By the time we reached the Tall Grass field, the sun was up well over the eastern mountains. We were all tired from the night’s adventures. The rest of the pack waited for us at Wood’s Edge, gnawing lazily at the pieces of leftover horse we’d managed to save. Rissa told Ruuqo of our confrontation with the Stone Peaks. He listened carefully and licked her muzzle, speaking quietly to her. He didn’t seem concerned. Conflict between packs was as common as rain, and this one had not ended in a fight. Ruuqo was pleased with the extra meat, and if he was upset that Rissa had allowed Yllin and the others to venture into the human gathering place, he said nothing about it. He ignored the firemeat scent he must have been able to smell on the breath of the wolves that were lucky enough to get some of it. Rissa slipped the piece she had saved to Trevegg. The oldwolf rumbled his thanks, devouring the meat in one gulp.
To my relief, Rissa did not tell Ruuqo that I had tried to go to the humans, and she had ordered the others not to tell him. Still, every time Borlla or Unnan went near Ruuqo, my stomach clenched in fear. If he thought my father was an Outsider wolf, and if he was looking for reasons to get rid of me, my attempt to go to the humans would give him the excuse he needed. But they said nothing. Rissa did tell him that Borlla had helped Reel across the river and that she had successfully stolen meat.
“You have done well, youngwolf,” Ruuqo said. “You will do good things for Swift River pack.”
It was the first time he had called any of us anything other than “pup.” A youngwolf was a wolf who had made the transition from pup, who is completely dependent upon others, to a contributing member of the pack. Borlla almost burst out of her fur with pride. Ruuqo praised Unnan, too, and Marra, which I shouldn’t have minded, but I couldn’t help myself. But Borlla got the most praise, both for her skill in meat-stealing, and her courage at the river. Yllin, Trevegg, and even gruff Werrna made a big fuss over her.
When Borlla caught me watching her, she strutted over to where I stood and breathed in my face, sending the crisp, sweet scent of burnt meat over my nose. Then she turned and raised her tail at me. I felt fury rising up in me, but I just walked away. Then I heard the whoosh of wings from above, and a cry of disgust from Borlla. I looked back to see her jumping up to try to catch Tlitoo as he hovered just above her head. A large splotch of bird dung had hit her on top of her head, splattering her face and eyes. Tlitoo kept dipping down within range and then flying above her head, cackling as she tried to catch him.
Pup looks better now.
Dirty fur is nice and white,
Thanks to raven’s help.
Yllin was the first to start laughing, followed by Minn and the rest of the pack.
“You’d better learn to move faster than that, Borlla,” Rissa said, snorting dust from her nose as she dipped her head to the ground. Trevegg laughed so hard he rolled to the ground, legs waving in the air. Ruuqo joined in, pouncing on the oldwolf as he rolled in the dirt. Yllin tumbled Borlla onto her back, and when Borlla growled at her, she laughed all the harder.
“That will teach you to be so proud, pup!” she said, snorting. She let Borlla up, and then dove out of the way as Tlitoo let loose another stream of droppings. He missed both wolves. Disappointed, the raven flew over Borlla again, and she ran for cover under Rissa’s belly. Rissa collapsed in laughter as Tlitoo, apparently at the end of his supply, flew to a nearby rock.
Borlla’s face was tight with anger, but she couldn’t challenge Rissa or any of the other adults. Ears down and shoulders hunched, she stalked off into the trees. Feeling much better, I helped bury the rest of the stolen meat near the pieces of horse we had hidden earlier. I took a small piece of old horse in my mouth, thinking that if I couldn’t have the firemeat, I at least could have that scrap. But Werrna knocked me over and took it from me.
“You did not earn that food, pup,” she said.
I appealed to Rissa, but she turned her face away from mine. Now it was my turn to stalk away, growling softly to myself as Ruuqo gave the order to rest until the cooling time. The adults settled in the shade, and Rissa lifted her head.
“Pups,” she said, “you may explore nearby if you do not wish to sleep. But do not go far.”
I walked away from the others. I did not like that my status in the pack was so low. I should be as important to the pack as Borlla or Unnan. Hadn’t I been holding my own, getting more meat than any of the others at the horse carcass, and swimming as strongly as anyone? I was afraid the pack would hold it against me that I had tried to go to the humans. I walked until I reached the edge of the Tall Grass plain. Ázzuen followed behind me. Then Borlla emerged from the woods. She’d managed to clean much of the bird dung from her head, and sniffed at the edge of the trees, several wolflengths to my left, keeping a wary eye out for Tlitoo. Unnan and Reel cautiously joined her. Marra poked at tangy berry bushes near where we’d buried the stolen meat, and chewed at their sticky leaves. I nosed an empty gopher hole, and pawed the loose earth, looking for something interesting. Then I heard Borlla’s voice, pitched to carry.
