Josie wasn’t the only person in the entrance hall. At the foot of the stairs stood an old woman who’d obviously been getting ready for bed when our helicopter landed. She was wearing a floor-length lilac nightie with matching dressing gown and fluffy slippers. When Angelica was carried in, apparently lifeless, an expression of concern creased her face. She looked very like Bill; this had to be his mother.
Concern didn’t feature on anyone else’s face, though. There was a whole herd of Z-list celebrities whose eyes were popping out of their heads with excitement. And a photographer – presumably from Hi! magazine – was happily clicking away as the drama unfolded.
Up until that point I’d been impressed by the care with which Bill had treated his ex-wife: he may have dumped her, but at least he had the decency to feel guilty about it. Then he saw Josie and everything changed.
It was as if he’d been bewitched, and I couldn’t help glancing at Josie’s hands to see if she was wielding a wand. The second he laid eyes on her, Bill was transformed. He literally dropped Angelica. Fortunately he’d reached a sort of floor-cushion-cum-chaise-longue arrangement in the middle of the hall, which broke her fall. As she rolled off it sideways, one unconscious hand hit the marble with an audible slap – but Bill didn’t notice. He moved towards his fiancée, arms outstretched, like a man in a dream. Josie was already descending the stairs and Bill hadn’t taken more than a few steps before they were face to face. He looked like he’d swallowed a vat of love potion: besotted, enraptured, hypnotized. One hundred per cent pure love was written across his features.
Josie, on the other hand, seemed brimful of hate. She glared at Bill’s ex, her eyes angry little slits that burned with such furious heat I was surprised she didn’t sear holes in Angelica’s dress.
She turned to Bill. “What did you bring her in here for?” Her voice wobbled as if she was trying hard not to burst into tears.
Bill’s smile was apologetic. “She’s not well, babe,” he explained. “I couldn’t just abandon her. I’m sure she won’t get in the way. Besides, we’re solid, aren’t we, you and me? We can handle this.”
Bill took Josie’s hand and she melted into him, her anger gone, hiding her face in his neck and blotting out the rest of the world. Shrugging helplessly, Bill looked over her head at Tessa, his eyebrows raised in a wordless plea for help.
Tessa tried none-too-gently to revive Angelica with a few slaps to the face. When that didn’t work she looked around the entrance hall for inspiration. Spotting a handy vase of flowers, she grabbed it and emptied the water over Angelica. Bill’s ex didn’t stir and I began to wonder if the combination of shock and stress had actually killed her. But then the doctor arrived – Doctor Psychondakis, we later discovered – and he managed to revive Angelica with a shot in the arm. The moment she came round, she hurled herself at Josie, screaming, “Get away from Bill! Leave here now!”
Josie slapped Angelica across the face and there was a sharp intake of breath from all the watching Z-listers. But despite looking so frail, Angelica proved surprisingly strong when it came to unarmed combat. With a single finger jab to her stomach Angelica folded Josie in half. She then grabbed her rival by the hair, whirling her around and around like an Olympic hammer thrower. Just as Josie was in danger of being hurled through the double doors and into the night, Tessa stepped in.
If Angelica was surprisingly strong, Tessa was in a different league altogether. She came up behind Angelica and got her neck in what looked astonishingly like a Vulcan death grip. Finally, Bill’s ex released his fiancée’s hair and crumpled inelegantly to the floor, where Doctor Psychondakis pounced on her and shot a syringeful of tranquillizer into her other arm. Bill enfolded Josie in his arms and she began to soak his shirt with tears.
It took a few minutes for the jab to work, and in the meantime the doctor sat on Angelica’s chest. She thrashed violently, trying to escape, and then her eyes fell on the old lady in the nightie.
“Ruby!” screamed Angelica. “Ruby!”
“There, there, love.” Ruby walked over to Angelica and, knees audibly creaking, squatted beside her on the marble floor. I noticed that she had the same strong London accent as her son.
Angelica eyed her desperately. “You know. I told you. I said, I explained…”
“Hush!” soothed Ruby. “Calm down, sweetheart.”
Tears streamed from Angelica’s eyes. Her face contorted with fresh pain. “I want him back. But I can’t. Never, never, never…”
Ruby’s voice was gentle but firm, as if she was trying to placate a hysterical child. “You rest easy, now. You’re upset, sweetheart.”
“You have to talk to him,” begged Angelica. “You have to stop this. You have to…” She turned her head back and forth, looking for someone in the crowd. “Where’s Sizal? Sizal knows… Talk to him. Tell him he can’t. He can’t do this. No…”
At last the sedative kicked in and Angelica’s voice became thick and confused. Her eyelids seemed to grow heavy and she blinked several times. Doctor Psychondakis climbed off her chest and helped her up. Angelica allowed him to lead her up the stairs to the room Tessa had quickly prepared earlier. She was still clutching two handfuls of Josie’s hair, and the guest nearest me – who I dimly recognized from a reality TV show – muttered quietly, “Look at that! I bet Josie’s got a bald patch now. Sizal Bouffant’s going to have his work cut out putting that right.” Then she sniggered in a not-remotely-sympathetic way.
I didn’t get to ask who this Sizal person was, because once the door slammed shut behind Angelica, everyone’s attention turned to Josie and Bill.
