Chapter Four

 

The next evening as she watched from the window of her parent’s home, Lisa felt as nervous as a teenager on a first date. It wasn’t as if this were a date, she reminded herself. Treaty negotiations more like.

Joey’s future to discuss.

She saw the truck arrive, watched as Sam got out and headed for the front door as if he hadn’t a care in the world. Wasn’t he at all nervous? Blast the man, he probably felt he held all the aces.

He knocked on the door.

“I’m going now, Mom,” she called, heading for the door.

Margaret Ballantine came down the hall, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel. She was baking and the fragrance of fresh chocolate chip cookies filled the house.

“I’ll speak to Sam before you go,” she said.

Lisa sighed and opened the door. Twenty-seven years old and her mother had to observe the proprieties of speaking with her daughter’s escort even if it was only a business meeting.

It wasn’t fair, was her first thought when she opened the door. Sam looked good enough to eat. His hat rode low, his fresh shirt emphasized the breadth of his shoulders, tapering to the new jeans encasing narrow hips and long muscular legs. When his eyes met hers, she could almost feel her blood heat degree by degree. For a second it was as if they were alone in the world.

“Sam, it’s been a while,” Margaret said, holding out her arms.

“Margaret.” He hugged her briefly.

“Bring Joey over tomorrow. I’ve been baking all day and can’t wait to see him again. Just for the afternoon,” she suggested.

Sam glanced at Lisa. “We’ll see.”

Five minutes later they were turning onto the highway leading to town.

“Guerrilla tactics?” he asked, smoothly blending in with the flow of traffic.

“If you mean Mom, she wants to see her grandson, that’s all.”

“Then it wouldn’t matter to her if she had Joey at her place or if they came out to the ranch.”

“I want to see Joey, too.”

“You can come out as well.”

Lisa sat back, pressing her lips tightly together to keep the heated words from spilling out. Was this what she could expect? She thought they were going to discuss things rationally like adults. Maybe she should start.

“I’ve been thinking about working from Tumbleweed. I talked to Bill today and he’s agreeable to try it.”

“You should have stayed here to begin with.”

“Look, Sam, if you want to harp on should haves and all, then maybe this evening is pointless. I thought we were going to discuss the future, not the past.”

“Right, the future.” He gripped the wheel tightly.

“Anyway, I can drive out to his ranch once or twice a week, and the rest of the time do work from home, like I started in Fort Worth. If I can find an apartment for rent in town.”

“Put the word out, I’m sure you’ll hear of something before long. Until you get settled, Joey can stay with me.”

“No.”

“Sheesh, Lisa, at least give a pretense of thinking about it for a minute or two. What’s wrong with him staying at the ranch?”

She couldn’t tell Sam how afraid she was that Joey would continue to adore living there, and become dissatisfied confined to a small apartment in town. She didn’t want to lose her son to the lure of ranching, horses, cowboys and Sam.

“He’s too little,” she said.

“I’m not sending him out on a roundup alone. He’s having the time of his life.”

“He needs his mother.”

“You’re going to be busy, packing up your place in Fort Worth, finding an apartment here, getting things set up. It isn’t going to hurt anything for him to stay at the ranch. It’ll make it easier for you.”

“I don’t need you making things easy for me,” she snapped, her temper threatening to erupt.

Sam swerved over to the side of the road and stopped, turning to glare at her.

“I know that for damn sure. What’s the real issue here?”

“I don’t want Joey staying at your place.”

“Why not? What have you heard? What’s the real reason, Lisa? I’m his father.”

“Heard? What is there to hear? I don’t want to be separated from my son!”

“He’s my son, too, dammit. And maybe I don’t want to be separated either! You should have considered that before you walked out.”

“You let me go.”

“Let you? Give me a break, lady. I thought you were unhappy and wanted Nick. You both surprised the hell out of me when you didn’t take up with each other again after you and I split. Especially after that last night.”

“There was nothing going on with me and Nick. Nothing! As we both told you.” She looked at him, her eyes narrowed. “Are you saying you were being noble and stood aside for me to find my true love?” she asked scathingly.

Sam looked away.

For a stunned moment she stared at him. The faint hint of color in his cheeks confirmed her words. Lisa was dumbfounded.

“Oh God,” she said softly.

