Ash breezed into his office, coffee cup in hand and a smile on his face. “Good morning, Laura. How are you today?” He stopped by her desk to pick up his messages.
“I’m well, Mr. Davis, thank you.” She gave him a once-over. “You’re looking happy.”
He stopped to think for a moment. In the past week he and Drew had spent almost every night together, having dinner after working at the clinic or relaxing at one of their apartments. Spending his nights buried inside of Drew, having his warm, lean body wrapped around him every night was fast becoming a highly addictive habit.
“I am, Laura. Very much so, as a matter of fact.” He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “Thank you for putting up with me all these years.”
He never thought he’d see Laura speechless, but he grinned at her obvious surprise. “Is something wrong? You look shocked.”
“Oh, nothing, Mr. Davis. It’s nice to see you happy; that’s all.”
He winked at her. “It’s nice to feel this way as well.”
He strode into his office and sat down at his desk. The first piece of mail he opened was a large envelope from the court. A huge grin broke over his face, and he immediately picked up the phone.
“Hello?” Though he’d only left him an hour ago, Drew’s sexy, sleep-roughened voice sent a pang of longing through Ash. He wanted to be back in bed, running his hands through Drew’s silky curls, kissing his soft pale skin.
“Did I wake you, sleepyhead?”
“Yeah.” Ash could hear him stretching and yawning over the phone. “Some crazy sex maniac kept me up all night doing unspeakable things to me.”
“Oh really? Are you complaining?” Ash leaned back in his chair. The memory of Drew, naked and impaled on his cock, riding him into oblivion had him instantly hard and wanting.
“Yeah.” Drew dropped his voice low until it purred in his ear. “I’m here alone in my cold bed, and I miss him.”
“It sounds like you’re the sex maniac.” Ash laughed. “I called with some news.”
“Mmm? What is it?”
“I got the papers from the court. Your divorce is final, baby. You’re a free man at last.”
The silence at the other end of the phone surprised Ash. He’d thought Drew would be happy or at least say something.
“Drew, are you still there?”
“Yeah. It’s funny, you know. When you said it now, I have to admit, I’d almost forgotten what she looked like. I certainly don’t have any great memories of Jackie. But I married her. Shouldn’t I feel something—sadness, or a wish that things could’ve turned out differently?”
Unease gripped at Ash. Was Drew upset about their relationship? “Do you? Wish that you were still married to her, or with a woman, instead of being with me?” His heart thumped in his chest.
Drew’s swift answer relieved Ash. A part of him still didn’t believe Drew wanted to be with him, rather than a woman. “No. I don’t want to be with her or any other woman. Or man, for that matter. I’m exactly where I want to be.” His whispered voice calmed Ash’s frenzied pulse. “I’ve never been happier in my life, thanks to you.”
Ash wished he could be there with Drew to hug him and thank him for everything he’d done. He remembered so well the first time he’d seen Drew across the conference table, so pale and sad, and compared him to the sweetly sleeping man he’d left all flushed and sated in his bed. “Who would’ve ever thought that day we first met, six months later we’d be together celebrating your divorce. Hey.” An idea popped into his head. “Let’s have people over to celebrate on Saturday night. Esther is well enough to come to you now, right?”
“Yes, and it’s not like I could keep her away. I think it’s great. I’ll call the guys and Rachel.”
“Do you think Jordan will come?” Ash kept his tone neutral. Jordan flat-out refused to accept them as a couple. Rachel had confided in them that he still believed Ash somehow coerced Drew into a sexual relationship. “He treats me like I’m a predator, you know.”
“If you don’t want me to ask him and Keith, I won’t.”
Even though he tried not to show it, Ash saw how incredibly hurt Drew was over Jordan’s behavior. He’d even offered to cut ties with his childhood friend, but Ash refused to allow that to happen. Knowing Drew’s greatest fear was losing the people closest to him, Ash made certain to try and never alienate Jordan, not even saying a negative word against him no matter how many times the man snubbed him. Ash’s only concern was for Drew.
