Chapter Seven

 

Lisa almost laughed at the expression on Sam’s face. Normally he never let anyone know what he was thinking. But she knew he was puzzled by her attitude. Good, time to shake the man up.

“What are you playing at?” he asked.

“I’m not playing. I’m deadly serious,” she said solemnly.

“About?” He raised an eyebrow again.

“About you and me,” she said in a rush.

“There is no you and me.”

“There could be.”

“I don’t think so. We tried it once, and got burned.”

“So that means you don’t want to try again?”

“Got it in one.”

“What if I do?’

“Why?”

She looked away, watching Joey’s attempts at skipping rocks. “Maybe I want to give Joey a family. The way it should have been, two parents.”

“Most families have two parents who love each other.”

Love. Lisa felt the familiar clutch in her heart. Did she love Sam? She once thought she did. But had it only been illusion? Sex?

“What’s love,” she asked softly.

“Something neither of us had,” he scoffed. Turning he headed for the picnic blanket. “You’re kidding yourself and trying to kid me if you think we can make a go of it again.”

“We could if we tried,” she said, turning to follow him with her eyes.

Sam sat on the blanket and opened the plastic container with the cake. It had tilted and one side was squashed against the container. “I’m not going down that road again, Lisa. Did you bring a knife?”

She frowned and headed for the blanket. “Yes. I wrapped it so it wouldn’t poke anything. Why not?”

“Why not what?”

“Sam! Why not try again.”

He looked up, putting down the knife and the cake. “I could list a whole bunch of reasons starting with I don’t want to. Is that what you want, a list of reasons, or will that one do.”

“I made a mistake.”

“I’ve made a few.”

“I want to make it right.”

“It can’t be made right.”

“Okay, then let’s start over. Hi. I’m Lisa Haller.”

He shook his head. “Lisa Haller? That’s starting over? That’s coming with the past.”

“So,” she almost shouted, “I do have a past. One I’m trying to change.”

“You can’t change the past, Lisa. No one can.” He tossed the knife down and rose to his feet. “I can’t change what’s happened and neither can you.”

“Then maybe we can start over. Why won’t you even talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about. The answer is no.”

She watched him stride away with a growing sense of futility. He wouldn’t even discuss the situation. What had all those kisses been about?

She rose, torn with wanting to follow him and make him talk, and her need to stay with Joey. The creek was too enticing for a three-year-old to be left alone.

Dammit, she thought, as she headed back to the bank, the picnic was not going like she’d hoped.

“Where’s Daddy going?” Joey asked, looking after Sam.

“He’ll be back soon. Want to skip more rocks?”

“Can we go wading?”

“No. The water’s too cold. Come summer, it’ll be nice and warm.” She smiled remembering a summer’s afternoon when she and Sam had gone wading, and ended up soaked and laughing. Not all her memories of living on the ranch were bad. As she let herself, she could remember a lot of happy times. Why hadn’t she remembered those when she got so angry with him?

Lack of balance and maturity, she admitted ruefully. She’d wanted everything her way, and nothing in life goes perfectly for anyone.

Sadly, she acknowledged that maybe she couldn’t make Sam change his mind. Again, it was what she wanted but she knew now that a person didn’t always get their own way in everything. The last couple of weeks had shown her they could at least be cordial together. Maybe that was the best she was going to get.

“But I’m not giving up just yet, you stubborn man,” she murmured softly, looking after him.

“What?” Joey looked up from the pile of rocks he was stacking.

“Nothing, sweetie. What are you building?”

“A mountain.”

“And a fine one it is.” She smiled, happy to see her little boy so delighted with the simple entertainment. It sure beat playgrounds and small apartments.

***

Sam walked quickly along the creek’s edge for a long time trying to out walk his thoughts, distant himself from temptation in the form of Lisa. He clenched his fists against the yearning to take what she was offering and hold on with both hands.

