Chapter Four

No Limits? I Think Not

I’m sick to death of the submissive vs. slave debate, and I’m really sick of the claim that slaves have no limits. To that I say BULLSHIT. Would you allow yourself to be starved? What if you were ordered to “prove” your obedience by giving His best friend a blow job? Would you eat your meals off the floor? What if your master insists on peeing in your mouth? Could you bear being locked in a dark closet all day while he goes to work? Could you be slapped, punched or pierced? Would you and the dog share the same bowl? Could you be lent out to others for sex? How about a nice, big brand on your ass? What if he likes his women curvy and so he demands that you gain 50 lbs? Would you kill someone for your Master? I don’t think there will ever be agreement on what “no limits” even means.

The best summary I’ve ever read of the differences between a sub and slave is this:

A submissive renews the choice to submit every time a demand is placed upon her. She chooses to submit, and has the option in other areas of her life to say NO.

A slave makes a one-time choice to submit. Thereafter, she must always obey. Saying NO becomes a deal-breaker for a slave, but not for a submissive.

Another definition of slavery I find quite beautiful is this: “If the slave has grown to fully accept the authority of her Master over time, then His power becomes total, and in this condition, it can certainly be said that she is owned, and therefore literally a slave.” I hope to reach this point one day, a point when I am so in tune with Him and so devoted to his pleasure that we are no longer two, but one. My obedience will be the most natural act in the world to me at that time. His will shall always be mine.

I’ve read of Master/slave relationships in which the slave is allowed a punishment-free zone, if you will, or “time-out” where she is allowed to voice her opinion, fear, or reason she believes she cannot obey an order. She is granted permission during this time to speak freely to her Master without fear of being called disobedient. I believe this sort of communication should be a requirement in ANY relationship, whether it is at work with a manager, at home with a husband—vanilla or otherwise—or in a D/s or M/s relationship. Does my opinion and need regarding communication mean I can never be a slave? Does this automatically relegate couples who allow open communication to the you’re-not-as-committed-to-obedience-as-we-are hierarchy? Should there even be a hierarchy?

And I’ve read of slaves who have told their Master words to the effect of, “I cannot obey this order. I simply cannot. I know that I have brought severe punishment upon myself.”

But to this I say I would never have become His sub if he were the kind of man to demand that I do certain things. I’m not saying He has never asked me to do things that were a real test of my obedience. He didn’t even ask them of me as a test, but having to obey some of his orders was harder than I’d ever thought it would be. But, looking back, I see that these orders were not unreasonable; in fact, they were the right thing to do.

I read somewhere that a Dom never asks his sub to do anything she wouldn’t do anyway. Master would never ask me to do anything illegal. Master wants me to be happy, and therefore wouldn’t require me to do something that would only steal my peace of mind. He believes peace of mind is one of the most important things a human being can possess.

He would never ask me to risk my health just to please him. He would never require me to do anything cruel to an animal or person. He would never demand that I turn over my pre-marriage assets to him. He would not forbid me to stay in contact with my friends or family, unless a relationship was proving to be toxic. He would not tell me I couldn’t write. (Although he did recently tell me I was letting too many things at the house slide because of too much time spent writing.) He wouldn’t intentionally try to humiliate me. He never tests my obedience by demanding ridiculous acts from me. He would never give me to another man to serve him sexually.

Let’s address my 100% submission in the bedroom. I do everything that is asked of me, no ifs, ands or buts. HOWEVER, nothing but nothing—regardless of the extent of my submission—is worth getting a urinary tract infection. So, our activities in the “boudoir” (the screw room) are sanitary, and at the very outset of our sexual relationship, I made sure He was well educated in the hygienic treatment of my girly parts. There is no ass-to-vagina play, for example. He respects those “rules”. Don’t judge me until you’ve had a bladder infection. Is this a limit I have placed on the relationship which now precludes me from calling myself a slave? Fine. If he ever pulled his cock out of my ass and tried to put it in my mouth, I would refuse to obey. The act would not fall under “safe”, as in safe, sane and consensual. I’m all about safe, believe me. Come to think of it, I don’t think it would fall under “sane” in my book either. But that’s just me; I know there are people out there who do the ass-to-mouth thing.