She thought she would cry.

Fury changed to hurt, to sadness in an instant.

He’d thought she loved his brother and had stepped aside for them.

What a waste of time, of emotions, of pain and separation.

“You did,” she whispered.

“Forget it, Lisa. Don’t make it out to be more tragic than it was. The issue, as you said, is the future. I want my son.”

“I want him, too! I love him so much.”

“And what, because I’m a man you think I don’t? I made a mistake two years ago. Actually several. But this one I can rectify. I want to see as much of Joey as possible.”

“What do you want from me? To just give him up? To see him on weekends, or what? What do you want from me?”

He stared at her for a long moment, then reached for her with a groan, pulling her halfway across the seat, only prevented from pulling her into his lap by her seat belt.

His mouth came down on hers. Lisa had only a split second before all rational thinking fled. His mouth was warm and firm, moving against hers in a passionate kiss that reminded her of the first heady days of their marriage.

The feelings that exploded filled every cell as she moved to get closer, her arms coming around his neck. She would have released the seat belt if she’d had enough sense. But when he deepened the kiss, she lost every speck.

Rainbow colors danced behind her closed lids. Her body heated, softened, yearned for him. Her hands found their solace in the thick texture of his hair. Knocking his hat off, she pressed even closer. Reveling in the spiraling sensations caused when his tongue danced with hers, when his grip softened to allow his hands to roam over her back pressing her closer, she ignored the niggling hint of doubt. This was like coming home after a long hard journey.

Her breathing became labored, but who needed oxygen? She had Sam.

At last sanity surfaced. She slowly pushed back and stared at him, dimly award his breathing was as erratic as her own. But kisses like this led to craziness. No matter what magazines said, she couldn’t continue. Not with so much unresolved between them.

What did he want? Just a kiss? Or more?

Could they recapture the past? Did either of them wish to even try?

“I’m sorry,” Sam said, sitting back, reaching for his hat. He ran the fingers of one hand through his mussed hair, then carefully replaced the Stetson.

“Sorry?” She didn’t want him to regret their kiss. It had been wonderful.

Or had it only felt wonderful for her?

He started the engine and pulled out onto the highway again. “It won’t happen again,” he said stiffly.

***

It couldn’t happen again, he reminded himself after he finished calling himself every name in the book. There was Margot. Once Lisa found out about her, he’d be lucky if she’d even talk to him through an attorney.

What was he thinking of, he berated himself.

He hadn’t been thinking, obviously, only feeling. Feeling her softness. Breathing in the fragrance that identified her for all time. Tasting that sweet mouth. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He wanted her even with all that was between them. Dammit, hadn’t he gotten over her in two years?

For a moment he wished he had the right to carry her off somewhere and make love all night long. Then reality hit him on the head. That would be one dumb move. And not help his fight for his son at all.

He could feel her gaze still on him. He flicked her a glance, taking in the confused expression.

“There’s no need to apologize, unless you want an apology from me as well,” she said.

He shook his head. “What I want is to forget it happened. We’ll be at Rosie’s in a minute. You still like Mexican food?”

“Of course. Especially Tex-Mex, which was hard to find in Colorado.”

He drove the rest of the way in silence. He wasn’t looking forward to their discussion. In addition to their plans for Joey, he had to tell her about Margot before she heard about it from someone else. And they would have to decide how to tell Joey.

He was surprised her mother hadn’t already filled her in. Or maybe she had, and Lisa didn’t care enough to even bring it up.

Rosie’s was a favorite restaurant in Tumbleweed. The cars and pickups filling the parking lot attested to the crowd they’d find inside. Maybe this wasn’t such a great place to have a discussion, he thought as he pulled into a parking place. He didn’t want to air his business to all and sundry.

“Looks crowded,” Lisa said.

“It’s Saturday night.” He stopped the engine. Before he could come around to open her door, she hopped down from the cab and headed toward the restaurant, shoulders back, as if marching into battle.

Which there was likely to be. But until then, he’d enjoy watching her hips sway, her glossy hair brush her shoulders, and the way her chin jutted out resolutely. She’d lost a little weight, probably from the flu, but she still looked great.

Too bad he couldn’t charge ahead as he had almost five years ago and sweep her off her feet.

