It's too damn hot!
Jo pulled at the layers of fabric on her body, the cotton dress soaked through with sweat. She'd been tending to the new calf and the other animals all morning and was soaked through by the oppressive heat inside the barn. Jack hadn't spoken a word to her in three days, and she kept herself busy to stop from thinking about what happened the night the calf was born.
Ruby was still angry at her about James, and all Jo wanted was a brief escape from the Harringtons. She never dreamed she'd grow attached to them, but it bothered her more than she'd like to admit that she hurt Ruby, and now she'd behaved shamefully with Jack.
On a mission, Jo powered through the pasture and over the hill, down to the small pond at the edge of a grove of trees. She waded into the water in her dress and sat on the shallow sandy bottom as the water lapped around her. Jo wasn't a strong swimmer, but she'd learned to swim as a little girl when her father took her to the Harlem Meer in the summers.
For the next half hour, she floated in the pond, the sun shining above, and felt at peace. Her mind roiled over the events of the past week, and she resolved to stop fighting with Jack. She would listen to him and run his house the way he wanted it run. That was reasonable. It was his house and family, after all.
"She's there!" Tommy's little voice hollered as he scrambled down the grassy hill. Behind him, Lucy appeared with Ruby beside her.
When they arrived at the edge of the pond, they were all laughing from the exertion. Tommy was in the water first, splashing and diving under. Ruby and Lucy exchanged a glance, shrugged, and they both waded in, fully clothed.
"You can change into one of my dresses to go home in," Jo told Lucy, and Lucy ducked under the water, wetting herself from head to toe.
Ruby and Tommy splashed around, giggling, and it filled Jo's heart to see them playing and enjoying a summer's day. Exhausted, Ruby and Tommy climbed to the bank and lay on the grass as the sun dried their tan skin. Lucy and Jo climbed onto the small dock and did the same, lying on the warm wood planks.
"When it's like this, I think I'd love to stay here." Jo glanced at the children, where they lay further up the bank. "But I don’t know if they’ll accept me.”
"The challenge won't be the children. It'll be Jack."
Jo closed her eyes, the warm rays soaking into her skin. " He’s certainly a . . . challenge."
"He's afraid." Lucy turned to face Jo.
"That I'll change him?"
"That he'll love you."
Jo sat up, her heart galloping. "Why do you think that? No, no. He’d never allow it. He's much too guarded. And he's so much older."
"Does that really bother you?" Lucy raised her eyebrows.
Jo laughed nervously. "No. But he's always mad at me."
"Don't mistake passion for anger." Lucy sighed and lay back down. "I'd give anything to stir that kind of appetite in Will."
"I suppose after that many years of marriage—"
"No," Lucy said, frustration tingeing her voice. "We've never had that. He's never . . . wanted me that way."
"You mean you've never—"
"Oh, yes, of course," Lucy said, her cheeks blushing. "When we were trying for children. But it was never . . . he never desired it. Or maybe it was me." Lucy jumped up. "We shouldn't be talking about this. It's fine. It's how a marriage should be."
For some marriages, perhaps, Jo thought. But it hadn't been like that for her parents. The walls were thin in their home, and she'd heard them more times than she felt comfortable remembering, but she was happy that they had that kind of passion.
Jo wouldn’t be happy with anything less. These strange new yearnings for Jack were exciting. Her body wanted him, but she wasn’t sure about her heart. Love was enigmatic, and Jo hadn’t puzzled out what drew two people into it.
Later that day, they all headed into town—Ruby, Tommy, Jack, and Jo—to restock supplies for the farm and house. Jo hadn't been to town since she'd arrived; Jack picked up anything she needed from the store when he rode the six miles to town. But she was glad for a distraction from all the thoughts running through her head.
The town was one street, with small storefronts lining one side that ended at the hotel and train depot. But there was new construction at both ends. Jack explained that many of the homesteaders were now gaining profits from their efforts with their cattle farms, and the town was growing.
After they hitched the wagon, Jo and the children went into Willis’s General Store to pick up the items on her list. There were some canned apples, and Jo put one in her basket. She'd yet to learn how to bake anything except biscuits, but planned to ask Lucy to teach her a few basic recipes later that week. Neither her brother nor she had a sweet tooth. But Jo had watched Jack wolf down two large pieces of apple pie at the picnic.
"Can I get this?" Tommy held a small recorder in his hand.
"I'm not sure your father would like that."
"I'll get it for him." James stood behind them in line, only a bag of salt and flour in his basket. “The boy should have a little fun."
"That's so nice of you. Isn't that nice, Ruby?" Jo tried to get James to turn his attention to Ruby, but she marched away.
"Don't mind her," Jo said, and smiled politely.
"I don't. But I'm glad to see you." He placed his hand over hers, but before she could pull away, Jack walked in.
Jo turned and paid for the items in her basket, including the small recorder for Tommy.