Several years ago, I read of a woman whose Master said he’d decided he was going to keep her in a cage for the rest of her life. She said his plan was to have one tube in her mouth for feeding, and then tubes at the other end for going to the bathroom. He said her muscles would atrophy quickly, and then he would no longer find her attractive. At the time he decided she was no longer attractive, he planned to find a replacement for her. Her response? “Thank you, Master! I love you!” This same prince of a guy liked to dunk her head in water, get her to start choking, then ram his erection down her throat until she was ready to pass out from lack of oxygen.

But, at least for the time being, this relationship dynamic was working for them. I would love to know what ever happened to them. If she’s locked in a cage for the rest of her life, however, I guess we won’t be seeing more blog posts from her. And you kind of have to wonder if, at the end of her life (which may come a lot sooner than she’d anticipated), she found satisfaction in the way she’d chosen to spend her time on Earth. I personally would not accept a permanent situation that excluded dogs, books or beer. Very un-slave like, I know.

Also, now that I think of it, this guy makes it sound like the easiest thing in the world to find a replacement for her. Would you answer an ad from this guy?

I see so-called experts in Mastery saying their slaves will only receive one meal a day. They may or may not concede that regular dental care is to be provided, and I assume regular physicals may prove superfluous. Although being a submissive or slave is not about that individual, their ego, or their pleasure, I see no reason to have a slave unless one values possession of them and the benefits and service they provide. Why destroy a creature through lack of proper care? This is yet another reason why I believe there should be ample communication before a slave or submissive commits to a Master.

Just yesterday, I read of a situation in which a woman had vowed to be a slave, only to find out that her new Master decided to take on not only her, but other women. She was devastated, but felt she couldn’t say anything about it, much less leave. Should she and her Master have discussed the possibility of him adding more females to the mix before she agreed to be a slave? Shouldn’t she have said, “No way can I accept sharing you with another person?” Hell, yeah. But isn’t that a limit??? And her Master should have displayed the integrity and honesty to tell her up front that he had immediate plans to add another female or two or three to the mix.

In regard to feeling she couldn’t leave: Uh, car keys, bus stop, taxi or those two things holding you up. I think they’re called legs. No, wait… she can’t leave, she’s a slave. I don’t know about you, but I think we only get one life, and I’m sure as hell not going to spend the rest of my days on this earth feeling miserable. I stayed in a twenty-three-year relationship that made me only unhappier as the years went by. Sure, I can rationalize by saying it was a good choice because I ended up where I am, with a man I adore, but I can tell you with all certainty that I regret giving those twenty-three years to a man I no longer respected—a man who cared very little for my happiness, a man who had no clue how to achieve intimacy with anyone. This is your life, and if you haven’t already, you will no doubt realize as more and more time passes, and more and more people you loved are dead and gone forever, how precious the days become to you. Please give your heart and soul to a Master who deserves such precious gifts. And so, to the slave who signed on with a dishonest, self-serving Master, I say stand up on those legs and walk out the door. There is an honest Master out there who would be fortunate to have you.

Others will say that “all” a slave does is sign on with a Master, then He gets to do and decide anything he wants. And so sometimes I think the top of my head will explode if I think of these little intricacies of the submissive/slave controversy. I mentioned earlier that I initially made the mistake of trying to force my relationship dynamic with Master to look like many I’d read about on the internet. Looking back, so many of the sites I stumbled across over-simplified the dynamic. Submission and slavery were portrayed as the easiest thing in the world to do. Master was wonderful, the submissive/slave was always ready, willing and able for any task, and oh, just make me barf. Can you even count the number of sites you’ve seen with young, body-building men standing over Playboy Model-type women? Well, my husband is into body-building, and although he is almost sixty years old, he has the physique of a twenty-five-year-old man. How lucky am I? But it has been several years since my breasts were pointing upward or coins could be bounced off my stomach muscles. But He always tells me he loves playing with my body and, better yet, backs it up by never being able to keep his hands off me or stay away from my girly-bits, so it’s really okay with him that I’m not rail-thin, and some parts of me are a bit wiggly. In fact, He says my curves only make me look like more of a woman. Again, how lucky am I?

