Maggie
August 1991
‘Is she asleep?’ Maggie whispered as Mike tiptoed down the hall.
He placed a finger to his lips and nodded. ‘Finally.’
‘Thank you,’ Maggie said. ‘I know you’ve been looking after her all day, but I have to get this assignment done before prac starts next week.’
Mike shrugged. ‘Hey, it’s not a problem.’
‘But it’s your night off, I feel really bad.’
‘How about you take a five-minute break,’ Mike lifted the textbook off her lap and pulled her up, ‘make us some tea, and then we’re even?’
‘Mike McGee, you cannot be serious. It’s Friday night and you want tea? Turning twenty-five has made you soft.’ She socked him playfully in the stomach.
‘Ha. You wish. Nah, I’m good with staying in tonight. Maybe we should try that new pizza place?’
‘Yes, I can’t remember the last time we had pizza.’ Maggie had not long moved into Mike’s when she discovered she was pregnant, and all of a sudden, everything had changed.
She quit her job at The Vinyl Room and went back to working part-time at Grace Bros until Brianna was born, and then with Mike’s encouragement she started her medical degree.
On her uni days, Mike looked after Brianna. He was still working nights, although he too had moved on from the club and was working at Hotel Nikko. She knew Mike had plans to open a bar of his own, but he was waiting for her to finish her studies. Maggie was forever feeling guilty that because of her pregnancy, Mike’s life was put on hold to help her, but at the same time she knew that if she didn’t have him, she had nowhere else to go. Her mother would’ve surely considered her an even bigger disappointment if Maggie had called on her for help.
‘Then it’s settled.’ Mike nudged her towards the kitchen. ‘Make that tea, and I’ll order pizza. You have two days until your internship starts so get cracking.’
Maggie knew that she had it good with Mike. She and Brianna were blessed. She loved Mike, and she loved how he was with Brianna. And if things were different, if they both had felt the same, then Brianna could have had the family she deserved. But the heart was a fickle beast and the chance that she and Mike would be more than what they were—well, it would be a snowflake’s chance in hell.
The night before her internship was about to start, Mike handed her an envelope with her name on it. She immediately recognised the penmanship.
It was her mother’s.
‘How … where … where did you get this?’ She looked at Mike, baffled.
Mike sighed heavily and gestured for her to take a seat on the couch. ‘I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you that ever since Sharon’s funeral, I’ve been in contact with Rosie.’
Unsure of which emotion she needed to address first, she raised her brow. ‘Rosie?’ Anger and betrayal vied for attention. ‘Since when are you and my mother on a first-name basis?’
‘Since we, ah, started meeting for lunch every month.’
Maggie looked at Mike, her mouth agape. ‘Michael McGee,’ was all she managed, shaking her head.
‘Look, she was worried; all she wanted was to keep an eye on you.’
Maggie sighed and set her gaze forward. ‘This is typical Rosie. Always wanting to control my life.’ Then, throwing an accusing look in his direction, ‘And she sucked you into being her little spy.’
Mike shook his head. ‘Maggie, you have it all wrong. It was I who reached out to her.’
‘What?’ Maggie was livid; the betrayal was worse than she thought.
‘Rosie wanted to make sure that someone was keeping an eye on you. She was worried—’
‘That I was wasting my potential,’ Maggie said drily.
‘No, actually she was worried that you didn’t have anyone to help you after Sharon’s death. I think it was her less-than-subtle attempt at trying to figure out if we were a couple.’
‘What did you say?’
‘I told her that we were living together,’ Mike said slowly. ‘But that there’d never been anything romantic there.’
Maggie pursed her lips. ‘You lied to her on that one.’
Mike chuckled. ‘It was before you decided to jump me.’
Maggie felt her face flame as she recalled that night. ‘Well, we both know what the result of that night was.’
Mike reached out and took her hand. ‘Yeah, we do. If I wasn’t clear about my life before then, I certainly was afterwards.’
Maggie waggled her finger. ‘Don’t stray off topic; I’m not happy discovering that you’ve been lying to me. It’s been five years since Sharon died. Does Rosie know …?’
‘About Brianna? Yes. She knows. She also knows about you and uni and she is extremely proud.’
‘Oh, I bet she is. I bet she told you how she always knew I had the potential to be a doctor.’ Her tone was resentful and Mike surprised her by sending her a pitiful look.
‘Do you even know why she was so invested in you becoming a doctor?’
Maggie tilted her head. Mike’s question was interesting. Never had she and Rosie ever discussed this. Never had she asked her mother why it was so important that she become a doctor, nor had Rosie ever been forthcoming on the subject. ‘No, but something tells me that you do.’
‘That letter explains it all.’ Mike nodded pointedly.
