After that night, there was a shift in the household. It wasn’t seismic, but everyone in the house felt the subtle changes. Jo moved back into her room, but a shield of protection settled around her and she kept everyone at a distance.
The scare of losing Tommy slammed into them daily, but Jack experienced the deepest cut. He held Tommy tight and let Tommy sleep in his bed most nights. Tommy bounced through his day, glowing in the new attention.
It filled Jo’s heart to see the shift in Jack, but the chasm between Jack and Jo grew with each passing day. They were polite and civil, nothing more.
Ruby avoided Jo and deflected any attempts that Jo made to talk to her and mend their fences. Jo had come at it in every direction, giving Ruby the chance to own up to her actions, but she never did. And Jo suspected she knew why. The friction between them added to the rift between Jack and Jo.
Jack hardly said anything to her since the night at the pond. But he watched her, like a hunter observing his prey, waiting for it to make a mistake and then he’d pounce. What he was waiting for she didn’t know. But it didn’t matter.
Jo was leaving in the morning.
She’d responded to her brother’s letter a week ago. Then she’d quietly made arrangements to leave the Harringtons.
All week she’d been busy altering Jenny’s old dresses after everyone was in bed, and they were now all hanging in the closet of the bedroom Jo had called home over the past few months. They were a surprise for Ruby, and Jo hoped she saw it as the olive branch Jo intended, and not Jo’s attempt to change Ruby.
Darkness enveloped the house as the morning yawned out of the night. Her trunk was packed with her dresses and trinkets and watercolors she’d painted of the farm so she would have something to glance at when she felt that pull at her heart to remember. This wasn’t really goodbye, she told herself. But it did little to ease the ache.
The house was quietest in these early hours. Unsettled, she wandered the rooms, her hand gliding over the kitchen table where she’d spent hours preparing food and sharing family dinners with the Harringtons. Then she walked to Ruby and Tommy’s door and cracked it open. They both looked sweet and peaceful. Her hand skimmed across the hallway wall and over Jack’s door. She rested her palm against it, imagining the warmth of the wood was him. Her forehead rested against it and she wished things could have been different. She wished he could have been a different man.
When she left, would her love stay behind? Or would it trail her like a little lost puppy searching for a home? Tearful regret lodged in her throat and she breathed it down, calming the beast. This wasn’t the last time it would rear its ugly head, but Jo was learning how to tame it.
Jo lit a lantern and walked to the barn to say goodbye to the animals. Darla stood in a stall with three other cows. She’d been forlorn without her calf. It was part of life on a farm, but the cow didn't know that. She only knew a piece of her was missing.
Jo sat on the low wood stool next to the large animal and petted her smooth hide.
"I'm leaving, girl. I'm sorry about your baby. Losing her was when I realized I probably didn't belong here. I'm meant to have a cage around my heart to work on a farm. At least, that's what Jack believes. But I can't live like that."
Jo gave her a hug, feeling a little silly, but she was saying goodbye to more than just Darla.
"You're leaving?" James stood at the entry of the barn, the morning light peeking in behind him.
"I . . . what are you doing here?" Jo stepped away from the stall, crossing her arms over the chest of her nightgown.
“I’m meeting Jack to help ready the fallow field this morning.” James’s eyes raked over her flimsy gown. “I saw the light and worried a fire may have started.”
“Oh. No, I was just . . .” Jo didn’t know what to say.
"Saying goodbye," he finished.
Jo exhaled, glad to finally tell someone else. “Yes. I should have gotten back on that train the moment I realized my brother had tricked Jack. What he wanted was a young man who’d obey his every command. But that wasn’t me."
"No, it’s not." James walked fully into the barn. There was a wool blanket hanging on a nail on the wall, and James gathered it in his hands. "Would you consider staying for another reason?"
James walked forward, and when he snapped his arms out, Jo flinched, but he wrapped the blanket around her and stepped back.
“There’s nothing here for me.” Jo pulled the blanket tight around her body. “Not even you.”
"You sure are blunt.” James’s cheeks colored. “But I like that. I'm not asking you to marry me. Not yet. But if you stayed, we could court and marry down the road. I'm sure I could make you happy."
He took her hand—which was clutching the edge of the blanket—his eyes shy, his fingers unsure. Warmth seeped in where their skin met, but there was no heat. When Jack touched her, desire shot through her, making her knees wobble and her heart swell.
"Thank you, James," Jo said, and squeezed his hand, letting him down gently. "But I don't feel that way about you."
