The next day Ester waited and waited but still no word from Olof. She just couldn’t bring herself to believe that Olof would leave her hanging with no word. This was different than the last time with Sten. It wasn’t just lust. She felt like Olof truly cared for her. She had been sure that what they shared was true. She really thought he would understand. She felt there was nothing else she could do but wait for him to work things out for himself. She didn’t know how to find him. She had never been to his rooms. She didn’t want to talk to William or Mr. Yungdahl or Anya right now. It was too heart breaking, so with this ache that consumed her, she went on working. The Petters were leaving at the end of the month and she had to find other work.
There wasn’t much to do at the Petters since they were not entertaining now. They wanted her to clear out the cupboards and use up everything in the pantry before they left. She could take home anything she or the housekeeper wanted. She had planned meals until the end of the month with Mrs. Petters. They had also planned food that they would take with them since they had to ride the train to New York before they could embark across the ocean by ship to England, their first destination. Ester would miss these planning sessions with Mrs. Petters. She learned the English words for the food she cooked and she enjoyed their conversations about cooking and baking. Ester had a large flour and sugar stores and many canned goods which she could have kept for herself but she wanted to keep busy so she baked and baked. She baked fruit pies with the canned peaches, a variety of cookies and jam pastries as well as sweet breads.
“Ester, you fill our house with the wonderful baking smells. I will be too fat. I won’t fit into any of the clothes I plan to bring with me.” Mrs. Petters insisted. “Professor Petters is in heaven though with all this baking. Now he realizes what we are losing. Oh, Ester, I am so sorry I have not heard anything from our friends about any employment.”
“Thank you Mrs. for trying to help. I did want to ask you if I might prepare a basket of my baked goods for myself. I want to bring it to the owner of a new bakery opening soon on Foster Avenue. I am hoping I might get a job there if the owner likes my baking.”
“That is a very good idea. You must do that. I will tell the Professor he has to share your delicious baked goods so you can find new employment.” Mrs. Petters smiled.
“I want to go tomorrow. I will bring your recommendation letter, too.”
“We wish you well, Ester.” Mrs. Petters said.
The next day Ester wore her best shirtwaist and skirt. She even wore the broche that Astrid had given her. She was nervous. She had a queasy stomach. Even before she left the Petters to catch the streetcar she thought she wouldn’t be able to go to the bakery since she felt so queasy. But she just made up her mind that she had to go. The basket smell attracted attention on the streetcar. The fragrance of sweets made several people on the streetcar comment. Ester just felt nauseous. She tried to calm her nerves as she walked the extra distance to the bakery after she got off the streetcar. When she got to the building she saw there was a ‘help wanted’ sign in the window. She felt relieved. She might have a chance.
She peaked in the window and saw a workman. It looked like he was building something. She knocked on the glass to try to get his attention. Then she went over to the door and knocked again. A woman came out into the room. Ester waved and knocked to get her attention. Finally, the woman noticed and came to the door.
Ester said in Swedish. “Good afternoon, I see you are looking for workers. I am a cook and baker. My name is Ester Nilsson.”
A hammer dropped behind the counter which startled Ester and the woman.
The woman said in Swedish. “Are you all right Mr. Carlson?”
Ester was relieved to hear her speak Swedish.
A male voice said from behind the counter, “Yaj, I am fine.”
Ester thought the man’s voice sounded familiar.
The woman said to Ester, “Please come in. Miss Nilsson, We can talk in here. My name is Mrs. Carlson.
Ester said, “Oh.” Thinking to herself. This must be a husband and wife. “I have a recommendation letter from my current employer.”
Mrs. Carlson asked. “Miss Nilsson. Why are you leaving your current employ?”
“My employers are going on an extended European Tour. They did not want to keep the staff while they were gone so I am looking for new work. I have also brought samples of my baking skills.” Ester handed the basket to Mrs. Carlson.
“Thank you, Miss Nilsson. They certainly smell good. How long have you been in America?” She asked.
“I have been here almost three and one-half years now.” Ester said, “It doesn’t even seem that long. I still have much to learn about America.”
The man behind the counter stood up making a coughing noise disturbing the conversation between the two women. They both looked at him and said at the same time.
“William”
“Mr. Carlson”
Then Mrs. Carlson, the bakery owner, said looking back and forth at the two, “Oh, you two know each other.”
William stepped out from behind the counter. “Yes, Mrs. Carlson, Ester was a close friend of my deceased wife.”
