SCARLETT
I was counting down the seconds until Noah got there. Two days without him around was awful. I didn’t know how to look my parents or Jeremy in the eye. They’d told so many lies that I didn’t even know who they were anymore. I wanted to know more, but I couldn’t handle them dressing up the truth again. Noah was right; I needed time.
“Scarlett, good morning, honey,” Mum said, pouring boiling water into four mugs as I came downstairs and ignored them.
I grumbled a “morning” and sat at the table.
“Come on, please talk to us. You have to understand why we made the choices we made,” she said.
“I understand them, I really do. If you hadn’t stopped me from being murdered, then you wouldn’t be the people I know, deep down, you are, but you lied to me for years. You moved us around so much and told me it was because of Dad’s work. You had your parents and son lie. That’s the part I can’t get past. You didn’t have to make some elaborate story up; you could’ve told me the truth.”
She looked at me like I was insane. “You were a child. We thought about it, believe me, but we couldn’t risk you saying something. We had to keep you safe—all of us safe. This was the easiest way to do that, and I’m sorry that you feel betrayed, but keeping you alive meant more to us than you being upset about us lying.”
“Is Evelyn your daughter?”
“No,” she said.”
“She’s not a doll?”
Shaking her head, she replied, “No.”
“She was a friend of Jeremy’s?”
“She was, yes.”
“Is she dead?”
“I don’t know.” Lowering her head, she wiped her eyes. “I think so.”
“Why couldn’t you tell me that?”
Sighing, Dad said, “We were trying to protect you.”
We could go over it and over it, but it would never get us anywhere. I would never think they were right for letting me believe something that wasn’t true for so long. While I was younger, sure, but I was fifteen, and they could’ve told me a few years ago, when we’d moved here. They should have told me when I started remembering.
“This isn’t getting us anywhere,” Jeremy said. “We’re not sorry, Scarlett. If we’d have done things differently, you could be dead now.”
“Jeremy!” Dad scolded.
“No, Dad, I’m tired of tiptoeing around her. We lied, but we did it for good reason. Now stop being a brat and get over it. You’re my sister whether we share genes or not.” He pointed to Mum and Dad. “They brought you up and love you the same as me. You’re theirs, so enough now.”
My eyes narrowed. He was right and that only made me angrier. How could he tell me to just get over it? He hadn’t just been told that his biological parents would’ve murdered him if no one had stepped in.
“Okay, we all need to calm down,” Mum said. “Coffee is ready, so let’s try to have breakfast like a normal family.”
That was all well and good, but we were nothing like a normal family. I almost laughed.
Hurry up, Noah.
Breakfast wasn’t normal; it couldn’t be. I sat beside my brother and focused solely on the pastries and coffee. They watched me the whole time, making everything ten times more awkward. Did they think I didn’t love them anymore? Did they think I would feel out of place knowing I didn’t share their genes? I didn’t. I loved them. No matter what, they still felt like family. But they’d hurt me so badly by keeping the truth from me.
We ate mostly in silence, with Jeremy occasionally saying something about football, the present he got Amie for her birthday, or a trip he and his friends were going on. I picked at my croissant, only having managed a few bites.
“What time is Noah home?” Dad asked. I think he was just as eager to get him here as I was, hoping he’d be able to help.
I looked up at the clock and back to him, meeting eyes that I once thought were the same shape as mine, even if they were a different color. Everything looked different now. “Around now. He’s dropping his bags off and coming straight here. I’m finished. Can I go to my room?”
Mum’s dark eyebrows pulled together. “You’ve not eaten much.” Neither had she.
“I’m not hungry.”
With a sober smile, she nodded, and I left the table.
I wasn’t back in my room long before Noah’s confident knock echoed through my room. “Come in,” I said, immediately brightening.
His smile for me was wide and light, and I didn’t realize how much I’d missed him until I saw how happy he was to see me. “Hey,” he said, flopping down on the bed beside me and pulling me in for a kiss.
I held on to his upper arms and kissed him back, feeling more whole by the second. He was someone linked to the me I knew, someone who hadn’t changed almost beyond recognition. His lips were soft but the kiss was much firmer than usual.
“Hey back,” I whispered when he broke the kiss and leaned against my forehead.