"That would come in time. We're still getting to know each other," he said. He tugged her hand and she stumbled forward. Her palms flew up to his hard chest to stop her from falling into him and the blanket fell to the ground.
"I know my heart, James." Through the thin cotton of his shirt, she felt the rapid pounding of his heart. Hers beat just as quickly, but not because she wanted him. She was nervous. He was stronger and could overpower her if he wanted. “And it doesn’t beat for you.”
His brow furrowed. "Is this about Ruby? I don't love her. I mean, I do. But not like that. Everyone expects us to marry—my parents, Jack, the entire town. There was no one else in this tiny town until you came along. Please. We'll get to know each other and then you can decide."
"It's more complicated than that," Jo said. She took a step back, but he grabbed her wrist.
"Because you love him." James glowered.
Jo didn't answer, but wiggled out of his grip. "You'll find someone. But I'm not that girl."
James’s gaze fell to her mouth. "You're the prettiest girl I know."
“Thanks, but—”
Her words were cut short by his lips pressing hard against her mouth, his hand cupping the nape of her neck. She pulled back, twisting to free herself, but he held tight.
"Stop!" She punched his chest with the heel of her palm and he stumbled back.
"What the hell?" Jack stood inside the opening of the barn and stared at the scene—Jo's disheveled hair, her face piqued, lips puffy, and James bent over, holding his chest. "James Lucas, what are you doing?"
"Nothing, sir. She . . . she tempted me. She told me she wanted me."
"Liar!" Jo yelled. "I said quite the opposite."
"I'm in love with Ruby. I'd never touch this . . . hussy."
Rage flared from Jo's gut. She lunged, her nails out, ready to claw his face, but Jack was on her before she could lay a finger on James. "Let go of me!"
James backed away. "She's crazy, sir. See? She's completely mad."
"I think it's best if you left, James." Jack still had a tight hold on Jo, which was good because if he let her go, she’d pummel James. "Now."
James hung his head and looked rightfully abashed. “Have a nice life being a servant to your brother when you get back to New York,” James said.
Jack stepped forward, Jo still secured in his arms, her feet dangling. James clamped his mouth shut and hightailed it out of there. Jo wiggled until Jack let her down, but he kept his arms clamped around her.
"What were you thinking?" Jack's jaw tightened.
"You don't believe him, do you?" Jo tried to step back, but his iron grip was too strong.
"I don't know what to believe when it comes to you."
"Have I ever lied to you?" Then she gasped as James’s final words hit her. “I haven’t lied to you. Don’t you see? It was James who read my letter. God, it makes sense now. He was there that day. It wasn’t Ruby. It was him.” Jo rubbed her hand over her face, relief seeping in. Ruby hadn’t lied. Then her face soured. “And James let her take the blame.”
Jack exhaled, his breath hot on her cheek. “I don’t understand. James has always been a good man.”
“He still is,” Jo said. “He’s just confused. Once I’m gone from your farm, things will go back to normal. Who knows, maybe he will fall in love with Ruby one day. But if not, tell her to run for the hills.” Jo laughed, but Jack stared at her, his brown eyes deepening to the color of burnt hickory.
Suddenly, she was aware of every part of her body he touched, and her nerves sprung to life.
“I told you. I’ve never lied to you.” Her voice came out deep and throaty.
"No. But you have behaved questionably. On more than one occasion." His fingers dug into her lower back and he pressed her into his taut stomach, causing her belly to contract pleasurably.
"Only with you, sir." Her voice was barely a whisper, desire building the longer her body touched his. Involuntarily, she hitched her hips forward against his and Jack faltered on his feet.
When he gained solid ground, Jack closed his eyes and took in a long slow breath. But his attempt to regain control failed. In a swift movement, his hands circled under her thighs and lifted her up, her legs wrapping around his waist.
One of his hands cupped her buttocks, holding her up, while his other sailed up her spine and over her neck. Their lips were a breath apart, and for a moment they stayed like that, breathing each other’s air.
Their heartbeats galloped together under the thin fabric of their clothes, and Jo didn’t know where hers stopped and his began. Her eyelids grew heavy, and she shivered at the temptation that was offered up in his sweet lips so close to hers. How quickly she forgot the inappropriateness of what their kisses had led to in the past. But her mind was a fog of want and desire, and propriety was as far off as the moon.
Her tongue flicked out, grazing his lip, and it was all the encouragement Jack needed. His mouth captured hers, firm and moist, and she sighed. Her tongue moved in an urgent rhythm against the velvety meal he offered up in his sweet mouth.
