30

NOAH

Today marked the final full day Eternal Light had planned for Scarlett. At lunch she was expected to give element offerings, and tomorrow those elements would guide her into the next stage of her eternal life.

It was only hearing it when you’d turned your back on them that you really heard it. I had an ice-cold shower, not wanting to be comfortable. My muscles locked, my skin tightened, and it stung. It hurt, but I welcomed the pain, the distraction. Tomorrow weighed heavily on my mind.

I shut off the shower when I shook so violently that I felt ill. My skin had lost its color—I was pale and looked lifeless. Wrapping the towel around myself, I stood still until I’d dried enough to put clothes on.

I had to pull myself together. If I couldn’t, Scarlett wouldn’t have a chance and she was all that mattered to me. I dressed quickly, feeling the sting as warmth seeped into my icy skin. Since getting home with her, I looked tired all the time. Everything that I’d done haunted me.

Even though I was now doing the right thing, I still couldn’t forgive myself.

“Noah, are you ready?” Finn asked, knocking once on the door with what sounded like his palm.

“Almost. I’ll meet you there.”

Communal lunch, offerings, communal dinner, then early night before tomorrow. That was what Donald had ordered for all of us today. He didn’t usually try to tell us what to do when—we sort of all did that together, but he was completely running the show now.

“All right, don’t take too long.”

I wanted to take all the time in the world. My nerves were running wild. Although I hadn’t had second thoughts about helping her escape, I did question how we were going to do it. Was there a better way? Could I have snuck out of the commune, got help, and returned unnoticed before anyone realized I was missing?

Stretching my muscles, I mentally prepared to lie to everyone again and pretend I was excited as them. In a way, I was glad this day was here—I couldn’t do this for much longer. Soon I wouldn’t have to pretend anymore. Everyone would know where my loyalties lie, and I hoped Scarlett would be safely away.

As soon as the front door closed behind my family, I went to my bedroom. They would be distracted for a while before anyone came to look for me, so I knew I had at least five minutes to find the bag for tomorrow.

There would be a few things that we needed, and while I didn’t have time to pack everything with everyone milling around outside, I at least needed the bag under my bed, ready for me to pack a few things in while everyone was distracted later.

The bags were in the storage closet beside the bathroom. I opened the long door and reached up on the top shelf to get it, looking over my shoulder to make sure no one had come back in. I didn’t want to use the one I had brought here because that was still on the chair in my room, unpacked, and it would look suspicious if it suddenly disappeared.

I grabbed the lone bag at the back and headed back to my room. I hated lying and sneaking around, but they’d left me with no option.

“Noah,” Finn called.

I jumped, my heart slamming against my chest, and looked around. He wasn’t near me. Yet. But I was in the middle of the hallway holding a bag. Opening the bathroom door as quietly as I could, I stepped inside and carefully slid the lock in place.

I stopped breathing and pressed my ear to the door so I could try to hear where he was. His footsteps thudded lightly on the wooden floor, but they were getting louder.

“Noah, are you in here?”

I flexed the hand that didn’t have the bag in a death grip. “In the bathroom,” I called.

“You all right?”

“Fine, just needed the toilet. I’ll be back out soon.”

“Sure? You want me to wait?”

No, please just go.

“I’m all right, thank you. See you outside in a minute.”

“Sure,” he replied.

I forced my ear against the door harder, but it was difficult to hear. I felt sick at the thought of being caught. What would I tell him if I walked out there with the bag, and he’d decided to wait for me anyway?

Giving him enough time to leave, I placed the bag on the floor where it would be hidden when I opened the door, flushed the toilet, and washed my hands.

My nerves were shot as I unlocked the door and pulled it open. I was met with complete silence. Finn would have surely talked to me if he were here. Poking my head around the corner, I did a quick sweep down the hall. Empty.

I swiped the bag, dashed to my room, and shoved it deep under the bed.

“Where have you gone now?” Finn asked.

I froze, crouched on the floor by my bed. He’d been waiting there? Straightening my legs, I turned to face the door a second before he walked through it.

“All right?”

“I was just contemplating getting a jacket, but I think I’ll be too hot.”

“Yes, it’s warm out. You ready now?”

“I am,” I replied. “You didn’t have to wait.”

He shrugged. “I was worried when you didn’t come out.”

I smiled as I left my room, closing the door behind me. “Let’s do this,” I said.

“All right!” Finn didn’t hide his excitement. I used to feel the same when we spoke about what was going to happen and what Scarlett was leading us to.

When we left the house, the last few people were making their way to our outdoor dining area. They carried vases of water and bright-green leaves.

Scarlett stood in a long, white dress that made me think about marrying her one day. She was undeniably beautiful, naturally beautiful. She had no makeup on and nothing had been done to her hair, but she took my breath away.

“Finally,” Zeke said, handing me and Finn a lantern.

Donald was, as usual, the first to approach Scarlett. He carried soil and rocks in one hand and placed them by her feet. Earth.

Fiona stepped forward next, placing a small, freshly dug-up plant next to Donald’s offering. Air.

Judith was up next, laying down a lantern. The orange flame flickered in the glass. Fire.

Lastly, Bill laid a vase of water by Scarlett.

Gulping, I held my lantern at arm’s length, the same as everyone else, and closed my eyes. I couldn’t watch.

“By the four elements we live. By the four elements you shall ascend. By the four elements we shall live on, be reborn upon death, so that we shall be joined in eternity,” Donald said.

“By the four elements we shall live on,” I said in tune with the rest of the community, a piece of me dying because, technically, I was still taking part in this.

* * *

That night was also the last time we’d eat together as a community before Scarlett was supposed to be sacrificed. There was a buzz in the air that was slightly infectious. Everyone was elated that we’d finally reached the point we’d been striving for all these years.