“You know they won’t be able to hunt when the time comes,” she said to Unnan. Ruuqo raised his head, woken from his nap by Borlla’s voice.
It annoyed me that she was so obviously trying to prejudice Ruuqo against us, to make him think of us as weak hunters.
“She could at least be a bit more subtle,” Ázzuen grumbled.
“They couldn’t even cross the river, or steal food,” Borlla continued. “How are they going to hunt anything?”
Reel winced. I thought it was pretty mean of her since she was supposed to be watching out for the smaller pup. Ruuqo gave Borlla, and then me and Ázzuen, a long look before stretching out in the soft-sage and falling back asleep.
But Borlla had given me an idea. I smelled living horse nearby. After tracking the scent for several wolflengths, I spotted the tall, heavy-bodied shapes of horses feeding on the dry grass of the open plain.
“We’ll see who’s a hunter,” I said, mostly to myself.
“What are you going to do?” Ázzuen said, alarmed.
I settled down on my haunches and watched the herd. Before long, we would be expected to hunt with the pack. If I were the first pup to touch live prey, Borlla’s words would be made meaningless. And maybe no one would care that my father might have been an Outsider wolf. Maybe, I thought, I could even catch a prey myself. My heart beat fast as I realized what I was going to do. Looking over my shoulder at Ázzuen, I set off toward the herd, stopping after a few paces. Ázzuen followed reluctantly. I caught Marra’s eye, and she left her exploration of the berry bushes to join us.
“You know we aren’t supposed to wander so far away,” she said, eyeing the horses. She didn’t sound particularly concerned. She was just letting me know how insane she thought I was.
“I know,” I said, “but I want to see them up close, don’t you?”
“Of course I do,” she said with a grin. “Just don’t get caught. I am not so fond of trouble as you are. You take too many risks.”
I snorted. Marra was the most likely of us to take chances. I took a few more steps to the horses and then broke into a fast walk-run. Ázzuen and Marra followed.
We were halfway to the horses when I heard a sound behind me. Borlla, Unnan, and Reel ran to catch up to us. Anticipating a fight, the three of us turned to face them. But they did not attack. Instead, they ran past us. I knew then that they were planning to get to the horses first and get all the credit for the idea. Ruuqo and Rissa would once again praise Borlla and ignore me.
Determined not to let Borlla and Unnan reach the horses first, I raced after them. I passed Reel easily and caught up with Unnan and Borlla when they stopped a good ten wolflengths from the horses. Marra was right behind me, and a determined, panting Ázzuen brought up the rear. I leaned close to Borlla’s dirty white ear.
“I’ll bet you’re afraid to go right up to a horse. I bet you don’t really have the courage to be a hunter. This prey isn’t lying on the ground, waiting for you to pick it up.”
Borlla didn’t answer, but looked at me and then at the herd. She turned her nose up and away. I heard Ázzuen snicker behind me. Borlla took a step forward to the prey, but stopped when Reel whined and pressed into her with his shoulder. He looked at her beseechingly, and whispered to her. Her eyes softened, and she nosed him gently. Once more I felt a stab of jealousy at their closeness.
“Thought so,” I said. I should have just left it at that, but I wanted to make sure that Unnan and Borlla—and especially Ruuqo—knew I belonged in the pack. Before long our winter coats would grow in; we pups would need to sort out our positions in the pack before then.
“Come on,” I said to Ázzuen and Marra. On shaking legs, I walked a few steps closer to the horses. They looked a lot bigger close up, and a lot more dangerous than the one the bear had already killed. They smelled of prey—an aroma of sweat and warm flesh. Their breath was scented with chewed grass and dirt. I looked back to see both Marra and Ázzuen watching me nervously. I didn’t want to do this alone. I gave them a pleading look and, after a moment, they followed me. I wasn’t the only one who knew this could determine the status of us pups from now on. Still, I was grateful that they backed me up.
As I knew they would, Borlla and Unnan moved, too, eager to be the first ones to the prey. Reel, after a brief hesitation, followed along. I felt a little sorry for him. He wasn’t a bully like Unnan and Borlla. On his own, he seemed to be a decent wolf. But I didn’t have time to think about him. When I heard Borlla and Unnan coming up behind me, I broke into a run, racing them to get to the horses first.
And then we were among the sturdy beasts, inhaling the scent of their flesh and the grassy smell of their dung. Their breath was warm—I hadn’t expected that—and they began to breathe more shallowly as we darted around their legs. From a distance I heard Ruuqo’s warning bark, but ignored it. I didn’t have the patience to wait to hear what he was saying. I felt the hunter heart beat within me as I moved among the horses.
