SCARLETT
After just two days in the hospital, I was allowed to go home. Besides feeling tired and having a lingering headache, I felt fine. Dad and I had been on the sofa since, lying under fluffy blankets and under strict orders not to move. Throughout the morning I’d been drifting in and out of short naps, resting my tired body.
Startled, I woke abruptly, the explosion thundered through my unconscious mind. My heart raced. I was hot all over, and sweat beaded at the back of my neck. The dream was so real that I expected the house to be in flames.
Mum and Dad were talking to each other, unaware that I’d woke. I gulped and pushed myself up. They looked up as I forced myself to calm down.
“Hey, are you okay?”
I nodded.
“Missa,” Dad said, using his pet name for Mum.
“Yes, honey,” she replied, smirking.
“Can you pass the remote, please? I’d get it myself but…”
“Of course.”
I shook my head. He was loving being the patient. I was climbing the walls. Dad was completely fine now, and I gave it a day before Mum refused to do anything for him anymore. Lying around and sleeping would have suited me just fine before the nightmares started.
“Do you need anything, Scarlett?” Mum asked once she’d given Dad the remote.
All I needed was my heart to return to its normal rate. “I’m good. Think I can go out tomorrow? Just to Noah’s.”
She tilted her head to the side, and I knew the answer was no. “Sweetheart, you’ve just gotten home from the hospital. You were in and out of unconsciousness for a whole day.”
“So that’s a no, huh?”
“It’s a no,” she confirmed. “Noah’s welcome here. You know that.”
It wasn’t just seeing Noah; it was getting out for a bit. I’d been cooped up inside a hospital room and now my house. I missed the outside. I wanted to sit in the new hammock in Noah’s garden and get some fresh air. They were outdoorsy people, and I wanted that for a while.
My eyes slid over a photo of Jeremy when he was about seven or eight. He had a big smile that showed his missing front teeth. My mind instantly conjured the image of Evelyn. I saw them in my head, running around together. I blinked and looked away, but her eyes followed me, looking directly into mine as she whizzed past me with Jere.
“Yeah. Thanks,” I said, trying to shove thoughts of Evelyn out of my mind. “I’ll text him now.” I fired off a message asking if Noah wanted to come over and turned back to Mum. My skin still felt itchy hot, like it had when the explosion in my dream went off. “Can I talk to you about my dreams?”
Mum pursed her lips the way she always did when she was tired of a subject. It was the look she gave Jeremy when he was ten and absolutely needed a cell phone. It was the look that she gave me when I absolutely needed to go to Disneyland. Both times.
Dad stayed still, silent and looked on, waiting.
“Okay,” she said.
Her hesitance gave me second thoughts. I hated that talking about it was so hard for her. I opened my mouth but quickly closed it again and shook my head. “Never mind. They’re just stupid dreams.”
“They are just dreams, but if they’re bothering you, they’re not stupid,” Mum said. She may have said the words, but the stiffness in her posture and moisture in her eyes told me she didn’t want to have this conversation at all. I watched her lick her lips twice and clench her hands around her knees so hard, her tendons popped up.
Her fear and Dad’s indifference frightened me. How could I make her relive that when it hurts her so much? “Thanks, but I’m okay actually. It just freaked me out, especially since I have a four-year gap in my memory, that’s all.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” Dad asked, finally saying something.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I made a decision to leave my memory thing in the past, so that’s what I’m going to do. I just want to be better and get on with my life.” I said the words, but I didn’t believe them, not completely. After remembering—or thinking I remembered—snippets from my childhood, I really wanted to know it all. But my parents weren’t the most approachable on the subject, and I didn’t know how to talk to them.
“We’re glad to hear you say that, sweetheart. We just want you to be happy,” Dad said. They both looked relieved.
“Thanks. I’m going to lie down in bed for a while. Send Noah up when he gets here, please,” I said.
“Of course,” Mum replied faintly.
I smiled and walked out, going to my bedroom. They only made me feel guilty for wanting answers, and it was exhausting. Plus, Noah had replied saying he was on his way, and I would have much rather focused on that instead.
I’d just changed into an oversized knitted top and leggings when he walked in. He wouldn’t care about seeing me in my pajamas, but I felt more human in clothes.
He sat down beside me on my bed and gave me a chaste kiss. “Hey,” he said, flashing me his cute smile I loved so much.
“Hi.”
“How’re you feeling?”
“Cramped. Want to get out but…”
“Where do you want to go?”
“I’d settle for anywhere outside right now.”
He stood and held his hand out. “Your wish is my command.”
Noah helped me up, still worried about my lightly bruised ribs. Honestly, they were fine now, as long as I didn’t start doing somersaults. “Thanks. I need to tell Mum where we go.” Where were we going?
“Already done. She said you were plotting your escape when she let me in. I’m allowed to take you into the garden.”
I wanted to pout and whine, We don’t have a hammock. But I really wanted light that didn’t come from a bulb.
We went out and sat on the bench. I curled my legs, leaning against his side as he wrapped his arm around my back. “Oh God, I’ll never take fresh air for granted again.”
“You really have been going crazy in bed, haven’t you?”
“Yeah. Normally I’d love to lay in bed all day, but when I have to it stops being fun.”
“You are a child,” he teased.
“A child? You looking for an argument there?” I teased.
He frowned and tapped the side of his leg. “No, I don’t enjoy arguing with you.”
“Oh, come on, it was once and you could barely call that an argument. People do fight though, Noah.” His frown deepened, and I realized he was so not used to people arguing. “Come on, your parents never fight?”