I want to drop about twenty pounds, but He’s concerned that my breasts will get smaller. I can’t stress enough: this man is a BREAST man. My clothing when here at home always leaves my breasts uncovered and available to him at all times. They get lifted, squeezed, stroked and the nipples get pinched or nibbled on whenever he chooses. So I have a Master who likes me busty, with a body that gives him something to grab onto.

So go easy on yourself. I’ve certainly had to. From now on, I will use the internet as a reference for the lifestyle, but will only trust certain online individuals and sites to guide and educate me in a very general sense. But there are so many personalities, so many preferences, all kinds of Doms and subs, Masters and slaves, and more needs, wants, desires, hard and soft limits, and types of kink out there than any of us could ever fathom. And too much of the so-called wisdom I’ve found on the internet is simply off-base for me, and unworkable in my life with Master.

Thank god there’s no cookie-cutter way to fashion a relationship. Why do we attempt to put restrictions on the way an individual wants to self-label? I can only know what is wrong for Master and me personally, and I have no right to tell others, “You can’t call yourself a slave because you negotiated conditions beforehand.” Or, “I’m more of a submissive than she is, because I have fewer limits.”

I just don’t get the reason for the constant posts and back-and-forth arguments on the internet. Am I more female than someone? Is he more gay than that other man? (Did you know that some gay males don’t have anal sex?) Is she less of a lesbian because of what she will and won’t do in the bedroom? So why do people keep debating this slave vs. submissive issue?

I recently learned of a slave whose Owner doesn’t make requests of him or demands for personal service. Seriously! The slave said he is encouraged to be his authentic self in service to his Master, and there is an intuitive voice he listens to when serving. It is a quiet “knowing” of how to be obedient and pleasing in any given moment. Yes, there is a detailed Protocol he must adhere to which addresses how he responds to his Master, how he presents himself physically, how he is to behave in public, where he sleeps, how he goes to the bathroom, how he conducts himself when entering or leaving his Owner’s presence, etc., but I gather he rarely hears, “Go pick up my dry cleaning, then wash the cars. When you finish with that, make dinner and do the dishes.” It’s a very unusual—to me, at least—Owner/slave dynamic, and I would love to personally witness it. Conversely, other slaves—and certainly subs—may have very detailed lists of mandatory tasks, and maybe even a written contract which may or may not have an expiration date. Or, things may be loose and unwritten and ever-changing and on and on and on.

We have no contract in place. The obvious tasks required of me are not in writing. Our marriage license is enough paper, thank you; I’m not going anywhere any time soon. And even if He and I weren’t married, I wouldn’t go anywhere. I adore Him, and I want to serve and please him for the rest of my life. His wants and needs may change a bit as time goes by, but I can assure you that what is expected of me is made crystal clear by Him. I’ve read slave contracts that were so detailed and so extensively negotiated that I don’t know how the parties kept track of everything they’d agreed to. I think I’d have to have a cheat-sheet attached to my wrist twenty-four hours a day to make sure I wasn’t in violation.

I’ve heard of slaves who have their own families and their own separate lives, but they appear at their Master’s house every day to handle nothing but administrative duties, for example, without pay. Some of the relationships seem so “dry” that they strike me as basically just doing volunteer work for another human being. It seems as if the arrangement doesn’t even hint at an M/s or D/s dynamic. And remember, not all slaves are submissive. They may just “contract” to perform certain duties, and then uphold their end of the bargain until the expiration of the agreement.