“They’re just dumb prey!” I shouted giddily to Ázzuen. “No wolf need be afraid of dumb prey!” I laughed. My heart beat with excitement. The blood quickened in my veins. My nostrils flared to take in every drop of scent and my ears lifted to capture every sound. I’d had no idea that this was what the hunt would be like. This was nothing like stalking mice or tracking rabbits. I had never felt so alive, so eager. The dim-witted horses just stood there like rocks. They were meant to be killed, meant to be prey. I understood now that we were the cleverest hunters because we were meant to take the stupid and the slow.
It was then that I remembered that we were supposed to be finding the sick ones, the slow ones. I could not. I could not concentrate on anything but the smell, the feel, the sound of prey around me. I grew light-headed and my stomach turned flips. My head felt distant from my body, and I breathed hard. What was this frenzy? The others were captured by it, too. We grew bold and restless, chasing one another between the horses’ legs. A thrill rushed through me as I imagined myself leading a hunt and biting into the soft flesh of a horse’s belly.
Suddenly the temper of the herd shifted. The horse nearest Reel lowered its head and blew out air with an angry snort. It stamped its feet, shook its head, and reared up on its back legs. The horse beside it screamed in anger and lunged toward Marra, snapping its teeth together. She dodged out of its way with a frightened squeal. All around us, horses stamped and reared and began to run, their hooves striking at our heads. I turned and looked for a way to run, but seeing nothing but moving legs, and crashing hooves, I crouched low in fear. I looked up to see a mass of horses rushing around us, faster than any creature should be able to move.
“Run!” Trevegg shouted. “Run or you will be crushed!” Through the throng of horses, I saw the adults racing toward us. Trevegg’s voice cut through my terror, and I was able to get my legs to stand and support me. Struggling to stay on my feet, I bent to shove Ázzuen out of his terrified stupor. He looked at me in confusion, still crouched low.
“Stand up!” I yelled. “Get out of the way!”
I could smell Ázzuen’s fear and confusion. We were surrounded by pounding feet and swirling dust. Now that the first wave of terror had washed over me, I felt all of my senses sharpen. I pushed the fear to a distant corner of my mind.
“We have to avoid their feet until the adults get to us,” I shouted to make myself heard. “We have to keep moving.” A snatch of memory from one of our hunting lessons came back to me.
“If you are much smaller than your prey,” Rissa had said, “there is no point in trying to use your weight to knock the prey over. You will end up fallen in the dirt. You must use your wits, for wits are what make us good hunters. Run in and run out. Use strategy, not force.”
I saw Borlla standing, glaring at a horse and growling, trying to protect Reel, who crouched behind her. Brave, I thought, but stupid. They were too far away for me to reach. Marra was already moving, dodging agilely among the horses, her face fierce with concentration. Ázzuen stood motionless beside me, staring up at the horses in fear. Unnan crouched low, a wolflength away. I shoved Ázzuen hard, pushing him out of the way of moving hooves. Each time he stopped, I shoved him again. The adult wolves reached us then, growling at the horses to keep them away from us. Werrna jumped straight at a horse that was about to crush Unnan, knocking the surprised beast off balance. Even in my fearful state I was impressed by her courage. Ruuqo and Rissa were trying to gather the other wolves in a circle around us, between us and the horses. Marra dove into the circle, and watched, panting, from the relative safety of the protection of the larger wolves. My stumblings had brought me close to Unnan, and I shoved him toward the adults. Yllin grabbed him and dumped him in the middle of the circle. I picked Ázzuen up by his scruff and all but threw him in the direction of the adults, pulling a muscle in my neck so hard it made me yelp, before a horse’s head swung at me, knocking me back. I dodged and ran, then dodged again. Borlla, too, stood outside the protective circle, still growling frantically at the horses as Reel crouched low, whimpering a little.
“Move!” I yelled again. “Keep moving!”
She glared at me, and looked up at a large horse. I dove for her, pushed her out of the way, and then rolled away as a huge hoof came down toward my head. I heard a wolf scream, a terrible yowl of terror and pain, through a cloud of dust.
Then, as quickly as it began, the horse frenzy was over. Yllin and Werrna chased off the horses, who retreated to the far side of the field. Rissa ran from pup to pup, making sure we were safe. I crouched, dazed, and frantically returned her caress when she bent to lick my head. She repeated the gesture with Ázzuen, who climbed shakily to his feet; with Unnan, who had a cut over his left eye; and with Marra, who stood, staring at the retreating horses. Then, tail drooping and an anxious whine in her voice, Rissa nosed a pale lump that smelled like Reel, but somehow different. Her whine deepened, and Ruuqo and Trevegg walked slowly to join her. They pushed and prodded Reel, but he did not move. His head was covered with blood, his body oddly flattened.
