This is taboo

If the river runs red, use the dirt track.

—Anonymous

I’ve always proclaimed that if you are going to get in the shit you may as well do it properly. If for any reason, and I’m sure there will be, that I have offended you, then by now I’m hoping you have adapted. Again I know this is going to get me in a spot of bother.

Ouch. That hurt!

You know as well as I know that taking it like a man when you are a woman is degrading. You are quite aware that the dickhead driving the chocolate choo choo doesn’t have any respect for you, but you still let him do it. If it’s about great new and different sex then that’s all your relationship will be, and eventually it will get boring not to mention the relationship will without doubt be short-term and soulless.

If you think feeling degraded is good then purchase the full season of Spartacus and watch it with your girlfriends (bet you can’t).

A mate of mine and I were chatting about a breakfast function he held some years ago where he hosted Dr Patch Adams as his guest speaker. They made a movie about Patch Adams in which Robin Williams had the starring role. Anyway Patch was, and still is, an idealist. He would give free medical advice to those who weren’t able to afford it and he gained world-wide recognition for his work. If you didn’t know, Patch Adams is a US resident and in the US medical system if you don’t have insurance you don’t have a doctor — cut and dried, so Patch was about helping the less fortunate and helping the less fortunate he did.

Anyway, one thing he did mention at this breakfast was the subject of anal sex. Strange as a breakfast subject but when would the subject hold an appropriate time in which to be brought up? Unfortunately the subject was brought up just as I cut through my breakfast sausage. In thinking back I’m glad we weren’t in England and having ‘Toad in Hole’. His medical advice was simple. Your arse is designed to have things come out of it not to go into it. He was adamant about this so I suppose we should just listen to what the good Doctor says as he would know better than most of us and when it comes to sex it always seems that things tend easier to come out rather than going in.

Now, I would like to continue with this subject and continue in a way that is polite, certainly mindful and loving. I just know I can somehow connect anal sex and love into a perfect unison, just like ying and yang

I still don’t know how I can muster the idea of love and anal sex, but I can just imagine a priest, (a Catholic one at that), advising couples that sex in marriage is a holy commitment and should always be viewed that way … but which hole did he mean? I am fully aware that sex between couples is mentioned in the Bible and, there are numerous references in the Bible to sex, oral sex, adultery, homosexuality and there are even passages, (whoops, didn’t mean to say ‘passages’), that refer to eating human faeces. Holy shit Batman, how could this be? You do know every time we ‘accidently’ miss the bullseye and hit the pooper shooter we haven’t really missed … we just weren’t aiming with care at the bullseye and we don’t care if we miss. It’s a domination thing according to the psychologists. Domination both mentally and physically, and has no love attached to it.

So if your man is steering you toward wanting to play hide the sausage in a place where things are supposedly designed to come out of not go into, then maybe you should give it some second thoughts and maybe you should be thinking a little bit more about him as well.

But, just like a good Demtel commercial, there’s more …

… yes we talked or just touched on the psychological effects that exist with men and women involved in this pastime. With our non-straight mates it’s up to them, ‘butt’, it is important they exercise great care just from a physical viewpoint, and even more so in straight relationships when it comes to woman. That said however, the psychological outcomes for our neighbours in pink are something I wouldn’t have a clue about and has not a lot of relevance for what we are discussing.

Whatever be the case psychological scarring for men and women does exist. If it’s degrading for the woman and it’s something she really didn’t want to do, then how does it make her feel after going through with it? For a start it’s gotta hurt hasn’t it? Add to this the fact you may just damage your ring then I can’t see the real benefits. Just make sure he doesn’t wipe his old fella on your sheets when he finishes.

So what about the man? If men want to have brown dirt cowboy sex with you, what is it saying about him? Is he the type of man who is into degrading you? Is he into wanting to have that domination over you because he has such a lack personal fortitude? If he is, is that the type of man you want to spend your time with?

It stands to reason doesn’t it? Not only does this man want to plug you up the arse but he knows he is basically treating you like crap and not concerned about possibly hurting or worse, damaging you.

By the way I did do a bit of reading and a little bit of research with my talented mates on this. Whilst most of the boys talked about it, (it wasn’t a big group), some didn’t want to talk about it even in the slightest. However, Jules the girl that goes both ways was, well, you know … keen to just spend the entire day in the discussion. She was fairly knowledgeable on the subject and gave us a real insight into it. I think the thing that floored us all was just one comment and it shut the group up faster than a rat up a drainpipe.

Her simple words were, “I have had my arse rooted by the best of them but I will tell you all, one thing we don’t do, is blokes with big ones … you may as well use a bloody pineapple”. Were those murmurs I heard afterward, “Yeah I’ve never done it”, “Yeah I tried once but couldn’t”, “That’s what my girlfriend said to me”, and all I can say to that is … etc.

So there you go, if a guy is talking about giving some girl the royal rogering whilst she gets to paint her fingernails on all fours, then it’s very likely he isn’t well endowed (not that it makes any difference … DOES IT?).

I guess if talking about anal sex is taboo then I suppose talking about rimming is really off limits. Well … yes it is …

… was that a tongue roll or a drum roll?

Sorry girls …

… just take note on this matter, OK?

A mutual and satisfied sexual act is of great benefit to the average woman, the magnetism of it is health giving. When it is not desired on the part of the woman and she gives no response, it should not take place. The submission of her body without love or desire is degrading to the woman’s finer sensibility, all the marriage certificates on earth to the contrary notwithstanding.

—Margaret Sanger