Are You a Perfectionist?
- Why do I want to improve or do well?
- When will I be satisfied with what I’ve accomplished?
- How will I react if I fall short of my expectations for myself?
- Can I handle coming in second or worse in a competition?
Nobody’s amazing at everything. But some girls, like Veronica, have a hard time accepting their own limitations. They are perfectionists, who stress over every mistake they make. Perfectionists obsess about or overemphasize doing everything correctly. In Stressed-Out Girls: Helping Them Thrive in the Age of Pressure, psychologist Roni Cohen-Sandler writes that perfectionists “equate being successful with being extraordinary . . . [and] consider weakness in any area unacceptable.” Too often such goals are unrealistic.
Ambition and drive are normally good things. But they can be very bad if taken too far. You’ve heard of athletes abusing steroids, students cheating on exams, and politicians lying—all of them jeopardizing their careers—in the name of achievement. If unchecked, perfectionism can lead to misery. Perfectionists have a hard time accepting when they have done a competent job. Too often they aim for the unattainable, extraordinary effort.
Negative thoughts. When you’re your own harshest critic, you are also your own stressor. If you don’t think the job you’ve done is good enough or you’re always comparing yourself to everyone else in your class, it is hard to be happy. And it’s easy to feel stressed out.
If you keep telling yourself that you’ll never be smart or athletic or talented enough, or that a situation is completely hopeless, you are piling on stress from within. Recognize that when you change your attitude, you will find relief from some of that stress. Try to take a more positive look at yourself. Make a list of your positive characteristics and of what you’ve done. Give yourself some credit, and don’t let feelings of failure keep you down.
Problems with self-image. Most girls have no problem coming up with a negative comment about some aspect of their appearance. Something is wrong with their height, weight, nose, complexion, or hair—you name it.
During the teen years, when the body is undergoing the rapid changes of puberty, you may be especially sensitive about your looks. At the same time, you are being targeted in advertisements that say you have to be like impossibly pretty people. It’s hard to have a positive self-image.
Just remember, the unpredictable changes your body is going through during puberty are completely normal. You’re supposed to get taller, grow body hair, and gain weight while growing up. (And if you haven’t yet, don’t worry. It’ll happen.) Try to keep in mind that your physical appearance isn’t what should count in any relationship. Your real friends like you for who you are, not for how you look.
However, you may be finding faults with yourself that you really do want to change. If so, talk about your concerns with your parents or friends to see what they think. If they agree that you should lose some weight, for example, then do something about that goal. Contact your doctor to set up a weight-loss diet and exercise program, and then do your best to follow it. On the other hand, if your friends and family assure you that you don’t need to make changes, listen to them.
