Chapter 25

Andrew walked into the drawing room, two half-crumpled letters clutched at his side. It had been a full two weeks since the incident with Stanhope, and Jeremy had nearly made a full recovery. He sat in front of the window, working on a sketch, and Andrew nearly stuffed the letter in his coat pocket. It could wait another day, after all, but Jeremy deserved to know now. The boy looked up from his sketch, and Andrew tried to swallow. His mouth was too dry, his hands too slick and sweaty. Jeremy set his pencil down, his expression sobering.

“What is it?” he asked. “What happened?”

“I received two letters today, both of great importance.”

Jeremy’s eyes widened and his lips parted. “I…it’s…Stanhope’s dead, isn’t he?”

Nodding, Andrew crossed the room. He knelt beside Jeremy, taking the boy’s hands in his own. “He was dying all along. You must remember that. He’s probably been dying for years. Months at the very least.”

“I know. I know that, Andrew, but I still can’t help but feel responsible.”

They’d been over this so many times during Jeremy’s recovery, and every time, Andrew failed to convince Jeremy that the situation wasn’t his fault. At least he’d been able to persuade Jeremy against visiting Stanhope.

“Jeremy, listen to me and listen well. Had you not moved when you did—had he not fallen down the stairs—he would have strangled you to death. He would have killed you, and then he would have died, himself. There would never have been a happy ending for him.”

“So you’re saying it’s a blessing that I killed him?”

“You didn’t kill him!” It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep from taking Jeremy by the shoulders and shaking him. “He killed himself. He killed himself the first moment that he tried to attack you. Because if he hadn’t fallen down the stairs, if he hadn’t died the way he did, I would have killed him myself.” Andrew’s voice was so low it was almost a growl.

“Why?” Jeremy asked.

How could Jeremy even have to ask that, after all they had been through? After what Andrew had finally confessed to him?

“Because I love you. And I would do anything for you. Anything.”

For someone who had spent so long trying to shut out any feeling toward anyone, it seemed so strange for him to be confessing his love so easily. How odd it was that such a naïve, young man had captured his heart the way Jeremy had. But then, it never could have been anyone else. Jeremy was the one who brought out the best in him. Who laughed with him, who pushed him and challenged him, who made Andrew want to be better. The one who had made Andrew better.

“I know you would,” Jeremy said gently. He was silent for a few seconds before speaking again. “How do you move past feeling this kind of guilt?”

Andrew let out a slow sigh and linked Jeremy’s fingers with his own. “You have someone there to remind you that it wasn’t your fault. Even if you don’t want to hear it.”

That was the only thing that had helped him overcome his own guilt. Percy and Oliver had done the best they could under the circumstances, but no one had ever forced Andrew to confront what had happened until Jeremy came along.

“I see.” He nodded, but Andrew knew that he wasn’t quite convinced. “What was in the second letter?”

“The second letter was from my solicitor. He looked into the entailment. As it turns out, my grandfather was only able to entail the property for the span of my uncle’s life and the life of his heir, which would be me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“The entailment ends with me. I can draw up a will and leave Avery to whomever I choose.”

It took a moment for Jeremy to realise what Andrew was saying. The property wouldn’t go to the next male in line. Andrew could leave the property to Thea in his will. He wouldn’t have to marry or produce an heir. Slowly, guilt was replaced by excitement and optimism.

“We can continue to see each other, then,” he said finally.

“We can, and we will. As long as you want to.”

Jeremy stared at him for several minutes. He licked his top lip and started to speak twice before finally forming the words. “I have one request.”

“You need only name it.”

“As we are going to be together, officially, I should very much like to see you. All of you.”

The effect of the words was almost instantaneous. A shudder rippled down Andrew’s back, and pricks of sweat formed along his brow. This was not what he had intended. Others had asked to see him before, but only ever to gawk. However, there was a certain reverence in Jeremy’s tone that made Andrew far less apprehensive. He swallowed hard, then nodded.

“If you wish to see me, then I suggest we go upstairs.”

