12

SCARLETT

“Hi, Scarlett,” Bethan said, pushing a plate of cookies toward us.

“Hey. Thanks,” I replied, taking one with a big cluster of chocolate chips on top and trying not to yawn. Since I started dreaming—always the same ones—I’d been tired almost all the time. Every night I’d wake up in the early hours, sweating from seeing flames and feeling emotionally drained from worrying who Evelyn was and why Mum was never herself.

This morning, I’d jumped awake when flames encased Evelyn; she’d still looked at me and then followed Jeremy through the fire until I couldn’t see either of them anymore. I was terrified and panting and knew there was no way I would get back to sleep, whether it was five in the morning or not.

No matter where I was or what I was doing, something brought me back to her. Any little girl with a similar shade of light hair and big eyes would shoot her to the forefront of my mind for the rest of the day. It was too irrational to feel…close to someone I couldn’t remember. I had no idea who Evelyn was, but I knew she was important. I cared about her.

Noah sat on the stool beside me, leaning over so our arms were touching. I loved it when he did that.

I was completely healed, and just in time for school to start up again, like I thought I would be. I was still going crazy over not remembering, but Noah wanted to wait a little longer after the accident and then he’d help me. Right now I was just enjoying spending time with him and seeing my friends again. I wanted to be normal for a while and not let Evelyn consume my thoughts.

“How was school?” Bethan asked.

“It was all right,” Noah replied. “What’s for dinner?”

“Casserole. Are you staying, Scarlett?”

“If that’s okay?”

Bethan smiled, leaning on the counter. “Of course it is. It’s strange when you’re not here.”

Yeah, me and Noah were pretty much joined at the hip lately, but I was pretty sure he was my future husband, so I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

“You should let her stay over then,” Noah said.

Bethan smirked. “Nice try.”

I wondered how long before they would let us stay over at each other’s houses. It would be so cool to wake up and at least be in the same house as him. But I doubted that was happening before I was eighteen.

“Anyway, we have to go,” Noah said.

“Shopping, right?” Bethan asked.

“Yes,” he replied. “We’ll try to be back for dinner, unless Scarlett can’t find the right shade of lipstick; then we’ll be late.”

I narrowed my eyes at him as he winked. He knew I didn’t even wear lipstick. What he didn’t know though, was that we weren’t going shopping. I was taking control of my memory problem and trying something that wouldn’t hurt my parents. They were a last resort. After the sleepless nights had rolled on, I had known writing my dreams down wasn’t helping. I never saw anything new when I was asleep. I had the same dreams over and over. What I needed was professional help, so I’d made an appointment.

“All right, that’s fine. I’ll save you some if you’re not back. Whatever happens, remember to have Scarlett home by nine, even if you’re later.”

He nodded. “Always.” We wouldn’t be back that late though. Noah was strict when it came to getting me home on time. He was determined to respect my parents’ rules and not lose their trust. It was sweet and a lot easier than Imogen and her ex; her parents had hated him.

Noah took my hand as we walked to the bus stop, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. “Are you feeling better?” he asked.

“Yeah, all that hurts is my ribs if I twist suddenly or lift something too heavy. The rest of me is fine.”

“That’s good. And don’t lift anything heavy.”

“You sound like my dad. I won’t.”

Noah looked at the timetable and frowned. “I thought you said the bus was at three forty-five?”

“It is.”

“Not one that goes into town.”

“Yeah, we’re not actually getting that one.”

One of his eyebrows arched. “Which one are we getting?”

“Can you just get on it and not ask until we’re there? Trust me.”

He bent forward and kissed me. “All right.”

The fact that Noah trusted me so completely and wholeheartedly was one of the things I loved most about him.

“Thank you.”

He wrapped me in his arms as we waited. I felt so safe when I was with him. The rest of my life and the people in it were messy, and I didn’t know who or what to trust. But when it came to him, I was sure.

The bus turned up five minutes later and we got on, sitting near the back. Noah picked my legs up and put them over his, rubbing circles on my knee the way he did with my knuckles.

“You know for someone that’s never had a girlfriend before, you’re pretty pro at it.”

He smiled. “You make it so easy.”

I think my heart actually melted into a puddle. For the rest of the ride, we sat in perfect, comfortable silence.

“So why are we here?” he asked as we got off the bus on the opposite side of the high streets and shops.

“I have an appointment.”

