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“YOU DID NOT SERIOUSLY tell Dr. Raymond to replace Trainwreck with a plant,” laughed Danny later that evening at his place. “I mean really, a ficus? A redwood or a cactus would last much longer and need less care.”
“Actually when Raymond started crunching the numbers in his head and realized how much money he could save with one less salary and benefits, I nearly had him. But I went too far and told him how photogenic Freddy would look on the web page.”
“Freddy? You named him?”
“Of course. You can’t have an unnamed professor teaching basic chemistry. Associate Professor Freddy Ficus. It has a lovely ring to it. Plus think of all the free figs we could have.”
“I think I’m getting a headache. What does a ficus know about chemistry?”
“What does Trainwreck know about chemistry?”
“Well, you got me there. So when does the fig producer start?”
“Unfortunately never. Freddy must remain in the student union for now. I and a few other suckers will be teaching Trainwreck’s classes until they get a replacement.”
“So why does Trainwreck need a leave absence. It can’t be woman trouble. I’m not sure he would know a woman if he ran into one, which I’m sure he does several times a day.”
“I don’t know. Raymond was rather vague on that. It seems Trainwreck was in such a state of quivering jelly no one could understand him when he asked for the leave of absence. Human resources just granted it to him figuring it was something traumatic. I think they just wanted him out of their office before something spontaneously combusted.”
“Well, don’t take on too much Maggie. You need all your strength to invent the formula of the century, and to take care of your man,” With that, Danny grabbed Maggie and flung her on the couch to find out how much strength she had left. It turns out she had quite a bit, and Danny discovered he was quite fit himself.
In the midst of tearing off Danny’s clothing, Maggie paused, “Where’s Kevin? If he appears, this could be very embarrassing for him. He is such an impressionable and naïve young man.”
“He’s off on a date and told me not to wait up for him, like I’m his mother, for God’s sake” and tore off his pants, both legs at once.
“Kevin, a date? Who is he seeing?”
“That female SWAT person from the other night. She actually fell for all his bullshit.”
“How nice.”
“Yes, could we not talk about Kevin while you are getting naked?”
“Naked? Was I getting naked? I thought this was inside-out day, and we were just turning our clothing inside out.
”I’ll show you inside out, baby,” Danny said, and fell on top of Maggie much to her delight.