"It was nice seeing you, Mr. Lucas. Good day." Jo swooshed past Jack but could feel the burn of his disapproval on her back.
"Everyone in the wagon. Now." When Jack growled, they all scurried to obey. Dark clouds moved in overhead, and Jack sped the horses home. Jo gripped the sides of the wagon for fear she'd be bumped out.
"Is a storm coming?" Jo asked.
"Not a bad one," Jack said. "It'll bring much-needed rain, but the winds won't be too strong."
"How can you tell?" Jo asked.
"When you've been farming as long as my family has, it's in your blood."
Tommy began to play on his little recorder, and Jack spun around and glared. "Where did you get that?"
"Jo bought it for me."
Jo waited for a reprimand, but Jack didn't say anything else further, so Tommy began to play again, the notes jarring with no tune attached.
"If you want to court James Lucas, you should," Jack said.
"Father!" Ruby protested.
"I'm sorry, sweetie, but it’s like Jo says, you can’t make someone love you. And it seems he’s turned his attention to Jo."
“He hasn’t! I barely know him,” Jo protested.
Jack strangled the reins, Tommy's recorder grinding on Jo's nerves. "If you want to be with him, there's nothing stopping you," Jack said.
"I don't need your permission," Jo snapped, crossing her arms.
The wagon was racing faster, and Ruby cried softly in the back with Tommy next to her, blowing his recorder.
"Oh, for God's sake, stop making that awful noise!" Jack snatched the recorder and threw it out of the wagon. Ruby sniffled and quieted her cries.
For the next four miles, they road in silence, and Jack sped the wagon home. When they approached the barn, Jack pulled it to an abrupt stop. He looked up at the sky and then out to the low grass of the pasture.
"What is it?" Jo asked.
Jack pointed upward and Jo saw them; large black beasts flying overhead.
"What are they?"
"Vultures."
Which meant something was dead. Jack jumped down. "Ruby, take the wagon back to the house and stay there with Tommy."
“But—”
“Go!”
Ruby shifted to the driver’s seat, but Jo climbed down before she left and followed Jack into the pasture. As she neared the circling vultures, one swooped down and nipped at a dark object in the grass. As soon as Jo realized what it was, she raced forward and swatted at the vile birds.
"Get away! Stop!" She fell over the body of the small calf, its eyes unmoving.
One of the vultures swooped down and Jo jumped up and chased it off. "Don't touch her! Stop!" Then she went back to the little calf. "Do something, Jack. Help her!"
His shoulders slumped, resigned. "She's gone, Jo."
There was blood covering the black-and-white hide, but Jo wasn't thinking clearly. She’d helped bring this baby into the world and watched it grow over the past few days, suckling its momma and toddling around the barn.
"No. She fed this morning. She's strong. Help me, Jack. Please." Jo’s hands shook over the body, at a loss for what to do.
"She's dead. A coyote probably got her while we were gone."
"No!" Jo yelled.
Jack took her by the shoulders and pulled her from the calf. "Animals . . . humans . . . they die. It's what happens. You can't get attached to them."
"Then what? Feel nothing?" Jo pulled away. "I'm not like you, Jack. I want to feel something."
He snatched her by the shoulders with both his hands.
"What are you going to do? Spank me again?" Jo spat out.
His face hardened, and his cheeks burned red. "I don’t ask you to obey me to be harsh. There’s a reason.”
Jo looked at the mangled animal and fresh tears flowed.
“You’re lonely.” The astuteness of his observation silenced her. She’d grown attached to the animals to assuage her need for companionship. “But these animals aren’t our friends.”
He was right. Jo was lonely. She had been for years. For the past five years, she’d moved forward from one task to another, surviving, making the best of her life. But everything she’d ever loved had been taken from her. Her life could be split into two parts. Before her parents died. And after.
“I need to get rid of this,” Jack said and walked to the barn.
The birds continued to circle, and Jo hovered over the calf’s tiny body. Jack returned with a wheelbarrow, wool blanket, and two shovels. They wrapped the calf in the old blanket and wheeled it to the edge of the woods. Jo pushed the shovel into the hard, dry ground. It was cooler in the shade, but the afternoon heat was oppressive as they dug.
“Your dress is probably ruined,” Jack said of the thin, gray, cotton dress she wore.
“It doesn’t matter. There’s no one here to impress.”
Once the hole was dug, Jack lifted the limp carcass from the wheelbarrow and laid it in the ground. They stared at it for a moment. Then Jack lifted his shovel full of dirt, but Jo put her hand on his arm and he stopped.
“We should say something,” she said.
“You can’t get attached, Jo.”
“I understand. It’s the circle of life. But I still cared for her.”
Jack lowered the shovel. Jo intertwined her fingers with his and bowed her head. “Little calf, your time here was brief, but you will be missed. It’s hard for us to understand that sometimes your purpose in life is to provide life for another creature, and that’s what you did. Even if it was a nasty coyote.” Jo cleared her throat. “So we bury you with respect and honor for fulfilling your duty. I hope you find other little calves to run around with up in heaven.”