“I’m not a mind reader, babe. I’m going to need more than that.” He slung his arm over my shoulder as we walked along the outskirts of town.

It was mid-May and it’d just started to warm up. Fresh green leaves blossomed on the trees and colorful flowers popped out of the ground. I loved spring. But then, I found at least five things I loved about every season. Noah still held me as close to him as he had through the end of winter.

“Well, my plan to write down what I see when I’m asleep isn’t working.”

He gave me a sympathetic smile. “I didn’t think so. You’ve not mentioned it at all.”

“It was frustrating. But I think I’ve found someone who can help. She’s a therapist, Dr. Pain.”

“Come on!” He laughed.

“It would be funnier if she were a doctor and not a therapist.”

She was more of a hypnotist actually, but I thought telling Noah that would make him think I was totally crazy. I wasn’t crazy. I was desperate.

“Ah, your therapist. Do I drive you insane?”

“Yes, but that’s not why I’m going to see her. I’m trying to get my memory back, as I might’ve mentioned once or twice before, so I can figure out if those weird dreams are real or not.”

“I know. I’m only joking. Do you think she’s going to tell you if they’re real or not?”

“I don’t know. That’s what I’m hoping she can help with.” At this point, I knew the fire and Evelyn were real. I dreamed of them most. The rest I wasn’t sure about.

“Well, it seems like a good idea. I think you should do whatever it takes to remember, if that’s what you want, but why the secrecy?”

I stopped walking, forcing Noah to as well. The warm breeze blew his short, blond hair. His eyes looked even bluer in the direct sunlight. I was lucky to have him. We’d not been together all that long, but I trusted him, relied on him, and he never let me down. I should’ve told him last week when I’d made the appointment. I owed him that.

“I’m sorry. My parents and Jeremy don’t like talking about it. I can understand that. It’s a tough time for them to revisit. I didn’t want to tell anyone and have them talk me out of it.”

Frowning deeply, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to his chest. “You never have to keep anything from me. No matter what you want to do—even if it’s bathing in baked beans—I’ll be right behind you. On the outside of the bath, but I’ll be there. I don’t want any secrets, Scarlett. I want to know everything about you.”

“Every couple has secrets.”

He blinked twice before replying, “Not us.”

“You have secrets.”

“You can ask me anything and I’ll tell you,” he said.

“Why haven’t you tried getting in my pants yet?”

It bothered me. Now, I so wasn’t ready for that yet, but I still wanted him to want me in that way. It was stupid and a bit irrational. He knew I didn’t want to yet, but here I was questioning why he hadn’t tried.

He arched an eyebrow. “This isn’t temporary for me, so I want to do this right. We’re a big deal. Sex means something. It means a lot, actually.”

I felt like I was floating. Smirking, I said, “You still haven’t answered my question.”

His eyes glittered with humor. “You really know how to kill a moment. I haven’t tried anything because you’re not ready. But please let me know the second you are.” He slapped my butt, grabbed my hand, and pulled me in the direction I had been leading us.

I gave Noah the address, and we followed the street until we came to 7D.

“Her office is next to KFC,” I said. “Perfect.”

He turned his nose up, not liking the idea of fast food. “You’ll regret eating that rubbish one day.”

“I really doubt it, Mr. Health Kick.”

Noah pushed the door open and we walked inside. The building was tiny, wedged between KFC and a post office. A gold-coated plaque beside the door saying “Dr. Pain” was all that gave away what was inside.

“Hello, can I help you?” a plump woman behind a small mahogany desk asked.

“Um, yeah. I’m Scarlett Garner. I have an appointment with Dr. Pain at four thirty.”

She looked at her screen and smiled. “Have a seat, fill out this form, and I’ll let her know you’re here.”

I took the sheet of paper and a pen. “Thank you.”

Noah led me to the leather seats in the corner of the room. “Do you want me to come in with you or wait out here?” he asked as I filled the paperwork in.

“I don’t know,” I replied, rapidly ticking boxes and giving a brief description of what was wrong in the tiny space they’d allowed.

Part of me wanted him there. I was nervous, and he always made that better, but I also wanted to talk without anyone else around. I didn’t want Noah’s opinions swaying Dr. Pain. Not that I thought a professional would side with a teenage boy and tell me I was just having normal dreams like everyone else, but I wanted her to hear only my side before she made up her mind.

“I’ll do whatever you want, Scarlett,” he said, squeezing my knee.