But once burned, twice shy. He had had a hard time getting over Lisa.

He laughed mirthlessly. Who was he trying to kid? Was he over her? Or would he ever be?

Even when dating Margot, he’d constantly compared the two. Which had been a disservice to Margot. She was a nice woman. She just wasn’t Lisa.

But he suspected he didn’t have what it took to make a good husband. He’d blown it the only time he’d tried. And the fallout was too much to risk again. They had their son to consider, as well. He dare not risk repeating what happened when Joey was an infant. A baby wouldn’t remember his parents fighting. A young boy would.

Sam knew that he remembered his parents fighting before his mother had left. Did that also color his view?

He stopped and turned toward the creek, watching the water splash and flow to the right, heading for the Brazos. His thoughts were a jumble but foremost was the kernel of happiness that Lisa even thought to try to build some bridge.

Granted making a family for Joey wasn’t the most ringing endorsement for an enduring marriage but at least she was talking to him again.

And responding to his kisses.

He clenched his fists again. He had to stop kissing her. She was like an addiction one taste wasn’t enough. He wanted more, yearned for more.

But he was rational enough to know that way lay danger. If one kiss weren’t enough, and he wasn’t strong enough to resist, one kiss would lead to two and three and then more than kissing.

He reset his hat on his head and turned to walk back downstream. Hiding away helped nothing. He would see the picnic through, then stay as far away from Lisa as he could.

When he reached the two sitting on the bank, racing sticks in the water like boats, he paused for a moment. The temptation to tell her all about Margot was strong. What if she knew about it and it didn’t matter?

He shook his head. On the other hand, what if she didn’t? One word about it and Lisa would be off like a shot. If she pursued that fanciful notion of getting back together, he’d tell her.

He’d have to tell her sooner or later. When he told Joey. But for now, he’d opt for later.

“America’s Cup?” he asked.

“We’re racing boats, Daddy,” Joey said, grinning happily up at the man.

Sam didn’t look at Lisa as he hunkered down beside their son. “I can see that. Who’s winning.”

“We both are,” Joey said.

Sam wished everything was that easily viewed.

Lisa rose and dusted off the seat of her jeans. “I’m going to head back,” she said. “I’ll leave the horse at the ranch. You two stay. Joey’s having fun.”

Sam rose. “You don’t have to leave.”

“There’s no real reason for me to stay, is there?” she asked, not meeting his eyes.

Sam wanted to erase the look of disappointment from her expression. But nothing he could say would change things.

“We’ll ride back with you.”

“No, I’ll be fine. I know the way. I recognized the landmarks on the ride here. I might call during the week to talk to Joey if that’s okay.”

“Of course. Thanks for the lunch, it was delicious.”

She nodded and bent to kiss Joey. Then, still without looking at Sam, she headed for her horse. Tightening the cinch, she swung up into the saddle and turned toward the ranch.

***

Lisa returned home feeling totally discouraged. The picnic hadn’t lived up to her expectations. She didn’t know what she could have done differently. She parked on the street and saw Jennifer sitting on the porch in one of the rattan rockers as she walked up the flagstone walkway.

“Hi neighbor,” Jennifer called gaily, waving. “Want to visit a while? Nick’s coming to get me around four, and I’m taking time to just veg out. Kids get really rambunctious in the springtime, as I’m finding out.”

Lisa smiled politely and debated. “I don’t have any other plans,” she said, deciding to get to know the woman a bit better. “Oops, that sounded ungracious.”

“No it didn’t. If you had other plans I wouldn’t expect you to cancel just to sit on the porch.”

Pulling one of the other rockers across the wooden porch, Lisa sat beside Jennifer, and gazed out over the wide expanse of front lawn. The huge oak trees shaded a portion, including the porch. It was peaceful.

She sighed softly.

“Problems?” Jennifer asked gently.

“Not really. Or at least nothing new. Tell me how you met Nick.”