But true to form, Drew’s thoughts centered not on himself but on Ash’s feelings. “I’ve told him I won’t put up with him treating you this way. Not when I care about you so much.”
“Give him time, baby. He’ll come around.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll call Keith and let him tell Jordan. If he doesn’t want to come, it’s his loss.” His flat tone didn’t fool Ash.
“Okay, okay.” Ash tried to soothe him. The last thing he wanted was to upset Drew. “Let’s not dwell on it. I’ll take care of all the arrangements. All you need to do is show up and look gorgeous like you always do.”
“That’s my line. Do you know how lucky I feel to have you? I think about how empty my life was before you. I don’t know if you realize how much you mean to me, Ash.”
Ash swallowed the huge lump that suddenly lodged in his throat. He managed to choke out the words as a burning sensation stung his eyes. “I know. I think you may have saved my life.” An overwhelming rush of emotion flooded through him like a cleansing bath. It had been weeks since he’d thought of hurting himself. The need for pain and control didn’t drive his life anymore, not with Drew by his side.
At Drew’s urging, he’d begun seeing a therapist. Even though he’d only had one visit, Ash could tell the doctor would be able help him. They’d discussed his driving need to punish himself for what he believed was his selfish abandonment of his foster brothers. The doctor had told him to look deep within himself and question his supposed abandonment of Luke and Brandon. Late at night, alone in his apartment, Ash could admit he’d never really had a choice at all. He’d been driven to the point where had he stayed, he would’ve either killed Munson or himself. Though he chose to live, Ash continued to punish himself for that choice. Slow as his progress would be, he held out hope that eventually he might forgive himself.
“I have to go now, baby. I—” Ash stopped short. “Um, have a great day, and I’ll see you tonight.
He clicked off and cradled his head in his hands. Had he almost said the L word? It would’ve been so natural and easy. What would it feel like, to be able to come home every day to Drew and tell him I love you? Shaking his head, he picked up the phone again, this time to call Esther. He loved talking to Drew’s grandmother. She was the family he’d never had a chance to know.
He smiled as Esther picked up the phone, already talking. “Asher, sweetheart, I have that caller ID now. The kids insisted I get it after that little incident.”
He did love this woman and would kill anyone who tried to hurt her. “No further problems though, right?”
“No, none at all. Mrs. Delaney and I have had a very peaceful time of it here.”
“Good.” All of a sudden he was uncharacteristically nervous. What if Esther wasn’t as happy with Drew not being married as he thought she was? “Well, um, the reason I’m calling is that today I received Drew’s final divorce papers, and we thought a small family celebration was in order.” He licked his lips. “That is, if you’re fine with it.”
“You know, I wasn’t happy when he married that woman. I knew it probably wouldn’t last because she obviously only wanted to be any doctor’s wife, not my grandson’s wife.”
Ash held his breath and listened.
“Of course no one wants to see their child divorced, but Drew is so much happier now than when he was dating or married.”
“He is?” Ash smiled to himself.
“I may be old, but I’m not blind. You’ve played a very big part in Drew’s recent happiness, I believe. Am I right?”
“We’ve become good friends, yes. Drew is a very special person.” He tried to keep his tone as noncommittal as possible, as he had no idea what she might think. Would she be all right with Drew in a relationship with him?
“How good a friend, may I ask?”
He’d argued cases before judges who’d sent grown men out of the courtroom in tears, yet Esther’s simple question made him more nervous. In his mind, he wanted Esther to know about his and Drew’s relationship, yet he thought it should be up to Drew to tell his grandmother about something so important.
“Esther, you’re fishing for information. Whatever you want to know, I think you should ask Drew. Now the reason I called is that Saturday night at Drew’s apartment, he’s having a small get-together to celebrate his divorce being final, and of course you’re the first one he wanted called.”
“Good. I’m so glad he can put that episode behind him and move on with his life, don’t you agree?”
Still fishing. The woman was relentless. “Yes, Esther. Rachel and Mike will pick you up Saturday night.”