Jeremy stood, leaving his pad and pencil on the window seat. Andrew took his hand; his own moist, trembling one against Jeremy’s dry, stable one. He let Jeremy guide him through the hall and up the steps. For once, Jeremy was in charge. Andrew didn’t think he could trust himself to take the lead.

Once inside their bedroom, Jeremy closed and locked the door, and Andrew let out a slow breath of relief. He wouldn’t have to worry about Lawrence or any of the other staff interrupting them. That scenario was highly unlikely, but the added privacy was a plus. Then Jeremy turned and looked at him, and Andrew swore he saw straight through his soul. The boy walked over, circling him, and he tensed slightly in spite of himself.

“Relax,” Jeremy said gently. “You love me, and I love you. We understand that now.”

Of course they did, but that hardly made Andrew feel any better, especially with Jeremy moving as he was. Finally, he stopped in front of Andrew, slowly dragging his gaze from Andrew’s face, downward.

“I’m going to undress you now, if that’s all right.”

Andrew nodded, the movement jerky.

One by one, Jeremy slid each gilt button through its hole, then walked around behind Andrew to pull the coat from his shoulders. The slide of the silk interior nearly drew a groan from Andrew, but he bit it back. Jeremy went through the same motions with his waistcoat, draping it along the back of the chair in front of the fireplace. Each touch—careful and precise—held a certain eroticism to it, and Andrew felt the anticipation building in his abdomen, his nerves mostly gone. When Jeremy grabbed a handful of his shirt and tugged upward, Andrew had to resist the urge to push him away. They were supposed to be doing this. It was going to be fine.

As the fabric came up over his head, Andrew couldn’t keep his eyes open. He squeezed them closed, his breath coming faster. Feather-light touches brushed against his skin, and he cracked an eye open to see Jeremy pressing soft kisses to his chest. Carefully, Andrew tipped Jeremy’s chin up and captured his lips, pulling the plump lower one between both of his own. When Jeremy pulled away, he was grinning.

“Nice try, but I won’t be distracted. Turn around.”

Andrew couldn’t move. He stayed rooted to the spot, his breath turning ragged. Every memory of every man who had mocked him came rushing back. But as his gaze met Jeremy’s tender one, he found himself relaxing. Slowly, he turned so his back was to Jeremy. At Jeremy’s touch, he flinched. It wasn’t the sensation—Jeremy’s movements were light, and the wound had left Andrew with very little feeling—but the sheer fact that this was happening in the first place.

“Well?” he rasped.

“It’s interesting. I’ve never felt skin this texture before.” Jeremy’s voice was filled with something almost like awe. “I’ve felt skin that’s rough from use and skin that’s butter-soft, and skin that feels like leather, but nothing like this.”

“I hate it.”

“I don’t. It’s part of you. And I love every single part of you.”

A series of small pressures trailed down the scar, and Andrew realised then that Jeremy was kissing his mottled, ruined back. Tears stung his eyes, blurring his vision. Unable to stay still any longer, he turned and pulled Jeremy into his arms, crushing their lips together.

***

The kiss took Jeremy by surprise, throwing him off balance. He would have fallen backward, but Andrew was right there, holding him up, and Jeremy wrapped his arms around Andrew’s neck. What they had just done was special. It went far beyond one lover pleasuring another. Jeremy had felt it in his soul, the connection between the two of them. And now, more than ever, he needed to feel Andrew.

“Bed,” he breathed. “I need you.”

Andrew nodded, leading them to the bed, but Jeremy had something different in mind.

“Wait,” he said. “Let…I want to…”

He turned them, so he was the one backing Andrew toward the bed. It was a risk, especially given how vulnerable Andrew was, but he hoped it payed off. Andrew caught his eye, holding his gaze for only a moment before his eyes widened with realization.

“If you want to,” Jeremy said quickly.

“It’s been a while,” Andrew admitted. “But I wouldn’t be opposed.”

Letting out a slow breath, Jeremy fumbled with his own buttons, grateful when Andrew’s hands brushed his own out of the way. Andrew made quick work of the buttons on his tailcoat, then the ones on his waistcoat, and within seconds he was as bare-chested as Andrew. Pulling him back down for a quick kiss, Jeremy traced his tongue across Andrew’s lips, then stepped back.