Jack dropped the dirt on the covered body. It made Jo too sad to watch, so she took the wheelbarrow and shovel back to the barn. She checked on the other animals and ran her hands over Darla, hugging her wide middle.
“I’m sorry, girl.” Jo wondered when Darla would realize her little calf would never return.
Jo swiped at a tear and walked out the back of the barn toward the house, but a commotion in the darkness drew her attention. It came from the side of the barn and Jo ran, afraid the coyote was back, but it was two sheep in an altercation. She called out for Jack, unsure how to proceed.
He was halfway back from the woods and ran until he was by her side. She gripped his arm, her fingers pressing into the fabric of his shirt as she pointed to the two animals that had been wrestling each other.
“I think they’re fighting.” Jo’s chin quivered. “I can’t handle another injured animal today.”
Jack took a step closer and then coughed back a laugh. “They’re not fighting.”
“But the big one keeps trying to jump on the little one.” The big sheep pawed the ground between the little sheep’s legs and then jumped up and landed on top of the small one. “See!” Jo rushed forward, but Jack grabbed her back.
“But—” Jo clamped her mouth shut when she saw a long skinny organ protruding out of the big sheep’s belly and quickly penetrate the smaller sheep.
“Oh my God, they’re—” Jo’s hand flew to her mouth. Sure, she knew the workings of procreating, but she’d never seen an animal perform the act. In a matter of seconds it was over, and the big sheep wandered off, grazing in the pasture.
She gaped at the female sheep. “Was that it? It seemed too fast to do anything.”
“It doesn’t take long,” Jack said, and then added, “For animals.”
Jo’s eyes widened. “Oh.”
Jack’s cheek twitched with a hint of a smile.
“Are you laughing at me?” Jo asked, her own lips turning up in a grin.
Jack smiled fully. “Come on. It’s late and we need to eat supper.”
Jo stared after the female sheep as she wandered off into the field with the others. The act had been so abrupt and impersonal. Nothing like what she’d experienced with Jack.
“Wait,” Jo said. “I want to ask you something.”
Jack looked over his shoulder as he walked. “Not about the sheep, I hope.”
Jo laughed. “No. About Ruby.”
All the seriousness was back in Jack’s face. “What about her?”
“Does she understand what goes on between a man and a woman? You know, after they’re married?”
“She’s only sixteen. Why would she need to know that?”
Jo crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow. “She’ll need to know it eventually. You can’t send her in blind; the poor girl will be scared out of her mind.”
“You seem to know an awful lot about it.”
Heat raced up Jo’s neck. “I had a very open-minded mother. Her family was from Paris, and they weren’t shy about such matters. But I’ve never . . . I mean, you’re the only . . .” Her entire face was crimson from embarrassment, and she was sure she looked like a tomato. She couldn’t finish the statement. Anything she said would humiliate them both.
Jack cleared his throat, looking as uncomfortable as Jo felt. The conversation had steered far off track, but Jo didn’t want Jack to think she had loose morals. She’d had one slipup with him, but beyond that she’d only ever chastely kissed a man.
“My point is, Ruby's almost a woman and she needs a strong female companion in her life. Lucy is the obvious choice, but she doesn’t feel comfortable with the task since she’s never had children.”
“You’ve talked to Lucy about this?” Jack was not pleased with this new information.
“Only briefly. I want to help her, Jack. And Tommy. All he wants is the love of a mother, and I want to give it to him. But you keep fighting me.”
Jack's chest rose and fell. “What do you want Jo?”
"I want life to be the way it was before." The answer tumbled out of her mouth like a confession. She hadn’t been happy since the day she put her father in the ground.
“Nothing’s keeping you from going home.”
A flutter passed through Jo’s heart at the word home. Was Manhattan her home? It didn’t feel like it. It hadn’t felt like home for a long time.
“That’s not what I meant.” Jo’s voice softened. “Don’t you tumble back to the memories of what life was like before your wife died and wish those days weren’t gone? I only meant I miss my parents. I miss having a family. Your wife may be gone, but you still have two children who adore you. You still have a family.”
“Yes. And it’s my family. And this is exactly why I don’t want them getting attached.” Jack spoke calmly. “I don’t say these things to be hurtful. When I placed the ad in the paper, it was for someone to help me with the farm. Not for a son or a daughter. Or a wife. Do you understand?”
There was no anger in his voice, but Jo felt the impact like a punch in her chest. It jarred her more than when he screamed at her in a fury. What a fool she was to think their intimate relations had been anything more than a misguided moment of passion. She’d hoped Jack wanted her, too. But he couldn’t have spoken clearer words. Her only use to him was as a hired hand.
“Yes, sir,” she said mockingly. “I’ve played the part of the servant in my own house for the past half decade. I can certainly play the part in yours.”
“That’s not—”
“Good night, Mr. Harrington.”