Past
For the first time Ebony decided to voice her opinion on my problems with Travis. We were sitting in First Lady’s office putting the final preparations on the women’s conference. When I’d told her that we were back together, her face had immediately darkened into a frown.
“Why are you ignoring the voice of the Lord?” she asked slowly, deliberately enunciating each word to convey the desired emphasis. “You know that God is leading you away from this man.”
“At this point, I don’t know what I know, other than the fact that I’m tired of being alone.”
“Do you think that God doesn’t know that?” Ebony continued. “Don’t you know that He will supply your need?”
I furrowed my eyebrows until they almost connected. “Don’t you ever feel lonely, Ebony? I thought you’d understand.”
“I have dedicated my life to God, and I will remain single as long as He requires it. I do know that celibacy is a gift of the Holy Spirit. The Apostle Paul tells us in First Corinthians seven, verses seven through nine, that not everyone can walk this path.”
“I don’t want to be celibate. I want a husband,” I whined.
“Even to the detriment of your own spirituality?” Ebony asked rhetorically as she stood to leave.
I was afraid to answer that question, even in my own mind.
It was the day of Mama’s birthday party and I was apprehensive, though not about Travis. Over the course of the week we’d reconnected—over the phone. There was something youthful and elementary about staying up all night talking about nothing in particular, but not wanting to hang up. I found out things about Travis that pleasantly shocked me, like the fact that he read Tolstoy and enjoyed spa pedicures. Actually, aside from his felony record, Travis was beginning to look like the perfect man for me.
What worried me was Dayna and, of course, Mama. It was almost inevitable that at the birthday party, one or both of them would do something to humiliate me. My life had been their ongoing, secret inside joke for so long that I didn’t think they could handle me in a situation not ripe for ridicule.
It calmed me a little bit to know that Lynette and Ebony were going to be there, too, even if neither one of them really agreed with me and Travis getting back together. Lynette would have my back regardless, and Ebony would be praying for me.
Travis had insisted on picking me up for the evening, even though the only transportation he had was his work van. I agreed only because I knew it was a pride thing. Besides, I’d rather be riding up to Mama’s party in a clean, albeit a little rusty, van—with a man—than in my shiny Infiniti riding solo.
I couldn’t help but beam when I watched Travis step out of his van from my window. He looked like he’d just stepped off a Parisian catwalk—and he was with me. I noticed two women who were waiting on the bus; they were staring at Travis. Ha! I thought, he’s mine! Well, he was mine for the evening, at least. We hadn’t discussed taking it any farther than that.
I was still all smiles when I opened my door. It was the first time Travis had been to my home, and he was obviously impressed. The majority of my home was decorated with an Asian theme. I’d spent thousands of dollars on furniture, because I felt that if I was going to be a homeowner, then I should go all-out. The living room was filled with blue-and-white ceramic pieces that gave it a delicate and feminine feel. The family room was also filled with Asian pieces—wooden carvings, bamboo baskets, and a burgundy-lacquer-and-glass coffee table. I watched Travis’s eyes take it all in and I was glad that I’d had my cleaning lady come an extra day that week.
I had also taken a great deal of care in getting myself ready. My hair was freshly styled in an elegant updo that slimmed my facial features. I’d chosen a pretty and feminine black cocktail dress. The A-line bottom flattered my figure and hid any bulges left visible by my girdle. I’d topped the outfit off with a silver wrap and shoes. When I’d looked in the mirror at my reflection, I was more than pleased.
After scanning my home, Travis’s eyes rested on me. “You look good, baby. Are you ready?”
I nodded, because I was too excited to say anything. His eyes told me that he found me beautiful and desirable. And then he called me baby and almost made me lose my mind. No man had ever, in my life, used a pet name for me. At work I was Ms. Ellis. To my church family I was Charmayne or Sister Ellis. Even my daddy, who’d loved me more than anyone, had called me by my full name—Charmayne Jean.
When we got in the car, I was finally able to speak. “You look good, too.”
Travis laughed, probably at my delayed response. “Thank you.”
Dayna and I had compromised on a much more scaled-down version of her original party plans. I agreed to go semi-formal and have it catered, but we rented out the local community center and had a sister from my church do all the cooking.
I was glad I’d let Dayna splurge just a little on the decorations, because she had transformed the plain gymnasium into an elegant ballroom. Mama was sitting at the head table looking nowhere near her sixty years. No one could look at her and tell the way her health had been failing. Her salt-and-pepper-colored hair was swept into an alluring updo. She’d even let Dayna give her curls that cascaded down the side of her face.