“Why do I feel so nervous?”

He shrugged. “Don’t be. Should I wait here, and if you need me, you can come and get me?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Miss Garner,” a super-tall lady said from beside the reception desk just as I’d signed the bottom of the form. Noah and I were the only ones in here. I gave his hand a squeeze before letting go and standing up. “Hello, I’m Dr. Pamela Pain. Please, come through.”

“Thank you,” I said, giving Noah a fleeting smile over my shoulder.

I sat down on a massive, high-backed leather sofa as instructed and Pamela sat on a smaller chair beside me.

“What brings you here today?” she asked.

“Well,” I said, shifting in my seat. “When I was four I lost my memory and it never came back.”

“And you want it back?”

I nodded. “I was recently in a car accident, and as I was waking up, I remembered things. I’m not really sure what it all was—just parts, like broken memories. But it could just have been weird dreams. I guess I want your help to try and figure out what it was.”

She nodded once, her chin-length bob falling in her face. Tucking her hair behind her ears, only to have it fall in front of them again, she replied, “We can certainly try, but first can you tell me a little more about how you lost your memory and what you saw when you were waking?”

I told her everything I remembered in detail. She said very little, only stopping me occasionally to ask for additional information.

“Okay, well, we can certainly try to tap into the lost memories, but there is no guarantee, Scarlett. I have to make you aware of that. The brain is a very complex thing and occasionally pieces of information are lost forever. There is a possibility that this is one of those instances, especially since it has been so long.”

I sat on my hands, too eager despite what she said. “But there’s a chance it might work, and I’m willing to try. If you are, of course.”

“Absolutely,” she said, holding her hands out. “Lay back against the seat, and we’ll get to work.”

“Right now?”

“Unless you’d like to do something else for the last fifteen minutes?”

I shook my head and laid back. “This could really only take fifteen minutes?”

“Potentially. Usually it takes longer, but we should get something, a glimmer of hope for future sessions. Are you ready, Scarlett?”

“Yes,” I replied with a weak voice.

“Okay, please close your eyes and relax your muscles.”

I felt stupid but I did what she said. Her voice was soft and soothing, just what you’d expect, and I felt almost instantly sleepy.

“I want you to imagine yourself as a three-year-old child. You know nothing of the fire that took your memory.”

I did that, picturing myself just a little bit younger than I looked in the photos we had at home.

“You’re playing with your brother Jeremy,” she said.

I instantly aged in my head, to a five-year-old playing the Hungry Hungry Hippos board game.

“I can’t see that far back with him. There’s nothing there.”

“Okay, shh,” she said, placing her hand over mine as I scrunched my eyes and tried to force myself to think further back. “Relax, Scarlett. Leave Jeremy and go back to the start. You’re three, a full year before the fire. Where are you?”

“I’m nowhere. There’s just white around me, like those models in photo frames.”

“All right. Take that girl and put her in the park with Evelyn.” I did that. I was in the park with Evelyn, but the image was blurry, flickering, and unreliable. It didn’t happen.

“What’re you doing in the park?”

“Nothing, I’m watching her run with Jeremy.”

“No, you’re seeing your dream, Scarlett. Take Jeremy away. You and Evelyn are on the swings. You’re laughing and having fun. Keep that image in your head. Keep playing with her and tell me when there’s a change.”

There wasn’t a change. Not one that happened naturally that would help. The only change was Evelyn getting up and running off with Jeremy. I kept seeing that one image play over and over. It was the only memory that I knew happened; the rest was what Dr. Pain was planting, but it couldn’t fool me into linking it to something real.

Pamela ended our session when my time was up, and I could tell she was as deflated as I was. She clearly didn’t like when she couldn’t do anything. It wasn’t going to work. There was nothing there. Maybe if I remembered more, she might be able to help me piece everything back together, but right now, all I had was a three-second snippet of Evelyn running with my brother.

“Why don’t you see how things go, and if you want to try again, give me a call?”

I nodded and fake smiled. “Thank you.”

Noah stood up as I walked back into reception. He saw my expression and his face fell. “It didn’t go well, then?”

Shaking my head, I took his hand and led him outside, thanking the receptionist as we left. “Didn’t work. Nothing happened. I don’t know where to go from here, so why don’t we forget it and walk for a little while before we catch the bus?”

“Of course,” he replied, pulling me tight against his side and kissing the top of my head.