“Ouch. Actually, that’s rather embarrassing. He picked me up at a country-western bar. I keep trying to come up with a romantic tale to tell the children. I’m not sure I’d want a daughter of mine picked up in a bar.”

Lisa smiled. “Sounds like Nick, however. What is surprising is that he’s getting married. He, er, had a rather wild reputation.”

“I know all about it,” Jennifer said, then grinned. “And those days are behind him if he knows what’s good for him. He only gets to be wild with me.”

“So you’ll be moving to the ranch when you marry?”

Jennifer nodded, rocking back and forth, her expression dreamy. “Yes. I can hardly wait.”

“It’s not as convenient as living in town.”

“I know that. And in winter if we get any snow, it’s going to be a bear to get to school. But it’ll be worth it.” Jennifer looked at Lisa for a moment. “Didn’t you like living there?”

Wistfully, Lisa remembered the delight she’d experienced when she’d first moved into the big family home. It had been such a thrill. And being with Sam had been exciting, a time charged with passion and intensity. But the sheen had quickly dulled. She’d wanted more, and in retrospect knew she’d been after fools gold.

“Yes, I liked it when I lived there.”

“It’s nice Joey will have a chance to spend a lot of his growing up on the ranch. Especially if he decides to take it up.”

Lisa looked at her in surprise. “Why wouldn’t he?”

Jennifer shrugged. “I don’t know. If he wanted to be a doctor or something, wouldn’t you want him to pursue that career?”

“Oh, I see. Yes, I would.”

Jennifer nodded. “Which makes you a better parent than Nick’s father.”

“Well, that wouldn’t take much. He had a terrible reputation in town for not being a good father.”

“So I’ve heard. And justifiably so, from what Nick says. At least he got away for a while. Sam never did.”

Lisa looked at her in surprise. “Did Sam want to?”

Jennifer hesitated, then slowly nodded her head. “I thought you would have known. He wanted to be a vet. But his father wouldn’t even hear of it. He wanted Sam to run the ranch and that was that.”

“I can’t see Sam kowtowing to anyone even his father.”

“Ah, but psychological manipulation isn’t hard if someone starts when a person is a child. I know. My parents were terribly over-protective of me. To them I was in danger if I lived a normal life. I didn’t even question their views until I was an adult. It was hard to walk away, to move from Virginia to Texas and start out on my own. Sam had twenty years of his father telling him the ranch was his responsibility, that he had an obligation to run it, to build it, for future generations.”

Lisa shifted uncomfortably on the chair. “I never heard him talk about that.” Was it true? Had Sam really wanted to do something else besides run that ranch? He’d never said a word to her during their marriage about wanting to be a vet. He’d talked about increasing the herd, the repairs needed on the buildings, buying new equipment. What they’d do when they had money enough to travel.

Jennifer shrugged. “Sorry if I was letting something out that I shouldn’t have. I know you’re not connected with the Hallers any more, except as Joey’s mother. I guess I thought you’d know.”

“Nick told you?”

Jennifer nodded.

Lisa smiled brightly and stood. “At least you and Nick will start off with communications open between you. That’s got to be good. I’ve got to go.” The reminder she was not connected with the Hallers hurt. Especially when she could see Jennifer had a closer place that she’d had when she had been connected.

“I did it again, didn’t I?” Jennifer said, a stricken look on her face.

“What?”

“Put my foot in it. It’s just I’m so much into telling everything so there are no secrets that can harm, I get carried away. Not everyone wants to know the truth, do they?”

“I do. And I’m learning quite a few truths I should have known before. Nick doesn’t want me around Sam, did you know?”

Jennifer nodded slowly.

Lisa crossed her arms over her chest. “Nick and I used to date in high school. I thought he was my friend.”

“He was. But your leaving hit Sam hard. I think that was the first time Nick realized his brother was human and not some superman.”

“It wasn’t easy leaving,” Lisa said.

“Then why did you?”

