Chapter 19

ABBY

“How is it possible to have three daughters but not one who can come home for Thanksgiving?” Abby complained to her mother on the Saturday before the holiday.

“Because they have their own lives?” her mother replied somewhat predictably.

“Yes, I understand that. But what about my life? What about Paul? And you? Wouldn’t they want to take some time out of their busy lives to be with family?” Abby set a bag down on her mom’s butcher-block table with a thud.

“What on earth is that?” Her mom leaned over to peer into the grocery sack.

“Your aebleskiver maker.”

“What?” Her mom pulled the cast-iron pan out of the bag and looked curiously at Abby. “Why are you bringing this back to me now?”

Abby shrugged. “I borrowed it.”

“Yes, about twenty years ago.”

“So.” Abby went over to the window that looked out over the ocean and sighed loudly.

“So why are you bringing it back to me now, Abby?”

“I thought you might need it.”

Abby felt her mother’s hand on her shoulder, turning her around. Abby looked into her mother’s face. That sweet, old, wrinkled, age-spotted face. “What is going on here, Linda Abigail?”

“Oh, Mom.” Abby threw her arms around her mom and started to cry. “I just wanted to tell you, you know, that I … I … I really love you.”

Without speaking they embraced for a long moment, and then her mom released Abby, holding her at arm’s length as she peered into Abby’s eyes. “What is going on here?”

“Can’t a daughter tell her mother she loves her?” Abby sniffed.

“Certainly, if that’s all there is to it. But I sense there’s something else.” Her mom’s expression changed to worry. “Is it your health? I know you went to the doctor last week. Was there something wrong—”

“No, Mom. Thank God, I’m healthy as a horse.” Abby grabbed a paper towel to blow her nose. “Although my doctor says I should take off a few pounds. But thanks to changing my eating habits for Paul’s sake, it seems my cholesterol has improved and my blood pressure is down.”

“Is it Paul then?”

“No, Mom. Paul is fine too.” Abby frowned. “Well, as far as I know.”

“Then what is it? Why this unexpected display of emotion? Or should I say affection?”

Abby threw the used paper towel into the trash and gave her mom a sheepish grin. “I guess I just realized how I sometimes forget to show my appreciation for you.”

“Oh, Abby, I don’t expect you to—”

“I know. We’re not a very demonstrative family, but, well, seeing Caroline losing her mother last week, and then hearing Janie and Marley talking about how it felt to lose their mothers, well, I realized that I should be more expressive to you while I have the …” Abby pressed her lips together.

“While you have the chance?” Her mom chuckled. “Well, don’t be worried, dear, I’m not planning on kicking the bucket anytime soon.”

Abby hugged her again. “Good to know, Mom.”

“But it’s nice to be appreciated.”

Abby frowned to think of her own daughters. “Yes, I can only imagine.”

“Come sit down,” her mom said. “I’ll pour you a cup of coffee, and you can pour your woes out to me.”

So, over coffee, Abby lamented the fact that Jessie, Brandon, and Lucy had already decided to spend Thanksgiving with his folks. “Brandon said it was his turn this year. And Laurie had promised to try to come, but now she says that she has to work on Friday and it’s too much traveling to come for just one day.”

“At least she called and told you that,” her mom pointed out. “That wouldn’t have happened last year.”

Abby sniffed. “Yes, I suppose you’re right.”

“And Nicole is still in France,” her mom finished for her. “Or so I assume. I just got a letter from her yesterday saying that she’s not coming home until Christmas.”

“Nicole wrote you a letter?” Abby tried not to feel jealous. Nicole never wrote Abby letters. All Abby got was an occasional email or a rather expensive phone call.

“To thank me for sending her a check.”

“Oh.” Abby nodded.

“See, you raised her right.”

“Thanks.” Abby took another sip of her mother’s strong coffee.

“It might help you to recall that sometimes you and Paul took the girls to his parents for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Remember?”

“I’m so sorry, Mom.” Again Abby felt badly for not being more appreciative of her mom. “I kind of forgot.”

“My point is that your dad and I managed to get along just fine, Abby. In fact we were often surprised at the fun we could have even when our kids couldn’t be home for the holidays.”

“Right.” Abby shook her head. “I guess you’ve always been a more well-adjusted person than I can ever hope to be.”

Her mom laughed. “It’s never too late.”

“Honestly the idea of sitting home alone with Paul and eating turkey is just not that appealing. I know you’ll be in Tucson with Marjorie by then. So we can’t even have you over.”

“Why don’t you do something with your friends on Thanksgiving?”

“My friends?” Abby looked blankly at her mom.

“The Lindas. I’ll bet they’re feeling lonely with the holidays approaching too.” Her mom pointed in the direction of Marley’s house. “If fact Marley is going through a very hard time with her son right now.”

“Really?”

“Yes, she’s worried about Ashton. She came over here last night and asked me to pray for him. He’s extremely depressed about something.”

“Oh, poor Marley. And poor Ashton. Did she say what?”

Her mom shook her head.

Abby thought for a moment. “You know, Mom, you’re probably right. I hadn’t even considered that. Caroline just lost her mom. Janie and Victor are facing some challenges. And now this thing with Marley and her son.”

“I’m sure they’d all love to have someone like you offer them a place to gather on Thanksgiving, Abby.”

Abby set her coffee mug in the sink, then hugged her mom again. “What would I do without you, Mom?”

