Chapter Seventeen

Her heart felt like it was galloping in a derby. Had Connie heard him correctly? They were going to pretend to be married and share a room? She’d never shared a room with anyone before, not even Duncan. The very idea was too intimate, too embarrassing, too everything…especially with Alec.

She could barely keep herself from blushing in his presence as it was. How would she stop herself from doing something stupid when they were sharing a room together?

Alec didn’t seem thrilled by the prospect of sharing a room with her, either, if the dark frown etched across his face was any indication. How the man could still look so devastatingly handsome while frowning was a mystery to Connie. But he did.

“Even as a married couple, surely we could still have separate rooms?” she was quick to point out, hoping to convince him. “Even Duncan and I didn’t share a room when we traveled. Not that we ever traveled often together, but still…”

“It’s a little different in this part of the world, duchess,” Alec said, pushing open the door and stepping into the entrance hall. “In this part of town people marry because they want to be together, not simply for titles and status.”

Connie felt his words slice into her, swift and sharp. Alec obviously must think of her as nothing more than a title-hungry jezebel. And that knowledge was devastating. Partly because there was truth to it, as that is exactly what she had been.

Shame flooded through her. Just knowing that was what Alec thought of her cut her to the quick more than one of Duncan’s physical beatings ever had.

Why it should matter what Alec thought of her was a question she didn’t know the answer to. She just knew that his opinion mattered—a lot.

“Damn it, I’m sorry.” He ran a hand through his already windblown hair. “I didn’t mean it to come out like that.”

Slowly she nodded, though she was unconvinced. Alec was normally very to the point, and she had no doubt he was just trying to be kind to her now in making such a qualification to his earlier comment.

“It’s fine. I understand.” And she did. How could she not, when that was exactly what she’d done. But she didn’t want him to know he had the power to affect her. Duncan had known, and he’d abused it. And though Connie knew Alec would never do so, she was still wary.

“All I meant,” Alec continued, “was to have separate rooms would invite comment and draw attention to us. Which is certainly the last thing we need at the moment.”

“You’re right, of course.”

They stood facing each other for a few seconds, Connie proudly staring him in the eyes, determined to project an air of nonchalance. It must have worked, because Alec nodded before turning back and striding farther down the hall toward the reception.

She took in a deep breath and collected herself, ensuring her emotions were firmly in check, before she swept the skirts of her riding habit up and stepped through the doorway to follow him inside.

A few minutes later, the manager of the inn was unlocking the door to their shared room on the first floor and was showing them inside. The man had been a little surprised that they hadn’t had any luggage with them, but a few bank notes placed strategically in his palm by Alec had swiftly put any questions to rest.

The room itself was simple but clean, with a double bed against the wall on the left side of the room and a small desk and chair underneath the window. Trying very hard to not look at the narrow size of the bed, Connie wandered over to the window and glanced out the glass pane, down to the street below.

She had to do something to distract her wayward thoughts, as she was starting to get all flushed even just thinking about sharing a bed with Alec. But anyone in her position would surely be uncomfortable with the thought of doing so. After all, she’d never shared a bed with a man—apart from waking up next to her dead husband the other morning.

Previous to that, Duncan had always been quick to leave her room after he finished with her, a fact she’d regularly been thankful for. But she suspected that she wouldn’t be praying for Alec to leave her bed anytime soon.

Oh goodness, she was a wanton. How could she even be thinking such sinful thoughts with everything that had happened?

The door slammed shut and Connie jumped. She spun around to see Alec standing at the doorway, the innkeeper gone. His whole body seemed to be braced and coiled tight, as if he was extremely tense about being in such small confines with her, too. And he was thrumming the fingers of his right hand across his upper thigh. Almost like he was nervous or uncomfortable. But that was ridiculous. She’d never seen Alec nervous before, and she couldn’t imagine what he’d be nervous over, in any event. More often than not, he was annoyed with her, so she imagined the idea of sharing a room with her would frustrate him greatly.

Opening the window, Connie breathed in the air. It wasn’t as clean as in the country, but at least it was chill and fresh. And it was helping to calm her suddenly heated skin. She could hear Alec’s booted footsteps cross the wooden flooring, and then she could almost feel the heat radiating from him as he came to stand behind her.

She gulped and didn’t want to turn to face him, certain if she did he’d see how the very idea of sharing a bed with him was affecting her. Not that they’d actually be sharing a bed. Alec was too noble to compromise her, even if she was a widow and could technically be compromised without any issue.

But Alec being Alec, he would most likely offer to sleep on top of the covers, or possibly even on the floor.

The thought was disappointing.

“We should get going.” His deep voice was but a breath away from her ear.

Slowly, she turned around and had to crane her neck up to meet his gaze. “Yes, I suppose we should.”

Neither of them moved.

And Connie imagined that she could hear her heart thudding in the silence. Could Alec hear it too? Her lips suddenly felt altogether too dry, and every inch of her skin was prickling in awareness. The smell of his sandalwood cologne filled her senses, and all she could breathe in was Alec.

She licked her lips, and a flare of what she thought was desire flashed in his eyes as they were drawn to her mouth.

He was breathing heavily, too, and her chest rose in response. A part of her was almost willing her body closer to his, wanting to know what it felt like to press her chest against his own. But her fear was holding her back. Her mind knew Alec would never hurt her, but a part of her was scared to get closer. Especially as she was reacting so physically to him, like she was drawn to him, regardless of whether she wanted to be or not. So she held herself back. She had to.

The energy between them suddenly felt like it would combust, and she didn’t think she was ready for that.

She said nothing as they both just stood there, facing each other, neither daring to move an inch.

Never had she felt such raw need flow through her, almost pushing aside the fear still residing within.

Abruptly, he stepped backward, and suddenly Connie could breathe again, albeit not very well. It felt like she’d run for hours upon hours in a race without ever having reached the finish line.

Frustration coiled through her, and as her fear dissipated, she was almost tempted to reach out and pull him back toward her. To actually see what it felt like to be kissed properly by Alec McGuiness, as she’d once dreamed of as a young girl. To feel the rough stubble of his chin rub against the smoothness of her own, as his lips melded with hers, his tongue slowly flicking in and out of her mouth.

“I, um, need to go to the telegraph office,” he said, his voice gruffer than usual. “Why don’t you stay here and relax for a bit? I won’t be more than ten minutes. And then we can go and visit the apothecary.”

“Yes, that’s fine,” Connie replied, both relieved and disappointed.

“Lock the door behind me.” He inclined his head before pulling open the door and leaving.

Connie sighed as she walked over and latched the bolt on the door. Good Lord. She’d very nearly kissed him. Thank goodness she’d refrained, because doing so would have created far more awkwardness than she could handle right now.

She wandered back over to the window and peeked out. Sure enough, a moment later Alec emerged, his stride purposeful as he began to walk down the street to where she assumed the telegraph office was. Connie couldn’t help but sigh in appreciation. The man was a prime specimen, with his broad shoulders and tall frame. No wonder she’d been overcome by unadulterated desire. Any woman would be, in such close confines to him.

Alec stopped only a few yards away and turned back to face the inn. His eyes locked on her, and she felt mortification flood through her. She spun away from the window and pressed her back against the wall. Oh, Good Lord, he’d just caught her ogling him. How would she face him again without a permanent blush staining her cheeks?

Dragging herself to the bed, she collapsed on top of it and groaned. How was she going to get through the next few hours with him, let alone sharing this very bed? It was going to be one trying night.