Chapter Thirteen

There were no mirrors draped in black or a casket with a groomed body to mourn. Yet the house was funeral parlor quiet. There should be laughter and brotherly squabbling, the shush of little feet and the clap of excited hands. Instead, there was only darkness and silence. Silence so deafening, her ears rang with the clamor.

Meredith clawed at the laces clutching her chin. She needed air. Now. She ripped the bonnet from her head and drew in several deep breaths. If a person could suffocate from sorrow, she should be purple and bloated.

Footfalls clicked in the hallway. She briefly closed her eyes and drew on the last bit of strength left in her bones. She wouldn’t let this setback defeat her. She would be strong. For the children. For her sanity.

Golden lamplight flooded the parlor, and Jana appeared in the doorway. “I thought I heard the door open. Vere you able to speak with anyone about getting the children back?”

Meredith crumpled the bonnet in her fisted hand. “I spoke with Major Allen, but no decision has been made yet. The children are still being held by Harriet Allen and her cronies, although the major did agree to allow Mrs. Clement to remain with them. At least the children have her for comfort.”

“I am so sorry, Meredith.” Jana hung her head. “My past choices haf hurt everyone.”

“You mustn’t blame yourself, Jana. You did what you had to do. It’s those evil women who can’t see past their righteous noses who are at fault.”

“I vish there was something I could do.”

So did she. But there was nothing either of them could do. The fate of the orphans rested in the hands of Major Allen, a man who had never been blessed with children of his own. How could he possibly understand the trauma a child endured when being removed from those they loved and trusted and forced to live with strangers?

Preston appeared in the hallway behind Jana. Strength and understanding shimmered in his eyes. She ached to anchor herself on his solid shores. He was just what she needed, yet nothing she could have.

Jana stepped to one side. “Good evening, Lieutenant Booth. Please…come in.”

Preston swept off his hat and moved into the parlor. His towering presence chased the shadows from the darkened corners and eased her anguish enough that she could breathe without struggle.

“Vould either of you care for something to eat? I stewed a chicken for supper. There is plenty left.”

The way her stomach churned, she doubted anything would stay down. “I’m not hungry. Thank you, Jana.”

Preston shook his head. “None for me either, Mrs. Valder. Thank you for asking.”

“Vera well.” Jana set the lamp on a side table. “I vill take to my bed then. It has been a long day. Call out if you need anything.”

As Jana left the room, the morbid silence returned. Meredith crossed to a chair and braced her hands on the back. The glass had been swept from the floor, and the shattered window covered with a board. Yet the malicious deed still hovered in the air, cold and cloying as the perfume of death lilies.

Footsteps thudded into the room, and then Preston was there, his essence wrapping around her like a blanket. She rested in the folds.

“Are you all right, Meredith? You didn’t say two words between here and the fort.”

If she let out a single word, agony would gush from her like a spring thaw. It thrashed just below the surface, roaring to be released. She took a step back, and her foot struck something. It was Robbie’s primer, laying spine up on the floor. He’d dropped it when those ruffians had broken the window. She retrieved the book and clutched it to her chest. There was no give to the hard covering. No soft breaths. No squirming. No clean, soapy scent.

“I miss them so much,” she whispered on a ragged breath.

“I know you do. But it won’t last for long. Major Allen is a reasonable man. He seemed taken aback by his wife’s fanatical behavior and with your revelation that the girls suspect she might be putting something in his coffee to make him ill. I’m certain he will see through his wife’s rantings and order the children returned to you.”

Her throat grappled with a sob. “What if he doesn’t?”

“No one is more devoted to those children than you are. You treat them like they are your own. It’s hard not to see that.”

“In my heart, they are my own.”

Anna’s doll peeked from behind the chair. The strength went out of her knees. She sank to the floor and gathered the dolly, squeezing it and the book to her as if they might turn to smoke and vanish. Tears burned in her eyes. She couldn’t hold back a moan. It scrapped up her throat and spilled over her lips.

“I let them down, Preston. I failed them.”

