TYPICAL DAY
J: SO, WHAT’S A TYPICAL DAY IN OUR LIFE LIKE? HONESTLY, THERE IS NOTHING TYPICAL ABOUT IT. WE CAN’T EVER SAY WE DO THE SAME THING AT THE SAME TIME EVERY DAY. WHATEVER’S GOING ON TODAY MAY BE TOTALLY DIFFERENT TOMORROW.
G: IT SOUNDS COOL TO BE SO SPONTANEOUS, BUT SOMETIMES WE DO WISH WE HAD MORE OF A SCHEDULE GOING ON. WE TRY, BUT SOMETHING ALWAYS COMES UP.
J: WE’VE GOTTEN REALLY GOOD AT ROLLING WITH THINGS.
AskJacks
WOULD YOU RATHER . . .
EAT FRENCH FRIES OR TATER TOTS?
J: Fries.
G: Fries all the way.
HAVE BAGELS OR TOAST?
J: Bagels for the both of us. New York bagels in particular.
USE KETCHUP OR MUSTARD?
G: Ketchup. Goes on everything.
WEAR SNEAKERS OR GO BAREFOOT?
J: Barefoot is nice, but it’s a summer thing.
G: Yeah, sneakers cover all weather, all seasons. Gotta be practical about that.
HAVE A STOMACH BUG FOR A DAY OR LARYNGITIS FOR A WEEK?
J: I hate throwing up. I mean I really hate it. There’s nothing worse.
G: Yeah, but it’s one day and you’re over it. What if you couldn’t talk for a week?
J: It would suck, but I could text. Or maybe whisper?
G: Laryngitis seems like more of a commitment, though. So I’d go for the throwing up.
WHAT’S SOMETHING NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT EACH OF YOU?
G: I get to take this one first.
J: Oh boy, here we go.
G: So recently, we were in London at this club. Let me just preface this by saying eighteen is the legal drinking age there. So Johnson has this glass of champagne in his hand.
J: I do not recall any of this, so don’t hold it against me.
G: So he takes the glass, takes a sip, then turns to me and says, “Hey, check this out.” Then he throws it at the wall and the glass shatters in a million pieces.
J: And your point is?
G: My point is no one knows that you are reckless.
J: I admit it: Sometimes, I can be reckless. I’ll just unleash.
AskJacks
OUR TOP FIVE PET PEEVES
1. Slow drivers. Come on, put some pedal to the metal! Why is it that just when you’re trying to get somewhere fast you get stuck behind one of them on the freeway?
2. People who chew with their mouth open. Thanks, but I don’t need to see what you’re having for lunch. So annoying—and even worse when accompanied by sloppy sounds.
3. People who scrape their dinner plates with a fork. Sets our teeth on edge. Have some dignity; leave a crumb or two.
4. People who have phlegm in their throats and don’t clear it. Ugh! Cough it up, dude. You sound like Darth Vader.
5. When people twist your words. Okay, so you’re totally ignoring what I just said and manipulating it to fit your own agenda? People who do this are either: a) looking to pick a fight, or b) don’t care what your opinion is. Just walk away.
I seem like a really mild-mannered guy, but I can lose it. Now my turn?
G: Go for it.
J: One time in eighth grade Jack G purposely lost his voice. I’d lost mine and he wanted to match me. So we were standing outside a Krispy Kreme, and he says, “I just wanna see what it would be like.” So he starts singing punk rock, screaming this death metal for forty-five straight minutes. And it worked.
G: Yeah, it’s why my voice is deeper today. Permanent punk-rock damage.
J: Serves you right.
IF A GENIE GRANTED YOU THREE WISHES, WHAT WOULD THEY BE?
J: Wish one: world peace. I’d wish that nobody had hatred in their souls toward other human beings.
G: Beautiful. Wish two: an end to world hunger.
J: Wish three: cure all diseases. I would honestly not waste a single wish on myself when there is so much that needs to be fixed about the world we live in.
