Chapter 12
After another two days passed, Hannah allowed herself to believe that things with Rob were going well.
For some reason, knowing that he was willing to walk into the Rosses’ home uninvited and even risk offending her because he cared more about her being safe than anything else had erased the last of Hannah’s fears. If Rob was willing to risk so much for their relationship, she was willing to let down the last of her guard and be with him wholeheartedly.
Hannah would be lying if she said the beauty of the Christmas season wasn’t playing a part in her change of heart as well. There was something about this season of hope that inspired her to have hope, too. And there was no better place to do that with Christopher, Dot, their parents, and Rob.
Melissa and York had not only made her feel welcome in their home, but they’d also made her a part of the family. She’d spent most of Saturday decorating a second Christmas tree in the basement, which Melissa said would be for her. Of course it was her very first time doing such a thing, but it had been great fun, especially with Melissa’s penchant for silly Christmas songs and love of Disney ornaments. Such secular items helped Hannah draw the line between the Englischer love of “Christmas” and what she’d been brought up to think about Jesus’s birth.
It might not have made a lot of sense to other people, but in her mind the dividing line was clear, and because of that she was able to await both Jesus’s birthday and Santa’s arrival with equal enthusiasm. It was rather fun to have so much to look forward to.
Actually, this morning was the first time in a week that she’d woken up with a sense of foreboding. It was Sunday and she was going to church at Amelia and Simon’s house. She wasn’t dreading either seeing her friends or partaking in the usual three-hour Amish church service. It was sitting with her sister, Malinda, and her mother and fielding their questions.
She’d also accepted Rob’s offer to drive her to the Hochstetlers’ house and pick her up afterward. He’d even offered to sit with her during the service, remembering that everyone was welcome to worship. But she’d refused his offer. Men and women sat across from each other, so she would be subjecting him to sitting with strangers. The service would also be in Pennsylvania Dutch, so he wouldn’t understand much of it at all.
But his willingness to put himself in that situation meant everything to her. She now knew that she wasn’t just falling in love with him; she was already there. All she had left to do was decide what that love meant in her life.
After gathering a ruby red scarf and her thick black cloak, she walked downstairs. It was still early. She planned to grab only a piece of fruit and some coffee before leaving for church. But Melissa, York, and Dot were in the kitchen.
“Hannah, good morning!” York said with a smile. “You look like you’re almost back to normal.”
“I’m feeling much better,” she agreed. “This morning, I didn’t even need to wrap my ankle in the bandage you gave me, and the burns on my arms are much better.”
“That’s good to hear, but don’t overdo it.”
“Jah, Doktah.”
His eyes brightened. “Tease me all you want about looking after you. I’ll still do it, though.”
“I won’t complain about that. I’m grateful for your help.”
“We were just about to make some waffles,” Melissa said, neatly ushering her to the kitchen table. “Would you like one?”
“No, thank you. Rob will be here soon. I just thought I’d have some coffee and a banana or something.”
“You sure? That’s it?”
“Jah. They’ll serve a big dinner after church, and then Rob said he might even take me out for something, too.”
Melissa poured her a cup of coffee and added a large dose of vanilla creamer, just how she liked it.
Hannah grabbed a banana, sat down, and sipped the coffee gratefully. “The first sip always tastes so good.”
“I always think the same thing,” York said.
“So, how are things going with you and Rob?” Melissa asked.
“Good.” She tried to pretend she wasn’t really pleased about that, but knew she wasn’t fooling any of them. “We seem to have stopped worrying about the past. Now I only worry when he’s on duty.”
“I think we’ll always worry about that,” Melissa said. “Firefighting is a demanding profession and it does have its dangers. I do know he’s well trained, though,” she added in a rush. “Rob graduated at the top of his class.”
“I didn’t know that, but I do know what kind of man he is. I need to trust in Rob’s abilities and the Lord’s guiding hand.” She took a breath. “No, I am going to believe that. Anything less would make me feel like I wasn’t being fair to him.”
Melissa and York exchanged glances.
“You sound really determined, Hannah,” Melissa said softly. “Are you serious about Rob now?”
“I am. I think he is serious about me, too.”
“Oh, I know Rob is,” York said. After taking a sip of coffee, he added, “I don’t think he would have started things up again if he wasn’t.”
She knew he wouldn’t. “I don’t think so, either.”
“What about you?” Melissa murmured. “I know you just said you were serious, but what are you going to do about your future?”
These were hard questions. During another time in her life, she might have even said that they were too personal—far too personal for her bosses to be asking of her.
But lately, she’d realized that she’d been keeping everyone at a safe distance. Ever since Paul had died. Or maybe even Paul, too.
She and Paul had had a lovely relationship. He’d been safe and kind. Those two things had encouraged her to feel much the same way. Everything between them had been sweet and easy. He’d never asked too much of her, and because of that, she’d never given him more than she was comfortable giving.
In addition—and it didn’t make her feel very good to admit this—she had liked how her relationship with Paul had been accepted so easily by her family. They’d been happy with her, which meant that she hadn’t had to worry too much about causing waves.
She would have coasted right along into an engagement and marriage. Never expecting too much of herself. Never expecting too much of their relationship or of her life. She would have put blinders on and firmly looked straight ahead, never wanting to be tempted by any other options in her life.
Maybe that was why when he died she’d felt both devastated by his loss and curiously abandoned. She’d not only lost Paul but also the easy, agreeable life she’d planned to have with him.
When she’d started working at the Rosses’ house and met Rob next door, she’d been jarred awake. She’d suddenly started thinking about how different her life could be. It had been as exciting as it was terrifying—which was why when her parents had pushed and pushed for her to stop seeing Rob Prince she had given in.
It wasn’t because her parents were bad people or that Rob wasn’t the man for her. It was because she’d been afraid to completely disrupt her whole life.
But it had taken a fire for her to realize that Rob hadn’t changed her—she’d already changed. She wasn’t the same woman she used to be and she no longer wanted things to be easy and agreeable. She wanted challenges and emotion.
Maybe Rob had been doing the same thing, only for him those challenges meant putting his life in danger and fighting fires.
Melissa cleared her throat. “Hannah, are you okay? Did my questions upset you?”
Realizing that she’d been staring off into space, Hannah shook her head. “Not at all. Actually, I think they did the complete opposite. You made me realize that I’ve made my share of mistakes.”
“Oh?”
“Jah. I think I need to see my parents soon.”
Melissa and York exchanged worried glances again. But this time it was York who nodded agreeably. “I don’t mind picking them up and bringing them over, Hannah. If you arrange a time to see them, just let me know.”
“Thank you, York.”
“Nothing to thank me for,” he said easily as he stood up. “Family is important. Both family by birth and family by choice. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the little sister I never had.”
“Truly?” His words made her feel so soft and good inside.
“Absolutely! Although I have a feeling you’re far less annoying now than you would have been if we’d grown up together.”
That made Hannah chuckle. “Don’t worry, York. My siblings would be happy to share with you all sorts of stories about how annoying their older sister was.”
He grinned. “Remind me to have a chat with them sometime soon, then.”