‘Good morning, Adam. I hope you slept well?’
Kitty entered the parlour as Adam broke his fast the following morning, a smile stretching her lips. Adam’s pulse quickened at the memory of those lips and their exploration of his body, and blood rushed to his groin. He cleared his throat.
‘I had a wonderful night, thank ye, Ki—Catherine. And a very good morning to ye, too.’
Kitty sat opposite Adam and the footman in attendance filled her coffee cup.
‘May I serve you with some food, my lady?’
‘Not now, Terence. But I shall want more coffee—is there enough in the pot?’
‘I shall go and fetch more, milady.’
The footman left the parlour, closing the door behind him. Adam caught Kitty’s gaze.
‘Are ye not hungry?’
She sipped from her cup and then set it down on the saucer before replying.
‘I was,’ she said. ‘But I satisfied my appetite in bed.’ Those fascinating dimples appeared, squeezing his heart. ‘Effie brought me chocolate and rolls this morning before I arose.’
‘Tease!’ Adam had emptied his plate and pushed it aside.
Kitty raised a brow. ‘Do I take it you are now replete?’
‘Oh, indeed. Fully satisfied, in fact.’
The door opened and Terrence returned, carrying the coffeepot.
‘Until the next meal,’ Adam continued, allowing his gaze to lower to Kitty’s breasts before returning to her mischief-filled eyes. ‘I find my…um…appetite somewhat stimulated recently.’ He patted his stomach. ‘I shall have to ensure I do not gain too much weight.’
‘Oh, you ought not to be overconcerned.’ Kitty’s lips pressed together, suppressing her smile. ‘My advice, if you are concerned about your weight, is to take plenty of exercise. You may then indulge your appetite to your heart’s content.’
Adam drained his coffee cup and gestured to Terence for a refill.
‘Thank ye,’ he said. He didn’t bother to notice if Terence responded adversely to his thanks. He’d made his mind up he would no longer strive to be something he was not and he would start now. And when he returned to Kelridge Place, if his staff disapproved, then he would employ men and women who were more amenable to his ways.
‘Thank ye for your advice, Catherine. And, to demonstrate my attention to your sage advice, I intend to take a walk around the gardens after breakfast, before I continue working on the drawings for the new wing. Would ye care to accompany me?’
‘Why, thank you, Adam. I accept.’
* * *
The presence of gardeners prevented anything other than the most innocuous of conversations as they strolled, but it felt good to have Kitty on his arm.
‘How soon will you complete the plans for the Hall?’
‘Is that a subtle way of enquiring how soon I will leave?’
She lightly pinched his arm. ‘You know that is not what I meant. I wondered how much longer we shall have the pleasure of your company, that is all.’
‘I should think they will be finished in a couple of days.’
It was a fib. He could finish them today if he pushed himself. But reluctance to leave Kitty made him inclined to drag the job out. Except…
‘I do know I ought to return to the Place as soon as possible, especially after those sheep were poached. But, also, I have a lot to learn and now would be the ideal time, with Grenville absent. The servants will have no choice but to refer matters to me first, rather than through ma uncle.’
‘Would you rather complete the drawings at Kelridge Place? That way you can return sooner, if you think you should.’
But…he wanted to stay with Kitty. His hopes were high…he was almost sure she felt the same for him as he did for her. And yet…there was still a caution there…a reserve. Odd, after yesterday and after the night they had just spent together. Her body expressed love, but her mind…she still seemed reluctant to allow that breakthrough. She was holding back, reining in her emotions. And he didn’t understand why. They were both adults. Both single. Did she think Robert might object? Or her other stepchildren?
No, he would not rush to complete his work. He needed to stay here and try to finally breach that barrier surrounding her heart.
* * *
It was early afternoon by the time Robert returned.
‘Well, you may clear your uncle and cousin of any wrongdoing,’ he said without preamble as he strode into the library.
Adam put down his pencil as Robert pulled a chair up to the table where he was working on the plans.
‘What did ye find out?’
Robert shook his head. ‘Wait a moment. I have asked Stepmama to join us—it will save me repeating myself.’ He grinned at Adam and raised his brows. ‘I trust you contrived to entertain yourselves last night without my scintillating repartee to make the evening fly?’
‘You were sorely missed, my friend.’
Robert laughed. ‘Very droll.’
Puzzled, Adam ran the conversation through his head again. Was Robert hinting that he was aware of the attraction that had simmered between Adam and Kitty ever since they met again in London, or was that merely an innocent quip? It was hardly something he could ask him—do you mean did your stepmother and I take advantage of your absence to indulge in bed sport? He was relieved when Kitty came in, saving him from trying to bluster his way through an awkward moment.