“I’ll handle the rest if you handle yours,” he said with a smirk.

Not that he had anything against divesting Andrew of his pantaloons, but to make quick work of the garments, it would be better for the two of them to work individually. He wanted Andrew too much to wait very long. Andrew nodded, sitting on the side of the bed to pull his boots off. As he tugged at the first one, Jeremy’s fingers stilled at his buttons.

“You’ll never get out of your clothes if you keep staring at me like that,” Andrew said.

His cheeks burned as he flicked open the buttons and pushed his pantaloons down his thighs and calves. They joined the rest of his clothing on the back of the chair. Returning to the bed, Jeremy found Andrew completely naked, lying on his back. He pursed his lips, grabbing the small pot of unguent from the table.

“Turn over.”

Andrew stared at him hard, a muscle jumping in his jaw.

“You can trust me. I want you on your stomach.” The order was soft, but an order, nonetheless.

Andrew locked eyes with Jeremy, then turned onto his stomach, pushing himself up onto his hands and knees. “Like this?”

The sight was the most gorgeous thing that Jeremy had ever seen in his life. Andrew was completely vulnerable like that, and they both knew it. But Jeremy had no intention of taking advantage of his position. He climbed on the bed, feeling the mattress sink beneath his weight.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he breathed. A huff of disbelief left Andrew, and Jeremy swatted him on the thigh. “I’m serious. You are absolutely gorgeous.”

He settled between Andrew’s calves, the fronts of his thighs pressed against the backs of Andrew’s.

“How long has it been since you’ve done it like this?” he asked.

“Long enough,” came the terse reply.

Andrew’s body was tense, as though he wanted to say more, and Jeremy rubbed the backs of his thighs.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. Just go slowly.”

It wasn’t easy for Andrew to admit that he was nervous, and Jeremy understood that. He hummed instead of responding. Taking the pot, Jeremy pulled the lid off and scooped some of the unguent into his hand. His fingers warmed the palm oil, turning it back into liquid, and he coated his fingers liberally.

“Relax for me,” he said softly.

He dragged one finger down the seam of Andrew’s ass, parting the man’s cheeks with his free hand. Carefully, Jeremy traced around the tight pucker, coaxing it to relax. His movements grew more insistent, and slowly, he pushed his finger inside.

“How does it feel?”

“Oddly enough, like your finger in my ass.”

Jeremy huffed. “I meant does it hurt?”

“Oh. No. It feels odd, but nothing I haven’t felt before. I want you to keep going.”

Pumping his finger in and out a few times, Jeremy felt Andrew relax around him enough that he pulled his finger free and added a second one. Underneath him, Andrew panted, his upper arms and shoulders tense. Jeremy took his time, spreading his fingers and searching for the sweet spot inside Andrew. It took a few tries before he found it, but finally, he did. As he rubbed against it, Andrew lurched forward with a shout, and Jeremy froze.

“Jesus Christ, not so hard,” he growled, his teeth clenched.

“Sorry, sorry. I don’t—”

“Be gentle with it,” Andrew said. “Stroke, don’t go jabbing away. It’ll take a few tries to get the pressure just right, but I’ll let you know if it’s too much.

Jeremy nodded, starting again. His touch was incredibly light this time. Better that, than to cause Andrew pain again.

“Better. Just a bit more. God, yes. Just like that.”

Spurred on by Andrew’s praise, Jeremy continued the movement. He reached around Andrew’s body and wrapped his fingers around his cock, pulling in long, steady strokes. Andrew groaned, and Jeremy couldn’t help but feel a bit smug. He was the one making Andrew feel this good.

“Look at you,” he purred. “Loving every minute of this and I don’t even have my prick inside you. Just imagine how you’re going to feel when I do.”

“I didn’t take you as someone who would be verbal,” Andrew said without heat.

Jeremy couldn’t stop a grin. “I didn’t think I would be. Seeing you like this, though, it just comes out.” His grin faded. “You don’t hate it, do you?”

“God, no. It’s perfect. I want you inside me now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Do it.”

