Hard White

Out on Laconia Avenue, blue and white police cars raced through the street with sirens blaring, rushing from the 47 ^th Precinct on 229^th Street to God knows where. A block up the street, and what seemed like a world away, Melquan and Sheron sat in the Kennedy Fried Chicken spot eating the house special, chicken wings and French fries. They kicked it for a minute about everything from school to sports. Melquan soon realized that Sheron loved sports but hadn’t participated because of his mother.

“Shorty, you gotta forgive her, cause no matter what she’s still ya mother,” Melquan said between bites of chicken. “She knows not what she does.”

They continued chatting and hit it off, laughing and playing. Melquan stole food off Sheron’s plate and Sheron did the same to Melquan. Both of them quickly became real familiar with each other.

“You still hungry, Sheron? You want sumthin else? Or maybe you wanna take sumthinupstairs with you for later on? Maybe another soda, ice cream, or whateva…?”

Melquan’s voice trailed off as he watched Sheron’s reaction. The kid seemed caught between shyness and neediness. There was a hesitation before Sheron gave an answer.

“But how can you do your homework if you hungry? You know you can’t even concentrate when you stomach’s makin’ funny noises, shorty.”

“You sure…? Never let your pride get in the way of asking for sumthinthat you need. Closed mouths don’t get fed. Shorty, think about it. You working, and you get hungry later, and you ain’t got nothing in the house to eat…Hmm, hmm?”

Melquan saw shyness in Sheron but asked anyway. There was something about Sheron that made Melquan recognize that he was a good kid. He had not been tarnished by the ways of the world, or the projects. It seemed as if he wanted to really accept the offer but was too bashful to do so. Still Melquan had to make an offer that Sheron couldn’t refuse. It was the drug dealer in him.

“I guess, alright,” Sheron said, giving in. “But my mother gets her welfare check tomorrow. So we’ll have whole lotta food to eat. Tomorrow, we’ll be good.”

Melquan got up from his seat and walked over to the counter and bought another order of chicken wings and French fries to go. After the order was processed and paid for he returned to Sheron and handed him the bag of food.

Together they exited the restaurant and walked the short distance back to the projects. They made small talk the entire way, but deeper things were on Melquan’s mind. He couldn’t believe how Sheron had initially resisted the meal but was anticipating his mother’s welfare check. To him there was a strange irony in that. Melquan had equal feelings of both pity, and respect.

Back in her apartment, Sheron’s mother was geeking. High as she had ever been, Tess was feeling herself. She walked out the bathroom glancing around the apartment like her head was on a swivel. The slightest sound got her complete attention. Tess meticulously surveyed every inch from the entrance through to the kitchen. She entered the kitchen on her hands and knees, crawling. Tess was looking for lost crack rocks or anything resembling one. Real or not, they would be smoked on sight.

Tess didn’t bother to hide just how high she was. Being discreet wouldn’t make the crack monster go away. Tess found it damn near impossible to come down once she was got this high. Anyone coming inside her apartment at this very moment would have to bear witness to her desperation. Tess was on her knees searching the floor for more get high. The crack was urgently calling her.

Back in the projects, Melquan and Sheron navigated the concrete walkways. Everyone they passed seemed to know and acknowledge Melquan. The outpouring of love captured Sheron’s attention. There were enough handshakes and embraces for Sheron to see that Melquan was very popular. He watched carefully as Melquan showed love back, kissing females on their cheeks and hugs for the dudes. It was like he was walking with a famous person, a ghetto superstar.

Continuing down the block, they walked past Melquan’s building, number 1132. Close to home, they showed him lots of love. Melquan’s ghetto pass was on full display. The projects area was really his stomping grounds. It was the place where he was born and raised.

He opened the door to the two-bedroom apartment occupied by his mother. She was up, walking around the living room, dressed in a fluffy pink bathrobe. Miss Tina was honey-brown complexioned, five foot six inches tall and big boned. A curvaceous fortyish woman, Miss Tina was still hanging on strong to her youthful appearance. Her makeup was already in place and her hair perfectly wrapped up in a scarf.

