trying to curve his body sufficiently to allow this; he accomplishes it by the end. More common however, are presentations of men thrusting into food. In American Pie for example, after Oz (Chris Klein) described “third base” as feeling “like warm apple pie, dude,” Jim took this description literally and masturbated into a freshly baked pie. In the comedy Another Gay Movie (2006), Andy masturbated into a quiche (a “gayer” version of a pie).^[68] In an episode of Two and a Half Men, housekeeper Berta (Conchata Ferrell) walked in on Alan masturbating and lamented, “what are you doing with the pudding?” One of the most famous scenes from Philip Roth’s novel Portnoy’s Complaint was the protagonist’s autoerotic use of a piece of liver. While in the film version (1972), the use of liver was only discussed, in the Canadian comedy-drama Léolo (1992), the title character (Maxime Collin) did actually use liver in this way. In Weeds, Uncle Andy (Justin Kirk) recommended that his nephew, Shane (Alexander Gould), masturbate into a banana peel; later in the episode, Shane’s mother Nancy noted, “Shane’s been on this whole banana kick lately.” In the comedy Good Luck Chuck (2007), Stu (Dan Fogler) used a grapefruit: “I put it into a microwave and heated it up a little bit, which helped, but . . . still.” In an episode of the animated series Drawn Together (2004–2008), Hero got his nickname from the time when, as a twelve-year-old, he masturbated into a hero sandwich in public. A sandwich was also used in American Pie Presents: The Book of Love: the film opened with Rob (Bug Hall) masturbating with a peanut butter sandwich. Following a similar theme, in the comedy Dirty Deeds (2005), Zach (Milo Ventimiglia) masturbated into a loaf of bread.

Something noticeable in each example is that the men involved are presented as variously stupid, if not also grotesque. Each scene delivers the message that men’s masturbation can never be sexy and in fact is, invariably, awful. A theme noted already in this chapter—and one that Whatley and Henken draw attention to—is the repeated idea that “‘men will screw anything’ . . . Men are expected to be highly sexually active and experimental.”^[69] Certainly in the American Pie example, Jim was seeking to experience sex as his friend had described it: Jim wasn’t a man with a fetish for food-sex so much as seeking a suitable substitute for “normal sex.” Another explanation, and one equally relevant to the examples of women masturbating with food items, is the idea of there being a paucity of other options. In an article on the Texas prison system for example, Dick Reavis identified, “soft whole fruits are valued as aids to masturbation.”^[70] This idea is well illustrated in an episode of Orange is the New Black. Red (Kate Mulgrew) the prison cook remarks on this: “I’m missing my zucchini. These girls don’t realize I’m here to provide food, not dildoes. I’m all out of cucumbers, carrots, beets . . . God knows what they do with those. Can’t hold onto anything cock-shaped.”

Wet and Wild Masturbation

In chapter 5, the very common masturbation backdrop of the bathroom—more specifically the shower or the tub—is discussed. For this section, I am less concerned about the role of water in the aesthetics of a scene, and more so with its role as an actual tool: that water pressure can prove sexually stimulating, for women most commonly.

In the comedy Heathers (1988), Heather (Kim Walker) wanted to play a trick on a classmate, and urged a friend to assist: “The note’ll give her shower-nozzle masturbation material for weeks.” This idea was taken a step further in an episode of Will & Grace when Will, Grace and Karen (Megan Mullally) conversed about a new showerhead:

Karen only alluded to using the showerhead sexually, however, in a number of other examples the technique is shown. In Melissa P., the thrillers When Will I Be Loved (2004) and Chloe (2009), the sitcom 2 Broke Girls (2011–), the comedies The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005), I-See-You.com (2006), American Reunion (2012) and Identity Thief (2013), the biopic The Runaways (2010), the Argentinian romantic-comedy Amorosa Soledad (Lovely Loneliness) (2008), and in an episode of The Mind of the Married Man (2001–2001), female characters each masturbated with showerheads. In an episode of Sex and the City (1998–2004), Samantha (Kim Cattrall) masturbated with the water from the faucet over her bath. In Nymphomaniac, pre-pubescent Joe (Maja Arsovic) and her friend B (Sofie Kasten) lay on the bathroom floor experiencing the pleasure of water lapping at their genitals.

The water method, of course, is common for women in real life too and thus, presumably, demonstrates another example of the screen mirroring reality. In chapter 2 the idea of accidental discovery of masturbation was discussed: that in the process of soaping oneself in the shower (as in Amanda & the Alien (1995)) the pleasures of self-stimulation were stumbled upon. It is logical, therefore, that showering or bathing is one of the ways that water-masturbation is accidentally discovered in real life. A woman quoted in sex researcher Jayme Waxman’s work on sexuality, described this exact scenario:

The accidental discovery of this technique could explain why women in real life and women on screen continue to masturbate this way into adulthood. Certainly this technique is identified as common in women’s accounts of masturbation. An adolescent quoted in Sauers’ research for example, explained, “I twist the nozzle to almost full-force spray and stimulate my clitoris while sitting down in the shower.”^[72] Adult women in Hite’s research described similar methods.^[73]

Another, more obvious, explanation is water diluting concerns related to dirtiness. The use of water creates an opportunity for handless contact with the genitals but most relevantly, quite literally washes away any “dirtiness.”^[74] Similarly, the use of a water stream means that a woman actually isn’t having hand-genital connect and thus—akin to some of the friction methods discussed earlier—can conceive of the activity as less masturbatory than had fingers been used.