“Hmm. Fine.” Her disappointed voice had him chuckling even as he hung up the phone.
By Saturday night, Drew’s apartment had undergone a total transformation. Ash had his secretary arrange everything, from the food to the liquor and flowers. He wanted everything to be perfect. Distraught from all the tumult, the cat hid under the bed, his yellow eyes glowing in the dark. Domino even forgot his favorite pastime of torturing Ash by swiping at his ankles whenever he walked by.
Ash dressed casually in a stark white linen shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and crisp black pants. Last night, lying in each other’s arms after making love, Drew had remarked upon his hair. “It feels like silk. Gives me something to hold on to when you’re inside me.”
A flash of green caught his eye, and he watched as Drew strolled out of the bedroom looking deliciously handsome in his pale green linen shirt and khaki pants. Ash’s gaze raked hungrily over his lover’s perfect face, slim hips, and the pale wedge of skin that showed at his neck where his shirt lay unbuttoned. He licked his lips, remembering how sweet all that skin tasted.
“Hi, baby.” He pulled Drew against him, then bent down to capture his mouth in a bruising kiss. Drew’s lips opened to his questing tongue, and as usual, Ash lost himself in the miraculous feel of their mingled breaths and slick tongues. Kissing Drew, Ash discovered, was as addicting as any drug.
“Uh, excuse us, you guys, but can you hold it off until later?” A familiar voice broke into Ash’s befuddled mind, but he didn’t care and continued to place soft kisses on Drew’s lips. Only the sound of a throat clearing and a muttered curse caused him to break contact with Drew’s hot mouth to slant a look to the side.
He caught Keith’s amused smirk, but his stomach clenched at the grimace of disgust on Jordan’s face. With one final kiss, Ash pulled away from Drew but kept his arm draped over Drew’s shoulder, his body tucked into Ash’s side.
“Hello, you two.” He extended a hand first to Keith, who took it, giving him a strong clasp and a squeeze. As Keith shook Drew’s hand, Ash offered his hand to Jordan, who stared hard at him for a moment, then deliberately turned his back on him to walk over to the bar and pour himself a drink. Ash’s face flamed at the purposeful insult, but he said nothing. This was Drew’s night, and he wasn’t about to ruin it for him.
“He’ll come around. Don’t worry.” Rachel spoke into his ear and squeezed his arm as Drew followed after Keith and Jordan.
“Thanks. I don’t care if he doesn’t like me, but it hurts Drew, and I can’t stand to see that happen.” Ash leaned down to give her a kiss hello and clap Mike on the back.
Mike gave him a curious look. “You and D are really, um, together? Like a couple?”
Ash braced himself for more criticism from another of Drew’s friends. “Yes. I hope it won’t be as much of a problem for you as it is for Jordan.”
Mike shrugged. “I don’t care. As long as you’re good to him, it doesn’t matter to me. Jordan’s always been overprotective of Drew and me, maybe because he’s the oldest of our group. I don’t know.” He glanced over at Rachel. “I’m sure you’ll eventually work out any problem with him. He’s a pain in the ass but means well.” He and Rachel excused themselves to get a drink as Esther approached.
“Asher, darling boy. Come give me a kiss.”
A genuine smile broke across his face. “Hello, Esther. You’re looking lovely as usual.” He kissed her cheek and then her slim fingers. Tucking her little hand into the crook of his arm, he walked her across the room, over to where Drew stood, still talking to Jordan and Keith.
“I love walking arm in arm with a big, strong man. My Sy was like you, and he always made me feel so safe.” She patted his arm.
“I’m honored you compare me to your late husband in any way. Drew tells me he was a wonderful man.”
She nodded and squeezed his arm. “He was, yes. And you have been wonderful for Drew and those young children at the clinic.” She halted their procession and faced him, placing her hand on his arm.
He tensed as her gaze fell to his bared arm. Her face blanched, and he knew she’d seen and felt the many scars that twisted over his exposed skin. He’d forgotten to roll down his shirtsleeves before everyone started to arrive for the party. Now Esther had a full view of his humiliation and self-destruction.