G: What would we wish for anyway? Materialistic stuff?
J: Right, and another upside—besides making the world a better place—is that people would be really grateful. We’d be legends. We just cured cancer with a wish.
G: Win-win.
DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING?
J: Back in the day, I used to collect baseball cards and Pokémon cards. Now I have this personal collection in my head of all these water brands that I’ve tried. I think I’m at 278.
G: Yeah, he does. Seriously, he’s always trying water—as if it tastes different. It’s water.
J: It does. It’s very subtle sometimes, but it does.
G: I don’t collect anything.
J: Yeah you do. You collect memories from around the world.
IF YOU HAD UNLIMITED MONEY, WHAT WOULD YOU BUY?
G: Unlimited? Like it never stops pouring out of my wallet? A jumbo jet for sure.
J: A mansion on both coasts and one in Colorado. And I’d give money to every charity in the world. Cancer research? You need $200 billion? Done!
G: I don’t think I would spend forty-eight hours in one place ever. I would have two drivers, on twelve-hour shifts, to take me places.
J: While your jet is fueling up—that works. See the world. I want a personal chef. Damn, everything would be so easy!
G: I think I would tip someone $500,000 just for the hell of it. Thanks for the coffee, have a great day. You deserve it.
WHAT IS YOUR MANTRA?
J: Mine is “Stay hydrated.” But then I want to add, “Stay humble, stay true.” Not necessarily in that order, but all important.
G: “Be who you are and who you always were.” Don’t change regardless of what’s changing around you.
J: My favorite quote is from Bob Marley, and I like that for a mantra, too: “When it rains, some people get wet, but others feel the rain.”
G: It’s all about perspective, isn’t it?
J: Everything is deeper than what appears on the surface—that’s what it means to me.
G: “Music is great because when it hits you, you feel no pain.” That’s Marley as well. Or “Let’s get together and feel all right.” Doesn’t that say it all? So simple. Why doesn’t everyone just do that? Just hang out and have fun and respect each other?
ONLY IN MY DREAMS
G: I used to have this reoccurring night terror for months when I was a kid, then it just stopped. I was in my house, and it was me and my sisters and we’re all alone in the kitchen making grilled cheese.
J: You cooking in the kitchen? That is scary.
G: We hear this knock on the door—a loud pounding. My parents aren’t home and we’re freaking out, but we open the door.
J: Why? I mean why not just keep it locked with the chain on?
G: ’Cause it’s my creepy nightmare, that’s why. So there are these guys standing there and they have no mouths and no eyes. Like faceless guys with just skin where the openings should be.
J: Then what?
G: Nothing. They didn’t do anything, we were just scared.
J: Okay, my nightmare is scarier. There was this poodle that I loved.
G: Wait, your poodle is gonna try and top my faceless dudes?
J: It gets better. We’re at my old house in the driveway, and I’m four or five and in love with this poodle. And in my nightmare, she ends up getting killed somehow. I woke up in tears, sobbing my heart out. My mom came in and tried to comfort me, but I was a wreck. So the next day she had me draw a picture of the poodle to help the grieving process.
G: Did it?
J: Not really. But it was a really nice poodle drawing.
G: I have a lot of lucid dreams. I dream in color.
J: Oh, me too. I don’t get people who dream in black-and-white. You’re missing out.
G: I can literally direct my dream to go the way I want it to.
J: I’ve had a dream where I was in bed and I stood up and watched myself sleeping. I pulled myself up and through the roof and started flying over my city. I could go anywhere I wanted, wake anybody up that I wanted, and say, “What’s good?”
G: You didn’t wake me up, right? Because I need my sleep.
J: I knew it was a dream, and I was totally self-aware. I felt like I could do anything, get away with anything.
G: One time I realized I was having a dream about driving a car—and I just made myself hop out because the traffic was bad.
J: Now that’s convenient. I gotta remember that.