While men tend not to masturbate with water, the sitcom Modern Family (2009–) provided an outlier allusion to men’s sexual enjoyment of water stimulation. After his wife Claire (Julie Bowen) mused on how much she was enjoying their holiday, Phil (Ty Burrell) thought she meant that she was enjoying the pool’s water-jet and said, “I know, I was leaning up against that nozzle a minute ago.” Later in the episode Cam (Eric Stonestreet) and Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) both commented about the pleasure of the nozzle too.^[75]

While thus far I have discussed some of the predictable and less so methods of masturbation on screen, in the next section comparatively more dangerous techniques are explored, beginning with an examination of autoerotic asphyxiation.

Autoerotic Asphyxiation

In an episode of South Park Kyle, Kenny and Butters spoke to a doctor about the slippery slope of sex addiction:

This scene reflects a very common way that autoerotic asphyxiation is portrayed: as something to laugh at, that the act is what kinky weirdos do in pursuit of perverse sexual highs. Two other animated series offered similar depictions. In an episode of Family Guy, Lois’ father, Carter, fell into a coma and left a video recording with his lawyer that included him saying, “Hello, if you’re watching this, it means they didn’t cut the rope when I climaxed. As a result, I’m now dead.” In another episode, Quagmire nearly died doing this while watching clown porn. In American Dad! (2005–), Stan attempted to kill himself by hanging. The alien Roger, unimpressed, referenced autoerotic asphyxiation and commented, “Stan, are you killing yourself or thrilling yourself?”

The “super awesome” orgasms promised in South Park highlight a prominent theme in many autoerotic asphyxiation presentations: that they center on a quest for heightened sexual pleasure. While this can be something joked about, it can also be part of a serious presentation. In the U.S. version of Queer As Folk (2000–2005) for example, Brian (Gale Harold) tried autoerotic asphyxiation. Brian was a character with a strong and diverse sexual appetite and this idea drove the narrative rather than a subconscious death wish.

Something that enables the American Dad! and Family Guy episodes to be construed of as funny is because autoerotic asphyxiation is routinely construed of as a fetish or a perversion and, in line with the routine demonization of perverts through humor, the audience is encouraged to laugh at a “weirdo’s” kinky masturbation. The comic presentation of autoerotic asphyxiation is widely identifiable. In Californication (2007–), Hank (David Duchovny) described the victim of an autoerotic asphyxiation death as “Creepy Warbucks.” In The X-Files (1993–2002), Clyde Bruckman (Peter Boyle) had a skill of predicting how people would die and in one scene he commented to the protagonist—Mulder (David Duchovny)—that “I can’t think of a more undignified way than autoerotic asphyxiation.” Mulder was defensive at being told this, presumably being well aware of the negative connotations of the practice. In an episode of the crime-drama The Mentalist (2008–) the activity was again presented in this same darkly comic way: Coroner Steiner (George Wyner) said, “The only other time that I have been in a room like this was to examine a man who died accidentally in the middle of an autoerotic ritual,” to which investigator Patrick (Simon Baker) responded, “Well I bet he died with a smile on his face.” In an episode of Archer, a war hero’s death was humorously exposed as an autoerotic asphyxiation scenario gone wrong. In an episode of The League of Gentleman, the same black humor was apparent: Alvin (Mark Gatiss) and Sunny (Chrissie Furness) hosted a small group of fellow “sexplorers” to trial a new autoerotic asphyxiation machine. Things went wrong when Alvin departed with his mistress and neglected to release the participants and they all died.

Clyde’s description in The X-Files of an autoerotic asphyxiation death as “undignified” provides insight into a theme apparent in many autoerotic asphyxiation presentations: the cover-up. This idea was central in the comedy-drama Ruling Class (1972) as well as the comedy World’s Greatest Dad (2009). In Ruling Class, the accidental autoerotic asphyxiation death of Earl Ralph Gurney (Harry Andrews)—while wearing a tutu—was covered up by the family to spare them shame. In World’s Greatest Dad, Lance’s (Robin William) son Kyle (Daryl Sabara) died from an autoerotic asphyxiation death: Lance covered it up to make it look like a suicide; suicide again being deemed more dignified and sympathetic than death by masturbation.