Mr. Carlson, I am so sorry. I had no idea your wife had passed away.” the bakery owner responded.
“I apologize for interrupting. Maybe I can speak to Miss Nilsson after you are done. I will get back to work.” William said and he stepped behind the counter again.
“Thank you, Mr. Carlson.” Mrs. Carlson turned back to speak to Ester. “Miss Nilsson, I don’t really need a baker but I do need a counter person. Would you be interested in that position? I’m sure my carpenter can vouch for you.”
“Yes, Mrs. Carlson, I would be happy to work at any position available. Especially in a position where I can speak Swedish. My English is not so good.”
“It will get better as you talk to our customers. Please leave your name and address. I will get in touch with you when I am ready to start training for the bakery opening. As you can see, I have to wait until Mr. Carlson has completed the counters and display cases. Thank you for the baked goods. I’m sure my carpenter would be happy to taste them for me. I will leave you two to speak on your own.” Mrs. Carlson said as she left the room handing the basket to William.
“Thank you so much, Mrs. Carlson. I look forward to hearing from you soon.”
Ester had brought a card with her name and address which she took out to leave for Mrs. Carlson.
“William, you look well.” Ester said unpacking some pastries and cookies for William to sample.
“Ester.” William said as he approached her and to her surprise, he hugged her.
This made her tear up. “Oh, William do you know? She choked back more tears and all she could get out was “Olof.”
“I haven’t talked to Olof since he drove me home from our last job when he left angry with me. But I did hear from the clerk at the Carpenter Union office that he had gone downtown to talk to a contractor about work out-of-town.”
“Olof left town?” Ester asked.
“That’s all I know, Ester. Did something happened between you and Olof?”
“I don’t know. We, she stumbled on her words. I can’t tell you.”
“I’m sorry, Ester. Olof was angry with me and I don’t blame him. He was disappointed that I couldn’t control my drinking and disrupted our work. He was angry that it reflected badly on him, too. Still, I know he wanted to plan a future with you. Whatever it was that came between you two, I’m sure he will come to his senses and realize that he loves you no matter what.”
“Thank you, William. That is a comfort.” Ester smiled. She was glad to see William had seemed to overcome his problems.
“Come visit me and Bertie and Mr. Yungdahl. You can go to church with us. Mr. Yungdahl insists I should go as part of my recovery. He tells me it will give me strength.”
“Yes, now that I know what happened to Olof, I feel some relief. He has his reasons for leaving. You are right, he has to work out his feelings. He has to make his own decisions just as I must. I will meet you at church on Sunday, then.”
“Good. Then you can come to my house for a meal after services. It will be good to have you visit Bertie, too.” William said biting into one of Ester’s pastries. “Mmm, your pastries are delicious. Mrs. Carlson should have you bake as well as work the counter.”
“Thank you, William. Give my best to Mr. Yungdahl and Bertie. I will probably see you on Sunday.” Ester said as she left the bakery.
When Ester got home that evening, she was nauseous again. She thought to herself it must be the worry about Olof and my job loss. She couldn’t face eating anything so she just went to bed. Her sleep was fitful. She got up in the middle of the night. Maybe a cup of tea would settle her stomach. While she made the tea, she thought about Olof and their time together. The fun they had together and their tender lovemaking. She missed him. She missed him dearly. Tears filled her eyes. She felt her breasts ache. They seemed sore. Oh, no. she thought, now I am coming down with something. I had this feeling before. Then it dawned on her, the nausea, the sore breasts, she wasn’t sick, she was pregnant.
She laid down on her bed and just wanted to scream. Again, tears rolled down her cheeks. Olof was gone. She was back where she started, making the same mistakes she had made before. She didn’t have her friend Elsa to comfort her. She had no job. She had the same bad choices she had before.
Not again. Not again. I want to die. She cried herself to sleep.
The next morning when she woke she remembered that she was expected at church. She got dressed. There was nothing she could do today so she decided to go to William’s after church as he had suggested. Her mind was clearer now. She knew what she had to do. She thought Anya might be able to help. She should see Anya at church also and then she could ask her to come over so they could talk.
She saw Anya rehearsing with the choir before service. She waved to her and gestured that she wanted to talk. Anya came down from the choir loft with the other choir members and she greeted Ester.
Ester asked. “Can you come to my rooms tonight? I need to talk with you about something important.”
“Sure, I have no plans. Should I bring something for supper?” Anya said.
“No, No. I have plenty to offer you, just come and thank you. It will be so good to talk.”