He knelt and pulled her into his arms. She didn’t resist. Couldn’t. There was no more fight left in her.

“You have not failed them, Meredith.”

“But I have. Many times. I’m not fit to be their guardian.”

His lips brushed the top of her head, a gentle kiss that spoke volumes. “You are more fit than any woman I know. You have courage and conviction. Love and patience. Don’t give up on the children or on yourself.”

He was so positive, so grounded. He tethered her to the earth when she just wanted to float away. She tipped her head back and met his steady gaze. “Thank you, Preston. Your confidence means more than you know.”

“It’s only the truth.”

“I’m blessed to have a friend like you. Someone I can lean on during the dark times.”

“You don’t need me or anyone else. You’re a strong woman, Meredith. You would have survived this misfortune just fine without me.”

Something darted across his face—guilt, sadness? Her pulse fluttered. “What is it, Preston? Is there something about the children you’re not telling me?”

He shook his head. “Not the children. It’s me.”

“You? What about you?”

His gaze travelled over her, slowly, reverently, as if stamping her image in his mind to save for later. “I’m leaving soon.”

The finality in his tone made her heart sink. “Leaving? Are you going out on a patrol?” Please let that be all he meant.

“Not on a patrol. My request for transfer came in. I’ve been reassigned to Fort Sill. I’m due there at the end of the month.”

He was leaving her. She would never again be comforted by his tender embrace. Never be encouraged by his steady, confident voice. It was too much. The book and doll clattered to the floor. Everything was lost.

The arms holding her fell away, and he started to rise. Panic squeezed her chest. She grabbed for him. “No, don’t go.”

He stilled. “I’m not leaving…at least not right now. I was going to look for some spirits, a nightcap to take the edge off an exhausting day. I could use one. I’m sure you could too.”

It would take an entire barrel of spirits to dull her pain. She pried reluctant fingers from his arm. “There’s whiskey in the kitchen pie safe. Jana kept a bottle on hand for her…er, guests. Glasses are on the cupboard.”

As he left the parlor, she gathered the doll and book and pushed to her feet. She set the items on the table beside the chair and grazed a finger across the hard cover and over braided yarn locks. Robbie and Anna would return. All the children would. She had to think positively. If she didn’t, she’d sink into a black pit and might never climb out.

Preston returned with two glasses half-filled with amber liquid and handed her one. “Mrs. Valder has good taste in whiskey. It’s Old Crow, a smooth Kentucky bourbon.”

She accepted the glass and took a sip. Fire coated her tongue and scorched her throat. She drew in a raspy breath. “Smooth, you say?”

A smile stretched into his eyes. “It is an acquired taste.”

She managed a smile of her own. “I prefer something a bit milder. Back home in Pennsylvania, our cook would make a crock of cherry shrub every summer. Juice from fresh Morello cherries sweetened with sugar and spirited with a gill of brandy. On especially hot days, we’d mix it with cool spring water. Quite invigorating.”

Talk of the happier times at Hickory Hills blunted the sharpness of her pain. As did the whiskey. Subsequent sips took much smoother journeys down her throat. Her body and mind softened. She sank onto the chair with a moan.

Preston settled on the settee across from her. “You don’t speak much about your life before coming to the territories. Tell me more about your home in Pennsylvania.”

Oddly, she wanted to share every little detail, wanted him to know all there was to know about her…well, not everything, not yet. There wasn’t enough liquid courage in her glass for that. The more mundane aspects would have to do for now.

“I grew up on a cattle farm just north of Philadelphia. Hickory Hills, my father called the estate, for the vast number of hickory trees growing on the property. We would gather the nuts every fall. Some were used for cattle feed, others for ourselves. Although, I don’t miss the shelling part. Once you finally managed to break through the rock-hard hull, you have to pry the meat out with a small pick.”

“Doesn’t sound like it’d be worth the trouble.”

“Oh, it was. Cook would toast the shelled meat and mix it in with a sweet batter. I had a hickory nut cake for every birthday that I can remember. Anna will be turning six soon. I just know she would enjoy a delicious cake with mounds of icing and…” Sorrow returned, snapping at her with sharp-edged teeth.

