CHAPTER 9

‘You were fricking awesome!’ Billie squeals, hugging me like a gigantic clothes peg.

‘You think?’ I ask doubtfully. In the two minutes it took me to walk back to the green room, I’ve come to believe I imagined it all; that Edwina and Ananya weren’t really all that impressed and were just being polite.

‘Girl, it’s in the bag!’ Billie squeals, receiving a hail of daggers from the other hopefuls and their furious stage mums.

‘Young man, can you keep your voice down?’ says a woman in a red-and-white polka-dot print dress. ‘My daughter is trying to learn her lines.’

Billie flushes and stutters an apology. Anger flares in my heart for my new friend.

‘Sorry, can you not misgender my mate, please?’ I snap.

Her daughter looks Billie up and down and stifles a laugh.

‘A little bit of make-up does not make a boy a girl. It makes him a clown,’ the woman says, chuckling.

‘It’s OK, Salma . . .’ Billie says going redder, pulling my sleeve.

‘No, it’s really not,’ I insist, refusing to let it go. ‘Can you imagine how hard it is for people to present the way they want without bigots making assumptions? It’s they/them not he/him.’

‘Don’t speak to my mum like that!’ snaps the girl. ‘How’s she supposed to keep up with your LGBTXYZ nonsense?’

Her mother nods. ‘If you’re going to invent snowflake terms for yourselves, don’t expect the rest of us to keep up. You two would be better off auditioning for The Rocky Horror Show.’

A calm, commanding voice surprises us all. ‘Don’t you speak to my daughter or her friend like that.’

I turn around, my heart in my throat. ‘Mum!’ I am so dead.

Mum gives my arm a squeeze, placing her other hand on Billie’s shoulder. ‘Life is hard enough for teens without adults bullying them too. I work in A&E and I’ve seen too many children being brought in, thinking they have no place in the world, because of inconsiderate people like you.’

The stage mum purses her lips. ‘Come on, Florence,’ she tells her daughter. ‘Let’s go practise somewhere we can actually hear ourselves think.’

I stare at Mum wondering how she got here, wondering if she’s going to kill me, but mostly feeling mad-proud of how fiercely she clapped back.

‘Thank you,’ Billie tells Mum.

‘Not at all, love. Thank you for contacting me.’

My eyes cut to Billie, a flash of betrayal grinding my gut.

‘I’m sorry,’ Billie says, hiding behind spread fingers. ‘I knew you were going to be awesome. Your mum needed to see it, so I sent her a text after her number came up on your phone.’

‘Mum . . . I can explain . . . I’m sorry . . .’ I stammer.

‘We can have a long conversation when we get home,’ she says. ‘You defied me and I’m not happy.’

I cringe, feeling my cheeks flush. ‘I know and I feel so bad.’

‘I’ve been so busy with late shifts, I haven’t been making time for you. I don’t ever want you to feel isolated or that you can’t come to me with anything. My parents did that to me and I’ve never forgiven them.’ For a moment, her face is hard. ‘You matter more to me than any school, head teacher, community or friend. I admit, I was terrified of Auntie Balquis and what she’d think. But you’re my daughter, Salma, and I’m always going to be here for you.’

I can’t . . . today just became one great big weep fest.

We sit in the corner with sandwiches Mum bought from across the road, waiting for the winner to be announced. Mum’s telling Billie a funny story about the time a famous MP ended up with a very embarrassing emergency. He walked into A&E with a carrier bag over his head with a couple of peep holes cut out to hide his identity. I turn my phone back on. It pings like I’ve hit the jackpot, a ton of messages from Mum when she got off her shift earlier today. Guilt swells in my chest for ever doubting her; for giving up on sharing my dreams just cos she was angry. It’ll never happen again.

I spot a message from an unknown number. I’m about to hit DELETE when curiosity gets the better of me.