Sleeping all day and pampering herself, was her daily routine. She could afford to do so because of the hefty disability check she received for hurting her hand at her post office job, some years ago. Her life was akin to that of a drug dealer, except she slept all day and partied all night. Miss Tina was a barfly; she loved to frequent the upscale bars and lounges through out the Bronx and Harlem, where moneymakers, mover and shakers of the underworld were known to gather.

“Boy, you better watch your mouth and save your teeth. I don’t care how big you get I’m still your damn mother. Don’t you get too smart. I ain’t one of your lil’ friends out there in the streets. Get that! I was asking a simple question. Anyway, I’m glad you’re here. I need some money. I’m going out tonight.”

“I don’t know… Lemme see, I’m gonna need money for a cab to get back home… Hmm um, just give me two hundred. Yeah, that should be enough. What you think…?”

Despite his objections, Melquan would never say no to his mother. She had him wrapped around her pinkie. Miss Tina took good care of him growing up and now that he was making money, it was his turn to return the favor. Melquan couldn’t believe how avaricious her appetite for money had grown, and how selfish she had become. It was like the more he gave his mother, the more money she asked for.

Melquan reached into his pocket, and pinched off a few bills. He didn’t dare remove the money from his pocket because his mother would get greedy and ask for more. Unfortunately for Melquan, the amount of money he pinched off was more than the amount requested. He stood in front of mother attempting to count it.

Melquan shook his head in disgust and watched Miss Tina strolled back down the hall back into her bedroom. He couldn’t help but think just how much his mom was involved in the drug game, however indirectly it might have been. Most of his friends’ mothers would never take this blood money, as they called it. Miss Tina wasn’t like most mothers. She was money hungry.

Back in the days, Ms Tina would use her good looks to get whatever her heart desired. She was the pick of the litter in the projects, a hustler’s wet dream and his worst nightmare rolled into one. Her heart was equally dark, and she was corrupted like anyone in the streets. Miss Tina would chase a dollar just as hard as any crack-head chase get high.

“Anyway, that lil’ heifer, India keep calling my phone… She left about five messages on my damn answering machine. I started to pick up the phone and tell her about her a thing or two. Don’t you give her your cell number? What she keep calling here for? That girl worst than any damn bill collector, you hear? You better talk to her ‘fore I do.”

Melquan removed his cellphone from his pocket and realized that his phone had been on silent mode. When he checked, there were more than a dozen missed calls. All were from India.

“Lemme tell you a thing or two. For one, I just don’t like her. Sumthin ‘bout her attitude don’t ‘gree with my spirit… India’s a little too bourgeoisie for me… Talking all proper and shit… She act like her shit don’t stink,” Miss Tina said, re-emerging from her room. She marched up the hall to where Melquan sat checking his cellphone.

“Melquan are you staying at that heifer’s house tonight?” Miss Tina abruptly asked in her best caring mother’s voice.

“Here take these. And make sure you wear them. Lemme tell you a thing or two. Don’t let that heifer trick you into getting her pregnant. India’s just looking for a father for her other child and it ain’t going to be you. The only already made family you going to support is this one,” Miss Tina said, index finger pointing at herself.

Melquan was dumbfounded as his mother strutted her away, mocking him with a sinister laugh. India wasn’t even on it like that, though his mother wouldn’t believe that. She had an extreme dislike for India and it blinded her to everything good about his girlfriend. He was through trying to convert a non-believer into a believer. Melquan had tried and that attempt failed miserably. The outcome remained the same. He was trapped between two strong-willed women and they would never see eye to eye. Suddenly the house phone rang. Melquan jumped out of his thoughts when he heard his mother’s voice.

It was not the sweet voice Melquan had grown accustomed to hearing. India’s voice dripped with a venomous hiss. As soon as Melquan answered the phone, she immediately went on the attack. Rattling off question after question, she was on a never-ending quest for the truth. Melquan unsure how she would react or what she would say, just listened. He decided to play possum and say as little as possible.

