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"Kalliope." I hear the voice and flinch, keeping my eyes closed to wait for the end. I don't want to see myself dying, I just want to get it over with. I wait... and wait. Nothing happens, so I look up, and see not Emmanuel, but Asmodeus in front of me. He's holding my shoes with a look of concern on his face. "Are you okay?"
"No." I say in a quiet, broken voice. He sighs and, without missing a beat, sits next to me and puts his arm around me, pulling me close like he had only hours ago on the couch of the library. It doesn't feel like hours, it feels like a different life entirely. How was I so normal only this morning, and now I'm... whatever I am?
"I know this is a lot to put on you. You have every right to feel overwhelmed. I'm sorry, this was a terrible idea." His voice is so comforting, it fills my heart with warmth, but it doesn't last. Because I saw him with the other guests, and the warning his father gave me echoes in my mind, and though he's so familiar and something about him feels like a home I've never been to, I don't really know him.
"Asmodeus..." I want to tell him to back off. I want to tell him I need space, and I can't deal with him on top of everything else, but I can't make the words come out. For some reason I can't explain, the thought of pushing him away feels like choking myself. It feels heavy in my chest. It feels wrong.
"I'm not good at this." He says in a soft voice. "Making people feel better. I've never been good at that."
"I think you make plenty of people feel good." I try to not think about the stories, but it's hard. The most prolific thing about him is his bed-hopping.
"That's easy." He laughs, and it makes me smile. "I don't think that will help you right now, though. I wish I could make everything better for you, but I—"
"You are making it better," I say quickly. "But I... don't know you."
"I know."
"I want to."
"That's probably a bad idea."
"Yeah, probably." I pause. "You knew me before I came to Heaven, didn't you?"
He doesn't answer me right away. Instead, he holds me a little bit tighter and speaks in a tone that almost sounds like pain. "Yeah, Allie, I knew you. Very well."
"Did I know about all this before?"
"No. We never told you." He sounds bitter, but I appreciate his honesty.
"Did you hurt me? Is that why I don't remember, and I've never met you?" I look up at him and see him looking at me like I'm already pushing him away.
"I didn't hurt you, I—"
"That's all I need to know. Whatever happened, I don't remember and... I don't think I want to. Not right now."
"Then, what is it you want?"
"A good distraction." I force a smile that fades quickly. "I don't want to go back there and face everyone. I don't want to be a Ruler, I don't want—"
"I know." He stops my rant before it starts. "But this is real, Allie. It's happening. We have to go back."
"Right now?"
"Probably." He sighs as he lets me go. "But you aren't alone. I'll be there." He stands, then turns with his hand out for me. "I won't let anything happen to you."
I allow him to pull me up, but he surprises me when he leans back down to grab my shoes. It's hard to breathe watching him kneel in front of me, waiting for me to let him replace them.
"I can put my own shoes on."
"I know you can, I'm trying to be nice." He looks up at me with that stupid charming smile that makes my brain stop working. "You're a beautiful, smart, independent little shit who doesn't need my help. Now give me your foot."
I don't have a response, only the smile I can't possibly hide. I know I'm blushing down my cheeks and neck again, and the thought crosses my mind of how much I hate that I have been more red than anything around him.
I do as he says and allow him to put my shoes back on one at a time. As he does, I put my hands on his shoulders for balance. He doesn't immediately stand up when he's done. He looks up at me, and I'm painfully aware of my hands still on his shoulders.
"I've never kneeled for anyone, but I could get used to this." He continues to smile.
"Stand up." I quickly move my hands away, and he does stand, but oh he's close again, too close, and I have no desire to put any space between us. "Are you enjoying this?"
"Enjoying what?" He smirks like he has no idea.
"Y-you know."
"Do I make you nervous?" He chuckles. "Kalliope, you're flushed. Do you like me?"
"You're stupid." I huff, and he laughs, and my God it's sweet and it's all I want.
"You are adorable when you're nervous." My heart beats viciously in my throat. I can't deny that he is attractive and I can't deny that it makes me feel good, but I'm still hesitant. This could be a huge mistake, especially with everything else I have to deal with. When I don't respond, he moves his hands, warm and gentle, to my mask. "May I take this off you?"
"Okay." My breath catches in my throat. He unties the satin ribbon securing the mask and reveals my tear-stained, beet-red face. Instead of commenting on it, he cradles my head in his hands and he wipes my cheeks with his thumbs. His skin radiates warmth and I find myself instantly comforted by him. In his arms, I feel like nothing can touch me.