“It was harder to stay. At least I thought so at the time.”

“But not now?” Jennifer asked.

Lisa shook her head. “I don’t know. When I see Sam... ”

Jennifer waited, but Lisa wasn’t up to sharing more with this woman she hardly knew. She smiled politely and shook her head.

“I’ve got to go. See you.” She spun around and quickly went into the house. Closing the door to her apartment behind her, she leaned against it, feeling as if she’d run a mile. Her thoughts jumbled visions of Sam laughing, yelling, kissing her. The newly discovered knowledge he’d wanted something she’d never known about. A poignant sadness enveloped her.

She had not been enough. She knew that now. The marriage had ended because she had not been enough woman to live with Sam Haller.

And now he wasn’t interested anymore.

***

Lisa spent Monday at the Taylor ranch, needing to fully occupy herself to keep from dwelling on Sam. And Joey. She really missed her little boy. Was that what Sam felt when Joey was with her?

Her hours on the ranch were full, but the drive there and back left too much time to think.

It was a balm to her ego to find Bill Taylor so happy to see her. He discussed the various aspects of the paperwork that needed to be filled out, the accounts to be brought up to date. Then he asked her to join him in a ride around the property. Lisa had gone out with him twice before to survey the newly inherited land. From her two years on Sam’s place, she’d picked up quite a bit of knowledge of a working ranch. Knowledge she gladly shared with Bill.

When they reached one field, they stopped and looked at the cattle grazing in the high grass. The winter had been mild with plenty of rain. The spring grass was belly high to the cattle, and they made the most of the grazing.

“You should sell some of the older steers and get some new stock,” Lisa said, studying the cattle.

“You’re right. There’s another stock show down in Houston next week. Would you be able to go? I can’t go, I have another commitment I can’t get out of. But I know exactly what I want to bid on. I’ve studied the catalog and talked with some other ranchers in the Cattleman’s Association. You can bid on them for me.”

“Sure, when is it?”

“Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I really appreciate it, Lisa. Will Joey be a problem?”

“No, I’m sure my Mom would love to watch him. Spoil him rotten, I’m sure.”

“I’ve decided to cross breed one part of the herd to see how it does, while keeping the other part pretty much as my uncle started. A couple of new bulls are key.”

They continued their survey of the ranch. Lisa made all the right comments, but couldn’t help comparing today’s ride to the one she’d had on Saturday. She wished Sam asked her to see what he’d done. Talked with her about plans.

Confided in her about his hopes and dreams.

Sighing softly, she counted the minutes until she could get back in the car and head for home. She’d call the Haller ranch that evening. To talk to Joey. And to Sam.

Even if he didn’t want to see her, she could hear his voice.

It was too bad, she thought, as she drove the long way home from the Taylor ranch, that the stock auction hadn’t been week after next, then Joey would be at the ranch and Lisa wouldn’t have to miss even more time with her son. But it was her week to have him, and now she would be missing three days with him.

But it couldn’t be helped. She liked her job and appreciated the chance Bill gave her. A more experienced rancher would not want to put up with her own lack of experience. He and she were learning together.

It was after seven by the time she reached home. Tossing her stack of papers on the sofa, she headed for the phone.

“Haller,” Sam’s strong voice answered.

“Hi. It’s me, Lisa. Is Joey still up?”

“Sure.” Without another word, he called Joey.

Lisa waited impatiently. It wouldn’t have hurt Sam to talk to her while she waited for Joey.

“Hi Mommy, I ate all my green beans at dinner. Pete says they make strong cowboys.”

She laughed softly. “That they do. Good for you. What did you and Daddy do today?”

Listening to his recount of the day made her miss him even more. How could she wait until Saturday to see him again?

When he was winding down, she said, “Let me talk to Daddy, okay?”

“She wants you,” Joey said loudly.

“Yeah?” Sam said a second later.

“Would it be all right if I came by tomorrow afternoon for a little while. I miss him.”

