Present
“So what did you think of Rizpah?” asked Dr. King as she handed me a cup of hot tea.
I sipped and responded, “Well, I felt sorry for her. She had already lost her husband, Saul, and then David took her sons and had them killed.”
Dr. King nodded her head so fervently that her long, thick braids danced across her face. She brushed them back effortlessly and said, “Yes. She was definitely worthy of pity. What did you think of her reaction to her sons’ deaths?”
“The passage says that she sat outside on a rock wearing sackcloth, chasing the predators away from the dead bodies. I thought that it was a tremendous showing of grief.”
I remembered the passage that had moved me to tears. Rizpah had found out about her sons’ murders and desecrated bodies and she’d sat outside grieving them.
Dr. King tilted her head to the side. “You could look at it that way. She was indeed grieving. I also thought that she showed great strength.”
“I got that feeling, too.”
“The verse says that she sat on that rock from the beginning of the harvest until rain fell from the heavens. Most Bible commentators agree that this was a period of at least six months. She refused to allow her sons’ bodies to be desecrated, and was quite determined in her efforts. When David heard of her courageous actions, it moved him with compassion. He went and collected Saul’s and Jonathan’s bones, and gave them along with their offspring a proper burial.”
“So what is the point of us reading this story?” I asked, still not quite knowing what Rizpah’s dilemmas had to do with me.
“Well, let’s examine it closely. Do you see any parallels between you and Rizpah?”
“Let me see. Well . . . she lost everything. She was a wife of the king, and he was slain. She lost her status and her money. Then she lost her sons, who were obviously dear to her. I’ve definitely lost everything important to me.”
“You’ve lost a lot, Charmayne, but I suspect that you have an inner strength to rival Rizpah’s. We are going to tap into it.”
I laughed. If there was any hidden strength dwelling on the inside of me, I wished it would come forth. “Maybe. But my question is this. What did all Rizpah’s strength do for her? Her husband and sons weren’t any less dead after she sat on a rock for six months.”
“True enough. She didn’t bring any of her dead loved ones back to life. But the Bible says that it wasn’t until her strength moved David to action that the Lord was entreated for the land. Her courage helped to lift the famine from Israel.”
“I’m sure that she wasn’t thinking of Israel when she went through all that.”
Dr. King replied, “She probably wasn’t. Nevertheless, her resilience through adversity had an impact on others. Don’t you think it will be a tremendous witness to the Lord when you make it through all your trials?”
“If I make it through . . . ,” I said. I took one glance down at the scars on my arms, unsure what story I’d be able to tell.
“Charmayne. You have got to stop trying to convince yourself that you’ve experienced a death-dealing blow. You have your health, your sanity—”
“That’s questionable,” I interrupted.
“Honey, you are not insane. When you woke up this morning, you knew your name and what day it was. You knew how to get up out of your bed and use the bathroom. There are folks out here a lot worse off than you. It’s time-out for your little pity party.”
I hung my head and stared at my lap. She was right, of course. I’d been through adversity before. Losing my father was much more troubling than the Travis drama, and I’d come through in one piece. Even though I was only eighteen when it happened, I held my head up, went to college, and graduated with honors.
When Dayna had gotten married, I’d found myself extremely distraught: My baby sister seemed to be passing me by. And yet I’d survived. My faith and prayers had kept me before, and surely they would continue to keep me. I took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and looked up at Dr. King with new resolve in my eyes.
She continued in a more subdued tone. “It’s all right, Charmayne. Everybody feels sorry for themselves at one time or another. Let’s just not stay there.”
Dr. King was standing in front of me with one hand resting on my shoulder. Her touch was therapeutic and calming.
I said softly, “Okay . . . so now what?”
Dr. King sat down on her love seat. “Now we go back to the beginning of this whole mess.”
We were finally talking about me. “What do you want to know, Dr. King?”
“What was going on in your life when you met Travis? What was making you feel vulnerable?”
I answered without hesitation, “Lynette was getting married . . .”