Reagan awoke with a start. Both groggy and disoriented, he pushed aside the blanket covering him. He had no idea where the blanket had come from or how long he’d been out, but he somehow knew it hadn’t been long enough. Considering he’d paced the floor all last night...
He remembered doing that. And he recalled confessing it to Ally, just before he’d crashed.
After shaking his head as if he could fling away the grogginess clouding his thoughts, he rolled himself upright on the couch.
Ally sat curled up in the big leather club chair, almost within reach, with his son resting against her.
His grogginess evaporated. He fought reactions even a long, cold shower couldn’t cure, because they weren’t physical. But they were reactions. Not that F-word. Feelings. He didn’t do feelings. He especially didn’t do feelings since he’d learned how much they could hurt.
Reactions, though, he had thought he could handle. He hadn’t realized until now that they were worse. They could scare a man half to death.
“You’re still here,” he managed.
“You noticed.” She smiled.
“Guess I zoned out. What time is it?”
“Almost eleven.”
“Jeez.” He scrubbed his face with his palm. “I didn’t mean to keep you this long.”
“You didn’t. Sean had his bottle later than usual, so I brought him in here to sit with me, and we both got comfortable.”
“You could have settled him in his crib and headed out,” he said. “You’ve got a long drive home.”
“It is a hike,” she agreed. “I have to tell you, I really see some advantages to living in town.”
“If it’s too much of a hassle to drive out here—”
“No, it’s not that. I just meant that when I’m at home, I’ve got the L-G and the department stores and SugarPie’s all so close by.”
With no need to shop from the internet. He envisioned her showing off her stretchy dress to him, and he thought again of that cold shower. All of a sudden, it seemed exactly what he needed.
“And in town,” she went on, “I’ve got other friends around me. I give one of them a call, and in minutes we’re meeting at SugarPie’s or the Cantina. I was just thinking you must have been lonely when you were growing up, living all the way out here without other kids from school nearby.”
“No time to get lonely. There’s always a lot to do on a ranch.”
“But you didn’t work on it.”
“Yeah, I did.” Suddenly, he wanted to explain his answer to Ally.
Maybe it was the late hour or the lack of sleep, or the fact that he hadn’t meant to keep her here so long. Or maybe, and most likely, it was his...reactions. His reaction of guilt at knowing his parents had always intended him to take his place on this ranch, and he’d disappointed them. His reaction of guilt at knowing he’d let Ally down last night, too.
Maybe it was all of the above. But he settled on telling himself talking would help to distract him. Would take his mind off the fact that he wouldn’t be getting that cold shower anytime soon.
“I spent a lot of hours working on this ranch,” he told her. “My dad was at it from sunup to sundown, of course. But I pitched in whenever I wasn’t at school or doing homework or involved in whatever sport was in season.”
“Then what about your mama? Being out here alone all day while you two were working, she must have been lonely.”
He shook his head. “You can’t know a lot about ranches, Ally, or you’d know ranch wives keep as busy as anyone. Besides, my mom was friendly with lots of women who live out here. And others from town, too. I told you she knew Mrs. B from the community center, right?”
Ally nodded.
“She was friendly with your mom and Shay’s Grandma Mo, too, and all the ladies in their women’s circle, the knitting circle, the crafts club.”
“She made the quilt that’s upstairs, didn’t she?” she asked softly. “The one with all the sports equipment on it.”
“Yeah.” That was one thing he didn’t want to talk about. “Her groups met out here at the ranch sometimes.”
“Yes, I remember coming here once with my mama.”
He remembered her here, too, sitting on the corral fence and making him wonder if she’d never before seen a horse being groomed. Now he wondered something else. Had she had that crush on him even all the way back then?
He didn’t dare bring that up. He couldn’t risk mentioning anything that might give Ally some encouragement.
Last evening, he had told her the truth when he had said things couldn’t work out between them.
And all last night, when he’d had such trouble sleeping, he’d reminded himself he sure wasn’t going to parade a string of temporary women in front of his son.
“Well, anyway,” he said, “my mom had plenty to do to keep her busy, yet she still had time for her friends and her clubs. I’m sure whoever buys the ranch will manage to do the same.”
And that ought to be a good reminder to them both that he wouldn’t be around here much longer.
* * *
IN REAGAN’S ROOM the next afternoon, Ally finished straightening the piles of Sean’s one-piece jumpers and footed pajamas and tiny little undershirts. Babies sure did go through a lot of clothes in a day.
For a moment, she held a pair of pajamas close to her face and inhaled the soft, clean scent that reminded her of Sean. Cuddling him close to her for so long last night, she had finally acknowledged that the little baby had stolen a piece of her heart.
His daddy had long ago taken the rest of it.
She didn’t want a baby just like Sean—she wanted Sean.
And Reagan.
How ironic. Barely a week ago, she had still been fooling herself about not planning to be a mama. Now she couldn’t deny she wanted Reagan to love her and marry her and help her give Sean brothers and sisters.
She wanted them to be a family.
Somehow, she had to help Reagan leave the past behind. Otherwise, they would never have even the chance of a future together.
“You’ve got a fetish for pajamas?”
At the sound of his voice, she jumped.
Turning, she found him watching her from the doorway. “You’re in early.” She looked him over. He wore his khaki shorts again and a fresh T-shirt. “And you’re all washed up.”
He laughed. “Ally, that’s not something you ever want to say to a man.”
Her cheeks burned. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it as well as I do. I’m only saying you must have showered outside again.”
