Chapter Nineteen

"MAIA..."

MAIA HEARD TAYLOR call after her, but she didn’t answer. Even when Taylor rapped on the door, she couldn’t form a reply. She sank to the floor and wrapped her arms around her knees, drawing into a protective position and gasping for breath between sobs. The dryness of the air only made things worse. She needed water, but she didn’t want to move.

Taylor eased the door open with a gentle push. "Are you okay?"

Maia felt a soft touch on her shoulder. When she didn’t respond, Taylor stepped into the bathroom and knelt beside her. Maia looked up, tears flowing down her face. She didn’t know what Taylor would think of her for showing such weakness. "Why would you ask me that?"

Taylor smiled, though worry still lingered in her eyes and at the corners of her mouth. "I'm concerned about you. Here." She turned on the shower, and just the sound of the water made Maia relax and breathe a little easier. Taylor turned back and held out a hand, offering it to her. "We should get you cleaned up."

Maia hesitated. She knew she shouldn’t be seeking comfort from Taylor, but she took the human’s hand anyway and stood up. Once she found her footing, Taylor let go and glanced toward the door. "I can leave you alone to shower if you want. I just thought…"

As Taylor made to leave, Maia reached out, clasping her wrist and pulling her back. "Stay," she whispered. "Please." Before she could think better of it, she leaned forward and brushed Taylor’s lips with hers, needing the intimacy and comfort. Their mouths remained pressed together for a hot second before they pulled apart, uncertain what to do next.

"Okay, I’ll stay."

Carefully, Taylor helped Maia out of her shirt, lifting it over her head. Maia removed her undershirt without assistance, but she allowed Taylor to help with her pants. It was slightly awkward, since Taylor had to crouch to pull the legs down, but eventually, Maia stood naked in the middle of the washroom, feeling incredibly vulnerable. Taylor had undressed her much like a child.

As Maia watched, Taylor peeled out of her own clothes. Soon, her pants, shirt, and underwear were kicked into a small pile behind the door. "Come on," Taylor whispered. She put a hand on Maia's shoulder, steering her toward the shower. Steam had already begun to fill the room.

Maia went in first, but she held open the door, waiting for Taylor to come inside. After a moment, Taylor joined her. At first, they both stood under the hot water in an awkward silence. Maia stared at the shower floor, her arms crossed over her chest. Eventually, Taylor grabbed a soap bar and washcloth and began lathering it up.

"What are you doing?" Maia asked when Taylor approached her with the cloth.

"I was going to wash you. You looked a little out of it. Don’t ikthians ever do this for each other?"

Maia lowered her arms and allowed Taylor to run the cloth over her body in slow, careful movements. It felt surprisingly good, and some of the tightness in her chest eased under Taylor’s soothing touch. "Only with partners, usually."

"You mean like a husband or wife?" Taylor asked, following the line of Maia’s shoulders with the washcloth.

Taking a deep breath, Maia closed her eyes. "My translator seems to think we are speaking about the same thing. Partners are bound together, physically and emotionally, for however long they choose to be together, often until death parts one from the other."

"The translator’s right. That’s basically like a husband or wife," Taylor said. Her hands faltered. "Should I stop doing this if it’s so personal?"

Somehow, the thought of Taylor’s hands leaving her caused Maia to panic. "No!" She swallowed, a little embarrassed by her outburst as it echoed through the shower and lowered her voice. "I mean, no. Please, do not stop. It feels…nice."

Taylor smiled at her. "All right, but turn back around. I want to massage your back. It feels really tense."

"I...yes..." Maia whispered. She didn’t know why she suddenly craved Taylor’s touch, but the thought of being alone frightened her. Taylor reached out slowly, running her free hand across Maia’s shoulders. Her touch was surprisingly gentle, but Maia could feel the strength behind it, and it made her shiver under the warm water. A soft whimper escaped her lips when Taylor's hand pulled away too soon, but it was quickly replaced by the rougher texture of the washcloth.

Taylor began moving it in circles, covering every inch of Maia's back in suds before the water from the showerhead washed them away. She even coaxed Maia into extending her hands, massaging the webbing of her fingers and stroking along each arm. After diligently cleaning Maia’s back, Taylor crouched to begin washing her legs.

Maia let out a low sigh of appreciation as Taylor rubbed the stiff muscles of her calves, but as the cloth drew higher, sliding up along her thighs until it was nearly at the juncture between her legs, she held perfectly still, unsure what to do. Perhaps Taylor sensed her hesitation, because she left that area alone and ran the cloth over Maia's lower belly instead. Finally, she dropped it and stood back up, returning her hands to Maia's shoulders and massaging some of the tension from them.

She kept still, and her eyes remained closed as Taylor's hands wandered over her body. When Taylor reached around to cup her breasts, Maia shuddered, expecting the touch to turn heated and possessive. Instead, Taylor toyed with the hard tips, teasing them between her fingers. Warm lips brushed over Maia's shoulder, a sensation separate from the water. "I want to help you feel better," Taylor murmured against her neck. Maia remained silent, unsure what to say. Taylor drew closer, and Maia felt the hard muscles of the human’s body pressed against her back. She pulsed involuntarily, her inner muscles clutching at nothing. "Will you let me?"