“Melquan…?” India exploded. “I’ve been calling all day and night. Where were you? Where have you been? What’s going on?”

“Why didn’t you answer your phone? I’ve called before and left you messages on your cellphone. I’ve goteen no answer. For all I know you could be in jail, or God forbid the morgue.”

“Oh, I accidentally put my phone on silent while doing my hustle, and after I came up here I fell asleep. Me and Mike had a lot of business to take care of.”

There was no guilt to the lies he was telling his girlfriend. If lying was a class Melquan would have aced it. True to fun and not to one, Melquan was very promiscuous. Melquan was presently feeling India. He was almost was in love with her. Almost didn’t count.

“Damn, so you just forgot all about me huh?” she asked after an extended pause. She had to process his excuse. “You mean to tell me that you didn’t wake up in the middle of the night to even go to the bathroom?”

His thoughts caused an increase in Melquan’s heartbeat. No way in hell India was going to believe a lie like that. She was a seasoned veteran when it came to men and relationship. She had seen it all and heard damn near everything. Still she had no proof of his infidelity. India had her suspicions, but what she knew, and what she could prove were two different things. Melquan quietly listened.

It was mushy stuff and made him thought of love. He shivered then he heard her voice ringing through the phone. “Melquan, did you hear me? I said what you been up to, baby? How was your day?”

“Doin’ me,” Melquan answered. He could hear the suspicion on the voice and quickly added, “C’mon India, don’t start with me.”

Melquan took a deep breath and exhaled. He felt that the conversation had taken a wrong turn somewhere and attempted to correct the course.

Melquan sensed doubt, and tried to put them to bed. He knew that would be better done person to person. India was sneaky and had resorted to unusual methods to gain information about him. She had got his password on both his Facebook and Myspace accounts. With her current line of questioning, India was fishing for more info.

“Don’t act like you’re any type of saint, Melquan. We both know otherwise. If I’m acting a certain way, it’s because of your past behavior. You made me this way.”

By watching his mother, Melquan had learned how to be a whore. In the mid to late eighties, when Melquan was still a youngster coming up, Miss Tina began bedding a succession of hustlers. Charlie Rock was amongst the most prominent. Different men came in and out her bedroom at all hours. Melquan was there to witness all their exploits until the streets called him. Melquan’s perception of right and wrong was distorted, after having being shaped by these different men. Family values were quickly replaced by street principles.

There was a long pause on the other end. India wasn’t sure if the call was somehow disconnected and she shouted into the receiver.

“Yeah, I’m here…” Melquan released another heavy sigh of total exasperation. “But lemme ask you a question why you yellin’, huh?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought I dropped the call because I’m driving, that’s why. But to get back to what we were discussing…”

“You call that a discussion? It sounded more like an interrogation on my end. The police have been a whole lot friendlier to me.”

“Melquan, your behavior hasn’t been all that great. You bought this on yourself. You go M-I-A, missing in action and you just expect me to accept any old excuse like that. Sometimes you’re so full of it, Melquan. You know what I mean?”

“How could I forget…? You remind me of it almost every day. How we gonna ever move pass that if you keep remindin’ me of da past? We’ll never move forward cuz all you do is keep bringin’ up the ol’ shit. And I thought you forgave me already? Remember…?”

“I did. But it seems like as soon as we get over one thing, here comes another. You’re always trying to be so secretive and elusive whenever I ask a question concerning your whereabouts. If you’re going to be around me then you’ve got to make choices. And one is you’ve got to be open with me or—”

Melquan heard it in her tone. India was trying hard not to spaz. Being lied to she was finding it harder and harder not to go off.

“If you really must know what I was doin’ all day, I was baggin’ up. Okay, are you happy now? If I ever get indicted, you’ll know why. You got me talking all reckless on my cellphone…!”