"I would love to kiss you right now." He says while I place my hands on his chest. "Is that okay?" I nod before thinking about it.
He smiles as he leans down and plants a short peck on my lips. As soon as it happens, it's over, and I'm completely breathless. Then another, and I close my eyes. The third time he lingers and lets me return it. I move my hands up to his neck, my fingers gently tracing over his jaw while he holds me. Nothing exists, nothing matters. Only this, only him, only us. It feels right, and it feels good, and it's the only thing I care about. Until he pulls away, eliciting an involuntary soft sound of dissent from me as he does that makes him grin.
"I missed you." He sighs. I don't—can't—respond, and instead rest my head against his shoulder and let him hold me close, clinging to him just as desperately.
No, I don't know him, but I did once. I can feel the phantoms of whatever we were to each other, calling me like my fate did. I want to know him. I want to be looked at like I'm the only thing that exists. I want whatever this is.
"I need to get you back." He says finally.
"I know." I don't want to, but I let go of him. He moves hair out of my face and melts away the world around us. I don't fight it when he takes my hand and escorts me back to the path, back to my shattering reality.
It still scares me, I'm still nervous, but I don't want to let anyone down. Not really. I don't want anyone to think of me the way I do. So, maybe Asmodeus is right. Maybe I can make this work.
We're silent on the way there, but the silence is not uncomfortable. It's serene, it's nice. It allows me to not overthink everything. It allows me to breathe. I can do this. I'll be okay.
Eventually, the path widens to the edge of the trees open to the area behind the hall. I can faintly hear the music, and as we get closer, the people. I know Michael is mad when I spot him with his arms crossed in the distance blocking our way to the hall.
"Don't panic." Asmodeus says in a low, dark voice that startles and freezes me. "Don't let him see you scared."
"That's not Michael?" I breathe out as the realization sets in. I feel the blood leave my body, replaced by a cold, numbing sensation. Nothing else could match it as the distance between us and certain demise closes. Just as he is near enough that I can see detail in the man’s face, Michael and Selaphiel come bolting out of the hall in our direction.
Everything happens so fast I can barely comprehend it. Emmanuel is calm as Asmodeus steps between us. Behind Emmanuel, Michael lunges as Asmodeus pushes me aside, away from the fight and into the flowers. Falling hard, my head hits the ground and I'm dazed as the four continue to brawl. As I begin to reorient myself, I look up just in time to watch Michael thrown to the side as if he were nothing.
Unphased by the crowd now gathering to watch, Emmanuel turns his ghastly grin on me and begins to walk in my direction. My heart beats hard and fast as I realize the only real protection I had was inside the hall; I doomed myself by running away. Maybe he knew this would happen and he planned it. He looks satisfied either way. The only thing between him and whatever sick thing a being like him could want to do is a helpless girl. I never stood a chance.
"Lovely to see you again." He grins at me like he won some prize by finding me here. "Such a shame, I had this all planned out. You were supposed to give a speech, were you not? I was going to kill you on that stage, make you a martyr. Now I have to settle for simply making you scream."
I can't even speak. I can't move. I'm going to die like a coward, where everyone can see the Ruler who lasted ten minutes before it all ended.
As I look from the crowd who will surely die next, to Emmanuel, something in me snaps. If I'm going to die, I want to do it with dignity. Asmodeus said to not let him see me scared. So, I won't.
I stand up on my own shaky legs, and I pretend I'm not looking at the last face I'll ever see. I focus on the confidence I should have had to get up on stage and announce myself. The confidence I need to believe this might not be the real end.
"Do you think you can stand against me?"
"Aren't I?" I've never sounded so sure of myself before. I glare like I could actually challenge him, and he suddenly looks far less amused. His own stare burns into my mind and makes me want to flee back into the trees.
In the blink of an eye, he's standing in front of me. I see his arm reaching for me and on instinct alone, I hold mine up to protect myself and close my eyes tight. His hand closes around my wrist and I push against him like that would be enough to save myself. I'm blown backwards with more force than I've ever been hit with and, with a sick thud, I land.
Rolling onto my back, I can hear pure chaos around me, but I can barely move. The only thing I see as my vision fades is the stars twinkling above, unbothered, as they watch the beginning of what I'm sure is going to be the end of everything.