She felt him harden under his trousers, and Jo’s hands twitched, instinctively wanting to draw his desire out. Jack gripped her under her thighs and carried her across the barn, pressing her against the wall. Confidence lurched in Jo and she slid her legs down to stand. She satisfied her twitching hands and placed them on top of the bulge that strained the fabric of his trousers. He groaned in her mouth, and the encouragement of his response thrust her desire forward.
In a rush, she undid his belt, popped open his buttons, and thrust a hand into his pants, wrapping her fingers around his manhood. Jo marveled at the juxtaposition of what she felt; a steel pole under silky satin.
"Oh, God." Jack trembled against her.
Jo explored this most forbidden part of Jack. Her fingers traced the pulsating vein on the underside of his thick girth and she glided her hand upward, gently squeezing his swollen tip. A throaty growl escaped Jack, and the sound of his pleasure tipped Jo’s primal urgencies onto the brink of insanity.
The intoxication of her lust slammed into her like a tsunami and she pushed Jack to the ground, placing one leg on either side of his hips. She was bare under her skirts and her sex throbbed, aching to make contact with his hardness. Jack’s hands clapped onto her two round globes and he kneaded them, pitching her hips forward. A whimper escaped Jo as the tip of him slid over the top of her sex, a burst of pleasure shooting up her spine in a heady rush.
The world spun out of control, and she slid down the length of his body until her mouth hovered over his hardness—long and beautiful. She swiped her tongue over her lips, wetting them, and she took him into her mouth.
Jack gasped, his hand fisting her hair to the point of pain, but she didn’t stop. She tucked her lips and moved down the shaft. Jo had always been an eager learner, and she hadn’t let her study skills go to waste when she found that book under her parents’ bed.
Jack bucked under her as she feasted on his heavenly member, hungry to bring him to the point of no return. She wanted him in a state of uncontrollable frenzy. Her mouth moved up and down faster, her hands fondling his balls. They tightened into hard orbs and she squeezed. Sucking upward, she used her free hand to follow her mouth and squeezed his tip as her mouth released him.
Jack yelped and his body convulsed as milky liquid spurted out of him. Jo continued to stroke him until he was empty and lay panting on the ground. Her eyes were wide with the amazement of what she’d done. She was so hot with desire all he had to do was touch her sex and she was sure she’d shatter into a million delicious pieces.
"How did you know how to do that?" Jack asked, his voice full of suspicion. "My wife never . . . I never knew that could be done."
Jo blinked. "I . . . it just felt right. And I . . ." She trailed off, worried what he'd think if she told him the truth.
"What? And you what?!" Jack tucked his member back in his pants and the heat seeped out of Jo with his accusations. “Have you been with a man before?”
“No!” Jo wiped her hand on her dress, wet from his release. Her chin quivered.
“You said you never lied,” Jack spat.
"I found this book in my parents' room,” Jo choked out. “Under their mattress. It had lots of, uh . . . illustrations about this kind of stuff."
Jo shrank, her cheeks flush from the confession.
"I don't know what to believe about you," Jack said.
"Please, Jack.” Jo hated the pleading in her voice, but she was confused and spinning from the sudden shift of carnal desire to shameful remorse. “Why are you pushing me away? Are you scared?"
Jack shook his head, fighting something off. "You’re dangerous, Jo. I can’t control myself with you."
"We only lose control because its forbidden and temporary. But it doesn't have to be. It could be forever." Jo's eyes fell to the bed of hay around them and she wished she could crawl under it and disappear.
Jack was silent and then said, "I tried forever once. It didn't work."
Jo took a shuddering breath. "It could be different this time."
"I can't give you what you want, Jo.”
“But—”
“No. No more. I can’t do it again.” The belt on his pants jangled as he put himself back together. “I’m so sorry I did this to you. I am. Please forgive me.” And he left.
Jo stayed on the floor, tears plopping down her cheeks. She waited until he was out of hearing distance and then broke apart. The pain of his words—so final and unrelenting—muddled together with the humiliation of his physical rejection ravaged her sensibility and burned her gut. She wanted to scream and cry and kick the stall next to her and slam the shovel into the side of the barn—and she did. She kicked the wood planks until the animals shuffled and mewed, uneasy with her outburst. This wasn’t her. She was composed, strong, assured of her place. But with Jack, she came undone.
She walked slowly back to her room and waited until everyone had left for the day. Then, Jo quietly packed the rest of her items in her carpetbag, readied the wagon, hulled her trunk into the back, and rode to town, leaving the Harringtons behind.