He almost laughed as he opened the heavy wooden door. He has as much chance of sweeping Lisa off her feet as he did of flying to the moon.

The noise level was high, the crowd obviously enjoying itself. The hostess found them a table against one wall. Placing chips and salsa in front of them, she waited for their order.

“Marguerita?” Sam asked.

Lisa shook her head. “Too soon after being sick. I’ll stick to water.”

“I’m driving, one beer,” he told the waitress. “We’ll order now, too. The lady will have the burrito special and I’ll have the chile rellenos.”

“What if I’ve changed tastes in the last couple of years,” Lisa asked once the waitress left.

“Did you?”

She shook her head, looking around bemusedly. “It seems strange to be here again.” She faced him. “And with you.”

Sam didn’t know what to make of her statement. He never had been able to understand her. “Strange how?”

She shrugged. “It’s not a date, yet it almost feels like it.”

“We’re going to discuss Joey.”

“Right.”

“And something else.”

Her attention caught, she narrowed her eyes. “What else?”

He stared at her, trying to think of the best way to bring up Margot. Damn, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t had months to think up how to tell her. But the words never came. They still didn’t.

“After we eat. Let’s enjoy the meal first.”

She relaxed and took a chip, loading the hot salsa on it and popping it into her mouth. Tears came into her eyes.

“It’s great,” she said when she could speak again.

***

For a while, it was as if time hung suspended, Lisa thought, taking another chip. She and Sam had often come to Rosie’s for dinner. The food was good and plentiful. Gazing around, she saw several couples she knew. When she met the eye of a friend, Ellie, she waved, then almost smiled as her friend’s eyes widened when she saw Sam.

“Oops, maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all,” Lisa murmured.

“Why?”

“Ellie and Martin Taylor are over there, and once she saw you and I were together, they began to talk like crazy. I imagine rumors are circulating even as I speak.”

He shrugged. “Can’t let what others say guide your life. Especially silly rumors.”

“Right, silly rumors.”

She thought about the kiss in the truck. Had anyone driving by seen them? Recognized them? That would certainly fuel rumors. Unfounded ones.

Glancing at Sam, she thought about the discovery she’d made. They’d fought their entire marriage. But they’d loved passionately when making up. Did they have anything left between them to start again? Or was she just lonely and seeking something that wasn’t there?

If there were a chance to recapture what they’d had at one time, did she even want to try? Had they burned their bridges said too many unforgivable things, too many hurtful words?

How did Sam feel about her? Would he be interested? He’d kissed her senseless, then apologized. Why? Why not see if she was interested before slamming the door shut?

Unless he really wasn’t interested.

And what else did he want to talk to her about beside Joey?

She reached for her glass, her hand trembling slightly. He wasn’t going to tell her he was getting married, too, was he? Had he thought Nick’s news worse and told her that first? Now with wanting to have Joey spend more time, was he also looking to get married again?

No, she couldn’t believe that. He wouldn’t have kissed her if that were the case. No matter what had transpired between them, Lisa knew he was an honorable man. One who would never, ever cheat on someone he’d made a commitment to.

She didn’t know why he had kissed her. But the memory of the kiss stayed in the forefront of her mind all through dinner.

They talked sparingly, enjoying the delicious food. Twice friends stopped by the table. Lisa could tell they were dying of curiosity seeing her with Sam but were too polite to ask any questions. Thank goodness for manners--she had no answers to any questions.

Unable to finish the thick burrito with all the accompaniments, Lisa pushed her plate away when she was full.

“Want some dessert?” Sam asked, finishing up the last of his dish.

“No, thanks. Are you ready to talk?” She swallowed hard. Maybe they should have talked before dinner. Her meal was now like a lump in her stomach. She hated this.

“Can we hammer out an agreement for our son? Without fighting and yelling and making everyone miserable?” Sam asked. “Jason said he saw no problem with getting joint custody.”

Jason Ronald was Sam’s attorney. Lisa knew he was a good, solid lawyer. Her own attorney, Todd Bennett, had told her so that afternoon when she’d called him to discuss the matter. Of course, Todd didn’t have the file at home on a Saturday, but he knew her, knew the situation. And his advice was to go along with the joint custody. There was nothing to hinder such a judgment, so she might as well not fight.