“Oh, you’d probably just grow up a bit more.” Her mom patted Abby’s cheeks with both hands like she used to do when Abby was little. “That’s what happens when a girl loses her mother. She has to grow up and be even more of a mother than she was before.”

“Really?” Abby blinked. “I’m not sure I’d even know how to do that.”

“Oh, if the time comes, you will.”

Abby gave her mom a serious look now. “Just don’t hurry that time along any, Mom. You and Marjorie better be careful as you travel. Don’t forget to get up and move around the plane and—”

“It’s a short flight, Abby.”

“I know.” Abby nodded. “But drink plenty of fluids and make sure you get the low-sodium meal and—”

“Yes, yes—and if you start acting too motherly, well, you never know.”

Abby laughed. “Okay, I get it. Just have fun in Tucson.”

Before Abby left, her mom handed her the aebleskiver pan. “Here, you might need this more than I do.”

“Huh?” Abby was confused.

“Good grief, Abby, don’t you ever make aebleskivers with Lucy?”

Abby chuckled. “Good point.”

“I know you were just using it as an excuse to stop by.” Her mom smiled. “But you never need an excuse to come see me, Abby. You know that.”

She nodded. “Yes, you’re right.”

“I’m sure Marley won’t mind if you pop in on her, too.”

“I think I’ll do that. Thanks, Mom.”

Abby did knock on Marley’s door, and when Marley answered, Abby could tell she was upset. “Mom told me that something’s up with Ashton,” Abby told her. “Is there anything I can do?”

“I don’t know.” Marley led Abby inside and immediately went to pacing, wringing her hands as she walked back and forth in the small space. “I spoke to him late last night, Abby, and he did not sound good.”

“What’s wrong?” Abby set her aebleskiver pan on the coffee table and waited.

“He wouldn’t go into any details.”

“Is it his business? I know a lot of small businesses are hurting right now.”

“Maybe. But he sounded so depressed, almost despondent. When I asked if I could talk to Leo—I told Ashton I only wanted to say hello, although I really planned to question Leo about Ashton’s emotional well-being—Ashton actually hung up on me.”

“Oh?” Abby sat down on the sofa.

“That is so not like him. At first I assumed it was because his cell phone got out of range or something.”

“Did you call him back?”

“Yes, several times for the next hour. He must’ve turned his phone off. I tried his business number, too, but I just got voice mail. I was so worried I went next door and asked Doris to pray for him. I know I’m probably overreacting, but suddenly I’m recalling all these things I read when Ashton was younger. Homosexuals have a suicide rate that’s much higher than the general population. I think about one in three suicides are estimated to be homosexuals, and if you figure that per capita, well, it’s just very frightening.”

“Don’t you think those statistics are focused on adolescents?” Abby suggested.

“Maybe, but still … Ashton sounded so sad, so down.”

“And this morning? Did you try to call?”

“Same thing. I’m sure his phone is off.”

“What about Leo? Doesn’t he have a cell phone?”

Marley frowned. “Yes, of course. But I don’t have his number. I have the business number and Ashton’s cell. That was always enough.”

“You tried the business?”

“Voice mail.” Marley shook her head. “The drum shop is always open on weekends. So I don’t get this.”

“Why don’t you drive over and see what’s up?” Abby said.

“Yes.” Marley nodded. “That’s what I’m about to do. I thought maybe I was just overreacting. But now that you said it, that’s what I’m going to do.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Abby offered. “I was going to work at the bed-and-breakfast today, but there’s nothing there that can’t wait. I’d be happy to go.”

Marley seemed to consider this but finally shook her head. “No. I can do this on my own, but I appreciate the offer.”

Abby was actually relieved to hear this. She was perfectly willing to go with Marley, to be supportive of her friend, but she felt in over her head. Not only had Abby never parented a son, she could not imagine parenting a homosexual son. Although she tried to act tolerant for Marley’s sake, she still wasn’t even used to the idea that Ashton was gay. The truth was, it made Abby uncomfortable.

“Well, you call me if you need anything,” Abby told Marley. “I’ll be praying for you and Ashton.” She forced a smile. “Hopefully you’re just overreacting a little, like a mom. I know how that is. I’ve done it lots of times.”

“Yes.” Marley was putting on her coat now. “I’m sure that will be the situation. But I don’t mind. It’s only a one-hour drive. Maybe I’ll do some shopping while I’m over there.”

“By the way,” Abby said as they went out together. “I’m going to invite everyone to have Thanksgiving with us. The girls aren’t coming home, so it’s just Paul and me.”

“That sounds nice.” Marley was already unlocking her car, and Abby could tell her friend’s troubled mind wasn’t ready to talk about pumpkin pies and turkey. “I’ll get back to you on that, okay?”

Abby waved as Marley got into her small car and drove away. “God, go with her,” Abby said aloud. As she drove to town, she continued to pray for Marley and Ashton, and for a good outcome to whatever was going on. Even as Abby said amen, though, she felt doubtful. Something about this whole thing felt wrong. She pulled up to the bed-and-breakfast feeling seriously worried for Marley’s emotional well-being. What if all was not well? What if Ashton really had done something regrettable?

This thought made Abby feel guilty. Why hadn’t she simply dropped everything and gone with Marley? What would it have hurt? Really, what kind of friend was Abby anyway?