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A WOMAN CAUGHT THE flu in New Hampshire; she thought nothing of it and figured she would be well in no time. After all, she had the formula. In fact, she had been giving herself massive doses of the fabulous cream ever since it came out. She had always been the most beautiful woman in any gathering, and she wasn't going to let some gimmicky cosmetic cream give average people what she was born with. When she felt the first signs of being sick, she gave herself another extra dose, which was a fatal mistake. Her husband found her in the bedroom where she had laid down to take a nap. Or he more accurately saw what was left of her when he came home at 6:00 p.m. Being a thoughtful husband, he had picked up her favorite take out at Whan Dang Noodle Express.
In their bedroom, thoughtful husband saw a lump under the comforter and went to gently shake his wife awake for dinner. “Hon, I brought your favorite, BBQ chicken rice.” What he shook, however, felt like what was in the cardboard take-out box, wet and jiggly, but the aroma was much less appetizing. His first crazy thought was, “why did she wrap up a hefty bag full of jelly and puke into a comforter? “Baby, is that you, in there? “All that greeted his response and the response to hundreds upon thousands of loved ones across the globe experiencing the same thing, was a sickening sloshing noise, which thoughtful husband later found out came from all his wife’s organs having gelatinized into one large puddle inside her body.
When he finally gathered up the courage to pull back the comforter, his once perfectly lithe wife literally poured off the bed, and into his arms that is until he scampered backward on the carpet crab-like and collided with the dresser. He left her like that, legs and butt on the bed, back arched, and torso, shoulders and head sliding under the bed Slinky-like. Where had this flexibility been for the previous ten years? This thought made him giggle, which soon turned into screaming. It was some time before he collected himself enough to call the police.
Hospitals were overwhelmed with the melting malady. There was widespread world panic. Everyone assumed that everyone else had faulty ingredients and kept using their version of the formula with confidence, which was their undoing.