Melquan turned around to see that his mother was eavesdropping on the conversation. He stared at her, shaking his head in disgust. Miss Tina had that I-told-you-so look on her face. Melquan could tell that she had heard the entire conversation. She shifted her body weight from one hip to the next as if growing impatient. Finally she crossed her arms across ample buxom, and glared at him with an evil smirk. Melquan stared at her for a quick second. Seeking any little bit of privacy he could get, Melquan turned his back.

“I’m so sorry for making you say that, Melquan. I really am sorry and apologize for it. I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately.”

“Ever since I had that bad dream about you, a couple weeks ago, I’ve been thinking that you’ve been cheating on me. Anyway, are you coming over, boo? I need to see you. I’ll make it up to you when you get here. I promise…”

“A’ight, I’m gonna catch a cab over there in a minute. I just gotta go get sumthin from Mike Copeland, and then I’m on my way there.”

She parked her Honda Civic and removed her eight-year-old son, Zach from his seat belt. They walked up to the elevator and got on. Both entered the apartment and India put away her bags and set off to prepare Zach something to eat. The boy was fascinated by cartoons on the television and quickly indulged. His mother was soon finished with the meal and called him to the kitchen.

“Mom, I’m finished eating. Can I go to my room and play my Playstation for a little while before I get ready for bed?”

“I didn’t know you were finished eating. Zack, please eat all your vegetables. You’re all worked up over the videogames. Did you do your homework yet?”

His mother’s tone of voice caused Zach to feel sorry and his facial expression changed to one of discomfort. He slowly picked at the vegetables remaining on his plate under the watchful eyes of his mother. The look of sadness enveloping her son’s face made her feel bad.

The boy smiled and nodded. He was already feeling better, knowing that his mother was not really angry at him. India smiled and spoke.

“Okay, I’ll make a deal with you. Finish eating all your vegetables then put the empty plate in the sink, and you can play your game for one hour. Oh yeah, and take a bath before you start all that videogame. I want you in bed and asleep after that.”

Couple minutes later, he bolted from the dining table and raced to his room. India watched him moving too quickly before shaking her head.

She had hardly touched her meal. She was caught up cleaning the dishes with a look of concern adorning her pretty face. India did not hear when Melquan entered the apartment. He quietly sneaked up behind her and affectionately hugged her. India was at first startled then she became lost in his embrace.

“Not really. It’s just the same old BS. You know how it is, day in and day out. It’s the same old stuff. I got to put up with BS from the patients and also get it from the doctors with their nasty attitudes.”

“Please, and if that’s not bad enough, I used up almost all of my sick days going back and forth to the family court with Zach’s father. If it ain’t one thing it’s another. Plus, I’ve got to get back to school. I’m so tired of dreading to go to work. It’s like I sit there and watch the clock all day. I can’t wait for three p.m. I hate my job. The only thing it’s good for is paying my bills. That’s it… And right now it’s not even doing that.”

“Melquan, you know I don’t like asking you for money. You do enough already for me and Zach as it is... I made this mess, and I’ve got to clean it up by myself.”

“India, come on now. Don’t let your pride get in the way of accepting some money from me when you need it. Everybody needs a little help here and there.”

“Yeah, but my here and there are starting to become more frequent with each month… Each week… I feel like I’m taking a handout from you,” India said, sounding sad.

Melquan hugged her tightly. She was definitely wifey material. India was twenty-six years old, light skin complexioned, hard working, mature woman. She was beautiful, her features richly Native American and African American quality. Her sexy hourglass figure showed in anything that she wore. He couldn’t just walk all over her like he did with all the other women he had. This was the thing that really attracted Melquan to India. Being in a relationship with India was a challenge. She dared him to want more out of life. She wanted him to see life outside of the projects. India was more of a woman than he ever had.

Despite the big front she had put up on the phone, and no matter how mad she was, India was always approachable. All their problems were momentarily forgotten, now that she had deeper concerns about other things. At this point India was vulnerable and Melquan was just the person to console her.

