A. M. Rosenthal of the New York Times called upon Clinton today to resign. As if. Clinton would rather slide his most sensitive parts over a cheese grater than to give up the Oval Office. When Gore or Bush or whomever walks into the Oval Office in January, 2001, they’re going to have to pry Bill off the desk with a barnacle scraper. He would rather have the government implode than to leave willingly, and he may just get his wish. Asking him to resign is like asking a poodle to recite the Tibetan Book of the Dead. If it actually happened, you just wouldn’t know what to make of it.
It’s a difficult thing. At the end of it, I think the conservative Republican hatred of the man is as venal and irrational as anything in politics this century. They’ve always hated him, for the same reason dweebs and wonks have always hated the most popular boy in school: Teachers love him, girls adore him, and everything comes to him all too easily. I can sympathize with their desire to bring Clinton down, but it also points out their sad, jealous pettiness.
There’s actually a Simpson’s episode that perfectly encapsulates the whole situation: It’s the one where Frank Grimes, a hard-working, decent, honest guy who had to scrape to get everything he has (which ain’t much), encounters Homer Simpson, who bumbles through everything but has (in Grimes’ eyes) managed to do well for himself. Grimes’ frustration eventually leads him to fool Homer into entering a child’s contest, which he wins.
When Grimes points out Homer’s competing against children, the response is “Yeah, and he kicked their butts!” Grimes then goes insane, and in attempt to flout the rules as Homer does, ends up electrocuting himself and dies. The GOP today is right about at the point where Grimes was reaching for the high power lines.
On the other hand: Come on, people, Clinton’s a pig. Like the most popular kid in school, he assumes he can get away with everything; like the most popular kid in school, he gets awfully testy when someone stops him from doing what he wants. Everyone who defends Clinton does so knowing full well that what the man needs is fifteen minutes in a back room with a bunch of thugs who know how not to leave any incriminating marks. In a sick sort of way, I admire how he gets the GOP all wound up. But there’s no denying he asks for at least as much trouble as he gets.
The optimum outcome for this whole mess would be to have everyone in the whole sordid proceeding experience, simultaneously, a severe and debilitating stroke. It’s hard to see how anyone in America would complain, and, tangentially, it would certainly renew my faith in a good and just God. But I don’t see it happening. We’re stuck with this mess.