“Everything’s going to be all right, Meredith. You’ll be back with them before you know it, celebrating birthdays and all the other special events in their lives.”

She blinked back a fresh round of tears. Any more leakage and her insides would turn into a desert. “I want to believe that; I really do. But I just can’t stop the dark thoughts from creeping in. Everything I have ever touched has turned to ash. Why should this be any different?”

Preston set his empty glass on the side table and leaned forward, taking her hand in his. “It’s going to be different because I say it will. Whatever it takes, I’ll make sure you and the children are brought back together.”

An eternity ago, he hadn’t given two hoots about separating her and the children. Now, he vowed to do whatever it took to reunite them. This was the man who made her feel alive for the first time in years, the man she admired and respected, the man who had stolen her heart.

“Thank you, Preston. You don’t know what that means to me.”

He sandwiched her hand between his. She briefly closed her eyes and savored the comforting sense of being protected, of being cherished. It may be a long time, if ever, before she felt this way again.

His hands slid away. “You’re exhausted. I should go. Let you get some rest.”

Her veins turned to ice. If he left, the darkness would return, smothering her with its black void. She clutched his arm. “No. Don’t go. I-I don’t want to be alone.”

“You have Mrs. Valder.”

“I want you. Please stay.”

He glanced at hearth. “I suppose I could make a pallet in here by the fire.”

“Not here. I want you with me…in my bedroom…in my bed.”

“I can’t stay with you like that and not want to…”

“I know.” She melted against him. “I need you, Preston. I need the comfort of your arms, of your body. Please say you’ll stay.”

****

Preston stopped on the second-floor landing. The faint glow of lamplight leaked from an open doorway at the end of the hall. Desire flared inside him. Meredith was in that bedroom, waiting for him. He’d gone out to see to his horse and to give her some time to prepare for bed. And think about what they were about to do. He wanted her to accept him willingly, with no second thoughts, no regrets.

He certainly had no regrets. He’d wanted her ever since he had set eyes on her…needed her, though he never would have admitted such a thing back then. What he thought he needed was just an illusion—a magic act orchestrated by his father’s brainwashing propaganda. A soft ache filled him. That was all changed now. Meredith had helped him to see life differently. Made him see things as they should be seen, through his own eyes, through his own experiences. She was everything he wanted in life and more—if she would have him.

All was dark and quiet at the other end of the hallway where Meredith said Jana Valder slept. Good. If things got as heated as he hoped, he didn’t want to disturb Meredith’s friend—though he really didn’t expect any interference or condemnation from that quarter. The reformed lady of the night would understand the needs of a man and a woman.

A clock gonging deep in the house urged him forward. He padded softly down the hall, the night-cooled boards chilling the soles of his bare feet. He’d left his boots, socks, and jacket by the back door. The less clothing he had to remove, the better. The flutter of undressing could easily make an inexperienced filly skittish.

He stopped in the doorway and took in the vision before him. She sat at a dressing table, clad in a thin, white robe and running a brush through silken locks. He itched to twine his fingers through that waterfall of spun honey and sink into her. He fisted his hands at his side and willed his heated blood to cool. Rushing would only spook her. He didn’t want her bolting as she’d done before in his tent. This time he would go slow…let her decide how much and how far to let things between them proceed.

He moved into the room. Bedcovers had been pulled down, revealing inviting white sheets. A promising sign. Perhaps he wouldn’t be visiting Dancer’s Creek later to cool an unsated desire.

She stilled her brushing and spun around on the small bench. Her eyes were round as saucers, her breaths coming fast and shallow. She was nervous. That was to be expected. She had no experience in lovemaking. Her awkward responses to his kisses had been clearly virginal.

“Preston, you’re back,” she said in a breathless voice.

“I said I would return.” He crossed to the vanity and held out a hand. “Let me do that for you.”

She looked up at him, mouth agape and fingers strangling the brush handle. He gave a soft grunt. “What? Don’t you think I know how to wield a hairbrush?”