“Yeah, I hear you, but stop looking at it like that. I’m not giving you a handout… I’m giving you a hand up,” Melquan said, holding her tighter.

India turned around and caressed his face and planted a juicy, wet kiss on his lips. With her head was on his chest, he rocked back and forth silently with her in his arms. Melquan’s thoughts melted into two years ago. It took him back to the evening when they first saw each other in PathMark supermarket in Co-op.

He was just becoming a successful hustler and had all the trappings of street success. When their eyes first set on each other, he thought she was a Puerto Rican chick from the hood. She looked like some young girl he could bag. Initially India wasn’t interested in him at all.

Melquan had spotted India up and down the supermarket aisles. By chance they ended up in the same checkout line. Seizing the opportunity, Melquan turned around and spoke to her.

India had given him the meanest mug he’d ever seen from a woman and pulled her blackberry out her purse, fiddling with it, without responding. Melquan wasn’t used to getting dissed in this manner. He had to think fast to save face.

“I’m good! Thanks for asking,” he said in good humor. Despite not wanting to laugh, India had to. The comment caught her off guard. She loved a person with a sense of humor. Melquan had plenty of that.

“Oh, you like that huh?” Melquan said, capitalizing on his good fortune. “You know you look a whole lot prettier with that smile on ya face. Yeah, I could get used ta that smile.”

Melquan continued to heave compliment after compliment on India. She quickly began to blush. Now Melquan had the green light to push up on her.

“Boy, you’re killing me right now. You probably say that to all the females you meet. What did you say your name was?”

“Amongst other things I’ve been told. But enough about me let’s talk about you. I wanna know everything about you. First, I need your number though.”

“Oh, you think it’s that easy, huh?” she had said smiling. “You kick a few lines and you get want you want? Listen, I don’t even give my name to strange men.”

“Like the ol’ sayin’ goes, ‘believe none of what you hear and half of what you see’. It’s not as bad as they say. It has its ups and downs just like everywhere else. From what I hear they got Bloods & Crips in Co-op City. So, there that go… Now back to that number.”

“No, I have a child though. Beside, that’s just my rule of thumb. I don’t just give out my number. It’s unlady like. I know we’re not stranger any more but it just a rule I have.”

Meeting a female of India caliber was a dream for Melquan. The demeanor of this smart, sexy, sophisticated woman easily impressed him. Melquan had enough around the way girls, hood chicks and ghetto girls, he was seeking to upgrade. He felt their personalities meshed. Melquan was not about to let this opportunity slip through his fingers.

They chatted and the long line progressed. Soon it was their turn to pay for their groceries. First Melquan went and waited on India when he was done. Together they walked out the store and toward the parking lot.

India suddenly went silent. She turned and looked at him strange. Soon she broke out into a smile. His rugged good looks gave her a moment to pause.

When India’s voice trailed off Melquan heard no satisfaction in it. Instead he saw the regret in her almond shaped eyes. They continued the short distance to her car. Melquan helped place her grocery bags in the trunk of the modest grey Honda Civic.

“Nah, it ain’t confidence. I’m just convinced, you’re feelin’ me like I’m feelin’ you. I’m convinced that this is not some chance meeting. This is destiny—yours and mine.”

During the ride to her apartment on Dreiser Loop in Co-Op City, India couldn’t keep Melquan out of her mind. She hadn’t quite felt like this since she had met her son’s father, Shamel. They had broken up and she had run into a lot of imposters, but not any real suitors. India was in need of a man in her life. She secretly hoped that Melquan would fill that void.

Here in the living room of India’s apartment, Melquan had managed to ease most of India’s fears. His presence had a calming effect on her. They sat on the couch, cuddling, watching a television show called Real Housewives of Atlanta. Although Melquan didn’t much care for the show itself, whenever and wherever he found the time to spend quality time with India, he did. He wanted to take advantage of this situation and score some points in the process.

Holding India close made Melquan’s nature rise. In between the commercials the two would fondle each other. By time the show went off things got really hot and heavy. The couple lost awareness of time and place. A touch turned into a feel and a light peck on the lips turned into a wet, passionate tongue kiss.