It was obviously Dayna’s plan that she and Mama look like twins for the party. They were both wearing silver gowns, and Dayna had twisted her hair into a similar style as Mama’s. Dayna’s little girls, Erin and Koree, were also wearing silver, and she’d forced Ronald Jr. to put on a miniature tuxedo with a silver cummerbund. Only Dayna’s husband seemed to rebel. He was wearing a brown suit, with not even a hint of a silver accessory.
Instinctively I grabbed Travis’s arm as we made our way over to Mama’s table. There were little name cards to mark our seats. Dayna had made it a point to place me near the end of the table while her family unit surrounded Mama on either side. She also didn’t have a place set for Travis, so she obviously assumed that I wasn’t bringing a date. I made every effort to contain my fury, but my light skin color betrayed me. I could feel the redness creeping up my neck.
Travis squeezed my hand and asked, “Are you okay?”
“Yes. I’m fine.” I smiled bravely. “Come on, so I can introduce you to Mama.”
Mama squinted suspiciously as Travis and I approached. I prayed silently, Lord, please don’t let her embarrass me. Dayna walked up behind Mama just as I was about to make my introduction.
“Charmayne,” Dayna said. “I’m glad that you finally made it.”
I could’ve slapped her. I didn’t know why she always felt the need to show me up. She already had Mama’s favor. Besides, we weren’t that late.
I ignored her and said, “Happy birthday, Mama. I have someone here that I want you to meet.”
Travis extended his hand to shake Mama’s and smiled that charming smile of his. Mama was enchanted, but Dayna snorted under her breath. I wondered what the joke was.
“Mama,” I continued, “I’d like you to meet Travis Moon.”
Mama smiled and then yanked my body down until my ear was next to her mouth. She whispered loudly, “Is he your man?”
Dayna, who had heard the question, snorted again. “I’m Dayna. Charmayne’s sister. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Moon.”
“Likewise,” replied Travis.
Mama looked up at Travis and said, “Sit down, right here, and tell me about yourself.”
Dayna frowned. “Mama, that’s Ronald’s seat.”
“Well, it’s okay, Dayna. I already know Ronald. I’d like to get acquainted with Travis.”
I smirked at Dayna, and she marched off to attend to some imaginary business. I breathed a sigh of relief. Mama seemed to approve of Travis so far.
He sat down beside Mama and asked, “What birthday is this? Your fortieth?”
Mama giggled and smacked at Travis’s arm. “Honey, I ain’t seen forty in a long time.”
“Well, you don’t look old enough to have a thirty-six-year-old daughter, that’s for sure.”
Mama blushed. “Yes, I do, but it is quite gentlemanly of you to say otherwise. Somebody raised you right.”
I scanned the room for Lynette and Ebony, because it was obvious that neither Travis nor Mama needed any input from me. Neither of my friends had arrived yet, but I watched with amusement as Dayna tried to force Ronald, who was at the appetizer table, to come over to Mama.
I listened to Travis as he charmed my mother off her feet. He talked about his work, and she seemed enthralled. How exciting could home maintenance be? I heard him tell Mama that he’d just landed an out-of-town client. That was news to me. Perhaps he’d forgotten to mention it. I made a mental note to ask him about it after the party.
I waved to Lynette and Jonathan when they came in. Lynette walked around the table and hugged Mama. Jonathan kissed me on my cheek.
“Lynette, have you met Charmayne’s date?” Mama gushed.
“Yes, I have. He was at my wedding.”
Mama frowned. “Charmayne, why didn’t you introduce us at Lynette’s wedding?”
“I’d only just met him myself,” I replied truthfully.
“You see how she treats me?” Mama asked Travis. “She’s so embarrassed of her dear mother that she won’t even introduce me to her dates.”
I shook my head and sighed. Nothing was ever going to change with Mama. Lynette squeezed my hand, silently offering her support.
While Mama and Travis continued to chat, Lynette looked at me with a sparkle in her eyes. She took my arm as she and Jonathan left to find a seat. I excused myself from Mama and Travis, who barely noticed that I was getting up from the table.
Lynette grinned from ear to ear. “Girl, your mama is drooling over Travis and he’s eating it up. I bet she’d marry you off to him tomorrow.”
I laughed. “Tonight, honey. She really likes him.”
“What about Dayna?”
“Dayna is too busy trying to run the show to be concerned with Travis.”