While humorous autoerotic asphyxiation examples have been discussed thus far, of course, such a dangerous practice means that many scenes have a substantially more serious tone. In an episode of Six Feet Under (2001–2005), one of the deaths involved a lawyer (Chris Ufland) who had asphyxiated while watching porn. In the Portuguese drama O Fantasma (The Phantom) (2000), Sérgio (Ricardo Meneses) participated in the act with a hand held shower cord wrapped round his neck. Sérgio did not die, but he was nevertheless a lonely character, prone to obsessive impulses and casual sex; his autoerotic asphyxiation appeared indicative of his search for feeling, not dissimilar for example, to how one might use self-mutilation.^[76] Psychiatrist Ronald Maris et al. actually discussed this theme in their research on suicide, noting that “For some, death and self-harm may be courted, played with as a game of chicken”; the authors listed autoerotic asphyxiation as an example of this.^[77] Similar themes were identifiable in the family-drama Life as a House (2001), when angst-ridden, self-loathing teenager Sam (Hayden Christensen) tried to perform autoerotic asphyxiation in his closet but the rail broke. Like O Fantasma, Life as House presented a young, depressed man involved in a risky sexual pursuit that had the possibility of grave consequences. In the teen-drama Ken Park (2002), the combination of depression and autoerotic asphyxiation did kill a character: after watching a women’s tennis match, Tate (James Ransone) masturbated while slowly tightening the noose around his neck. Like Sérgio and Sam, Tate was depressed but his autoerotic asphyxiation in fact seemed explicitly designed to end his life.

Psychiatrist Raj Persaud noted that many autoerotic asphyxiation participants “suffer from depression or unconscious death wishes and so autoerotic asphyxia is really partly a suicidal act even when an attempt is made to play safely.”^[78] Certainly Sérgio in O Fantasma, Sam in Life as a House and Tate in Ken Park each displayed attributes that suggested depression and death wishes in varying degrees of fervor. While the “super awesome” orgasm of the act undoubtedly held appeal, the risk factor potentially added to the attraction and also rendered the act akin to a (possibly subconscious) suicide attempt or, as in Ken Park, a deliberate one.

A good example whereby the masturbator is possibly suicidal—although likely also drawn to the super awesome orgasm—transpired in Nip/Tuck. Cosmetic surgeon Christian (Julian McMahon) consulted with a patient, Adam (Greg Ellis), who had scarring on his neck from repeated participation in autoerotic asphyxiation:

The scene then cut to Christian in his bathroom, putting a belt around his neck and masturbating. In his internal monologue, Christian says, “It feels like an orgasm everywhere.” He collapsed unconscious and his wife, Kimber, discovered him. The scene provided Christian an epiphany about his marriage which he then articulated to his wife: “I had this moment of clarity before I lost consciousness. You’ll never make me happy. I can never love you enough.” While it seems likely that Christian was engaging in autoerotic asphyxiation primarily for pleasure’s sake, the fact that he attempted to end his marriage in the same scene, presents the act as also playing with the life/death frisson.

The lack of clarity around whether an autoerotic asphyxiation act is a veiled suicide attempt was depicted humorously in an episode of Weeds: Doug wrote a letter to his ex-wife which was read out over voiceover. The letter identified the character’s trouble sleeping and him having “lost all sense of joy and pleasure.” Doug was then shown hoisting a rope over a beam. Via voice he said, “only one thing left to do,” as he slipped the noose over his head. The scene, of course, was staged to look like a suicide but was quickly subverted when Doug masturbated. After ejaculation he said, “So fuck you and your lawyers! Come get me if you want, I don’t give a shit.”

Research indicates that the most common practitioners of autoerotic asphyxiation are “thrill-seeking teenagers and men in their twenties.”^[79] While research does document small numbers of female cases,^[80] the practice is understood as one associated with men. This might, of course, explain the very gendered presentation on screen whereby it is invariably presented as a male activity.^[81] Another explanation can be connected to the idea that perverse sexual behavior more broadly is something associated with men. In Part-Time Perverts I reviewed much of the literature on deviance and noted that according to the research “men are the true perverts. . . . Historically, cultural imagination did not extend to contemplating women’s involvement in perversion and relics of this perception continue.”^[82] Even in a film such as the mystery Killing Me Softly (2002) where Adam (Joseph Fiennes) strangled Alice (Heather Graham) during sex—with her consent—it appeared more for his pleasure than an expression of her desire for oxygen deprivation.