Melquan’s hands slowly roamed all over her body, and India’s senses were awakened. They were about to disrobe and let their passion drive them to ecstacy. Suddenly India stopped him.

Melquan thought about it for couple beats. His heart was heaving in his chest. He glanced down at his rock hard dick then looked at India. Her facial expression said it all. India didn’t have to say anything else. She got up from off the couch, her cleavage showing, and her clothing was in disarray. India began straightening her clothes. He knew better too.

In the shower, Melquan scrubbed the grime off his body but couldn’t remove the guilt on his mind. Like he was new to it, he had took it too far, got carried away and he knew it. Melquan realized he had played himself, pointblank. He hoped their relationship didn’t suffer because of it.

Melquan showered and picked up his dirty clothes, a pair of jeans and the sweatshirt he was wearing. Unbeknownst to him, a large wad of money fell out along with a bag of drugs.

Clad in wife-beater and boxer shorts, Melquan entered the bedroom. India immediately exited it. They avoided making eye contact as they passed each other. A call suddenly came through on his cellphone. Melquan answered it and was still on the call when India walked back into bedroom. She unexpectedly went ballistic.

“Whoever you’re talking with on the phone, please tell them you’ll call them back,” India said, staring angrily at him. “Melquan, we have to talk right now.”

Melquan’s mind suddenly started racing. He paused looking at the cellphone and wondering what was up with India. While his heart did laps, his first thought was about his romp with Precious the night before. Melquan stared at India with curiousity locked in his eyes.

“Look, I gotta call you back,” Melquan said, holding India’s stare. “What’s up, baby?” he asked in as soft a voice as was possible.

“I told you, how many times, not to bring drugs, drug paraphernalia or drug money, to my place. It might not be much to you, but this Co-op apartment and my child is all I have. This is everything I hold dear in this whole wide world. I’m not gonna let you F it up, okay Melquan?”

“What are you talkin’ about, baby? Why even you trippin’? You’re not makin’ sense right now. This some random sh…”

India out of nowhere threw a bag of cocaine at Melquan. It smacked him dead center of his surprised face. Melquan watched her as the coke fell at his feet. She quickly tossed Melquan the roll of money with rubber band wrapped around it. He caught it easily.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to bring that here. I forgot I had it on me…” his voice trailed when he bent over to pick up the drugs.

“You forgot…? I went into the bathroom and found all that just sitting right there on the floor. Melquan what would I have told my son if he had walked in there and seen that. All I need is for him to go and tell his father what he saw and there goes my custody case. Melquan, I’m not going to lose Zach over your silly bullshit.”

“You’re right. My bad, India, I was dead wrong. I was supposed to drop that off before I left the projects. What else do you want me to say…?”

“Yes, it’s your bad, Melquan. That goes without saying. Now, please put on your clothes and get out. I can’t deal with this shit, at least not tonight! My mind is not right. I’ll only act like a bitch for the rest of the night. And I’d rather not let you see that side of me.”

Melquan glanced at her in disbelief before he began putting his clothes on. He was now feeling anger and was happy to be leaving. His thoughts raced as he thought of Precious. Fully dressed, he was stomping out the apartment and was met at the door by India. Tears were in her eyes.

Melquan stared at her and realized this could be the end. And he wasn’t ready to bow out gracefully. He felt love for India and wanted her in his life. His anger spilled over in his words.

“I ain’t giving you nothing… Nah, you gave me these keys in good faith and I’ll return them in good faith,” he said, brushing past India.

“I don’t believe you, Melquan. And you call yourself keeping it real? Let me have my keys …” her voice trailed as the door slammed shut. India stared blankly at the door with tears in her eyes. “How did I get myself in this situation…?”

She walked to the door and put the night lock on. Then went to her bed where she saw a stack of bills on the nightstand. She paused for a minute, staring at the money. Licking her lips, India said, “Un-fucking-believable!”