The next sounds we heard were Dayna’s voice combined with a shrieking noise—feedback from the microphone that Dayna was holding. She was announcing that it was time for everyone to take their seats, and that dinner and presentations were about to begin. Lynette sat down at her table, and I took my seat next to Travis. Dayna had a chair added to the head table so that all of her family was represented properly.
Dayna announced, “This birthday celebration is in honor of my beautiful mother, Claudette Ellis. Words cannot express how much I love and cherish her. I’m going to try to sing a song tonight that depicts just a fraction of what I feel for my mother.”
I growled under my breath. “I knew she was going to sing!”
Travis smiled at me and put his arm around me lovingly in an attempt to calm my nerves. I was still furious. Dayna knew that I couldn’t sing a lick. It was a chance for her to outshine me—again.
Ebony walked into the party just as the music began. She waved as she sat down at a table with people she didn’t know. Most of the guests were members from Mama’s church, which she rarely attended.
Everyone listened in awe as Dayna sang “You Are So Beautiful to Me.” In my opinion she added way too many runs and extra notes, and sang the same verse too many times, but everyone else seemed to enjoy it, especially Mama. There were tears in her eyes as her favorite daughter sang to her. It was just what Dayna needed to draw attention away from me and Travis and place it back where she wanted it—on herself.
The audience gave Dayna a standing ovation. I felt betrayed when my two friends stood clapping as loudly as everyone else. I couldn’t be the only one in the room not giving Dayna accolades, so I stood with the others.
After Dayna sang her song, the dinner was served. It was adequate, to say the least. I hadn’t agreed to Dayna’s plans for a five-course meal. We stuck with a tossed salad, chicken, vegetables, and roasted potatoes. It was standard fare, but it was tasty and filling.
Next on Dayna’s program came the presentations by her children. Erin and Koree did a little dance that wasn’t even cute. I felt sorry for them little babies. Mama looked pleased, though.
Mama clapped her hands and bragged to Travis, “You see! Those are my granddaughters. They will be dancing with Alvin Ailey one day.”
Travis nodded in agreement and clapped as fervently as Mama. Dayna had Ronald Jr. recite a poem by Langston Hughes. He stopped and started about five times, but finally made it through the entire piece.
“That’s my baby!” shouted Dayna, sounding exactly like Mama. I shook my head and clapped. I hoped Dayna was done humiliating her family for the evening.
After the presentations, a jazz band played while everyone enjoyed chatting or dancing. I’d wanted to have a soloist from my church sing a song or two, but Dayna had stubbornly objected. She said that she didn’t want to make Mama feel guilty for only going to church a few times a year.
Mama finally turned her attention back to me and Travis. She asked about his family, and again I found out information I’d never known. Travis was an only child, and he had been raised by his mother. I wondered to myself just what were me and Travis talking about on the phone that I had neglected to collect such pertinent information.
“Charmayne,” Mama said as the night drew to a close, “you better hang on to this one. I know a good man when I see one.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that, because—other than Daddy—Mama absolutely did not know a good man when she saw one. And it wasn’t like she was going to pray for me, either. Mama’s approval of Travis was almost a warning. I watched as Travis continued to smile and chat with Mama. If he was trying to win her over, then his mission was accomplished.
On the way home I asked Travis casually, “When were you going to tell me about your client?”
“I just finalized the deal this afternoon. I was going to tell you tonight.”
I nodded. “So how far out of town is your client located?”
“Just in Detroit. Four hours away at the most.”
“Detroit? How are you going to swing that? Are you moving there?” There was a bit of alarm in my voice. I was not sure that I wanted this relationship at all, much less a long-distance one.
“My old friend Les and his wife live there. He said that I could crash with them for the four days out of the week that I need to be in town. I’m only going to have to give him two hundred bucks a month.”
“Is that practical?”
“Well, before I pick up and move to another state, I want to make sure that this client is going to work out. It’s a new senior center, and they want me to do all nonurgent maintenance requests for a flat rate every month. I don’t know how much work they’ll have me doing, or if I’ll even like it.”
I wanted to ask how he’d even found the client, but I didn’t want to seem like I was prying. For some reason, I sounded to myself like a nagging wife, asking question after question.
Breaking the brief silence Travis asked, “So are you going to take your mother’s advice?”
“What advice?”
“She told you to hold on to me.”
I looked into Travis’s eyes, and I couldn’t see anything in them that would cause me any harm. All I could see was the intensity of his feelings for me. Travis just had to be a blessing from heaven. It was only my reckless emotions that were causing me to feel any doubt.
I answered seriously, “I’d like to, Travis. Just give me something to hold on to.”