The Bestial

In chapter 1 I explored the idea of masturbation being often framed negatively through its portrayal as animalistic. Interestingly, in a small number of examples masturbation is actually presented as involving animals. In Due Date, Ethan masturbated in the front seat of the car while his dog, Sonny, masturbated in the back. In an episode of True Blood (2008–), Sookie (Anna Paquin) masturbated while her cat watched her. While neither scene actually involved animals in the act, this is something that does occur in other examples. In La bête, Lucy (Lisbeth Hummel) was aroused by the sight of horses having sex to the extent that it motivated her to masturbate. While in La bête the horses were merely a source of stimulation, in others animals actually have direct genital contact. In the Spanish mystery Caniche (Poodle) (1979)—in line with the urban legend discussed by Whatley and Henken—Eloísa (Consol Tura) put honey onto her genitals for her dog to lick off. In the French period-drama Les héroïnes du mal (Heroines of Evil) (1979), Marceline’s (Gaëlle Legrand) genitals were attended to by rabbits. A dog tried to get in on the autoeroticism in the Spanish drama La mosquitera (The Mosquito Net) (2010) and in the French thriller Sitcom (1998), Sophie (Marina de Van) reaped pleasure from having a mouse run over her breasts and genitals. In Another Gay Movie, Andy masturbated with a gerbil inserted into his rectum.

While the Another Gay Movie example can be interpreted as simply referencing a very popular stereotype—if not demonization—of homosexuality and the taboo of men being penetrated,^[83] these examples provide some interesting insights into sexuality. Sex with animals is a long-standing taboo in popular culture. While it is certainly identifiable in mainstream examples,^[84] it is rare. The La bête, Caniche, Les héroïnes du mal, La mosquitera and Sitcom scenes are undoubtedly bestiality-themed, but each presents the topic in gentler, more passive ways: something identifiable when contrasting them with the more typical, non-masturbatory bestiality portrayals. In Léolo for example, boys raped a cat. In a scene from the comedy-horror Pink Flamingos (1972), Crackers (Danny Mills) had sex with Cookie (Cookie Mueller) while a live chicken struggled between them; throughout the scene Crackers tried to rape Cookie with the chicken. Both Léolo and Pink Flamingos present bestiality in overtly aggressive ways. In contrast, La bête, Caniche, Les héroïnes du mal, La mosquitera and Sitcom present the same themes with an air of gentleness and passivity. In line with artistic representations of bestiality such as the artistic portrayals of the Greek myth “Leda and the Swan” for example,^[85] or the Japanese shunga works depicting sex with animals such as octopi, these films present women utilizing animals in their masturbation in a leisurely, aesthetic and erotic manner. While these scenes are open to interpretation as centering on women’s defilement grounded in the supposed filthiness of animals (a reading more relevant to the examples discussed in the next section), the scenes seem more in line with the fine arts, and risqué subject matters presented as beautiful rather than threatening.

While masturbation with animals might be considered unorthodox—if not explicitly perverse—the screen offers a variety of other methods which are substantially more shocking.

The Strange

In a variety of horror films masturbation techniques that are not merely uncommon but able to be categorized as weird or grotesque are easily detected. In one of the most famous examples, The Exorcist (1973), a possessed Regan (Linda Blair) masturbated by plunging a crucifix between her legs. In the French horror film Haute tension (Switchblade Romance) (2003), in one scene the killer fellates himself using a severed head.^[86] In The Captives (2011), Sandy (Emily Haack) used a broom handle. In Run! Bitch Run! (2009), Marla (Ivet Corvea) masturbated with a toilet plunger. In Filthy McNasty (2002), fecal matter was used as a lubricant. In the aforementioned Pin, a nurse (Joan Austen) masturbated with a medical dummy. In a scene that was later cut from the British film The Devils (1971), Sister Jeanne (Vanessa Redgrave) masturbated with the Grandier’s (Oliver Reed) charred femur. In The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence (2011), Martin (Laurence R. Harvey) masturbated with sandpaper.

The horror genre is reliant on visual horror so of course, scenes that make the audience cringe and recoil are essential. That the horror in these scenes was of a sexual nature however, facilitates other interpretations. The horror genre has a reputation for doing horrible things to women’s bodies. In Isabel Cristina Pinedo’s book Recreational Terror, she discussed the genre’s “routine staging of the spectacle of the ruined body, particularly the female body.”^[87] While the women in these examples were masturbating themselves—they were the ones inserting these objects into their bodies—obviously this is done in the context of a film that is created for an audience; masturbation therefore, can be interpreted as just another way to present the ruined female body to the audience by showing women sullying themselves through the use of “disgusting” implements. Such presentations also allude to insertion-themed porn; something I discussed in Part-Time Perverts:

This idea of showing women’s bodies being penetrated with awful objects connects to the idea, discussed earlier, of women’s vaginas often demonized and construed of as filthy places. Few better methods exist to enact misogyny than showing women pushing awful things into their bodies and sexualizing it through their feigned enjoyment.

This chapter reviewed the screen’s enormously diverse presentation of masturbation techniques. Chapter 4 focuses on the triggers for masturbation examining the factors that see hands—along with the vibrators and food items and water methods discussed in this chapter—applied to the genitals for sexual gratification.