“No, actually. They sit down and discuss things a lot, but they have never shouted.”
My parents didn’t scream at each other, but I’d heard them bicker. Everyone did it…or so I thought. “Wow, we really did have different upbringings.” Noah and his family were organic vegetarians, and although we didn’t eat a whole lot of unhealthy things in my house, I definitely liked junk food and fast food.
“Opposites attract though, right?” He smiled but I could tell his mind was off somewhere else.
“Definitely, look at Penny and Leonard.”
He frowned. “Who?”
“Never mind, just remind me to make you watch The Big Bang Theory sometime. All that matters is that we’re fine, me and my dad are getting better, and we have another week before school starts again.”
“All right. What do you want to do this week?”
“Movies? Theme park?”
“Yes to the first, no to the second. You can’t seriously be thinking about riding roller coasters when you’ve just been in a car accident.”
“Well, I wouldn’t do the roller coasters, but maybe we can save that until summer break.”
He did that going far away thing again. I hated that. It was obvious something was on his mind, but he never said anything.
“You okay?” I asked.
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not moving, are you?” I felt my world slow down a little. He couldn’t just leave.
“What? No, I’m not going anywhere. What made you ask that?”
“I don’t know. You went all spaced out.”
“Sorry, it’s nothing. Finn is missing home. Him visiting my aunt in Ireland last week didn’t help, and I’m not sure what to do to make it better. Things here are a lot different.”
“Does he want to go back?”
Finn was nineteen, plenty old enough to live by himself, so he could go if he didn’t like it here. But I didn’t think he’d leave his family because they were all really close. Selfishly I didn’t want Noah to leave, but I also didn’t want his family to be unhappy.
“He wants to but he wouldn’t. I think my parents are considering going home when I’ve finished school.”
There it was, the panic. That was far away enough to have my life and happiness completely linked and wound around him, even more than it already was.
He laughed and kissed me. “Don’t look so scared, although it’s nice to know how you feel. I won’t be going with them. I’ll be old enough to live alone, and I’ll stay for university here.” He smiled shyly and added, “Well, I’ll stay for you.”
I bit my lip and then kissed him because I wasn’t sure what to say or how to express how much I loved him. I almost blurted the words out, but we hadn’t said that yet. He would stay with me when his family left. I should have just told him what he made me feel.
Confiding in my parents about my memories wasn’t an option, but I could with Noah. I trusted him. Evelyn’s big, innocent eyes seemed to watch me constantly. Every picture of Jeremy I saw, she was there.
“You were right,” I said when we pulled away. “I know this is a total conversation changer, but I do need to try to face whatever happened to me when I was a kid. After my dreams, I’m so ready to.” I need to know who Evelyn is and why I feel like I know her.
He winced and lowered his head. “No, I’m sorry about that. I pushed and I shouldn’t have. Things like that happen, and just because I thought it was strange, it didn’t give me the right to make you question your decision to let it go. I was wrong, Scarlett. Maybe you should leave it for now.”
“I don’t want to, and even if I did, I couldn’t. It’s not a bad thing that you got me thinking about it again. I always would’ve liked to know. It’s just, now, I need to. Will you help me?” He hesitated before dipping his chin in agreement. “Thank you.”
“So, what are you going to do exactly?”
“I’m not sure yet. I’m going to write the dreams down. Every time I have one, I remember a tiny bit more, although nothing extra really happens, I don’t think. Maybe the more I write it, the more will come back to me about my past?”
“All right. You could also try talking to me or your parents though.”
“I don’t think I can. They’re clearly uncomfortable talking about it.”
“I’m sure it’s difficult for them, but surely they’ll do it if it’s best for you.”
“Probably, but I don’t like making them feel bad. If I can remember without hurting my parents, then that’s what I’ll do.”
“Fair enough.”
“I can’t get Evelyn off my mind. I still see her so clearly as she ran past me with Jere.”
“You’re convinced she’s a person and not a doll.”
There was no doubt in my mind. “One hundred percent. But that means my family are lying to me, and I don’t like that.”
“Understandable. Perhaps there’s a good reason.”
“Such as?”
“I don’t know. Something horrible could have happened to her, maybe in the fire, and they don’t want to upset you.”
Perhaps, but that couldn’t possibly be a strong enough reason to lie to me my whole life. “I don’t mean to sound like a terrible person here, but I don’t remember her. I don’t know if we were friends, and they could tell me if a stranger died.”
“What if you two were close?”
A cold shudder ran the length of my spine. No! She was playing with Jeremy. A sister? My pulse started thumping in my ears. What if she was a sister and she died in the fire? They wouldn’t talk about the fire because it was too painful—maybe that was why.
“Hey, you okay?”
I shook my head slowly, eyes filling with tears. “What if she was? Oh God, what if she was my sister? What if I’m pushing my parents and Jeremy to talk about something as horrific as their daughter, our sister, dying in a fire? They managed to get me and Jeremy out, but perhaps they couldn’t get to Evelyn.”
His eyes widened. “Shh, don’t do that. I didn’t mean closer than a friend. It’s just one possibility that, right now, is completely unfounded. Please don’t beat yourself up and feel guilty over something that is probably untrue.”
“You’re right, but what if she was my sister?”
“I don’t know, Scarlett. I really think you should talk to your parents.”
I shook my head. “No. No way they would hold that back. I know them, and they would never pretend a child they had didn’t exist. Also, Jeremy would have asked about her growing up, and he didn’t.”
“Exactly. She couldn’t have been their daughter. You need to speak to your parents.”
I nodded. “I know.” It just wasn’t that easy.