“What exactly are you looking for?” she asked, carefully rephrasing the question from earlier. She remembered when she’d asked him what he wanted, he’d kissed her!

She hoped he didn’t notice the heat she could feel creeping into her cheeks when thinking about that kiss.

“Something more than a week or two every few months. I thought maybe we could alternate weeks.”

“Are you up to that? Having a little kid around isn’t as easy as it looks,” Lisa said, wishing she could find the words to change his mind.

Joey would be gone for days at a time. She’d miss him and be constantly thinking of him and Sam doing things together. Things they might do as a family if....

“I’m sure I’m up to it. Let’s try a week at a time at first.” A three year old would be a piece of cake compared to an infant, Sam thought.

“He’s little, he might miss me. Then what will you do?” Lisa said.

“He’s fitting in great at the ranch. But if he does miss you, you can come see him.”

“Even if it’s every day?”

He raised an eyebrow at that. Then shrugged, “Sure, if that’s what he needs.”

“I might miss him so much by mid week I’d come out to see him even if he’s getting on fine.”

Sam studied her for a moment. “That wouldn’t be a problem. Somehow I find this is going too easily,” he said.

“I talked to Todd this afternoon. He made me see I really don’t have much choice. You're Joey’s father. There’s no reason for him not to spend time with you.”

Sam looked away, letting his gaze roam around the crowded restaurant, letting the din wash over him. Wishing like hell he didn’t have to go on. That they could end the conversation now and head back. He’d get to see Joey before he went to bed.

“Oh-oh,” Lisa said, rising. “I’ll be right back.” She hurried in the direction of the restrooms.

Sam leaned back in the chair, feeling the reprieve. He’d been a damned fool and now had to pay the piper. But he didn’t like talking about it.

Hell, he almost laughed, who in Tumbleweed didn’t know already? Maybe Lisa. Or maybe she already knew. It didn’t matter he was truly and forever stuck. Margot had no intention of raising the baby they’d made together, and he had no intention of letting his son or daughter go to strangers. Taking responsibility was something his father had hammered into him. There was no question of what was the right thing to do.

There was only the question of how Lisa would take the news.

And why should that matter, he asked himself for the twentieth time. She’d left him two years ago. What he did with his life no longer concerned her.

That kiss had been a mistake of monumental proportions. He couldn’t get it out of his mind. Nor the images it invoked the two of them together, all night long.

Lisa came back, looking pale and shaky.

“Sorry about that. I guess it’s too soon after being sick,” she said, sinking gratefully down in her chair. “I hate to cut this short, but I need to get home.”

Sam handled paying the check in short order and they were soon in the truck, heading for the Ballantine’s home. Lisa leaned her head back, her eyes closed.

“It was too soon,” Sam said.

“It was too much spicy food, but my own fault. I thought I was over being sick. Guess not. I shouldn’t have eaten all that salsa. But it sure was good going down.”

“Don’t push yourself so hard, Lisa. You need to get well before moving.”

“I also have to make a living. I’ve been a week away from work, do you know how much that piles up?”

“Yeah, I do. I run a ranch, too, you know.”

Lisa nodded, she had not forgotten a single thing about Sam Haller.

Sam walked her to the front door of her parent’s home.

“Sorry I got sick,” she said, opening the door. The evening couldn’t end too soon for her. She had given in with no fight to his wishes about Joey. And she still couldn’t forget that kiss.

“Call me when you’re ready to head back to Fort Worth, I’ll drive you in.”

“My mom can take me.”

“Hey, I brought you here, I’ll take you back. If you need help moving, give a holler. We’ve got a lot of trucks on the ranch, and willing men who can move you in a day.”

“Thanks, Sam.” Amazed at the offer, she wondered why he was being so friendly now? Of course. He’d gotten his way about Joey. He could afford to be magnanimous.

“Good night, Lisa.” He turned and headed back to the truck.

She watched, conscious of a niggling sense of disappointment that he didn’t even smile at her, much less kiss her again. Sighing softly, she entered the house. The sound of voices from the kitchen let her know where her parents were, but she didn’t want to talk with them or anyone tonight.

Slipping quietly to her room, Lisa tried to make sense of the latest turn of events. She would have bet money on Sam’s not wanting anything to do with her again. And lost, if his offer were sincere.