‘Rob!’ Kitty hurried across the room and embraced her stepson. ‘What happened?’
‘It was not them. It could not possibly have been them. We tracked them all the way to Highgate and the gatekeeper confirmed they passed and kept going towards London. Both Grenville and Tolly were present at each tollgate and there were no unexplained delays in their journey. They are innocent.’
Adam had been unaware of the tension that gripped him until it dissolved.
‘I am verra relieved,’ he said. ‘And it surely now points to poachers such as those who struck at Kelridge Place. I wonder if there have been any other incidences in the area.’
‘I did enquire at a few inns we passed—and we passed Datchworth on the road as we drove home, and I asked him, too—but no one has heard stories of an increase in poachers in the district. Nor is there any whisper of organised gangs. I think that is the most likely explanation, however. What is your opinion?’
‘I think the same. And I am mightily relieved. I have nae wish to spend my life looking over my shoulder.’
‘The men have reported no suspicious sightings around the estate,’ Robert went on, ‘but I have ordered them to stay on the alert.’
‘But…what about when you return to the Place, Adam?’ Kitty said. ‘It might not be poachers. Just because your uncle cannot have pulled the trigger himself does not mean he did not give the order.’
‘Nae. It is one thing for a man to attempt to kill another for his own sake. I canna credit that any man would do so at the bidding of another.’
‘You would be surprised what many men will do for money, Adam,’ said Robert. ‘But… I know Grenville Trewin. He was a cavalryman—he has killed before, albeit during battle. But if he wanted something done, he would do it himself. He is no sneaksby.’
‘I am inclined to agree with ye, Rob. If it were my uncle, he would more likely do it to my face.’
‘Well, we have done all we can for now. Tell me, how are those plans coming along?’ Robert slid one around until it faced him and bent over it. ‘This looks complete.’
Adam cursed silently. He had told Kitty a couple of days and now he could feel her eyes on him. He looked at her, noting the crease between her brows. With Robert’s return he would not have the luxury of time to court her and to persuade her to rethink her objection to remarrying. Her reasons for not marrying again—the ones she had listed during their dance at Almacks—well…if Robert intended to wed, and if Charis found a husband, she had already told him she would remove to the Dower House. Her other interests—she must have referred to her writing. Well, he would not interfere with that. And her final objections—neither need nor desire to remarry…surely last night must have given her reason to think again?
‘If you will excuse me, gentlemen, I shall leave you to it,’ Kitty said and left the library.
Adam sighed in resignation as he suppressed his urge to follow her. He switched his attention to the plans.
‘We do need to discuss some of the finishing touches still.’
‘Ah. That sounds as though you will need me here. In which case, might we leave it until tomorrow? My bed was so lumpy last night I barely slept a wink and my brain is far too foggy to pay proper attention to detail.’
‘Of course it can wait until tomorrow.’
Robert grinned and slapped Adam on the back. ‘Good man! I’ll see you at dinner. I’m off out to attend to estate matters.’
He strode to the door leaving Adam wondering what had prompted Robert to lie, for he appeared nothing like a man who had missed a night’s sleep and, until that very moment, had been perfectly alert.
Still…grateful for the reprieve, he went in search of Kitty. She was nowhere in the house or the gardens. At the stable yard, however, he learned from Dexter that she had ridden out. Alone.
‘She refused to allow anyone to accompany her, my lord,’ the groom said when Adam questioned him. ‘And being as it was you that was shot at and she has always ridden alone on Fenton land… Well.’ He shrugged. ‘What could we do?’
‘Did she say where she was heading?’
‘No, milord, but she went in that direction.’ He pointed. It was the same direction Adam had taken yesterday. Towards Fenton Edge.
‘Saddle Jester, will ye please, Dexter?’
‘Very well, milord.’
It was the reverse of the day before. Adam set off at a fast trot, heading for the heath and Fenton Edge. This time, it was he chasing Kitty and his doubts about her feelings for him eased as he recalled her anger when she had caught him up yesterday—anger that had been fuelled by her worry for his safety. Anger that proved she cared for him. Hell, her every touch, every caress proved she cared. She was not the sort of female who would give her body without having some feelings for her lover.
They reached the beginning of the heath and he urged Jester into a canter. The horse’s stride lengthened willingly and he soon flattened into a gallop. Of course, Adam couldn’t be certain Kitty would head for the Edge, but instinct told him she would. If she felt anything like he did, she would yearn for the chance to gallop up that long, gentle slope that led to the top.
Jester slowed as they reached the top and the ground levelled. There was Herald, tied to a bush. And there was Kitty, her back to Adam as she gazed north. She hadn’t noticed their approach and his worry gave way to anger of his own. He leapt from the saddle, tied Jester to the same bush and strode across the open ground to where Kitty stood.
