Chapter Twelve

TAYLOR GROANED AND HIT the ‘delete’ button again. The screen in front of her wiped, and she flexed her fingers on top of the old-fashioned touchpad. She had no idea what else to type. Most of her colleagues simply dictated through the microphone, but she couldn’t seem to find her voice, let alone her words. She had gone through perhaps five attempted drafts for this letter with little success, and it was only the first one on the list. It was addressed to the significant other of Private Barkes, whom Taylor had never met before her mission to Amaren. Barkes had never brought up personal details with the squad, a fact Taylor only realized after sitting down to write the damn letter.

With a sigh, she started typing again, this time trying to describe the battle scene. Private Barkes fought bravely to ensure the safety of the squad. Taylor considered deleting the line. The seekers had taken them completely by surprise, and most of the squad were butchered before they could put up a proper fight. Only she and Jackson had escaped the initial ambush.

Taylor rubbed her temple and leaned back in the uncomfortable chair. Although losing Jackson, Barkes, and the others weighed heavily on her, she had no words of condolence for their grieving family members, and she hated herself for it. She could feel pressure building behind her eyes. Damn it. The last thing she needed was to be on the verge of tears.

As she wiped a hand across her eyes, she heard the door to the bathroom open. Taylor hunched over the interface and tried to concentrate on the letter. If she kept her face low, perhaps Maia wouldn’t see the tear streaks forming on her cheeks. Taylor felt like she was going insane. She had to be. Nothing had ever made her cry so easily. She hadn’t even cried right after her squadmates died, but there had hardly been time to think about it. Now, sitting at this desk, she had to write a letter that somehow conveyed a sick message of hope, respect, and remorse for her fallen comrades. She drew in a shaky breath and forced herself to type another meaningless sentence.

"Taylor?" The voice behind her sounded inquisitive, concerned.

Taylor wiped at her eyes again, but she didn’t turn to face Maia. "What do you want?"

There was a moment of silence, as if Maia was unsure whether or not to continue. Even while staring resolutely at the datapad, Taylor could sense her hesitation. "I was wondering why you were crying," she said at last.

For a moment, Taylor fooled herself into believing that there was sympathy in Maia's voice. She sighed, blinking away the sting in her eyes and hoping no fresh tears would fall. "It’s nothing," she said, more gruffly than she had intended. She wasn’t in the mood to talk about the loss of her squad, or the seemingly impossible task of writing letters to their family members.

Maia crept further around Taylor’s chair. She didn’t force eye contact, but she pressed slightly into Taylor's personal space. "I do not know much about humans, but I doubt that they cry over nothing. I did not even know your species was capable of crying before now."

Taylor sighed. Part of her wanted to unburden herself, but it seemed almost disrespectful to talk about the loss of her squad with an ikthian. Maia certainly didn’t act like the seekers, who slaughtered without mercy, but she was still the enemy.

After a moment of conflict, Taylor finally turned her chair to face Maia, not bothering to hide her face anymore. She had to talk to someone, and even though Maia was an ikthian, she had witnessed Jackson’s death. Perhaps she would be able to relate in some small way.

"You know I lost my entire squad on Amaren." Taylor set her datapad back on the desk and switched off the terminal’s interface. "The seekers killed them all. Since I was their commanding officer, I have to inform their families." She swallowed, trying to fight the sudden thickness in her throat and praying that her voice wouldn’t break. "They all got a brief memo to let them know what happened as soon as I reported in, but…I have to write letters. Something more personal."

Taylor looked into Maia’s blue eyes, and was surprised to see them swimming with sympathy. It was more emotion than she had ever seen on an ikthian’s face before. She didn’t know how to react. Finally, she decided to continue. "The worst part is, I don’t know what to say. I worked with them. I respected them. I would have given my life to get them off that rock safe. But I didn’t really know them. Not the way their families did. Now, I wish I had. At least then I would have something to say besides: ‘I’m sorry I got them killed.’"

Maia placed her hand on Taylor’s shoulder, much like Taylor had done for her earlier. The contact made Taylor jump, but she made no move to pull away or push the hand aside. For some reason, it comforted her. "It is not your fault. The seekers were not even pursuing your soldiers in the first place."

Taylor ran the back of her hand across her face again, wiping away the last stubborn streaks of her tears. "Don’t say that. It was my fault. It was my job to get them out of there alive, and I failed."