Josie looked like a toddler whose birthday balloon had burst. Her lower lip was trembling and her baby-blue eyes had filled up with tears, which were spilling over and trickling prettily over her peaches-and-cream cheeks.
“How could you let her on the island?” she asked Bill. “If she ruins our wedding, I’ll… I’ll… Oh, I don’t know what I’ll do!”
“It will be OK, babe,” Bill said softly. Taking both her hands in his, he declared, “Ain’t nothing going to spoil your day. I’ll see to that. Tomorrow you’ll make me the happiest man alive.”
He sounded so sincere and so romantic that Josie smiled bravely back at him as he wiped away her tears. Then he draped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close. Her own arm snaked around his not-as-thin-as-it-once-was waist and they walked up the stairs pressed so hard against each other, they looked as if they were in a three-legged race. They were so wrapped up in their own blissful bubble, they didn’t bother saying goodnight to any of their guests – it was like the rest of us had vanished into thin air.
Tessa watched them go, and for a moment I was intrigued by the expression on her face. It was intense; penetrating; thoughtful. It reminded me of the way Snow White’s wicked stepmother had looked before she’d poisoned that apple.
As soon as Bill and Josie had departed, Tessa ordered the Z-list celebrities to bed as if they were naughty children. Then she turned her attention to Ruby.
“Are you all right, Mrs Strummer? Can I get you anything?”
“No thanks, sweetheart, I’m fine. I’ll turn in now. Big day tomorrow.” She shook her head sadly. “How we’re going to get through it with Angelica here is anyone’s guess. Poor cow! Lost her marbles, she has. She’ll be the death of me, that one.”
“Let me worry about her,” Tessa said crisply. “It’s my job.”
“Rather you than me, love.” Ruby started to leave, but then turned back and added, “You know, any other man would have had her sectioned. Put away. But my boy’s always been too kind for his own good. Soft-hearted, that’s his problem.” She sighed and then made her way up to bed, clearly exhausted.
By the time Ruby had gone, it was really late and Sally, Graham and I followed Tessa gratefully up the marble staircase. As we passed Angelica’s door we could hear her murmuring sleepily to herself. I was pretty sure it was the same dirge-like incantation she’d intoned in the helicopter.
Tessa rolled her eyes in irritation. “As if I didn’t have enough to do without having a mad woman running about the premises,” she said to Sally.
Sally smiled sympathetically but was too preoccupied with her own catering concerns to be really listening. So I took the opportunity to ask Tessa casually, “Did you work for Bill when he was married to Angelica? I mean, do you know her?”
“What was that?” Tessa looked around to see who had spoken. She was one of those grown-ups who preferred to completely ignore the existence of anyone under twenty. Eventually her eyes fell on me – looking slightly surprised, as if I was a talking cat or singing dog. “No,” she replied crisply. “This is the first time I’ve laid eyes on her.”
“So how long have you been working for Bill?” Sally asked, obviously feeling she ought to take a polite interest.
“Since June.”
“What a job to land! There are people who’d kill for an opportunity like that.”
Tessa laughed but it sounded slightly forced. “Don’t let Bill hear you say that. I gather his last PA died rather tragically.”
“Oh, really?” I asked, my curiosity well and truly aroused. “How?”
“He got trampled by a herd of cows.”
Was it my imagination or just a trick of the light? Tessa’s face had seemed to darken for a moment.
If Sally hadn’t been there I’d have asked more, but I could see out of the corner of my eye that she was glaring at me. Graham’s mum is about as enthusiastic as mine when it comes to our uncanny talent for getting mixed up in sudden deaths. “I’m sure there was nothing suspicious about it, was there, Tessa?” she asked pointedly.
“Suspicious?” Tessa looked puzzled. “No, of course not. It was an accident. The verdict was death by misadventure, I believe.”
By now we’d reached the very top of the villa, where our three tiny rooms made up what had obviously once been the servants’ quarters.
“You have the best views on the island up here,” Tessa told us by way of compensation. “Not that you’ll have any time to admire them.” She fixed Sally with a piercing stare. “You’ve read through my instructions, I take it? Think you can manage?”
“Oh yes,” said Sally with a lot more confidence than I knew she felt. “It’s all under control. I’ll set my alarm for four thirty – be up bright and early to get everything done.”
Tessa nodded approvingly then turned to Graham and me. “And what are you two going to do?”
“Help Mum if she needs us,” said Graham. Sally looked rather alarmed at the prospect so he added, “We can lay the tables if you want.”
“Hmm,” grunted Tessa. “Well don’t get under her feet. Things are going to be hectic enough around here without a couple of kids in the way.”
She didn’t wait for us to reply but turned on her heel and clicked back down the staircase without another word.
I was so tired that I crashed into bed without even bothering to brush my teeth and quickly fell into a deep sleep. But towards dawn I started to dream. I was in the audience – right in the front row – of one of those huge Roman amphitheatres, and all around me the crowd was baying for blood. Down in the ring two gladiators were fighting, but they weren’t big, burly soldiers in armour. It was Josie and Angelica circling in the dust, swords pointed at each other’s throats, spitting and snarling like wild animals. Beside me Bill fell to his knees begging them to stop, but they couldn’t hear him over the noise of the crowd. Even if they had, I knew he was wasting his breath.
I could see in their eyes that both women intended to fight to the death.