Notes

While the songs mentioned in this book are ones where masturbation references are fairly obvious, worth also noting are many which are assumed to center on the topic but do so without any obvlious reveals, again protecting the naïve. Chuck Berry’s “My Ding-a-Ling” (1972), for example, was described by music writers Scott Schinder and ‎Andy Schwartz as “a sophomoric, double entendre-laden ode to masturbation” (Scott Schinder and ‎Andy Schwartz, Icons of Rock (Westport, CT: Greenwood Press, 2008), 68). Peter Buckley in his The Rough Guide to Rock similarly described Billy Idol’s “Dancing By Myself” (1980) as “a lively pop tune with lyrics referring to masturbation” (Peter Buckley, The Rough Guide to Rock (London: Rough Guides Ltd. 2003), 422). Cultural critic Cynthia Franklin described The Vapors’ song “Turning Japanese” (1980) as a “song about masturbating while obsessing over a white woman” (Cynthia G. Franklin, Academic Lives: Memoir, Cultural Theory, and the University Today (Athens, GA: University of Georgia Press, 2009), 100).

Lauren Rosewarne, American Taboo: The Forbidden Words, Unspoken Rules, and Secret Morality of Popular Culture (Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger, 2013).

The inexpensive nature of masturbation—at least compared to dating—is referenced in Crispin Glover’s song “Auto-Manipulator” (1989) where masturbation is identified as cheaper than dating girls.

Joan Sauers, Sex Lives of Australian Teenagers (Sydney: Random House, 2007), 27.

In Joan Sauers, Sex Lives of Australian Teenagers (Sydney: Random House, 2007), 27.

In sexologist Mels van Driel work on masturbation he noted, “in general aids are usually associated with women and homosexual men” (Mels van Driel, With the Hand: a Cultural History of Masturbation (London: Reaktion Books, 2012), 74).

Historically, masturbation has been associated with the left hand because of the connotations that the left side of the body had with the devil as well as in some cultures the left hand being considered dirty because it is used for toilet-practices while the right is reserved for eating (See Vern L. Bullough, “Masturbation: A Historical View,” Masturbation as a Means of Achieving Sexual Health, eds. Walter O. Bockting and Eli Coleman (Binghamton, NY: The Haworth Press Inc. 2002)).

Sex researcher Shere Hite quoted a number of right-handed women who described using their left hand for masturbation (Shere Hite, The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality (New York: Seven Stories Press, 1981), 69).

Tracey Cox, Hot Sex (London: Random House, 1998).

10.

Sexologist Mels van Driel discussed a study of 3,800 women that reported that 52.5 percent used vibrators (Mels van Driel, With the Hand: a Cultural History of Masturbation (London: Reaktion Books, 2012), 74).

11.

Two films exploring the creation of the vibrator as a genital stimulation device include The Road to Wellville (1994) and Hysteria (2011). In both examples however, doctors used early incarnations of the machine on women to treat conditions such as hysteria, thus meaning they are not quite masturbation scenes in the manner that I define them in this volume.

12.

While not a vibrator, worth noting in the Australian television mini-series Never Tear Us Apart: The Untold Story of INXS (2014), Michael (Luke Arnold) had a dildo in his possession in a number of scenes; how it was used was never explained.

13.

Accidental “masturbation” also transpired in the romantic-comedy The Ugly Truth (2009). In the film, Abby (Katherine Heigl) put on a pair of “vibrating briefs” in preparation for a date with her boyfriend. Her date was cancelled when she had to attend a work dinner; she didn’t have time to change out of the briefs. The remote controller for the briefs fell out of her handbag when she arrived at the restaurant and was seized by a young boy at another table, who proceeded to play with the buttons. Abby ended up having to give her work presentation while climaxing. A very similar storyline transpired in an episode of the sitcom The Drew Carey Show (1995–2004): Mimi (Kathy Kinney) was wearing a pair of vibrating panties; her colleague Drew (Drew Carey) found the remote control and turned them on while she was in a meeting with her boss. Neither scene however, constitutes masturbation in the way I’m defining it given that self-stimulation is not transpiring.

14.

In my book American Taboo I discussed a scene from My So-Called Life (1994–1995), when Brian (Devon Gummersall) complained that his parents owned a vibrator that sounded “like a lawnmower.” While the viewer doesn’t have enough information to know for sure, it could be interpreted that both parents were partaking of the pleasure of the sex toy (Lauren Rosewarne, American Taboo: The Forbidden Words, Unspoken Rules, and Secret Morality of Popular Culture (Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger, 2013). A similar, more recent example, transpired in the comedy We’re the Millers (2013) where it was implied that a married couple were using a vibrator.

15.

Lauren Rosewarne, American Taboo: The Forbidden Words, Unspoken Rules, and Secret Morality of Popular Culture (Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger, 2013).

16.

See for example Interno di un convento (Behind Convent Walls) (1977), Lucía y el sexo (Sex and Lucia) (2001), Requiem for a Dream (2000) and Bad Neighbors (2014).

17.

As discussed in chapter 1, this same idea was alluded to in Jon Stewart (1996–) when the host made a joke, “Nothing promotes abstinence as well as the image of [political commentator] James Carville masturbating.”

