Even as a young girl I was aware of the darkness that would haunt me throughout my life.
– Rebecca Barlow, June 2007
Rebecca Barlow dangled her legs over the edge of the dock and stared into the horizon, her mind heavy, troubled by a sense of unrest. She dipped her big toe into the water, swirled it around, and stared at a row of pine trees on the opposite side of the lake. The trees swayed in the summer breeze like they didn’t have a care in the world, something she wished to emulate but couldn’t.
At thirty-eight years of age, Rebecca assumed she’d have life all figured out by now. The truth was, she was far from it. Her life was a mess, and the harder she worked to put it together, the messier it became. The first part of the year hit a high note with a surprising romance. The guy had showered her with gifts and affection, and she felt something she hadn’t in years—hope. All hope was dashed in an instant when he delivered an ultimatum, one which forced her to make an impossible choice.
Rebecca pulled her knees into her chest, wrapped her arms around them, and let the tears flow as the memories of a night she wished she could forget flooded back to her. The last argument they’d had seemed more like a nightmare than a reality. But it was reality, her reality, and she’d lived with the harsh slap of his rejection ever since.
A trio of ducks waded along the water, a pleasant diversion to Rebecca’s unpleasant thoughts. She sat up, reached into her shorts pocket, and pulled out a note she planned to leave on his windshield the next morning. She unfolded it and scanned its contents. The note was perfect, every word selected with care. Once he read it, she was sure he’d realize they were meant to be together no matter what the cost.
He would realize it, wouldn’t he?
A bead of sweat trickled down the side of Rebecca’s face, courtesy of the warm summer day. She wiped it off and slipped the note back inside her pocket. Then she stood up, stripped off her shirt and shorts, and did something she hadn’t planned on doing until now. She dove into the lake. Moments later she resurfaced, shivering, having realized the water was a lot colder than she’d anticipated.
Rebecca reached for the wood planks of the dock to pull herself out of the water and froze when her eyes came to rest on a pair of black shoes. Men’s shoes. She was no longer alone. Eyes blurred with water, she squeezed them shut and back open again and glanced up. Before she could identify the uninvited guest, a hand clamped onto her head and pressed down, forcing her back underwater.
Rebecca’s arms and legs flailed about, desperate to find a way back to the surface again. Her attacker was far stronger than she was, and no matter how much she writhed to release herself from his grip, she couldn’t break free. As the air left her lungs, she held her breath and tried to force her oxygen-deprived mind to think of a way to stay alive.
Think, Rebecca!
Don’t give up!
The man fisted a hand around her long, dark hair and yanked her out of the water. She sucked what little air she could into her burning lungs, and then he plunged her beneath the water again. She opened her mouth to scream, but she could scream all she wanted—it wouldn’t change a thing. No one would hear her even if she did, and this time, he showed no sign of letting up.