It felt a bit surreal to be living something we’d spoke about almost on a daily basis. But I now knew the dangerous truth behind Eternal Light’s teachings.

Under her perfected act, Scarlett looked rightfully terrified, and I had an even harder time tonight pretending that I couldn’t wait until tomorrow. Things were about to get very real, and I still wasn’t convinced we’d be able to pull it off and get away. It had to work. If we didn’t get out, the girl I was in love with was going to die.

“Are you okay, Noah?” Mum asked, frowning, questioning why I didn’t have a big, fat smile on my face.

“Yes, I’m fine. Just can’t believe it’s finally here, you know?” Please know.

She smiled. “I do. I know exactly what you mean. But it is here, so please try to enjoy it.”

Damn. “I am, Mum. I’m just taking everything in. This is the night you’ve been talking about since I was little. You told me to step back and take everything in because it’ll go by in a flash. That’s what I’m trying to do.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “I remember that. I am so proud of you, Noah. You really have grown into a wonderful man.” She kissed me on the cheek and then looked around, sighing in contentment.

I wasn’t a wonderful man, but I was hoping tomorrow might correct that, even a little. I was going to do the right thing. It was the right thing by Scarlett, myself, and Eternal Light. Not only was I going to do everything I could to save her life, but I was stopping us from becoming murderers.

Scarlett stood with her parents as people came forward and kissed both of her cheeks. She played it so well. She was withdrawn enough to play the nervous card but smiled and interacted enough to make people believe she was with us all the way. She wasn’t the only one who was nervous—we all were, but for different reasons.

I managed to get a minute with her out of earshot of everyone else when we both went back for more food. Donald watched us; I didn’t even need to look around to know that. I kept smiling.

“How are you feeling?” I asked. It was an innocent question and one that everyone had asked her, but I was referring to our escape, not the ritual.

She nodded, giving me a reserved smile. To everyone else she’d not quite forgiven me yet and still acted cooler to me. She probably didn’t have to pretend that much.

“I’m okay,” she replied. “Nervous.”

“I think we all are a little. Don’t worry though. Tomorrow is going to run smoothly and then everything will be all right.”

“Yeah, everyone has been reassuring me all day.”

“They all love you and just want you to feel at ease with what’s going to happen.”

I knew she was talking about the same thing I was, but I hoped everyone else thought it was about the ritual.

“I know that. It’s just been a huge change, and I’ve only just had time to stop and think about what’s coming, and I’m a little scared.”

“That’s natural, Scarlett, but trust me when I tell you that it will be all right.” I had no right to tell her to trust me, not after what I’d done, but I was all she had now. The responsibility was overwhelming, but I made a promise not to let her down again.

“Do you really think so?” she asked.

I didn’t want to lie to her. The odds were heavily stacked against us, but the only choice was to try.

“I know so. Stop worrying and enjoy tonight. This is all for you, Scarlett.”

Donald stepped behind her and smiled at us both. “Noah is right. Come and enjoy the evening. Everything will be fine tomorrow.”

Scarlett smiled up at Donald and followed him back to their seats. I wasn’t sure how I felt about her being able to lie and manipulate so easily, but then she was facing death, so I couldn’t question her character too hard. And what I was doing was no better. I was lying to everyone I loved—everyone but her.

“Tell Finn not to eat everything. I’m just running home for a second,” I said to Mum.

Her eyes immediately filled with concern. “Are you all right?”

“I think I have a headache coming on, and I want to make a tea in case. I won’t be long.”

She nodded. “Do you want me to make it?”

“No, you stay here and enjoy. I’ll bring it back when it’s made,” I said, walking off.

I had our bag and needed to pack and stash it. The only chance to plant it in the forest would be now, while they were all distracted with the festivities. Scarlett watched me go back to my house, but I didn’t look at her. I didn’t want anyone to see me looking at her and become suspicious, not that they would. You didn’t turn your back on Eternal Light, your family, and the community. Jonathan and Marissa had. They’d lost their chance at eternal peace, tranquillity, and happiness. They would get nothing when they died.

I closed the front door and ran to the kitchen, boiling a pan of water to make tea. Then I went to my room and pulled the rucksack from under my bed, filling it with some clothes and fleece jackets that I’d set aside in my drawer, water and food that I’d stashed right at the back, and a pair of shoes for Scarlett. There wasn’t a lot in it really, enough for one day. I didn’t want to be weighed down when we had to run as fast as we could.

I made the tea and left it on the counter while I went outside to creep into the forest. I could hear everyone talking and laughing, but I was far enough out that I couldn’t be seen in the dark. I hoped.

I felt every thud of my heart as I crept past the lake. If I was caught, that would be it—I’d be out and Scarlett would die. There was so much riding on this that I felt sick.

Letting Scarlett down was the last thing I ever wanted to do, but it was a huge possibility.

I walked slowly, being careful not to make too much noise as I stepped on fallen branches. It was stupid; they wouldn’t hear a stick breaking over the sound of the fire and everyone’s talking, but I was scared and paranoid.

There was a collection of bushes relatively close to the edge of the forest and the lake Scarlett would be in before she was taken to the barn and sacrificed. It was my chosen hiding place for the bag now and me tomorrow.

I shoved the bag under the bush, covering it with leaves and whatever else I could find on the ground, all while scanning the area to see if anyone had broken away from the group. The houses farthest away from the fire were just silhouettes, so I was confident that I couldn’t be seen from where they were. Still, I stood up and crept back as fast as I could.

It’d been cold in the forest, and I was glad I’d packed the fleece jackets and a change of clothes and shoes for Scarlett; she’d be running straight after getting out of water and would be freezing.