18.

This is an issue that Martha Cornog discussed briefly: “Probably some of the variation [of masturbation methods], especially in the past, has been motivated by trying to avoid the taboo on masturbation as defined as manual stimulation of the genitals. That is, “If I don’t use my hands, it’s not masturbation”” (Martha Cornog, The Big Book of Masturbation: From Angst to Zeal (San Francisco, CA: Down There Press, 2003), 74).

19.

In Alexandra’s Project (2003), a vibrator was given as a gift. A sex toy gift also transpires in the comedies Just Married (2003) and Easy A (2010). I discussed these examples in my book American Taboo contending: “On screen, there are examples of vibrators being gifted that provide a way for a woman to have and use a vibrator without having to experience or endure the possible embarrassment or stigma of purchase. Ownership can then be easily legitimized and excused (Oh, it was just a gift)” (Lauren Rosewarne, American Taboo: The Forbidden Words, Unspoken Rules, and Secret Morality of Popular Culture (Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger, 2013), 234).

20.

Meera Lee Sethi, “Seeing Human,” Greater Good (Summer, 2008): 35–34, 35. Retrieved 12 July, 2013 from http://www.scienceessayist.com/Portfolio/Seeing%20Human.pdf.

21.

In my book American Taboo I discussed this idea in greater detail: “The underlying premise of BeautifulAgony.com is that it is sexually stimulating for audiences to see the faces of characters as they masturbate. In [mainstream vibrator-masturbation scenes] . . . the style in which they are filmed is actually very similar to the videos on BeautifulAgony.com, which are explicitly designed for arousal.” (Lauren Rosewarne, American Taboo: The Forbidden Words, Unspoken Rules, and Secret Morality of Popular Culture (Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger, 2013), 230).

22.

Lauren Rosewarne, Part-Time Perverts: Sex, Pop Culture and Kink Management (Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger, 2011), 97.

23.

Athima Chansanchai, “Survey: One-third Would Rather Give Up Sex Than Phone”, NBC News (August 4, 2011). Retrieved September 1, 2013 from http://www.nbcnews.com/technology/survey-one-third-would-rather-give-sex-phone-121757; Natasha Wynarczyk, “Women Would Rather Give Up Sex Than Their Smartphone,” Marie Claire, March 28, 2013. Retrieved September 1, 2013 from http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/news/world/542916/women-would-rather-give-up-sex-than-their-smartphone.html#2BpiA3ILsK3ERWP0.99.

24.

Charles O. Hartman, The Long View (Hanover, NH: Wesleyan University Press, 1999), 89.

25.

Lauren Rosewarne, Part-Time Perverts: Sex, Pop Culture and Kink Management (Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger, 2011).

26.

Sex writer Harold Litten claimed, “Let’s face it: it’s the nature of the human male to insert his penis into anything that stands still long enough” (In Martha Cornog, The Big Book of Masturbation: From Angst to Zeal (San Francisco, CA: Down There Press, 2003), 56).

27.

This idea is alluded to by a woman quoted in Lonnie Barbach and Linda Levine’s work claiming, “I wish I had a dildo but I can’t bring myself to go to one of those porno stores and buy one, so I use the handle of a spatula” (In Linda Levine and Lonnie Garfield Barbach, Shared Intimacies: Women’s Sexual Experiences (Gretna, LA: Wellness Institute, 1980), 123).

28.

Rebecca Chalker, The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips (New York: Seven Stories Press, 2000), 149.

29.

In Shere Hite, The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality (New York: Seven Stories Press, 1981), 79.

30.

Joan Sauers, Sex Lives of Australian Teenagers (Sydney: Random House, 2007).

31.

In Floyd Mansfield Martinson, The Sexual Life of Children (Westport, CT: Bergin & Garvey, 1994), 70.

32.

Matt Paget, Make Your Own Sex Toys (San Francisco, CA: Chronicle Books, 2007).

33.

In Jean Stengers and Anne Van Neck, Masturbation: The History of a Great Terror (New York: Palgrave, 2001).

34.

Peter L. Allen, The Wages of Sin: Sex and Disease, Past and Present (Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press, 2000), 96.

35.

A rare male-friction masturbation example transpired in the drama Saint Ralph (2004) when Catholic school student Ralph (Adam Butcher) rubbed his genitals against a rope at his school.

36.

William H. Masters, Virginia E. Johnson and Robert Kolodny, Masters & Johnson on Sex & Human Loving (New York: Little, Brown and Company, 1988), 294.

37.

Steve Cohan, Masked Men: Masculinity and the Movies in the Fifties (Bloomington, IN: Indiana University Press, 1997), 279.

38.

See for example Joan Sauers, Sex Lives of Australian Teenagers (Sydney: Random House, 2007); Shere Hite, The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality (New York: Seven Stories Press, 1981).

39.

The website HumpingMasturbation.com is an example of a website dedicated to the pillow-humping technique.