Not gonna lie: Imran was cute – in a scary, gangsta sort of way. But if my date-mare with Tariq has taught me anything, it’s to make sure your bae isn’t a secret scumbag. I delete the text and block the sexy fool.

Edwina steps into the green room and a hush descends. The moment of truth has arrived. Mum and Billie grab my hands.

‘First, we’d like to thank everyone who answered our open casting call. All three judges were extremely impressed by the quality of the candidates and we’re sure we’ll be seeing more of you in the near future. The acting community is a small one, so familiar faces and networking are part and parcel of the biz.

‘After much deliberation we’ve come to a decision.’

You could cut the tension with a knife. I’m praying so hard the veins in my head must be throbbing like leeches.

‘Karen Montague, please step forward.’

A tall redhead rises, her smile as wide as the horizon. I clap enthusiastically but my heart just fell off a cliff. At least she’s not a blonde . . . so there’s that. Plus, like Edwina said, my alveolar trills were crap. And who ever heard of a rapping Cinderella? What was I thinking? Fairy-tale endings are for the stage, not real life. Facts.

Today my dream didn’t come true, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. It’s been completely crazy and it feels like a million years since I was in Mrs Fossey’s office getting excluded. I’ve reconnected with Mum and now I know she’s got my back when it comes to acting. That is a big deal. Auntie Balquis is gonna wage war on us, but Mum’s ready for it. I’ve lost a mate and gained a mate. Losing Muzna is the worst, but Billie’s shown that sometimes it’s easier just to do what your parents want and Muzna’s got that problem too. Life is hard so you pick your battles and hope they’re the right ones. Guess I finally understand that life isn’t about winning, it’s about being brave enough to try.

Suddenly Mum and Billie are yanking me out of my seat, babbling in my face. What have I done now? I stare at them in confusion before noticing the entire room is looking at me, including Karen who’s holding her hand out. Confused by her enthusiastic smile, I get up and walk over. She clutches my hand, entwining her fingers with mine.

‘Two very different yet equally powerful performances,’ Edwina tells the rapt room. ‘So we’re going to arrange a callback for the two of you, if you’re up for it?’

I cover my mouth, unable to believe what I am hearing. Karen was a shoo-in; it was all over. Wasn’t it?

‘Salma’s definitely up for it,’ Mum says, hugging me from behind. ‘I won’t let her pass up on an opportunity like this.’

‘I wish I had a mum like yours,’ Billie whispers on the way out. ‘I could tell her I’m non-binary and there’s nothing I can do to change it except make myself miserable and bunk school. I could tell her I love her . . . and that I wish she loved me.’ Billie’s lower lips trembles, their eyes filling with tears. ‘Then maybe I wouldn’t be on my own.’

I squeeze Billie’s hand. ‘Mate, you’re not.’

Outside the theatre, the air has cooled a bit. Pink and orange clouds mesh across a deep blue sky, the falling sun reducing the tallest buildings to purple silhouettes, gilding the smaller ones with gold.

Mum’s phone rings. She pulls it out, slowly makes a thoughtful face, then stuffs it back in her bag. Going out on a limb, I’m guessing the caller was Auntie Balquis.

On the way to Mum’s car, we pass a bus shelter with a digital screen. A mysterious-looking woman on the motion poster is aiming a gun, point blank, at the viewer. There’s a flash of light as she pulls the trigger and the bullet strikes the screen, creating the illusion that it shattered, as shards of glass seem to fly out. The name of the movie fills the screen and then the action replays in an endless loop of awesomeness.

‘Some day that’s going to be you,’ Mum whispers, giving me a nudge.

I glance at Billie. ‘Can totally see that happening!’ they agree.

And just like that, the knot in my stomach, getting tighter and more twisted over the last twenty-four hours, suddenly comes undone. Who knows what the future holds? Success or failure? Happiness or regrets? One thing I do know is that the Salma who wants to be a good daughter and the Salma who wants to be an actor is finally the same person – no more split.

The End