Chapter Twenty-Three

“So where to now?” Connie asked as they left the doctor’s rooms and began walking down the footpath. She was still processing the fact that her husband had been not only a faithless liar, among his many other faults, but possibly a murderer, too. Obviously, she’d suspected that something was dreadfully wrong with him, but she’d been too busy trying to simply survive that she hadn’t wanted to think of anything beyond that.

“We should go back to the inn, where we can get some dinner, and then to the room and sift through this file, as long as you feel up to doing so.”

“What do you mean?” she asked him, noting the concern in his eyes. A look that Connie was beginning to feel frustrated with.

“You have just found out your husband may have been a murderer. That is a lot to process.”

At least he was blunt about it. She preferred it that way. “It is. However, it’s important we do, especially if four of those ladies have gone missing.”

“Very well,” Alec replied, tucking the file under his arm. “We shall go through the list, and then I shall teach you some defensive moves so you won’t feel helpless in the future. Though first we will eat. Is that all acceptable?”

Connie looked for the sarcasm in his expression, but there was none. He really was seriously asking for her opinion. “Um, yes, that sounds like a good plan.”

“I’m glad, for we cannot have your stomach rumbling any more today than it already has.” He grinned at her, and once again Connie felt her heart do a flip.

Traitorous organ.

A feeling of happiness engulfed her with the fact that Alec cared to ask her for her thoughts and had remembered his promise. Duncan had never bothered or cared to ask for her opinion or gain her agreement on anything.

Although, the more she thought about the close proximity she’d be in with Alec when he taught her some techniques, the more she was becoming self-conscious. Probably because she was very likely to embarrass herself all over again, just like earlier today, but this time, she might do something she’d regret.

Like try to kiss him.

But would she actually regret doing something like that?

With the thought of Fergus and his men searching for her looming large, there was a good chance that she could be caught before she and Alec could find any evidence to exonerate her. And if that happened, she doubted she’d ever get another chance to kiss Alec again. To do anything again, really, apart from seeing the inside of a jail cell, or the cell of a mental asylum. That’s if she wasn’t killed beforehand.

Such depressing thoughts. But they were a reality that she had to face, as much as she didn’t want to.

Suddenly the idea of embarrassing herself by kissing Alec didn’t seem all that embarrassing. She was definitely beginning to realize that life was increasingly short, and perhaps she did need to start embracing opportunities, before it was too late.

“A penny for your thoughts.” Alec’s warm voice penetrated across the cooling breeze.

She glanced out the corner of her eye at him. “I don’t think you’d want to know them. They’re rather scandalous.”

He raised a brow, and his very expression sent a shiver of delight down her spine. Goodness, he was handsome. His thick brown hair was just begging to have her hands ruffle through it, and the stubble on his face was creating a dark shadow over his jawline that did the oddest things to her. She couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like brushing against her own skin. Rough, she suspected, but perhaps thrilling, too?

As long as she didn’t make a ninny out of herself again and flinch away from his touch.

“You have me extremely curious,” Alec said.

“Very well.” Connie relented as a sense of daring overcame her. “I’m thinking about what it would feel like if you kissed me.”

She couldn’t believe she’d just blurted that out. But now that she had, it felt good. They were both adults, after all, and she was certain he’d felt the same pull of desire earlier, just as she had. Why shouldn’t they explore that attraction? There wasn’t anything stopping them from doing so. Even if she was technically meant to be in mourning and was still rather scared of physical contact with a man.

But this was Alec, and if she could feel comfortable in a man’s embrace, it would be in his. At least, she hoped so—and that Duncan hadn’t scarred her for life.

A part of her felt guilty that she was talking of kissing Alec so soon after Duncan’s death, but if she was going to end up imprisoned over it, then at the very least she should be able to experience some actual passion for once in her life. An experience Duncan had denied her but that she was certain Alec could provide, if he let himself. And if she allowed herself to let go of her fear.

Though judging by his furrowed brow, she suspected he wasn’t going to be too open to having an affair with her.

But rather than feeling depressed by the observation, Connie actually felt challenged. Which was a nice surprise.

