Messages like these can certainly stress you out. This is especially true if you feel that countless demands and pressures are coming at you from all directions: from parents, friends, teachers, coaches, and even yourself. If you are feeling overwhelmed, you can use the following suggestions to cope:
Learn to recognize when stress is affecting you. When you first feel the physical stress response coming on—stiffened muscles or flushed face—recognize you are having a fight-or-flight response. Identify your stressors as well as the emotion or combination of emotions you are feeling.
Put your stressors in perspective. Perspective refers to viewing things according to their importance. Remember, the fight-or-flight response can kick in whenever your emotions make your brain think there is an emergency. Learn to recognize the difference between true emergencies and events that are important, but not life threatening. As Natalie Goldberg, author of Wild Mind: Living the Writer’s Life, has explained, “Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency.”
You may find that you can calm yourself down (or reduce your stress response) simply by putting the situation in perspective. Say, for example, you failed a history test because you studied the wrong chapter. Find out how much of that grade will affect your overall standing. You may learn it will be only a small part, or may not count at all. You could also try talking to your teacher to see if you could take the test again. Rather than get upset, take positive steps to deal with a potential stressor.
“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.”
—Chinese Proverb
Prioritize your obligations. Similarly, if you feel overwhelmed because you have a busy schedule, be willing to make some changes. Evaluate your current schedule. Decide what needs to get done sooner, and what can be finished at a later time. You may find that you have to drop some things, and be willing to do so. Recognize your limitations and set specific goals.
Make large tasks manageable. If you have a large assignment to do, can you find a way to break it down into smaller, more easily achievable tasks? For example, if you have an hour to finish twenty math problems, break down your work in a way that will let you stay on track. One way might be to plan to finish five problems every fifteen minutes.
Be assertive in standing up for yourself. Being assertive means being able to express your feelings, opinions, or beliefs clearly, while respecting the needs and rights of others. You can often bring a stressful situation—with parents, friends, or siblings—to a close when you are assertive. But when dealing with a stressful conflict, be sure to state your feelings calmly and politely.
Take care of yourself emotionally. Take a break when you find yourself in a stressful situation. Walk away when someone is upsetting you, or leave the room to give yourself the chance to “talk yourself down” from your own anger.
Do something to take your mind off your stress. Play your favorite songs—whether they’re relaxing, angry, or somewhere in between. Take a shower. Play with your pet. Make faces at yourself in the mirror. Make yourself laugh by thinking about some joke that never gets old. Some people find that prayer, meditation, yoga, and sleep help them if they are feeling stressed out. Others may use breathing or muscle relaxation techniques such as the ones that appear here and here.
Writing your feelings down in a journal can be a great outlet when you’re stressed. Like any negative feeling, stress can seem like less of a big deal once you write about it. A lot of people like to record their actions and verbalize their daily feelings through prose or poetry. Journaling is ideal for when you want to blow off steam but don’t feel like talking about what’s bothering you to anyone else.
However, sharing your problems with a trusted friend or adult can help. You might also find relief by joining and participating in a support group whose members are dealing with the same stressful issues you have.
Take care of yourself physically. You will be better able to minimize the negative effects of stress if your body is healthy. Three important ways to maintain good health are to eat well, exercise regularly, and get plenty of sleep.
When you’re stressed, some foods are more helpful than others. Foods rich in carbohydrates, such as rice, potatoes, pasta, cereal, and bread, can boost energy. The fiber in grains, fruits, and vegetables helps keep the digestive system moving. Such foods can also settle your stomach if stress is making you nauseous. Fried food, on the other hand, can worsen your stomachache.
Regular exercise decreases the production of stress hormones in the body. And physical activity also causes the body to release mood-boosting brain chemicals called endorphins. As a result, exercise will reduce your stressful feelings and make you feel good, too. If it’s not possible for you to maintain a regular exercise schedule, try to get moderately strenuous exercise at least twice a week. This could include a short walk, bike ride, or jog.
Get enough sleep whenever you can. Most teenagers need between 8.5 and 9.5 hours per night, researchers say. However, a large number of teens don’t get nearly that much. In a 1997 study, professors from Brown University and College of the Holy Cross found that only 26 percent of surveyed teens regularly slept for 8.5 hours. In other words, almost three quarters of all teens are sleep-deprived. Exhaustion saps concentration, weakens the immune system, and makes existing stress worse.
Playing with your pet can reduce stress. Many nursing homes, psychiatric wards, and rehabilitation clinics bring rabbits, cats, or dogs into their facilities so the animals can provide therapy for patients. People who have the opportunity to interact with the animals have reduced blood pressure and feel more positive.
Adapted from “Breathe Deeply to Manage Stress,” EmaxHealth, March 18, 2006, www.emaxhealth.com
“Relaxation Techniques: Learn Ways to Calm Your Stress,” Mayo Clinic, March 7, 2007