“No. I-I just didn’t…”

“You didn’t expect such a thing from a man, especially a hardened trooper like me? Well, you will find there are a lot of things I’m quite adept at.” Many pleasurable things. He waggled his fingers. “Brush, please.”

She eyed his hand, and then set the brush in his palm. Fingers scraped his skin and pleasing tingles ricocheted up his arm. It wouldn’t take much to turn him into a bonfire.

“Good.” He prodded her shoulder. “Now turn around.”

She slowly swiveled on the seat. Her wide-eyed gaze met his in the mirror’s reflection. A pink tongue swept across her lips, sending fire racing in his loins.

“Did you get your horse settled? Was there room for him with Bessy? I know it’s only a small building, more of a lean-to than a barn. Was there enough hay?”

She was rambling. Nothing soft words and gentle hands wouldn’t cure. He pulled the brush bristles through her hair. “My horse is just fine. There was plenty of room and hay for him and your cow. They are both munching happily as we speak.”

“I’m glad. I would have worried.”

“I know you would have. That’s who you are. You think about everyone and everything except yourself. Let me shoulder that worry for you. Just sit back and relax.”

He concentrated on his brushing, going slowly, gently, letting each stroke quiet her. The tension went out of her shoulders, out of her face. She closed her eyes. Her soft moan curled around him, teasing banked embers to life. It took all his willpower to keep from hauling her from the bench and having her against the wall.

He leaned over, his head inches from hers. Her flowery smell invaded his senses. A longing came over him—the need to grab onto something that had eluded him for so long.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” he whispered into her hair.

Her eyelids slid open, revealing dark amethysts perfectly cut and shot through with flames. She was a rare gem. And she would soon be his.

“You’re so beautiful. How is it that no man has claimed you?”

Throat muscles convulsed as she swallowed. She spun around on the bench. Her leg pressed against his, and longing leapt to hunger.

“Preston, I-I’m not sure…that is I know what should happen… I just don’t know how…”

“Shhh.” He set the brush on the vanity and drew her to her feet. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll show you all you need to know. But if you feel uncomfortable, or want to stop, all you have to do is say so. All right?”

She studied his face and apparently found her answer. Uncertainty faded from her eyes. A timid smile tugged at her lips, and she nodded.

He traced her cheek with a finger. Her skin was smooth and silky. The rest of her would be just as soft, the perfect arena for his lips. “May I kiss you?”

Her gaze shifted to his mouth and lingered there. “Yes, I’d like that.”

He lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers. She tasted of peppermint and want. He coaxed her lips apart with his tongue. She stiffened at first and then softened, inviting him in. He slacked his thirst, savoring every drop. She was nectar and he the bee.

She stilled and drew away. He bit down on a curse. Rushing again. He’d best get a rein on his lust or this would be over before it got started.

“What is it, Meredith? Did I frighten you? Do you want to stop?”

“No. I’m fine. I…um… I just thought…” Her anxious gaze bolted to the bed. “Shouldn’t we be doing this over there?”

“We can do whatever you want, wherever you want.”

She fingered the sash belting her robe. “What about our clothes? Should we…undress?”

“Is that what you want?”

Her gaze inched downward to the hollow of his neck bared by the buttons he’d unfastened earlier. Her eyes darkened and she sucked in a breath.

“I want to feel you close to me…” Her words rushed on a breathless exhale. “With nothing between us. No clothes. No air. Nothing.”

“Your wish is my command.” He reached for the buttons on his shirt, but she stopped him with a gentle hand.

“Let me.”

She unfastened each button, slowly, sensually, as if she were a practiced nightingale. His skin tingled and burned beneath her touch. Once all the buttons were undone, she slid her hands under the open folds and skimmed fingers over his flesh in a pleasing caress. She was learning fast. Her hands skated to his waist, and his groin tightened. Too fast. He couldn’t stop a groan of pleasure.

She froze. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, sweetheart. You didn’t do anything wrong.” He smiled down at her. “Quite the opposite.”