“My dearest child.” Her lips trembled, and he noticed how white she’d become. Fearing for her health, he led her quickly to a chair and sat next to her. “Why?”
He could never tell her. It was enough he lived with the memories, but a woman like Esther didn’t deserve the burden of his self-destructive behavior.
“It was long ago, before I came to New York; before I managed to make something of my life.” He released a breath he wasn’t aware of holding. “I’ve done many things I’m ashamed of and wish I could erase. I treated people like they were nothing, nobodies like me. Having Drew as a friend and you, Esther, as someone who cares for me has irrevocably changed me.”
He’d never known what it meant to belong, to have someone else worry or care about him, nor had he ever thought of anyone else’s feelings but his own. Being with Drew and working at the clinic had showed him his life could have purpose and that he meant something, not only to those kids he tried to help, but to Drew and Esther. He’d never thought it possible to dream of a life full of happiness, yet every day that he woke up with Drew, the dream became a reality.
Tears brimmed in her eyes. “I love you, Asher. You’ve become as dear and special to me as if you were my own. Promise me you’ll never do anything to harm yourself again.”
“I’m not good. I’m selfish, arrogant, and quick-tempered. I don’t know what you see in me.” He grabbed both her hands in his. “But I don’t have that driving need to hurt myself anymore. I think I’m beginning to believe maybe I am not fully to blame for the past. I’m learning to find my happiness, and enjoy it.” And as he spoke, he realized it was the first time he’d ever said it. But it was true. He was happy, and as his gaze slid over the people in the room and found Drew, warmth suffused his body and the tension within him melted away. With the uncanny sixth sense they had when the other was around, Drew caught his eye and winked. A smile crept across Ash’s face.
“Does my grandson know?”
“Know what, Esther?” His concentration remained on Drew.
“That you love him. And from the looks he’s giving you, I’d say the feeling is mutual.”
Ash’s heart dropped to his stomach. All the saliva in his throat dried up, and he tasted sawdust in his mouth. “Um, I—”
“Is this the dashing, silver-tongued lawyer I’ve heard so much about?” Esther, her voice full of amusement, stunned him with her perception.
“Esther.” Ash sighed. “I don’t know what to say to you.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I see it in your eyes. Only you know how you feel and what’s in your heart.”
What did he feel? He had no idea. He only knew that a life without Drew in it now seemed inconceivable.
He watched her gaze settle on Drew and Jordan, a fond smile crossing her lips. “Did you know after Jordan told us all he was gay, I marched with him in the first gay pride parade he attended? I was so proud of him, standing up for himself, against all the bullies.”
Ash swallowed his hurt. “Jordan hates me. He remembers the way I used to be and the corrupted life I lived. He doesn’t trust me and thinks I’m going to hurt Drew.” He regretted so much in his life, but never more so than tonight. If only he’d behaved himself and not been the man-whore he’d been in the past, perhaps he would’ve been accepted by Drew’s best friend.
“And are you?”
As usual Esther came straight to the point. She never let him get away with anything, forcing him to face his innermost secrets. Tonight was no different except he no longer had the driving need to hide his feelings not only from her, but from himself.
“I’d hurt myself again before I’d hurt Drew. I care about him more than I’ve ever cared about anyone else.”
“I never imagined you to be a coward. You know, I’ve lost so many people I’ve loved I no longer wait for what I think is the right time or let people dictate to me what’s right or wrong. Don’t waste your time thinking.”
Ash bent down and gave her a kiss on her cheek. As a child he used to wonder about his real mother. Who she was, whether or not she had dreams for him when she was pregnant and after he was born. But now, as he soaked in Esther’s love and acceptance, from the gentle touch of her hand on his to the soft, knowing look in her eyes, the past had receded far enough that it no longer mattered how his life had begun.
It only mattered where he was going and whom he’d be journeying with.
“Thank you, Esther.”
He walked toward Drew.