‘Kitty.’
He spoke before he reached her, not wanting to startle her, but she jumped anyway and spun around, her cheeks pale.
‘Oh! You frightened me!’
Adam’s chest swelled as he held in his temper. ‘I did not mean to, but it proves how vulnerable ye are up here alone. I could have been anyone.’
She shook her head. ‘Yes. You could have been. But you are not. I have been riding up here alone for fifteen years, Adam. There is no danger.’ She tipped her head to one side. ‘Why have you followed me?’
‘We need to talk.’
Her grey eyes searched his and then a smile of resignation curved her lips. As though she knew what he would say and was solidly certain of her own reply. That smile gave Adam pause…what if he waited? If he didn’t give voice to his hopes…his heart’s desire…then she could not refuse him. His feelings had grown steadily since they met again and he now knew with absolute certainty that what he felt for Kitty was love…he had loved her fifteen years ago and he loved her now and he wanted her in his future. To keep silent about his feelings was the coward’s way and so, even though his confidence balanced on a knife’s edge, he hauled in a deep breath and took a leap of faith.
‘Kitty…ye must ken how I feel about you. I love you.’
Her eyes closed, as though she were in pain, and she shook her head slowly from side to side. Adam gathered her hands in his, squeezing, as though to impress his words upon her.
‘I know you have feelings for me. Ye canna disguise them, ye know, even though you try. I love you, Kitty, my darling. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
‘Kitty…will ye marry me?’
She shook her head again. ‘No, Adam.’ She opened her eyes. ‘I do not have feelings for you. Not in the way you mean. I cannot marry you.’
Cannot…not will not.
He gazed into her eyes, chasing after hope, clinging to belief. ‘You are as stubborn as ever. And as…adorable.’
Her eyes sheened.
‘What have I said? I thought… Kitty… I dinna understand ye. Tell me why not—ye canna deny you were as eager as me last night.’
Kitty sighed. ‘No. I cannot deny that.’
His heart leapt.
She gave a helpless shrug before gently disentangling her hands from his. ‘When I cannot deny I was eager, Adam, I am speaking of lust. Pure and simple. A physical need that we both felt…a natural urge for adults such as we are now. It does not mean I have any wish to rekindle a…a…an emotional relationship. That is not on offer.’
He stilled. ‘Not on offer?’ He thrust his hand through his hair. ‘Then let us understand one another. You were willing to give your body to me, but ye willna give me your hand in marriage? No!’ The word burst from his lips. Disbelief battled with pain. ‘I canna believe…ye will truly refuse me, after last night? And dinna tell me ye have no emotional feelings for me, for I shall not believe you!’
‘It is for the best.’
Regret shone in her eyes, contradicting her words, leaving him even more confused. How could she expect him to believe she did not love him? Her body could not lie so convincingly. Could it?
‘Adam. I told you I have sworn never to marry again. I have never pretended that is what I wanted from you.’
He stared at her in disbelief as her words ripped his heart. Tears burned behind his eyes and he blinked to keep them at bay.
‘Adam… I cannot admit to a desire for you other than physical, but… I am a widow. If we are discreet, surely we may indulge our passions from time to time?’ Her hands clutched his and then, just as quickly, released them. ‘Think about it. Please. Before you, I have been intimate with no man other than my late husband and your touch has awoken a strange force in me…an urge that I long to explore.’ Her hands gripped one another before her, her knuckles white. Her chin rose as she sucked in a deep breath. ‘If my offer is unacceptable to you, however, then we shall forget this conversation ever took place and we may each get on with our own lives.’
Adam’s throat ached with the effort of holding tears back, his heart leaden even though her offer—her body with no strings attached—would surely be most men’s idea of heaven. But it was not enough for him. He wanted all of her, mind and body and soul. He wanted the essence of her. To live with her and to see her every day of his life.
‘I canna accept such an offer, Kitty. I shall never be content with the occasional loan of your body…how can I bear to live so close to ye and yet not see ye every day? How can I bear not to have the right to hold ye in my arms every night?’
Her grey eyes were stricken. ‘You will not return to Scotland, though?’ Her voice was little more than a whisper.
‘I dinna ken.’ Again, he thrust his hand through his hair, holding his emotions in check by a mere thread. ‘In a straight choice between you and Scotland, ye win every time. But now…if I canna have ye…’ His voice cracked and he cleared his throat to add, ‘I still canna believe ye truly mean it, Kitty.’
He trusted himself to say no more. He pivoted on his heel and strode away from Kitty, his vision blurred by tears and his only thought to return to Kelridge Place as soon as he could.