“I’m going into town tomorrow. Want me to bring him by for a couple of hours?”

“That’d be great. What time?”

“I just have to go to the bank, no set time. When’s good for you?”

“Afternoon would let me get some work done in the morning.”

“We’ll come around three.”

“Thanks, Sam.”

He didn’t hang up like she expected. Taking a hopeful breath, she asked, “What did you two do besides count all the cows?”

“Guess it seems like that to Joey. We just ran a tally of one section. Yesterday we stayed around the house. Jennifer came by and we discussed their wedding plans. She and Joey hit it off. Comes from her being a teacher, I guess knowing how to deal with kids.”

“She and I talked some on Saturday.”

“Oh?”

“She was on the porch when I got home. There are these really comfortable rockers which just cry out to sit in them and rock away any cares. I sat out there a lot yesterday. Today I went to the Taylor Ranch to get another stack of work. I’m constantly amazed at the paperwork connected with a ranch.”

“At least computers have made things much easier.”

“Ummm.” She toyed with the phone cord. “Jennifer told me something surprising.”

“What?”

“That you wanted to be a veterinarian.”

“Old news.”

“I didn’t know.”

He was silent.

Lisa rushed into speech, “So it made me wonder what else about you I didn’t know.”

“Funny, I was thinking that about you when we went to the zoo. Joey asked if you liked to go and I didn’t even know if you’d ever been.”

“Now you know I’ve been. Why don’t you go study to be a vet?”

“Too many responsibilities.”

“Cop out, Sam. Nick could run the ranch.”

“I’m too old.”

“You’re thirty-two. You’d be a bit older than some of the other students, but not by much.”

“It takes years, Lisa. I can’t just go and presto become a vet.”

“I think you should pursue it.”

“I’ll keep your recommendation in mind,” he said sardonically.

She felt the old anger flare, but clamped down on it. She could recognize defense mechanisms now when she saw them.

“All I’m saying is you could do it if you really wanted. Maybe you should stop listening to your father and listen to yourself.”

“Advice from an expert?”

“At least I’m trying to learn from mistakes and change things. What are you doing?”

“Living the life I was meant to, I guess. We’ll see you tomorrow around three.”

“Goodbye,” she said quickly and hung up. At least she had that satisfaction.

***

Promptly at three the next afternoon, the familiar pickup truck pulled into the curb in front of the old Victorian. Lisa sat on the porch in one of the rockers. That was fast becoming her favorite pastime.

Sam got out, helping Joey. The small boy ran across the yard up to the porch. Sam followed more slowly. Reluctantly, if her guess was right.

“I’ll be back around five.”

“Want to stay for supper?” she asked, hugging her son.

“No.”

She looked up at that. “Why not? My cooking is just as good as Pete’s.”

He nodded. “Better. But you’re dangerous to be around.”

Lisa felt the warm glow. Slowly standing, she smiled. He found her dangerous, huh? How promising.

“Spaghetti and meatballs and nothing more dangerous, I promise.”

He stepped closer, ruffling Joey’s hair, gazing down into Lisa’s eyes. “Nothing more?”

“Unless you want something more? Garlic bread?”

The smoldering look in his eyes let her know what he was thinking about and it wasn’t garlic bread.

“You’ll behave yourself?”

Widening her eyes, she nodded. “Always.”

He muttered something and turned away. “Okay, supper.”

A thought struck. “Sam?” she called.

“What?” He turned on the walkway and looked at her.

“Would you like to have Joey again next week? Then I could have him two weeks in a row following that? I have to go out of town next week. Mom would watch him I’m sure, but I bet he’d like the ranch better.”

“Where are you going?”

“To a stock auction in Houston.”

“With Taylor?”

“For Bill. He can’t go.”

Sam was silent a long moment. Then he shook his head. “I can’t watch Joey, I’m going to the same show. Want to drive to Houston together?”