Anya agreed and then the organist’s playing signaled the start of the service. Ester saw William and Bertie seated in the front pew. She walked up and he moved over to include her. After the service, they all went to William’s house for lunch. Mr. Yungdahl kindly drove them in his automobile. Ester and Mr. Yungdahl enjoyed playtime with Bertie while William prepared lunch.
“His smile reminds me of Elsa,” Ester said.
Yungdahl nodded in agreement. “He is a blessing of her memory.”
Then William called, “Time for lunch.”
After lunch William put Bertie down for a nap. Ester was feeling a wave of nausea again so she rushed to the bath. When she returned Ester thanked them both for a nice afternoon but insisted she had to go.
They offered to drive her home but she said she could walk. They promised to see each other again.
After she left, Mr. Yungdahl said to William that with Olof gone he should think about Ester as a possible mate. William just laughed and said. “Yungdahl, I have to admit that had occurred to me too. But you know it’s too soon. We both have things to work out for ourselves. Besides we don’t know that Olof won’t come back. You are such an old busy body, Yungdahl.” And he laughed.
Ester anxiously waited and waited for Anya to show up to her rooms. Finally gazing out her window she saw Anya walking into her building courtyard. Ester ran down the stairs to open the downstairs’ door for her. She bounded into the front entrance from the stairwell just as Anya walked in.
“Ester, you seem very excited.”
“Oh, Anya I am so glad you are here. Do come upstairs and I will get you a drink and some cookies.”
“Is something wrong?” Anya asked.
Ester guided her friend up the stairs into her rooms.
“First, sit down. Eat. Drink,” she said.
Anya looked at Ester with concern but she was glad to enjoy Ester’s cookies while she waited for her friend to talk. Ester sat down across the table from Anya and said.
“Olof has left the city.”
“What? Why would he leave now? I thought you and he were courting.”
“Yes, I did too. But we had a disagreement the last time we were together. I guess since he was upset about William and his work that it was all too much for him. I thought he just needed some time to think things over but William told me he left town for a new job.”
“He left without talking to you! It must have been a serious disagreement.”
“Anya, I can’t talk about that now but there is more. I believe I am pregnant.”
Anya stared at her friend then angrily said, “So many women like us have this problem. We are always the ones left on our own to take care of everything.”
“Olof doesn’t know. I still have to see a doctor to confirm. I would tell him if I knew how to get in touch with him. Besides, a part of me still believes he will come back.”
“Do you know what you will do if he doesn’t come back? You have to think this through. You have just started your life here in America. Do you plan to raise a child by yourself?
Ester listened to her friend go on and on about women in ‘our’ situation. What will happen when ‘we’ end up raising a child on ‘our’ own? The sound of Anya’s voice went silent. Ester only heard her own thoughts. I was foolish to let this happen to me again. Then Anya’s voice rang in her ears again.
“Some women find no choice and just get rid of it.”
Ester interrupted her friend’s tirade out of context so she didn’t have to hear those words.
“I don’t have a job, either.”
She repeated what her friend already knew since they talked about this last week.
“The Petters are leaving on an extended European Tour and closing up their house. They don’t want to pay me while they are gone. They are leaving at the end of this month. Do you know someone who could do that?”
Anya’s voice shrilled when she yelled at her friend. “No!” How could you get yourself in this situation?”
Ester put her hand on her forehead covering her eyes and shook her head.
“I was in love. I am in love.” She started to cry.
Then they both started to cry and Anya said, “Ester, I am so sorry. How can I help?”
Ester took a deep breath in between gulping air to stop crying.
She said to her friend, “I probably should find someone who can get rid of it.”
Anya breathed in deeply. “I can help you. I’m sure one of the women at my boarding house can find out.”
“Wait. Understand, I am not doing anything yet. I do have a possible job. Remember the bakery we talked about. I took your suggestion and talked to the bakery owner and she did give me encouragement. She said that when the bakery opened there would be counter work. But I need to be prepared. I need to think more about my future. I just need some time to decide.”
She thought to herself. Olof will come back. I must have faith.
Ester walked her friend to the downstairs door and said ‘good-bye.’
Now Ester must plan for another horrible decision. She remembered to get her mail before she returned upstairs and she found a letter from her Mama. Opening the letter Ester thought What will I tell my mother?
Vislanda, Sweden
My dear daughter in America,
I have bad news to tell you. My friend Astrid is very ill…
Ester sank into her bed and thought, What more can happen? Yet another thing to deal with!