Maggie’s gaze slid to the envelope, hating both that Mike knew something she did not, and that perhaps whatever the letter contained would change everything. She knew her mother, and she knew Mike. Rosie didn’t open up to just anyone—hell, she hadn’t even opened up to Maggie—but a part of her understood how Rosie could open up to Mike. After all, hadn’t she done the same thing?
She ran her hand over the smooth paper, fingering the sealed backing.
‘Why now?’ Maggie asked. ‘I mean, you’ve been seeing my mother behind my back for what, five years?’
‘It’s simple. First, she didn’t want to add to your stress when Brianna was a baby, then when you started uni, she didn’t want to cloud that either.’
A thought crossed Maggie’s mind. ‘When I said I wanted to go to uni and you encouraged me …’
Mike shot her an empathetic look. ‘That had nothing to do with Rosie. I could see that you needed to do it—for you.’
She considered his answer, then said, ‘Before I open this, I need to ask … does Rosie know everything?’
Maggie wasn’t sure just how much Mike had disclosed. He took a few moments before answering and looked Maggie straight in the eyes so there was no doubt about his honesty.
‘No. She doesn’t know everything.’
* * *
The August winds were always brutal, but for some reason, they seemed worse this year. Maggie pulled her coat tight around her as she hurried into Prince of Wales Hospital for the first day of her internship. After doing an all-nighter, she finally had turned in her last assignment, barely making it in time to drop it into Sydney University before rushing to Randwick. At least it hadn’t rained. Thick rain clouds had blanketed the sky and threatened a deluge. Rain always had reminded her of the day they had buried Sharon. It was hard to believe that it had been five years.
So much had changed in that time. She had become a mother and was on her way to becoming a doctor. Maggie had moved on with her life, she had lived, and there were times when her guilt was overwhelming. Sharon should be alive today. Maybe if she hadn’t walked away from her that night, maybe if she had told Bobby that instead of dinner, they go to the party at the flat so she could keep an eye on Sharon … She should’ve been taking better care of her, but instead she had been so blindly in love with Bobby.
So many should-haves, ifs and maybes. Mike was forever telling her that she needed to forgive herself, that there was nothing she could’ve done to help Sharon. The drug problem amongst the girls was not only at The Vinyl Room, but literally every strip club, bar and brothel in and around the Cross.
‘Do we have a Maggie Hart here?’
The sound of her name pulled Maggie out of her thoughts.
‘Yes, that’s me.’ She lifted her hand as an older woman with silver-blue hair considered her with a searing gaze. It was clear she was less than impressed.
‘I’ve called your name three times now.’ She snapped her clipboard with savage force. ‘You’re starting in emergency. Next time, don’t let it get past once.’
At the end of her first day, Maggie was sure that Mrs Forster, the hospital’s administrative manager, had assigned her to the emergency department as punishment. It was utter chaos—there was no other word to describe it. She had lost count of the amount of broken bones that had come through, but the case that hit her hardest was the young girl who was wheeled in as a suspected drug overdose. The instant Maggie saw her, her heart stopped. The girl was a dead ringer for Sharon.
‘Do we know what she’s taken?’ one of the emergency doctors bellowed. Doctors and nurses clamoured around the unconscious girl, checking her vitals—airways, breathing and circulation and cardiac monitoring.
‘Heroin, apparently,’ one of the nurses answered moments before the girl jerked violently and started to seize.
‘She’s coding!’ a nurse yelled, rapidly starting CPR.
The doctor ordered intubation and then the administration of naloxone, a drug commonly used to reverse the effect of respiratory opioid compromise.
Maggie wasn’t sure how much time had passed—there was so much noise and commotion and all the while she wondered: is this what happened to Sharon?
She followed the team as they wheeled the girl into a room. She was stable but still critical. After that, Maggie was pulled into assisting with the removal of a marble from a five-year-old’s nose, then helping an eighty-year-old who had fallen off a ladder and broken his hip, but once her shift finished, she headed back to see how the girl was doing.
‘It’s still touch and go,’ the duty nurse informed her. ‘We see a lot of these; you’ll need to get used to it.’
Maggie couldn’t foresee that happening. ‘My best friend died of a drug overdose five years ago.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that. It’s all too common these days.’ She said it as if it was completely acceptable and it annoyed Maggie.
‘She shouldn’t have died.’ She felt her throat thicken.
‘No, none of them should. But the reality is some do. Now go home and get some rest. You’re going to need it when night shifts kick in.’
The nurse, Karen, was right. Night shift was a totally different beast. She had been sleep-deprived when Brianna was a baby, but it didn’t compare to this.
‘You’ll get used to it,’ one of the registrars, Jeremy, said as they were entering the lift at the end of a rather long night shift. He pressed the button for level three, where his girlfriend, Sandra, who was a resident in obstetrics, also would be winding up for the night.
