Chapter Twenty-three

THE NEXT MORNING, MAIA woke to find herself draped across Taylor. She sighed, breathing in the human’s comforting sea-scent. It was familiar, even though they had only shared a bed for a short time. Maia's heart sank as she remembered what Taylor had said the night before. No matter how comfortable they were together, Taylor still only viewed her as a prisoner.

With a groan, Taylor shifted beneath her. Maia rolled off to the side and watched her wake up. Taylor’s dark gaze roamed along her body, pausing at her throat. Maia touched the flesh there, now nearly healed. She sighed in relief. The pain was gone, and hopefully, there would be no major scarring.

"How’s your neck?" Taylor asked. "It looks a lot better than yesterday." She reached out and touched the tender skin, resting her fingertips less than an inch away from Maia's. "It’s probably healed enough to put the collar back on. I can’t let my superiors find you without it."

Maia blinked and removed her hand. She had completely forgotten that the collar was missing. "I…" She swallowed back the protest forming in her throat.

What did you expect, Maia? she thought. That Taylor would simply let you walk around without the collar? As far as humans are concerned, you are a living weapon, and Taylor still sees you that way, despite everything we have shared.

Bitterness welled up inside her. Taylor had gone back and forth between disappointing her and giving her hope ever since she had been brought to Earth. She barely registered Taylor’s regretful, "Here. I’ll be right back," or her departure from the room. Instead, she waited in numb silence until Taylor returned with the collar, holding it out expectantly.

Maia felt as though an opportune moment hovered in front of her. She could escape right now. She had the capability. She could destroy Taylor like she had done to Bower. And then what? She would be hunted down by the other humans and slapped into another collar, removed from Taylor’s care, and thrown into a cell where she would have no one. Hesitantly, she reached out and took the collar, snapping it into place around her own neck.

"There," she said, her voice hollow. She settled back on the bed and stared at nothing.

The mattress sagged as Taylor tried to resume holding her, but Maia deliberately moved a few inches out of reach. "What’s wrong? Besides…well, pretty much everything."

Maia swallowed. She was torn between sobbing and crying out in anger. She was hopeless, completely hopeless, and probably sick for allowing her feelings for Taylor to grow for as long as they had. She should have fought more. She should have taken her freedom, no matter how remote the chances. Instead, she had shackled herself and sealed her fate, binding herself once again to a woman who struggled between seeing her as a person and as an asset of war. "I am just wondering…"

"Wondering what?"

Maia hesitated for a moment. The words waited like water behind a floodgate. She knew that they would only serve to drive Taylor away, but did it even matter? "I am wondering why I keep letting us do this. Why do I want to be close to you when it will only bring me pain? Sometimes, I think it is because of some strange bond we share, pursuing something we both know is unrealistic. But it does not matter. I will be dead in a few weeks anyway, and you will go on with your life."

Taylor gave her a blank stare. "You don't know that. There's nothing I can do to help you yet, but I..."

"No. That is not true. We trick ourselves into believing that our problems will magically solve themselves. We play at a relationship, but when the outside world intrudes, I am a prisoner, and you are my guard. That is what you said last night, is it not? If you wish to behave like we are lovers, I cannot allow us to do so while you are unwilling to consider me anything more than the Coalition’s prisoner."

Taylor looked stunned. Maia half expected her to get up and walk away, but she only pushed herself into a sitting position. "I…I’m your guard…"

"What we have is no longer a normal relationship for a guard and prisoner, Taylor."

"So what, we should just stop?" Taylor asked, a hard edge creeping into her voice.

Maia sat up as well, shifting further away and pulling the sheets tight around her. "If you are incapable of engaging with me as a person, then yes. I have no idea why I allow you to do the things you do to me."

"That’s not fair." Taylor stood up, tossing the covers aside. "You initiated things between us, too. I always asked you."

"I am imprisoned here, awaiting my death, and you and I have shared things that I have not shared with anyone else. Yet the second you are reminded of my place, you expect me to remain complacent and content as your prisoner." Taylor tried to speak, but Maia continued. "I am not expecting a happy ending. That could never happen between us. But if you cannot even see me as more than a prisoner, even after what we have done..."

"You never said anything," Taylor stammered at last. "You didn't tell me you’d never..." Her mouth opened, then closed again.

Maia looked away. "I do not regret sharing my body with you. I regret sharing my heart."

Those words were too much. Taylor crouched and began gathering up her clothes from the floor, hurrying to put them back on. Maia almost asked what she was doing, but Taylor said, "I'm leaving." She pulled her shirt over her head before struggling into her pants. "Andrew’s on his way. If anyone comes in besides me, lock yourself in here."

"Taylor..." Maia reached out, hoping Taylor would stop and turn back, but the human hurried from the bedroom as if something were chasing her away. Maia heard the front door hiss open then shut again, leaving her completely alone. Taylor was gone.

After a few moments, it became clear that Taylor wasn’t coming back. When Maia realized that the emptiness in the pit of her stomach was because she hadn’t wanted Taylor to leave, she began to cry. Tears leaked from her stinging eyes, and she buried her face in her hands. Wetness ran over her fingers. It wasn’t fair. She didn’t know why she wanted Taylor’s comfort now, when Taylor was the source of her pain, or why she felt so empty.

Although she desperately wanted to continue being furious, the last of her anger burned out quickly. Instead, Maia’s thoughts returned to the many confusing occasions during which Taylor had treated her with kindness, and even tenderness. She offered me clothes when I first arrived. She gave me the sandwich. She defended me against that awful man the first time and the second. She took care of my injuries. And there was that moment in the shower…

Maia didn’t understand. Taylor’s eagerness to put her collar back on had stung precisely because Taylor usually did treat her like a person, like someone she valued above a simple prisoner. Like a friend, or even something more. Taking physical pleasure from Taylor was bad enough. Acknowledging an emotional connection was worse. She tried to push the thoughts from her mind, unwilling to consider them. But alone in the room, there was little else to think about other than the dull pain around her neck and in her heart.