Maia didn’t say yes right away. Her head spun. Water ran down her face along with confused tears, blurring her eyesight as Taylor turned her around, propping her tenderly against the shower wall. Instinctively, Maia parted her thighs and let out a quiet, breathless, "Yes," giving Taylor all the access she needed. She had no idea why she was crying, but she desperately wanted Taylor to touch her again for reasons she couldn’t explain in words.

Taylor slid between her legs, parting her folds with two fingers. Their tips ran over the swollen ridge above Maia’s entrance, although Taylor didn’t apply nearly as much pressure as she had the previous times they’d done this. Maia rocked into the touch, deliberately seeking more. Taylor continued to rub her with slow, teasing strokes before withdrawing to caress Maia’s inner thigh. "Just relax. Let me take care of you."

Maia melted, welcoming Taylor’s touch completely. Their bodies met, wet limbs sliding past one another. Taylor lined her fingers up with Maia’s entrance, but hesitated, obviously waiting for permission. Finally, Maia found her voice. She wanted Taylor to make her feel something good, to replace the constant fear and sadness with pleasure. "Please. Touch me."

Taylor caught Maia’s lips in a tender kiss, stretching her with a slow, deep push. Maia gasped in response to the fullness within her. She could feel every small movement Taylor's fingers made. Her pelvis jerked forward, and she wedged one of her own legs in between Taylor's thighs. It was so difficult not to be involved with Taylor, even when she knew their end would only lead to more tears. Taylor drove her insane without even trying.

When they broke away from the kiss, Maia rocked into Taylor's hand, encouraging her to continue thrusting. Taylor filled her again, faster this time, fingertips dragging along her front wall. More tears streamed down Maia's face, mingling with the water droplets from the shower. Taylor kissed her cheeks, blotting them away with her lips before shifting to the column of Maia’s throat. The hand on her hip tightened, and Taylor finally settled into a steady rhythm.

Maia turned her head, water cascading down one side of her face. Her lips parted, and she let out small, soft gasps every time she felt Taylor thrust back inside of her. It was difficult to take in air. Her chest felt heavy and light at the same time. She knew that they shouldn’t be doing this, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. Right now, she needed the comfort Taylor was offering her.

"That's it," Taylor sighed next to Maia's fringe, kissing the line of her jaw and wandering down toward the dip of her throat. Maia instinctively tilted her chin back and offered Taylor her collarbone, not caring when the back of her head bumped the shower wall. "You feel so good, Maia."

Maia’s face flushed, but not from the warmth of the shower. She was quickly discovering that she loved it when Taylor said her name. "Please..."

"Please?" Taylor repeated, holding Maia's hips steady.

"Please, say it again." When Taylor gave her a confused look, Maia swallowed down the knot of embarrassment in her throat. "My name."

"Maia," Taylor breathed, holding her gaze for a moment before lavishing kisses on her warm throat. "You're so ready for me," she murmured. Her fingers slid out again, and Maia released a sob of disappointment until she felt them settle on the hard ridge of her clit instead. The new touch was even more intense than before. She tried to press forward to relieve the pressure building inside her, but Taylor moved with her. "I love how responsive you are."

"I…cannot help it." Maia bit her lip as Taylor continued teasing her. Her inner muscles clutched down, clasping at nothing, but once again, Taylor knew exactly what she needed. She slid back inside, replacing her fingertips with the pad of her thumb. "You…your every touch…" Maia gave up on trying to explain and surrendered to Taylor instead.

Taylor leaned closer, and Maia shivered as blunt teeth grazed her neck. "You feel so good," she muttered between nips.

"Taylor, I…" Maia’s words failed her, and for a moment, she was tempted by a thought that startled her with its intensity. She wished her collar was off. She wished she was free, and that Taylor wasn’t her guard. Maia had never been with someone like this before, and she was ashamed that her first time was so far outside of normal circumstances. Most ikthians would never even consider touching a human, but Maia’s research proved the differences between them irrelevant. All that remained now was the regret that she and Taylor would never have a chance at a normal relationship.

"Maia? Are you all right?"

Taylor’s voice startled her, and Maia blinked. She had gotten lost in thought, something her colleagues used to tease her about relentlessly. "I…I am sorry," she said, her voice shaking a little. She looked down to see that Taylor’s hand was still buried between her legs, and the pleasant stretch of the fingers inside of her suddenly stole her attention again. "Please, do not stop. I promise to explain later, but now…" She reached up to cup the side of Taylor’s face, drawing it closer to hers. "Now, I just need you."

Taylor pressed her cheek into Maia's hand, turning to kiss the center of her palm. The simple gesture of affection made Maia's heart swell. For a moment, they simply stared at each other, and Maia could see her own need reflected in Taylor's brown eyes. Even though they could have no future together, at least she wasn’t alone in this.