“Oh. I wasn’t sure.”

“Don’t be afraid. You can do whatever you want with me. Anything your heart desires. I’m all yours.”

A nervous chuckle danced from her lips. “I’ve never had a man of my very own. A horse and a dog, yes. But never a man. Do you have any special needs I should be aware of?”

If he didn’t know better, he would swear she was playing the coquette. “No special needs. Just to be fed, watered, and a given a good grooming now and again.” Preferably now.

“I believe I can handle that. Let’s get rid of this…”

She shoved the shirt off his shoulders. Cool air swirled around his bared chest. Her lips formed a perfect O that had him envisioning very unladylike things she could do with that mouth.

She trailed a finger over his chest, down his ribs, and halted at his waistband. Hunger paced inside him. He contained the beast with fisted hands and let her explore…let her gain the confidence she needed.

“Remarkable,” she heaved out.

“What is, sweetheart?”

She lifted her gaze until their eyes met. A connection spread between them like the charge in the air before a skirmish. “You are. I don’t think I could stand so still while you touched me like that. You are a patient man, Preston Booth. And I am a lucky lady.”

“I’m the lucky one. My entire life has been devoted to following the path my father set for me. It has been a hard and often lonely journey, empty of emotion, which my father considers a weakness.” The confession bubbled from him like a hot spring. He wanted her to understand what drove him, what had formed him—so she could appreciate how much she had changed him.

“What of your mother? Didn’t she shower you with love and affection?”

“She may have wanted to, but my father wouldn’t allow it. Said molly-coddling only weakened the soul. She, being the devoted wife, did as he bid.” He closed his eyes against the past that still had the power to cut into him. “I never knew how to love, how to accept love. Until you.”

He opened his eyes and poured his heart into his words. “Your love has shown me a new path to follow. I will be forever in your debt, Meredith Talbot.”

“There’s no debt to repay. I give my love freely.” She grazed a finger along his jaw. “That’s the first time you’ve really opened up about your past. Thank you, Preston. Your trust means the world to me.” Her lids lowered to half-mast and her lips parted in sweet invitation. “And thank you for letting me be bold and daring without judgement.”

“There’s more where that came from. Much more. If you want.”

“Oh yes. I want.” With a swipe of her hand, she undid the sash holding her gown together. A brief shrug and she was standing before him, a naked nymph ready for a midnight swim. He was more than ready to join her.

“Now you,” she whispered. “I want to see all of you.”

Trousers and socks joined her dressing gown on the floor. Meredith absorbed the intoxicating sight. He was magnificent. Sleek and smooth with muscles in all the right places—just as she imagined. An ache curled inside her, a serpent seeking a warm spot to sun itself. She wanted more, much more.

“Make love to me, Preston.” She rested her hands on his chest and his heat seared her palms. “Now. Before I perish of want.”

His hands cradled her waist, and he gently guided her backward until her thighs met the bed. She reclined onto the sheets, the cottony coolness bathing her skin. Tiny shivers quivered through her as nervousness warred with desire.

He hovered over her, his eyes flecked with fire. “Are you sure this is what you want?” Gravel and heat rasped in his voice. “I’m not sure I can stop if we go much farther.”

All her life, things had been forced on her—a new step-mother, her gift, and leaving her home. Being with Preston was her choice. Her decision to make. His gentle gaze poured over her, and all hesitation vanished. He was exactly what she wanted.

She grasped his arms and tugged him toward her. “There will be no stopping.”

His body melded with hers, skin to skin, muscle to muscle, and heart to heart. Her head whirled. She couldn’t think, couldn’t talk. It was as if she were in the clutches of a vision except a hundred times more potent.

His lips and hands began to devour her. Every inch of skin flamed beneath his assault. Desire budded in that special place between her legs. She arched her hips, and his male hardness bucked against her thrust. He wanted her too.

He slipped a hand between them and stroked the small curls at the juncture of her thighs. Her insides flowered with pleasure. She gasped and pushed into his hand. He slid a finger inside her, and her body ignited into red hot flames.