“Get up, Reel,” Borlla said, a little impatiently, nudging his still form.
Rissa gently pushed Borlla aside and sat back on her haunches, releasing a long and mournful howl. Ruuqo, Trevegg, and Minn added their voices to hers. Yllin and Werrna, trotting back from chasing off the horses, stopped, and stood very still, then added their songs of sorrow. I felt my throat open and a deep howl I did not recognize as my own sounded from my throat.
I looked in disbelief at the small, dirt-covered form on the trampled grass. My head hurt and my chest felt heavy. My stomach pulled in on itself, and I thought I would vomit up the little bit of meat I had eaten. Just moments before, I’d been running with Reel to the horses. Now he was just fur and flesh. Yllin and Werrna had reached the rest of the pack and we all stood around Reel, the hot afternoon sun beating down on our backs, making me feel even sicker.
I don’t know how long we stood there, waiting, hoping Reel’s life would come back to him, but he was gone. I hadn’t liked Reel that much, hadn’t thought that much about him at all, really, but he was as much a littermate as I was ever going to have. He was pack. And his fate could easily have been mine. I had dared him to run to the horses. I wanted to lie down on the plain and bury myself in the dirt. Rissa howled again, longer and deeper, and the pack joined her in singing farewell to Reel. All except Borlla, who just stood and stared in disbelief at his body, the fur on his lifeless flesh now rippling gently in a breeze.
With one last look at Reel, Rissa led the pack away from the Tall Grass plain. Borlla would not go.
“You can’t just leave him here! You can’t just leave him for the long-fangs and hyenas!” she cried.
“It is our way, littlewolf,” old Trevegg said, his eyes creased in sympathy. “He has returned to the Balance. He will become part of the earth, as we all will someday. He will feed the grass that will feed the prey that will feed our pack. It is the way.”
“I won’t leave him,” Borlla said stubbornly. None of us had ever spoken back to an adult wolf in this way.
“You must,” Trevegg said. “You are wolf and Swift River and you must follow your pack.” When Borlla didn’t move, Trevegg shoved her away, less roughly than he might have normally, and forced her to follow the pack.
We walked slowly back to the edge of the wood. Borlla and Unnan kept hanging back, staring at Reel’s body, until Trevegg or Werrna would go back to gently push them along.
At last Werrna took Borlla, half grown as she was, in her strong jaws. Borlla struggled at first, but then the fight went out of her, and she hung limp in Werrna’s jaws, her legs dragging on the ground. We were quiet as we plodded toward home, except for Borlla’s quiet whimpering. We had walked just a few wolflengths when Unnan ran to me, knocking me over and standing on my chest, his narrow face contorted in anger.
“You killed him,” he spat. “That horse should’ve killed you instead.” There was hatred in his voice. “You’re the one who should be dead.”
I hardly had the heart to fight back. Unnan was saying nothing I hadn’t said to myself. I rolled Unnan off me, then limped away. I did not want to return his attack. But when he grabbed me by the neck, choking me, I bit him hard enough to make him cry out.
Ruuqo called a halt, and the pack gathered around Unnan and me. Werrna set Borlla down.
“What are you talking about, Unnan?” Ruuqo asked.
“She made us go,” Unnan said. “We were just sleeping and she made us go. It’s her fault Reel is dead.”
My heart sank in my chest and I could barely breathe. Ruuqo looked at me, waiting for an answer, but I could find none. Marra spoke up for me.
“It was Kaala’s idea,” she said, “but we all wanted to go.”
“No one made you go, Unnan,” Ázzuen said. “You could’ve stayed behind. Reel could have, too. We all wanted to see the horses,” he said to the leaderwolves. “And Kaala saved Unnan and me when we couldn’t get out of the way. She knew what to do when we didn’t.” I looked at him gratefully.
“What do you have to say for yourself, pup?” Ruuqo asked.
The trees and bushes seemed to close in on me, making it harder to breathe. The ground was hard against my chest as I dropped onto my belly. I wanted to make excuses, to blame Unnan and Borlla for goading me, to blame the horses for running. But I saw Ázzuen and Marra watching me. They had had the courage to defend me. I couldn’t turn coward.
“It was my fault,” I said, unable to keep a quaver from my voice. “It was my idea to see the horses up close. I didn’t know they would do that—that they could run like that.” I cringed down as low as I could. “I didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt.”