‘Really? When?’ Maggie asked eagerly, hoping he would say that it would be only a matter of weeks, but her hope faded quickly at the sight of Jeremy stifling a yawn.
‘Or so I’m told.’ He gave her a sheepish smile as the elevator stopped. ‘See you tomorrow, Maggie.’
The doors started to shut and Maggie briefly closed her eyes. With any luck, Brianna would be sleeping still when she got home, allowing her at least an hour before she needed to get her ready for preschool. Thinking of her daughter made her think of her mother’s letter.
Mike had been right—Rosie’s letter explained a lot. If it hadn’t been written in Rosie’s handwriting, she probably would’ve questioned it coming from her. It seemed for the first time ever, her mother was willing to talk to her—not at her.
It was strange, and somehow bittersweet, that through a single letter, she knew more about Rosie and perhaps understood her more than ever before. That wasn’t to say she didn’t have questions. Maggie had plenty of them and she still wasn’t sure what the future held for them, but she had agreed to meet with her later in the morning, and she had to admit, she would be lying if she said she wasn’t just a little bit nervous about it all. But first she needed sleep. Even the very thought had her eyelids closing.
The sound of the doors jarring jolted her eyes open and stopped her heart. A man rushed in and the doors whooshed closed, trapping them.
‘Bobby,’ she breathed his name in a half-whisper, half-curse.
‘Maggie.’ He looked as shocked as she felt. ‘What … do you work here?’ he asked, eyeing the uniform.
Maggie pulled at her skivvy. Suddenly the air thinned. ‘Yes,’ she finally managed. ‘I’m a medical student intern.’
‘You’re a doctor?’ he asked, wide-eyed, and Maggie wasn’t sure if it was in awe or disbelief. ‘Good for you.’
Five years may have passed, but he still had the ability to make a mess of her equilibrium. ‘Oh, fuck you, Bobby, don’t patronise me.’
She snapped her gaze forward. She didn’t want to look at him. Most of all, she didn’t want to look into his eyes.
‘Maggie, I swear, I’m being genuine. I’m really happy for you.’
Realising they weren’t moving, she stabbed violently at the button for the ground floor.
‘What are you doing here?’ Maggie asked, willing this elevator ride to end.
Bobby awkwardly cleared his throat. ‘Lynne, my, ah, wife, had our first baby. I’m a dad.’
The air totally evaporated, suffocating her. She gripped the railing as a wave of nausea rolled through her. In her mind, she had played out how she would behave if she ever saw Bobby again. There were a few different scenarios, none of which involved her and Bobby meeting in a hospital elevator with him telling her he’d just become a dad.
‘Congratulations,’ she spat as the doors opened, allowing much-needed oxygen to fill her lungs.
She rushed out, straight through the hospital entrance and out into the still-inky night.
‘Maggie, wait!’ she heard Bobby call, but she didn’t yield. She kept going down past the ambulance driveway and onto the street.
‘Maggie!’ He caught up with her and grabbed her arm.
She was forced to turn and look at his blue eyes, the same blue eyes that Brianna had. A frosty gush of wind blasted her tear-streaked cheeks. There was a flash of something, something she couldn’t quite decipher—pain, regret, or maybe it was just pity.
They stood there on the footpath as dawn’s first light warmed the cool, dark earth, two former lovers, one harbouring a secret, the other weighed by regret.
‘What is it, Bobby?’ Maggie broke the silence.
‘I … I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt—’
‘Don’t,’ Maggie bit out through gritted teeth. ‘I don’t need your apology.’ She pulled away, not strong enough to be hurt once again.
‘I love you, Maggie!’ Bobby bellowed, grinding her to a halt. Maggie turned to face him, stunned at what she was hearing. He took a step towards her, but she held her hand up, wordlessly telling him to stay put.
‘You’re the love of my life, Maggie.’
Maggie let out an acerbic laugh. ‘Now you tell me this? When your wife has just given birth to your child?’
But Bobby wasn’t deterred. ‘I knew the night I met you at Kardomah, then again when I saw you at The Vinyl Room. I knew the night you knocked on my door and I knew five minutes ago when I walked into that elevator.’
Maggie felt her heart clench. There was a time when Bobby’s love was all she’d wanted. But so much had happened and neither one of them was who they’d been five years ago.
‘Maggie?’ Bobby asked nervously when she remained silent. ‘Say something.’
She knew there was only one thing left to say.
‘It’s too late.’
And with that, she turned away, her vision blurred by tears as she bolted across the street, and so consumed with her grief that she didn’t see, nor did she hear the truck coming. Not until the very last second, and even then she didn’t have a chance to think, because all there was left had faded to black.