Taylor resumed the motion of her hand, and Maia felt the pounding ache center back between her legs, making her forget everything else. Every time Taylor's fingers entered her, she pushed her hips down, searching for something, anything to ease the tightness in her core. She knew what she sought, but couldn’t find words. Instead, she clutched desperately at Taylor's back, hoping her lover would know what she needed.

"Oh, Taylor, I want…" Maia’s voice was soft, tinged with embarrassment, but also alight with desire. "I want…"

"You want to come," Taylor finished the thought, cradling Maia's hip in her free hand and running her thumb just above Maia's hipbone.

The touch made Maia’s clit pulse. "Please."

Taylor pumped into her one more time, harder than before, and Maia screamed. Her release tore through her, and she pulsed around Taylor's fingers, barely able to breathe. Each press, each curl inside of her was bliss. Tears leaked from her eyes as she spilled into Taylor's palm, finally releasing the pressure that had been building deep within her. She cried out again when she felt Taylor buck against her thigh, grinding down and covering it with warmth. Maia dug her fingernails into Taylor’s back, trying to draw her closer even though no space remained between them.

Somehow, they untangled themselves, and their pleasure faded to a satisfied, exhausted feeling. Maia slumped against the shower wall, hot water rolling over her body. Taylor’s weight pressed on top of her, but it was comforting instead of constricting. Slowly, Taylor’s fingers eased out of her, but she kept an arm wrapped around Maia to hold her up. "God, I didn’t think I could come that way," Taylor muttered thickly. She gave Maia’s temple a kiss. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," Maia said after a long moment, "I am now." And to her surprise, it was the truth. 

"Wow." Taylor placed a soft nip along the cord of muscle that ran between Maia’s neck and shoulder. Maia tensed, but soon relaxed into the gentle bite. It didn’t hurt. In fact, the sensation was soothing. Taylor let her go, nuzzling the sensitive crook of her throat just above her gills, but Maia could still feel her pulse pounding insistently beneath the place Taylor had bitten.

She drew in a shuddering breath and ran her hands down Taylor’s arms. "It was incredible," she whispered back.

Taylor dipped her head and brushed her lips against Maia’s one more time. "Let’s do that more often," she said when they finally pulled apart.

Maia laughed a little. She didn’t know how to sort through all the things Taylor had just given her, but she was grateful to have them anyway. She lowered her foot to the shower floor, trying to stand on her trembling legs. Taylor offered some extra support, then reached out to shut off the water.

When Taylor prepared to step out of the shower, however, Maia clung to her, unwilling to let her go. Taylor didn’t object. She allowed Maia to huddle against her arm as she reached for a pair of towels that hung from a bar on the wall, wrapping the first one around Maia’s shoulders before grabbing the other for herself.

Skin still dripping, they headed back into the bedroom. Maia remained pressed against Taylor's side, and when the human urged her to lie down on the bed, she pulled Taylor with her, determined to maintain skin contact.

"You're okay, Maia," Taylor said, stroking the top of her fringe. Maia crooned at the touch, nestling further into Taylor’s embrace. She breathed deeply, inhaling Taylor’s scent. It wasn’t like an ikthian’s, but it was warm and comforting, and its salt reminded her of the sea. "So, did it feel different that time?" Taylor asked, her voice sounding a little unnatural as she broke the silence between them.

"The…sex?" Maia propped herself up beside Taylor on one of the pillows.

"Yeah. I didn’t mean to pressure you, but…you just looked like you needed that."

"I did," Maia said. "I know we should not pursue this any further, but I cannot seem to help myself around you, Taylor. Not when the rest of the galaxy is against me." Despite her clear explanation, Taylor still looked worried, and Maia was far too tired to offer a better one. "I did not want to connect with you before, because I hoped it would discourage us from trying this again."

Taylor's lips twitched into a frown. "Is that why you pulled away from me in the shower? Because being with me made you feel guilty?"

Maia shook her head. "Of course not," she protested. The hurt written on Taylor's face made her chest ache. "I was simply uncomfortable. My collar reminded me that we cannot have a normal relationship. I often find myself wondering how things would progress if I were not a prisoner."

Taylor seemed to relax. "It’s okay. I wonder the same thing sometimes. Probably more than I should." She flopped back against a pillow, appearing pleasantly tired. "Hey, you're smiling again. What's on your mind? I didn't say anything stupid, did I?"

Maia shook her head. "Nothing. I was just drifting off."

Taylor patted the spot next to her. "The bed’s all ready," she teased. "That is, if you want to share it with me tonight."

Even though she knew it was probably another mistake, Maia couldn’t find it in herself to say no. She still felt vulnerable after her experience in the shower, and she wanted to stay close to Taylor. "I think would like that very much." Maia joined Taylor under the covers, snuggling against her side and pulling one of the human’s arms around her waist. "Thank you," she said, though for what, she wasn’t entirely sure.

Taylor placed one last kiss against the back of her neck, just above her collar. "Any time."