“I did. Now, back to that pajama fetish of yours.”
She couldn’t tell him the truth, that the scent of the laundry made her feel closer to his son. And to him. “I was just making sure they came through the wash okay,” she said inanely.
“Have you checked out mine?”
“I haven’t washed anything of yours—except the sheets—and you know that as well as I do, too.” But she was willing—oh, so willing—to play the game. She tilted her head and batted her lashes. “So how can I possibly know if you even wear pajamas?”
He laughed. “I guess you couldn’t know.”
“Exactly.” Smiling, she gathered up the clean laundry from the bed and walked to the dresser. Reagan stayed in the doorway, not threateningly, not pushing, just watching her and, she had to admit, giving her a thrill at the thought that she had his attention.
Now she just had to find a way to keep it.
She closed the dresser drawer. The quilt she had spread across the bed last night lay neatly folded on the chair beside the dresser. Frowning, she turned to Reagan. “I thought you liked that quilt. You didn’t want to use it?”
For a moment, his eyes held an expression she couldn’t read. An instant later, it was gone. “I was too hot,” he said. “And it’s too juvenile. I’m not a kid anymore.”
“Neither am I,” she shot back. That had certainly gotten his attention. He ran his gaze over her, leaving her skin heating everywhere he looked.
After taking a slow deep breath, she held out her hand.
Reagan sucked in a breath. He’d come upstairs looking for Ally only to let her know he was inside the house. But he wouldn’t be honest if he didn’t acknowledge—to himself, that is—the shot of adrenaline that had run through him when he’d found her alone in his bedroom. And he wouldn’t be normal if he didn’t accept the invitation she was offering.
Hell, he’d spent the day thinking about her, and there she stood, somehow looking both bold and shy at the same time. The combination made him want to do things he shouldn’t even think about. But he’d turned her down the other night. How could he do that to her again?
He crossed the room. When he took her hand and she tightened her fingers around his in another invitation, he stopped resisting. He wrapped his free arm around her and took her mouth, too. It was firm and soft, molding to his. And so was she, nestling her body against his as if they’d been made to match. The thought of where else they would fit together had his heart thumping double time.
He couldn’t have sworn which of them made the first move toward the bed, but he was glad to see she was as eager as he was to get there. He was determined to have the pleasure of seeing all of her.
Though he tried to take things slow, anticipation and eagerness spurred him on. One kiss led to five or six, and then to his hand on her blouse. Ally’s murmur of pleasure gave him permission to do more.
The colors in the fabric seemed to blend together as he undid her buttons. The sight of pink lace beneath the blouse made his hand shake. She traced his knuckles with her fingertips as if guiding him, urging him on.
“Reagan,” she murmured, “do you know how many times I’ve thought about us like this?”
He kissed her temple. “Not as many as I have lately.”
“Oh, I doubt that.” She laughed, low and sexy. His fingers fumbled on a button. “I’ve had a crush on you forever.”
He kissed her cheek. “Forever, huh?”
“Oh, yes. Since third grade.”
“That’s a long time.”
“Mmm-hmm. But I’ve always known this would happen someday. And I’m happy it finally has.”
He smiled. “I’m hoping I can make you even happier.”
“Oh, you will.”
He ducked his head to kiss her jaw. Her curls brushed his face, teasing him.
“I’ve waited such a long time,” she said, “just for you.”
He stilled for a moment, then raised himself up on one elbow to look at her again. Her lips were moist, her eyes bright. Her hair fanned out, nearly covering his pillow. She was his for the taking, and she had waited...
“Just for me,” he said.
She nodded.
“Are you...are you telling me you’ve never been with anyone?”
“No.” She laughed, and her cheeks turned pink. “I mean, yes. You’re right. That’s what I’m telling you.”
This time when he sucked in a breath, he nearly choked on it. “That’s...that’s special, Ally. You don’t just sleep with someone for the first time and then walk away. And I am walking away. We talked about it last night.” Regretfully, he pulled her shirt closed. “I’m not staying. You’ve known that since the beginning. And I won’t take advantage of you.”
She sat up. The shirt gaped open, giving him another glimpse of pink lace and soft, tanned curves. He looked away.
“You’re not taking advantage of me. How can you be doing that when I’ve told you how long I’ve wanted you? I love you, Reagan. I have since third grade.”
He stood and backed up a step, as if putting distance between them would erase her words. But that thought was about as foolish as what she had just said. “You don’t love me. At that age, nobody knows what love is. You’re basing your feelings on a schoolgirl crush.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You don’t realize it but, yeah, you are. Our paths barely crossed when we were growing up. Until last week we hadn’t seen each other in years. And last night, you told me you’d understood what I said about no relationships.” He took a deep breath. “I’m not saying this is all on you. You held out your hand, and I took it. But I thought you’d decided just to have a good time while I was here.”
“A good time?” She closed her eyes as if she couldn’t look at him.
“Yeah. My mistake. I misunderstood. Obviously. And if I’d known you’d never—” He clamped his jaw shut to force himself to stop babbling.
Before she could open her eyes or he could say anything to make the situation worse, he turned and left the room. But he couldn’t leave behind the thoughts that chased him down the hall.
All right, maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe this had nothing to do with Ally wanting a good time. Maybe this was about something else entirely.
He believed her when she said she hadn’t been with anyone else. He believed she believed she loved him.
For all these years, she’d hung on to that crush. Had she also held on to another fantasy—that he’d be the first guy to make love with her?