"No,” Maia whispered. “The seekers were after me." Although she didn’t step away, she pulled back a few inches, almost as if she were retreating. Taylor felt the comforting weight of Maia’s hand leave her shoulder, and for some reason, she wanted to reach out and take it back. Instead, she remained seated and resisted the impulse.

"That doesn’t change the fact that a bunch of bottom feeders mowed them down for nothing." Taylor swiveled her chair back around and picked up her abandoned datapad. She had to finish these letters before tomorrow, no matter how difficult it was. After all they had lost, it was the least her squad’s family members deserved.

Maia started to say something, but Taylor didn’t meet her gaze, her face fixed with concentration. She typed a few more useless words, sighed, and erased them again almost as soon as they appeared on the screen.

"I know you are upset," Maia began, but stopped when Taylor let out a snort.

"Damn, I wonder how you figured that one out?"

Maia frowned. "I came over to help you, but that seems pointless if you are going to behave this way."

"Well, I didn’t ask for your help anyway," Taylor snapped. She knew she was being petty toward Maia, but she had little sympathy left at the moment. She tossed her datapad aside. She was sick of writing these letters. "You’re right. It is your fault my squad is dead. Whatever stupid quarrel is going on between you and the rest of your stinking race, it killed my people."

She knew the words were a mistake the moment she said them. Maia looked livid, and Taylor felt a spike of fear. Even with the collar on, Maia was still dangerous.

"You involved yourself with that quarrel when you made me your prisoner to save your comrade," Maia said, and Taylor could hear the tightness of anger in her voice. She leaned back in her seat, shocked at the obvious display of emotion from her usually demure prisoner. "And even that poor attempt failed. The seekers would have slaughtered you if they did not need to torture me first."

"Maia," Taylor said, unsure how else to calm her.

"This quarrel is beyond any feud between races. At least you know your soldiers are dead and not being tormented for information. At least you know you are safe on your own home-world."

Taylor saw tears welling in Maia’s eyes. She reached forward to grab Maia’s hand, but the ikthian stepped back. She took a breath and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, the tears were gone. "I apologize," she said, the pitch of her voice softening. Taylor sat still, mouth open in slight shock. "I scolded you for an ill temper and lost mine instead."

"No, it’s okay. I started it." Taylor got up from her chair and grabbed her datapad. "Would you like to sit down? You look like you have some things on your mind."

"What?" Maia asked.

"You seem to be upset," Taylor clarified.

"Oh." Maia crossed her arms and took another calming breath. "I suppose I am."

Taylor led her over to the couch, and they sat down together. She was relieved to see that Maia had calmed down. She didn’t know how she would have handled a sobbing ikthian. "I’m sorry I snapped. I forgot that you’re a civilian probably on the verge of a breakdown. God knows I would be if I had been captured by ikthians."

"You would be dead, if you were lucky," Maia said in her usual serious tone.

Taylor laughed. The tension had broken, and she felt much better than she had before starting the letters. "Well, there’s a vote of confidence for me."

Maia shook her head. "I was merely stating a fact. If they thought you could provide them any useful information, the Dominion would…"

"Hey," Taylor said, resting her hand on the ikthian’s forearm. "Let’s not think about what the Dominion would do to either of us if we were on Korithia instead of Earth."

"That is probably for the best," Maia sighed. "It is far from ideal, but being held captive by humans is preferable to being dragged home by the seekers."

Taylor wanted to ask Maia to expand on the cryptic comment, but she suspected her prisoner didn’t care to talk further. Instead, she waited to see if Maia would volunteer an explanation on her own. When Maia didn’t speak up, Taylor changed the subject. "Hey, thank you for trying to make me feel better. It’s not something I would have expected from an ikthian, especially one that’s my prisoner."

Maia offered a small smile. "You are not what I expected from a human, either," she confessed.

"I’m not sure whether that’s a compliment or an insult." Taylor returned the smile. She stretched, trying to ease some of the stiffness in her shoulders and spine before she pushed herself up off the couch. "I’m going to try and finish those letters." She headed back toward the desk and her discarded datapad. "I think I know what to say now."

Maia rose from the couch as well. "I think I might try and sleep," she said, gazing at the open door leading to the bedroom.

"I won’t be far behind you." Taylor activated the datapad’s screen. Her fingers hesitated for a moment, and she glanced back over her shoulder. "Maia? It wasn’t your fault my squad died."

"Yes, it was," Maia whispered. "But…thank you for saying that anyway." She turned and made her way to the bedroom before Taylor could respond.