“You’re ready,” he whispered.

Oh yes. She was starved. “Show me.”

The fire in his eyes softened. “I’ll try to be gentle, but this first time will hurt. Just keep still and the pain will pass.”

Anything this pleasurable surely couldn’t be painful. She wriggled beneath him. “Do it. Now.”

Taking himself in hand, he guided his staff to her waiting cave. The warm tip throbbed and pulsed, stroking her folds, eager to enter. She was more than happy to welcome him. She lifted her hips, inviting him in.

He lowered his head and covered her mouth. His tongue stroked her lips, no less hot and eager than the staff between her legs. He was like an army, conducting forays on both fronts. She waved the white flag of surrender, ready to enjoy the submission.

He shifted and plunged inside. Pleasure turned to pain. She stiffened and cried out at the searing invasion.

His arms tightened around her. “Shhh,” he whispered against her lips. “Keep still. The pain will subside in a few minutes.”

She focused on the rise and fall of his chest, on the exquisite sensation of skin pressed to skin. Slowly, the pain receded. She relaxed and absorbed the fullness throbbing inside her. This conquest of her flesh was a pleasing mixture of strangeness and normalcy. He was part of her, yet he wasn’t.

“Better?” At her nod, he clamped his arms around her waist and rolled over until she sat on top, straddling him. “You can move whenever you’re ready. Go slow. Let your body get used to having me inside you.”

He was letting her take charge, letting her be the one in command. She couldn’t have loved him more. She rocked against him, slowly at first, then faster as pain turned to pleasure.

His fingers pressed into her buttocks. “Slower, sweetheart, or this will be over extremely fast.”

She couldn’t slow even if she wanted to. She bucked against his hold and rocked harder, searching for something elusive, something just out of reach. A vine of need twined through her body. It grew and grew until her insides exploded in pulsing heat. This time, she cried out with pleasure.

Preston thrust deep inside her. A ragged breath whistled through his clenched teeth, and a second later, liquid warmth spewed into her. She collapsed against him, spent. Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined anything so wonderful.

He curled his arms around her and rolled her onto her side. Discomfort pricked at the sensitive area between her legs, and she stiffened.

His concerned gaze caressed her face. “I didn’t hurt you too badly, did I?”

“No. All I feel is pleasure.” She trailed a finger over his lips. He could do remarkable things with that mouth. “Will it always be that…amazing?”

He chuckled. “I’ll do my best. Though I do intend to go slower next time; make the enjoyment last for much, much longer.”

He wanted a next time with her. While the notion showered her with sunshine, gloomy thoughts intruded.

“Did you and Jana…um, did you ever seek her…um, her services?” She worried her teeth on her bottom lip, not sure if she wanted to hear his answer or not.

“Put your mind to rest, sweetheart. I never sought her out. This is the first time I’ve been inside this house.”

A sigh of relief escaped. “I’m glad. If the two of you had been together…well, that would have been awkward.” To say the least.

He chucked a finger under her chin. “You realize we skipped the courting part of our relationship. We’ll just have to move up our future together.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I love you, Meredith Talbot. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

He loved her. It was as if someone had thrown open the door to winter and let in the spring. She palmed his cheek. “I love you, too, Preston. With all my heart.”

“Then it’s settled. We’ll marry and you can come with me when I leave for my new assignment.”

Sanity shoved a snowstorm into her springtime. “But I can’t leave right now. Not until my aunt returns and the children are back together under one roof.”

“We can still marry, and you can join me at Fort Sill once your aunt returns and the children have a new place to live. The separation will be hard, but I will manage knowing you will soon be by my side.” He nuzzled her neck. “You’ll make the perfect officer’s wife.”

She was not perfect. Far from it. She pushed out of his arms. “This is all so sudden, Preston. I never considered… I-I need some time to think about marriage.”

“What is there to think about? We will have a wonderful life together, you and me and…” He smoothed a hand over her belly. “You could be with child. I refuse to leave Fort Dent without making you my wife.”