‘Slugger said you were back.’ Owen came quickly into his office, ridiculously pleased to see her, then stopped dead.
Lydia was sat at his desk, papers strewn everywhere and glaring at him as if he disgusted her.
‘You are investigating my family!’ A statement, not a question, because she was holding the file the Runner had delivered yesterday. A very damning file. One he should have locked away rather than tossed carelessly in the drawer. ‘How could you?’
‘I am investigating the thefts…it is impossible to do that without looking into your family history, too.’ He raked an agitated hand though his hair, cursing himself for his stupidity. ‘To be fair to me, I merely engaged the Runner. I didn’t tell him to dig up all that.’
While the contents of the thorough dossier did not lead him in the direction of the real thief, they were still damning. Beyond damning, in fact. Documenting a sordid tale of Barton hedonism and debauchery which he had intended to spare her from.
‘I have sisters, I see. Two of them I never knew about. By two different women to boot. And apparently a nephew, too.’
Both her father and her weak-willed brother had a habit of paying off mistresses instead of debts. And the list of hidden debts the dogged Runners had uncovered was frankly staggering. Mind-boggling, in fact. Justin Barton had racked up gaming debts at every unsavoury and undesirable gaming hell in the capital and, as he had initially suspected, gone to some very dubious money lenders to help pay for them. He sincerely hoped she hadn’t reached the page which listed his penchant for brothels who catered in quite particular perversions. No sister should know their brother enjoyed such depravities in the bedchamber.
And then… Oh, God! There was all the Kelvedon stuff. Owen winced. ‘I knew nothing of it all myself until yesterday.’
‘Yesterday? Before we left for Aveley Castle?’ After they had made love for the first time and before they had done it again for the second. That made him wince again. He should have said something. ‘What do you intend to do with it?’
‘Nothing.’
Her bitter laugh was without humour. ‘More blackmail, I presume, seeing as that has proved so fruitful.’
‘Blackmail? Of course not.’ He touched her shoulder, only to have her pull away as if he had slapped her. ‘Lydia… I’m sorry you saw all this. Genuinely I am. I am just trying to get to the truth.’
‘No, Owen. You are trying to control everything and everyone. Using whatever makes the best leverage—exactly as you did before.’
‘Where has this all come from?’ Because this wasn’t the woman he had made love to this morning, nor the one he had bared his soul to in the carriage. But in the hours since he had last seen her, she had been with her brother. ‘Has Justin put all this nonsense into your head?’
‘We both know it isn’t nonsense.’ She stood, took herself to stand on the opposite side of the room and then hugged her arms tight around her body in defence. ‘You have been blackmailing my family.’
‘I really haven’t…’
‘Do you deny you used the mortgage deed to force my father into giving you my hand in marriage?’
He should have told her about that at least. He’d had ample opportunity these last few weeks. ‘Only because I couldn’t bear the thought of you marrying Kelvedon! You know how I feel about you, Lydia.’
‘Do I? Only you’ve never actually said it out loud.’
Only because it frankly scared the hell out of him. For a man who feared being controlled, it was the ultimate weapon. Or rather she was.
‘Then I’ll say it now… I love you, Lydia. I’ve always loved you. Right from the first moment I saw you and that blasted thunderbolt knocked me sideways. I never stopped loving you. It’s why I came back. Why I was desperate to come back.’ He had seven damning swallows tattooed into his skin to prove it. Each marked a year and renewed his desire for a safe return home—to her. He now knew it had all been for her. ‘It is why I immediately sought you out as soon as the ship hit the shore and why I couldn’t leave you alone afterwards.
‘You must have realised. Must have wondered why I just happened to be in the park when you rode there? Why I always sought you out at balls and parties?’ He edged towards her and, when he was close enough, reached out his hand and gently caressed her cheek. She didn’t pull away this time. ‘Why I married you… All those damn thunderbolts! They keep striking me out of nowhere. Knocking me sideways. It was never business… I love you, Lydia. So much it terrifies me…and I think you love me, too.’ If she didn’t, he was well and truly doomed. ‘I hope you love me, too.’
There were tears in her eyes. He was baring his soul, but she still looked down her nose at him. ‘Did you use the mortgage deed as leverage to get back my clothes?’
‘I did… I had to. Your father wouldn’t budge otherwise.’ Owen should have come clean then. ‘I tried to tell you…’ He couldn’t lie. ‘That’s not strictly true. I wanted to tell you, but… I knew it would look bad.’
‘It does look bad.’ Yet she still didn’t pull away. ‘And all of that…’ he gestured to the desk ‘…also looks bad. So much so, I really don’t know what to think or who to believe any longer.’
‘What does your heart say?’
She stared deep into his eyes, then took a step back. ‘I don’t think my heart has the best judgement. Not when my head knows categorically you possess all that damning knowledge.’ Her gaze flicked to the file on the desk. ‘And you still own the deed to the Berkeley Square house.’
‘Then allow me to simplify things.’
He unlocked the safe and pulled out the deed, then handed it to her.
‘It’s yours now. To do with as you please.’
‘Even if that means gifting it to my brother.’
‘So he can mortgage it all over again and likely lose the house within the year?’ Owen shrugged. It wasn’t as if he was ever going to see his three thousand pounds again anyway. Justin Barton owed twice that and most probably more. ‘Yes. I’ll even summon a messenger so you can send it express or we can deliver the damn thing together right now. And as to all that…’ They both glanced to the messy pile of damning papers. ‘Let’s throw it all on the fire.’
‘No…it might turn out to be important…for your investigation.’
‘I’ll call off the investigation. It doesn’t matter.’
‘It absolutely matters. You have a right to know the truth. After all you have been through, I wouldn’t deny you that. Any more than I can deny the truth of what you’ve discovered. It’s right there in black-and-white, after all. Your Runner has been very…thorough.’ That she didn’t condemn it all as lies was testament to her great strength of character. Unless she already had some doubts about her brother.
‘Then you keep it. Put it somewhere safe until you decide what you want me to do with it.’
She stared at it, obviously shocked at the gesture, but still not completely convinced of his sincerity. ‘I need to think about things.’ She clutched the beribboned deed to her chest like a shield. ‘There seems suddenly so much to think about… So much that I do not understand…when last night I thought I knew absolutely everything I needed to know.’
Last night they had made love for hours. Randolph’s words of caution had been ringing in his ears and he had blithely ignored them and built his house of cards anyway, selfishly avoiding the past for just a little bit longer so he could enjoy the present. Deluding himself it didn’t truly matter when it did.
Idiot.
Even today, when they had talked in the carriage, he had held back. Censoring the past to suit his own purpose and forgetting he hadn’t been the only one to live it. In his determination to uncover the truth he was hurting the thing he loved the most. Looking at the enormous weight of the world suddenly on her shoulders, he wasn’t quite so sure any more it was worth it.
Ignoring the pile of papers, she walked to the door, their whole future in the balance.
‘Just remember…above all else, Lydia…please remember that I love you.’
‘Enough to pay my brother’s debts if I ask it?’
If he sold his half of Libertas to Randolph he could just about cover them all. ‘Yes.’ If that is what it took to keep her affection.
Her fingers grasped the handle, slowly pulled the door open, then she hesitated and turned around, the oddest expression on her face. ‘For me there was no thunderbolt…’ Of course there wasn’t. ‘For me…time stood still.’ She offered him the ghost of a smile. ‘It has an annoying habit of doing that around you.’