40.

Elaine Showalter, Inventing Herself: Claiming a Feminist Intellectual Heritage (New York: Scribner, 2001), 142.

41.

Diana Richardson, Tantric Orgasm for Women (Rochester, VT: Destiny Books, 2004), 133.

42.

Brandon Taylor, “Early Modern Painting in Europe: the Psychopathological Dimension,” Pictures at an Exhibition: Selected Essays on Art and Art Therapy, eds. Andrea Gilroy and Tessa Dalley (London: Routledge, 1989): 21–34, 25.

43.

The sexy-woman-on-a-piano is also very common in music videos: Christina Aguilera does this in the video for “Say Something” (2013) and Beyoncé does it in the video for “Partition” (2014). Such a pose is also very common in pin-up and softcore pornography.

44.

Sophie Kirkham, “Big Brother in Trouble Over Sex Shock (Again),” The Guardian (August 4, 2005). Retrieved September 1, 2013 from http://www.theguardian.com/media/2005/aug/04/broadcasting.channel4.

45.

Pardis Mahdavi, Passionate Uprisings (Stanford, CA: Stanford University Press, 2009), 179.

46.

Lynne Moxon, “Diagnosis, Disclosure and Self-confidence in Sexuality and Relationships,” Coming Out Asperger: Diagnosis, Disclosure and Self-Confidence, ed. Dinah Murray (London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2006), 220.

47.

Joan Sauers, Sex Lives of Australian Teenagers (Sydney: Random House, 2007), 26.

48.

In Cathy Winks and Anne Semans, Good Vibrations Guide to Sex: The Most Complete Sex Manual Ever Written (San Francisco, CA: Cleis Press, 2002), 94.

49.

Yoav Rinon, Sadian Reflections (Cranbury, NJ: Associated University Presses, 2005). 46.

50.

Lawrence R. Schehr, “Fragment of a Poetics: Bonnetain and Roth,” Solitary Pleasures: The Historical, Literary and Artistic Discourses of Autoeroticism, ed. Paula Bennett and Vernon A. Rosario (New York: Routledge, 1995), 216.

51.

This metaphor was alluded to in an episode of the sitcom Bored to Death (2009-2011) when a review of Jonathan’s (Jason Schwartzman) novel likened it to masturbation over a keyboard.

52.

Janell L. Carroll, Sexuality Now: Embracing Diversity: Embracing Diversity (Belmont, CA: Wadsworth, 2013); David F. Bjorklund and Carlos Hernández Blasi, Child and Adolescent Development: An Integrated Approach (Belmont, CA: Wadsworth, 2012); Isadora Alman, Doing It: Real People Having Really Good Sex (Berkeley, CA: Conari Press, 2001).

53.

In Shere Hite, The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality (New York: Seven Stories Press, 1981), 60.

54.

Lauren Rosewarne, “Postmodernism and the Miley Malarkey,” The Conversation, August 28, 2013. Retrieved September 1, 2013 from https://theconversation.com/postmodernism-and-the-miley-malarkey-17573.

55.

David N.L. Levy, Love + Sex With Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relations (New York: HarperCollins, 2007); Anthony Ferguson, The Sex Doll: A History (Jefferson, NC: McFarland and Co. 2010).

56.

Masturbation via sex dolls is also mentioned in The Police’s “Be My Girl—Sally” (1978) and the Dinosaur Jr. song “Severed Lips” (1985).

57.

Nancy Friday, Women on Top: How Real life Has Changed Women’s Sexual Fantasies (London: Arrow Books, 1991), 30.

58.

Ruth K. Westheimer, Dr. Ruth’s Guide for Married Lovers (New York: Warner Books, 1992), 126.

59.

R. Murray Thomas, Sex and the American Teenager: Seeing through the Myths and Confronting the Issues (Lanham, MD: Rowman and Littlefield, 2009), 64.

60.

In Shere Hite, The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality (New York: Seven Stories Press, 1981), 85.

61.

In Mels van Driel, With the Hand: A Cultural History of Masturbation (London: Reaktion Books, 2012), 31. Such a method recalls a popular Australian television commercial screened in the 1980s for Holeproof’s “Antz Pantz” underwear. A woman lays on her bed in her underwear, ants running up her legs. She then says, “Sic em’, Rex” to a nearby anteater, and she giggled pleasurably while the anteater attacked the insects.

62.

Mariamne H. Whatley and Elissa R. Henken, Did You Hear About the Girl Who? Contemporary Legends, Folklore, and Human Sexuality (New York: New York University Press, 2000).

63.

Mariamne H. Whatley and Elissa R. Henken, Did You Hear About the Girl Who? Contemporary Legends, Folklore, and Human Sexuality (New York: New York University Press, 2000), 137.

64.

Susan E. Klepp, Revolutionary Conceptions: Women, Fertility, and Family Limitation in America, 1760-1820 (Chapel Hill, NC: University of North Carolina Press, 2009).