“I missed you, Scarlett. It’s stupid. It was only two days, but not seeing you just felt wrong.”
“I missed you too,” I replied, grinning like a fool. “Things here have sucked, but knowing you were coming back made it bearable.”
He winced. “I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. You’re allowed to have a life outside of me, you know.”
“I know. Not that sure if I want to.” Frowning, he shook his head. “All right, that sounded less codependent in my head.”
I laughed and replied, “I know what you mean.”
“So tell me the truth. Are you okay?” he asked.
I wrapped my arms around my legs. I was so not okay, but I felt better now that he was back. It was stupid. He wasn’t gone long, but I really needed him to stay for a while now.
“Not really. It’s still hard even trying to get my head around what they told me, you know? They had Mum’s parents in on it too. What a burden their lie must’ve been on everyone.” And they did it all for me. I felt horrible for being angry and angry for feeling horrible all at the same, mind-screwing time.
He pulled my hands apart, untangling my body, and wrapped me tightly in his arms. “Yes, it’s…” His foot tapped on the bed, and I was so sure he was about to run off.
“Screwed up?”
The corner of his mouth kicked up. “That is one way of putting it.”
“If you want to leave, Noah, I’ll understand.” We hadn’t been together that long really and add that to the fact that we found out my biological parents are crazy cult leaders, I wouldn’t have blamed him if he’d wanted to run for the hills.
“No.” Taking my hand, he turned to me. “I know things are…strained right now and you have been told something that’s hard to understand and hard to believe, but I’m not going anywhere. When I told you I love you, I meant it. We’ll get through this together. You need to decide what you want to do.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, squeezing his hand. “I have no idea what I want to do. I don’t even know what to think right now. It’s so surreal. Cults and human sacrifice…”
Me as the sacrifice.
“I know,” he whispered.
“This stuff only happens on TV.”
“I’m so sorry, Scarlett.”
I shrugged. “It’s not your fault.”
“Still,” he said, “I hate that you’re upset. Is there anything I can do?”
“You can tell me about visiting your family and how your aunt is doing.”
“Come on, you don’t want to be talking about that stuff right now.”
“No, I really do, Noah. Please.” I would’ve talked about football if it meant it would stop me watching the memories of my childhood rip apart. None of it was real.
“Okay. They’re all good. My aunt overfed us all and my cousins are going through a pirate phase. They spent the two days running around with patches on their eyes. Lottie had both on for a while, and I had to guide her around the house for an hour.”
A face flashed through my mind, giving me an instant headache. I rubbed my forehead, trying to get the fog in my mind to lift.
You will guide us.
I scrunched my eyes closed and shook my head. What did that mean and who had said it? I felt familiarity, comfort, and fear at the same time.
Noah’s voice pierced through the haze and pulled me back to reality. He was sitting on his knees right in front of me, eyes wide with worry.
“I. Um.” Licking my lips, I slouched forward and into his arms. “I think I remembered something else.”
“What was it?”
“A face of a lady. She was pretty and had long, light-brown hair. She said, ‘You will guide us,’ and…” I closed my eyes again, trying to go back there, repeating the phrase over and over to try to get my brain to latch on to the memory and give me more. I hated that it was so out of my control. Why couldn’t I just get my brain to work properly?
“Who do you think she was?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Could be anyone. I don’t recognize her at all.”
“Do you remember her eye color? Think you could try to draw her? That might help.”
I shook my head. “She would just look like a stick person. I don’t remember her eye color. She had a kind face though, and she was smiling as she spoke.”
“Do you think it could be…”
My biological mother. That was what he couldn’t finish saying.
I shrugged, and he immediately wrapped his arms around me. “I don’t know. She didn’t look like me, but then maybe I look like him…my dad. Anyway, I’m tired of this. Can we do something else? Why don’t you put a DVD on while I go and get some snacks?”
His face lit up. “All right.” Before he got up he added, “Hey, you know I love you, right?”
“I do know. I love you too.”
“It’ll be all right. You’ll see,” he said and kissed my forehead before going to find something for us to watch. I hoped it would, because I missed feeling close to my family. If I could have fast-forwarded to a time when we were past this and had healed, I would have.