She was sneaking around with a guy. Going to parties she wasn’t supposed to go to. She had a phone her mom didn’t know about. All these things described Rachel before she died.
And now they describe me.
I expect a lecture on the way home, for Dad to get mad again, but instead he sounds sad. “I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me about the party. I would have come and got you, no questions asked.”
I want to erase the hurt from his face, so I say, “I would have called you, but Skyler offered to take me home. It was just easier, and after Rachel … I didn’t think the party was important enough to make you worry about it.”
“I guess I’m glad you have a friend like Skyler,” Dad says. “And I’m glad he has someone like you. I know he’s struggled a lot, especially since his mom died, but he seems to be doing well now. Just promise you’ll be careful. Remember what I said about you two not being alone. I meant it.”
I think about the phone and a hundred other things that maybe I should tell him about, but I can only manage, “Okay, Dad.”
“I mean later. Right now you’re still grounded.” He sighs. “Another thing, I talked to your mom again last night. She wants you to come stay with her for a little while, until things get settled down here.”
I’m annoyed that Mom called again, but that she didn’t bother to talk to me. “Why did she talk to you about it, and not me?”
“Maybe she wanted to ask me about it before she brought it up to you.”
“So what did you say to her?”
He won’t look at me. “I said it might be a good idea.”
I laugh, but then I realize he’s serious. “You honestly think DC is safer than Lake Ridge?”
“No, but … it might not be a bad idea to give you a break from everything here. Besides, your mom misses you. You haven’t been to see her for a long time.”
I roll my eyes. “That’s her fault, she’s always too busy. She’s always making promises she can’t keep.”
“She’s doing her best,” Dad says. “We both are.” He’s silent for a while and finally he sighs. “Look, maybe I’ve been too tough on you, about a lot of things. I know I’m just a dad who doesn’t get what a teenage girl wants or needs, but you have to trust that I’m trying to do what’s best for you. I don’t want you to think you can’t come to me with anything.”
“Okay, Dad,” I answer, but inside I’m squirming. There’s too much I can’t tell him. “But I don’t want to go stay with Mom right now.”
He breathes something that sounds like a sigh of relief. “Okay.”
I think about my conversation with Dad for a long time after he goes to bed. I need to cut back on the lies, starting with the phone. I can’t keep it, but I don’t know how to make Skyler understand why.
I start with: Thanks for the phone, but I can’t keep it.
His answer sounds hurt: Don’t u like it?
I love it, but it’s too expensive.
He answers: I have money, don’t worry about it.
I don’t ask him where the money came from. I already know he has a trust fund from his mom. I wonder if my dad helped set it up. I wonder if his dad knows about it.
My dad won’t let me keep this.
Don’t tell him.
I don’t need it anymore. I got my other phone back from that cop.
But this one is better. U don’t have to use ur dads computer.
I can’t think of an answer for that. He’s right. The phone does give me access to the Internet whenever I want it. Despite everything Dad said, I don’t think I can ask him if I can use the computer without getting a lot of questions. Maybe I should hang onto the phone just for a little longer.
He texts back: This is just for us. Don’t give anyone else this number.
I like that idea. Kind of like the note-exchange place Rachel and I had in the old fireplace. I text back: K.
He ends with: I have to be up early tomorrow, TTYL. Luv you. Night.
That stops me. On top of my guilt I have another nagging question: is “luv you” in a text the same as “I love you?”
I feel like things are happening fast between me and Skyler, maybe too fast. I was kissing him in the church parking lot, something I’d never dream of doing before. I’ve known of him my whole life, but in some ways I feel as if I barely know him. We went to grade school and middle school together, but until the end of this year, we’d never really talked.
Rachel talked to him sometimes, but she talked to everyone. I remember they sat together on the way home from the eighth-grade field trip. Some guys were teasing him on the bus, I’m not sure what about, but she left me alone and sat by him. I wonder if he remembers that. I wonder if he heard her tell me she thought he was weird the day he was behind us on the way home from school. I hope not.
I glance at the text again. Maybe he’s as nervous about this as I am. Maybe that’s just what having a boyfriend is like. I wish I could ask Rachel. I’m sure she wouldn’t think he was weird now, not if she got to know him.
I answer simply: Night.
Then I try to put it out of my mind. I have other things I need to worry about. I put the page of pictures on my bed, pressing out the wrinkles with my hand, trying to make sense of it. I think about what I found out today. I’m sure now that Manny was the guy she was talking about. She was in love with him, and then she found him dead. I feel sick, thinking about how she cried all night, and how she wouldn’t talk about it. It must have been so horrible for her. I know she was afraid to go to the police, but why didn’t she tell me?
I wonder how long she knew Manny, but I’m not sure it matters. In just a few weeks Skyler has become a huge part of my life, like I can’t remember what it felt like not to have him in it.
Maybe I do love him.
I touch the new phone sitting on my bed beside me. Who texted her that night? Manny? Or was he already dead?
I look at the pictures again, trying to find something easy, something I can go after tomorrow if Dad leaves me alone. The number 18 stands out again. It was Evan’s jersey number, but I don’t think that’s what she meant.
I search the number 18 and gangs on my new phone. I come up with a gang called the 18th Street Gang. I skim the article. Words stand out to me like “multi-ethnic” and “transnational.” It says there are members of the 18th Street Gang in 120 cities and in 37 states. Are they here? Could Evan be part of a gang?
I push that idea out as soon as it hits my brain. Agent Herrera said there was no evidence of other gang activity in Lake Ridge, and the symbols were all for one gang, the Cempoalli.
I look at the paper again. The words above the number don’t make any sense. “Making the cut.” It seems like that should mean something to me, but I can’t figure out what.
I need to sleep, but first I have to check on one more thing. Something that’s been bugging me. I pull up a Spanish to English translator and type in “boba.” It comes up with words like “silly,” “stupid,” and “naive.” I close the browser, disgusted.
I should have guessed.
I hide the paper and my phone in my bottom drawer, next to Rachel’s broken necklace. That drawer is getting stuffed with too many secrets. I lie on my bed and try to turn my brain off by concentrating on what it felt like to have Skyler standing close to me, twisting the end of my braid in his fingers, inches away from kissing me. Then by remembering what it felt like when he kissed me the first time … and when I kissed him …
I’m drifting off, my brain getting fuzzy, when I think I hear something outside. I sit up fast, listening. I hear it again. It sounds like someone is standing by my window. I left it open to let the cool air in.
I stay in bed, too afraid to move.
The wind billows my curtains away from the window. Then I see it. A piece of paper stuck to my screen, fluttering in the breeze like a trapped moth, and making a soft scraping noise. I listen again, but I don’t hear anything but the paper and the wind. I climb out of bed and creep across the room. The picture of Rachel’s room is burned into my mind, so I avoid walking in front of the window.
As I get closer I realize the note is on the inside, slipped through an opening cut in the corner of my screen. I reach for the paper, free it with trembling fingers, and read the message inside.
The police couldn’t save her, and they won’t be able to save you. Keep your mouth shut and mind your own business, bitch.
The bottom is signed with a symbol I’ve come to recognize, the sign for the Cempoalli.
I slam the window shut and run to Dad’s room. I pause outside and listen to him breathing. I reach up to knock, the note clutched in my fingers, but there’s another piece of paper stuck to his door, no words, just the same symbol.
Rachel’s words come back to me, No one is safe from them.
Not even my dad.