Pulling his fingers free, Jeremy dipped them in the jar again, slathering the thick oil on his cock. He gripped the base, then dragged it up and down Andrew’s ass, over his hole.

“Take a deep breath and then let it out,” he said

Andrew huffed. “I know how it’s done.”

He did as Jeremy instructed, though, and as Andrew let out a breath, Jeremy pushed in. It was the tightest, most amazing thing that Jeremy had ever felt in his entire life. He had used his hand more times than he could count, but that was nothing compared to this. The heat, the tightness, but just enough slide to make it pleasurable. This was heaven. He wouldn’t—couldn’t—believe that this was a sin. For the first time, he doubted everything that he had ever been taught. Andrew was the only thing he believed in at that moment. Groaning as he bottomed out, Jeremy set his teeth. It took all his effort not to spend, just from that.

“Move,” Andrew bit out.

A moment passed before Jeremy could answer. “Can’t.”

Andrew shook, and Jeremy realised that he was laughing. His cheeks burned and he licked his lips. “If you’re just going to laugh at me—”

“Not laughing at you. I remember what it’s like, is all. Take a minute, catch your breath, and then roll your hips.”

After a few moments, Jeremy did as Andrew told him, canting his hips forward. His thrusts were erratic and he struggled to find a steady pace, but after a few tries, he found his rhythm. Draping himself over Andrew’s back, Jeremy moved, lacing his fingers through Andrew’s. He pressed a kiss in between the man’s shoulder blades, then dropped his forehead against the scarred skin. Perfect. No matter what Andrew thought of himself, he was perfect to Jeremy. Belatedly, he remembered that he was neglecting Andrew’s cock. He reached around and took Andrew’s length in hand again, stroking firmer and quicker this time. Andrew rewarded him with a hiss of pleasure.

“Fuck, that’s good.”

The man’s voice was breathless and sent shivers down Jeremy’s spine. As he thrust particularly hard, Andrew cried out in pleasure, and he smirked, repeating the movement. Andrew trembled underneath him, and Jeremy knew that neither one of them would last much longer. They needed each other far too much.

“Are you going to come for me, Andrew? Show me just how good it feels.”

“Want to last longer than this,” Andrew rasped.

Jeremy smiled. “We have all the time in the world to do this.”

They could, as many times as they wanted. Even if Jeremy received another offer of patronage, things had changed between them. There was no way the two of them would be able to go their separate ways. Somehow, they would find a way to make it work.

Andrew tightened around him, and Jeremy knew he was close. Rubbing his thumb over the crown of his cock, he gripped Andrew’s hip with his free hand. His own hips moved erratically, any semblance of rhythm gone. It didn’t matter, though. They were too close to care. Jeremy wasn’t sure which one of them spent first. His own orgasm ripped through him, nearly painful, and he collapsed on top of Andrew as the older man twitched and shuddered beneath him. Jeremy brushed his fingers through Andrew’s cropped locks, turning them to their sides so he didn’t crush Andrew with his weight.

“Good?” he asked.

“Bloody perfect.” The words were thick with pleasure. “You can do that again any time you wish.”

“Any time?”

Andrew was silent for a few seconds. “Any time,” he said finally. “It might not always be easy to see one another, and I would understand if you did not wish to continue our relationship once you found another patron, but you have been the one bright spot in my otherwise dull existence. I cannot easily let you go.”

“What of Percy and the others? I’m sure they would take kindly to hearing they were part of your ‘dull existence.’”

“There is a difference between the support of friends and the support of a lover. You were my lover from the start, though I hardly deserved it. I love you, my Jeremy. And I want to be with you, however you’ll have me.”

Jeremy couldn’t help but be moved by Andrew’s words. The man who had never wanted to care, now caring so much for him.

“I have only ever wanted to be with you,” Jeremy said, each word stressed. “That hasn’t changed. You have me. As your friend, your bed partner, your lover. All of it.”

He pressed a kiss to Andrew’s cheek and stroked down his back. Words couldn’t fully express just what he felt for Andrew, but at least now, he knew that Andrew felt it as well.