By the time she’d climbed into bed she’d determined that responsibility had prompted the offer of a ride. He’d brought her to Tumbleweed, leaving her car in Fort Worth, so of course he’d felt responsible for returning her.

She remembered the chores and tasks he and Nick had to do around the ranch before anything else. Their dad had insisted drilling in a sense of responsibility that nothing could shake.

She wished his offer had been prompted by something else.

***

Tuesday morning, Lisa called Sam to take him up on his offer to drive her into Fort Worth the next day.

“That’ll be great, Joey doesn’t have a lot of toys here so we’ll pick up a few. When will you be moving?”

“I still don’t have a place here. Until I find something, I’ll have to stay in Fort Worth.”

“Wouldn’t your parents let you stay there?” Sam asked.

“They probably would, if I asked. Which I’m not going to. Joey and I need our own place.”

The silence let her know Sam’s views.

“Anyway, if it’s not too much trouble, I’ll be ready anytime in the morning.”

“We’ll pick you up at eight. How are you feeling?”

“I’m back to one hundred percent. Sorry about last Saturday night.”

“You said that then. We should have gone someplace that served soup.”

“See you tomorrow, Sam.” She didn’t want him to continue to see her as someone who was sick. She felt fine. Actually more alive than any time in the last two years.

Promptly at eight the next morning, Lisa opened the door to Joey. He flung himself against her, hugging her tightly. She lifted him and hugged back.

“I’ve missed you. I swear, Joey, you’ve grown another foot!”

He laughed, tightening his arms around her neck. “No, I haven’t, Mommy, I only have two feet.”

She laughed and looked at Sam. His intense gaze had her smile fading as a wave of awareness swept through. He came so close to them she thought he might touch her. But he stopped inches away, looking back and forth between her and Joey, his eyes unreadable.

“Ready to go?” he asked in a low, husky voice.

For a moment Lisa almost swayed toward him. His tone reminded her of dark nights of love.

“Mom and Dad want to see Joey for a minute, if that’s okay?” Her gaze met his, clung. For a moment things swirled around, but she couldn’t move. Could only stare into Sam’s eyes and feel her heart race.

“I’ll wait in the truck,” he said at long last.

“Don’t be dumb, Sam. Come in.”

He doffed his hat and stepped inside the house. Lisa set Joey down just as her father came down the hall. For the next few minutes Joey was the center of attention with his grandparents. Lisa watched as he chatted a mile a minute about all he’d been doing on the ranch, feeling a pang of regret she hadn’t been there to see all he’d done.

Better get used to it, girl, she admonished herself. It was the way of the future.

“Looks like you’re going to be a full-fledged cowboy in no time,” her father told him.

“You must come stay with us soon,” her mother said, brushing her hand over his hair as if she couldn’t get enough of the little boy.

“Do you have horses?” Joey asked.

Everyone laughed.

“No, but I bake a lot of cookies,” Margaret said, not above bribing him.

“We better go,” Lisa said, conscious of Sam’s silent figure. He didn’t evidence any impatience, but this couldn’t be easy for him.

“I have something for you to take today,” Margaret said, holding out a brown bag to Sam. “It’s some of those c-o-o-k-i-e-s I made the other day. For later, if you get hungry.”

“I’m sure a certain little boy will love them. After lunch.”

Margaret patted Sam on the arm. “And big boys, too. It’s good to see you again, Sam.”

He smiled and nodded, replacing his hat and looking at Lisa. “Ready now?”

The two hour ride passed swiftly. Joey told his mother about his activities, then she looked to Sam for clarification as her son’s explanations sometimes left some crucial fact out.

Wistfully she watched the animation and delight on Joey’s face. He’d had a wonderful few days. How would apartment living compare? She was worried she would come up on the short end of that stick. Would Joey grow to hate living with her, yearning to spend all his time with his father on the ranch?

Fort Worth seemed crowded and hectic after the slower pace of Tumbleweed, Lisa thought as they drove through the city traffic. Her street looked tired, closed in.

She took a deep breath. It was only temporary until she found a place in Tumbleweed.

All too soon, she had packed some more of Joey’s clothes, and an assortment of games, toys and books. He and Sam were leaving. Leaving her alone in Fort Worth.