65.

Mariamne H. Whatley and Elissa R. Henken, Did You Hear About the Girl Who? Contemporary Legends, Folklore, and Human Sexuality (New York: New York University Press, 2000), 128.

66.

Mariamne H. Whatley and Elissa R. Henken, Did You Hear About the Girl Who? Contemporary Legends, Folklore, and Human Sexuality (New York: New York University Press, 2000), 135.

67.

Lauren Rosewarne, Periods in Pop Culture: Menstruation in Film and Television (Lanham, MD: Lexington Books, 2012).

68.

The phrase “real men don’t eat quiche” comes from Bruce Feirstein’s book of the same name, satirically examining masculine stereotypes (Bruce Feirstein, Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche (New York: Pocket Books, 1982).

69.

Mariamne H. Whatley and Elissa R. Henken, Did You Hear About the Girl Who? Contemporary Legends, Folklore, and Human Sexuality (New York: New York University Press, 2000), 133.

70.

Dick J. Reavis, “How They Ruined Our Prisons,” Texas Monthly (May, 1985): 152–159, 157.

71.

In Jamye Waxman, Getting Off: A Woman’s Guide to Masturbation (Emeryville, CA: Seal Press, 2007), 59.

72.

In Joan Sauers, Sex Lives of Australian Teenagers (Sydney: Random House, 2007), 27.

73.

In Shere Hite, The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality (New York: Seven Stories Press, 1981), 99.

74.

According to cultural theorist Winfried Menninghaus, bodily fluids are a common disgust trigger (Winfried Menninghaus, Disgust: Theory and History of a Strong Emotion, translated by Howard Eiland and Joel Golb (New York: State University of New York Press, 2003)).

75.

Cam and Mitchell are homosexual and Phil is often presented as less than manly. Like other masturbation methods discussed in this book, the use of water may be a subtle attempt to feminize the characters (and in turn, demonize men who deviate from masculine stereotypes).

76.

Armando Favazza, Bodies Under Siege: Self-Mutilation and Body Modification in Culture and Psychiatry (Baltimore, MD: Johns Hopkins University Press, 1996).

77.

Ronald W. Maris, Alan L. Berman and Morton M. Silverman, Comprehensive Textbook of Suicidology (New York: The Guilford Press, 2000), 165.

78.

Raj Persaud, From the Edge of the Couch: Bizarre Psychiatric Cases and What they Teach Us About Ourselves (London: Bantam Books, 2003), 182.

79.

William H. Masters, Virginia E. Johnson, Robert C. Kolodny, Human Sexuality (New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 1992), 341.

80.

Roger W. Byard, Stephen J. Hucker and Robert R. Hazelwood, “Fatal and Near-fatal Autoerotic Asphyxial Episodes in Women: Characteristic Features Based on a Review of Nine Cases,” American Journal of Forensic Medicine, 14(1) (1993): 70–73.

81.

In an episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit (1999–), a crime scene appeared to be one of female autoerotic asphyxiation gone awry although it turned out to be murder. An actual female example, however, transpired in the drama Autoerotic (2011) when the compulsively masturbating unnamed Kate Lyn Sheil character decided to become a “gasper” and masturbate with a belt around her neck. In another scene she did so while being strangled.

82.

Lauren Rosewarne, Part-Time Perverts: Sex, Pop Culture and Kink Management (Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger, 2011), 12.

83.

In Part-Time Perverts, I discussed the urban legend involving a male celebrity suspected of homosexuality (the name changes in each telling) who inserted a gerbil into his rectum and ended up in the hospital emergency room (Lauren Rosewarne, Part-Time Perverts: Sex, Pop Culture and Kink Management (Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger, 2011), 53.)

84.

Lauren Rosewarne, Part-Time Perverts: Sex, Pop Culture and Kink Management (Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger, 2011).

85.

Artists including Leonardo, Correggio and Paul Cézanne have each produced work around the Leda and the Swan story.

86.

In an episode of the medical-drama Nip/Tuck (2003–2010), a character masturbated using the severed head of his sister which he attached to other corpses. While of course such behavior is appropriately considered necrophilia, it also has much in common with the sex doll masturbation scenes discussed elsewhere in this chapter. The necrophilia identifiable in a range of films—for example L’orribile segreto del Dr. Hichcock (The Terror of Dr. Hichcock) (1962), Love Me Deadly (1973), Buio Omega (Beyond the Darkness) (1979), Si yiu (Corpse Mania) (1981), Dead Mate (1988), Bijitâ Q (Visitor Q) (2001)—can also be read as, at least partly, as a particularly grotesque kind of masturbation.

87.

Isabel Cristina Pinedo, Recreational Terror: Women and the Pleasures of Horror Film Viewing (Albany: State University of New York Press, 1997), 70.

88.

Lauren Rosewarne, Part-Time Perverts: Sex, Pop Culture and Kink Management (Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger, 2011), 153.