“At least you do not hide your fault. I do not keep liars in my pack. Why did you lead the others to the horses?”
I was glad that I had not tried to blame someone else. I stayed as low to the ground as I could, ears as far back against my head as I could force them.
“I wanted to see if I could hunt.” My answer seemed inadequate. “I wanted to be the first one to touch prey.”
“Pride means death for a wolf,” Ruuqo said. “And it was pride and foolishness that led you to approach prey without respecting it, without knowing enough about the hunt.”
My throat tightened as I awaited Ruuqo’s judgment.
I was so tense my eyes hurt, and I could feel the veins pounding behind them. Ruuqo had been waiting for an excuse to get rid of me since I was born. I was sure he would send me away. But he looked around the pack, his eyes coming to rest on Rissa. She approached him, followed by the rest of the adults in the pack. They pressed themselves against him, moving around him, talking quietly.
“It is true,” Rissa said, pressing her head to Ruuqo’s neck, “that Kaala caused the pups to go to the horses, but pups are curious. They will try to hunt before they are ready. They would not be wolf if they did not test prey. It is not Kaala’s fault the horses were agitated today. And she had the courage and the wit to help the others when the horses ran. If not for her, we might have lost three or four pups, rather than one.”
“I have never seen so young a pup do such a thing, protect the others in such a way,” Trevegg said, “and I have seen eight seasons of pups.”
Yllin lowered herself to the ground before she spoke. Yearling wolves did not often participate in such discussions. “I could not have done so when I was a pup,” she said, “and I was bigger than Kaala.”
To my surprise, Werrna rumbled in agreement. She had never taken my side before.
“She caused the death of another pup!” Minn protested, then lowered his ears when Rissa glared at him.
Ruuqo twitched his ears. He took the muzzle of each wolf in his mouth, and then walked away, his brow creased in thought. I realized that I had forgotten to breathe and drew a deep gasp of air into my lungs. The energy of the pack reminded me of when the adults came together to decide what to hunt. A leaderwolf makes decisions, but if no one agrees with him, his authority is weakened. I could almost see Ruuqo’s mind working, testing the pack’s wishes and his own. He looked at me with dislike, and I shivered.
Trevegg walked over to him. “No wolf is a pack unto himself, Ruuqo,” the oldwolf said softly. “The pack wishes her to stay. You know that. If you go so hard against the wishes of so many, against the will of the pack, you may lose them. They may seek another leader.” He looked out of the corner of his eyes at Werrna’s scarred face.
“Do you think I am a fool,” Ruuqo snapped, brushing Trevegg aside, “to anger my pack because of my feelings toward this pup? A strong wolf is a strong wolf, even if she does not hold my favor.”
Ruuqo turned to face the pack, then caught Rissa’s clear, direct gaze. “You are right. If Kaala had not acted as she did, we would have lost more pups. Such spirit is needed in the pack.” Ruuqo spoke to Rissa, but his words were for the pack.
I looked at him in amazement. I couldn’t have been more surprised if he had stood up on two legs and held a sharpened stick like a human. He looked over the pack.
“It is the way of things. We will all learn from this. And we will watch this pup carefully,” he said, giving me a look that made my insides turn to mud. “If she shows more unstable behavior, we will have to reconsider whether or not she stays in the pack.”
Unnan’s whole body shook with fury. “But she went to see the hu—”
Werrna’s large paw came down on him as Rissa swung her head around angrily.
“Silence, pup!” Werrna hissed. “You’ve been given a command by your leaderwolf. Follow it!” Unnan looked at her resentfully, but said nothing more. It was my turn to shake, but this time in relief, not anger.
It all happened so fast I was stunned. Finally, I remembered myself and crawled to Ruuqo to thank him. He must have been able to sense my astonishment, for he snorted as I licked his muzzle in thanks.
“What are you so surprised about, pup?” he asked.
I could think of nothing to say but the truth, and I could not refuse to answer. “I thought you wanted me gone!” I blurted.
“And you think me so stupid and selfish as to place my own wishes before those of my pack?”
I could find no answer to that and just stared at him.
“I am watching you, pup. You are a threat to my pack and I have not forgotten that. Do not make more mistakes,” Ruuqo said, so softly only I could hear. He turned to the rest of the pack. “We will not stay at Wood’s Edge today. We return to Fallen Tree.”
He trotted purposefully along the path, back toward our gathering place. Borlla walked on her own feet this time, stopping every few steps to look back toward the spot where Reel had died. I could not bear to do so. I kept my head low and, trying not to think about my role in Reel’s death and my tenuous position in the pack, I followed my family toward home.