She’d always succeeded when she’d had a goal to pursue, and the goal of kissing Alec and truly eradicating Duncan’s hold over her, physically, seemed like a worthy endeavor. In fact, she’d never felt such determination before, not even when pursuing Duncan and his title.

“Pardon me?” It sounded like Alec was choking slightly on the words.

“You heard me well enough, Alec McGuiness. I might lose my freedom anytime, and I would like to experience what it’s like to actually feel passion before that eventuates. I never have, you see. And I do not want to go to the grave with only the memories of Duncan’s touch. I want to experience the joy of being with someone. Are you up for the challenge?”

“Good God, no!”

Several people passing by gave them odd looks at Alec’s raised voice.

“I mean, of course I wish to help you erase every sort of horrid memory of the man.” He cringed slightly as he took her elbow and guided her across the busy street. “But you and I, kissing, or doing anything more, is a very bad idea.”

“Well, I intend to change your mind.” And rather than feeling upset by his words, if anything, she felt exhilarated.

Or at least she’d finally gotten to the point where she didn’t care anymore. And after all she’d been through, could anyone really blame her? Quite frankly, it felt liberating to actually speak her truth and give voice to what she wanted. She was done with toeing the line of being polite and respectable.

Life was about living, and she was going to live it. Especially as she didn’t know if she had much life left.

…

Alec really thought he must be dreaming.

Connie telling him she wanted him to show her how to experience passion? He was either having a mental break from reality or she was. Or perhaps they both were. He guided her across the street to the inn, trying to ignore the inherent awareness his whole body felt being so close to her.

There was a part of him that was drawn to her, and as much as he tried to resist, his body wasn’t having a bar of it. There had been that moment in the room earlier in the day, where he’d wanted nothing more than to feel his lips against the softness of her own. To feel the soft curves of her body pressed tightly against him, her thighs cradled between his own.

Which was why he’d gotten the hell out of there and to the telegraph office as quickly as his legs would carry him.

Connie had gone through too much, was too vulnerable, for him to be thinking of ravishing her until they both collapsed in exhaustion. But damn it, it seemed she was contemplating the same thing he was.

Not a good idea. At all.

Actually, it was an extremely bad idea. A fact he needed to keep reminding himself of. Though he was having a difficult time remembering why it was such a bad idea at the moment…

What was he going to do? She was smiling at him, with a look of abject determination in her eyes, an expression he was extremely familiar with from her debutant days. She’d clearly set herself a goal and would not be deterred.

God help them both.

He wasn’t overly religious, but he nearly thanked the Almighty aloud when the inn came into view. “Let’s eat.” Perhaps if he didn’t talk about the matter anymore, it would be forgotten. And maybe the lightheadedness he was feeling simply from touching her arm was actually because his blood sugar was low. Even though he’d never suffered from low blood sugar in his life.

Somewhat wearily, he led her through the reception area to the dining room, until they were seated at a table toward the back, away from the windows. He held her chair out for her as she took a seat. There was a sense of purpose he could feel radiating from her.

“Don’t fret, Alec McGuiness,” she said. “I’m not going to ravish you.”

He nearly groaned aloud at the suggestion, his body instantly reacting to the image of them naked and intertwined together, tangled amid the bedsheets.

“At least not yet, anyhow,” were her next words.

Alec gripped the back of her chair so hard, he thought it might break. “Don’t be saying such things.”

A grin tugged the corner of her lips upward. “Oh goodness, do relax. I’m simply teasing you.”

“You are?” His voice sounded slightly hoarse as he walked over to his chair and sat.

“You’re easier to rile than I remember.” She picked up the menu and began perusing it. “But back to my question from earlier…”

Dear Lord, which one? he thought, desperately searching for a question of hers that didn’t involve kissing or passion. “Ah, which question?”

She peered over the top of her menu. “What our next moves will be.”

“Oh.” He could have sworn he heard a hint of amusement in her tone. But thankfully, she was no longer mentioning anything to do with passion. Questions regarding their investigation, now that he could handle a lot better than her other topics of conversation from the evening. Though he didn’t want to think about what he’d do later when they had to retire to their shared room.

“Excuse me, sir?”

Alec glanced across to the front desk manager who had approached their table. “Yes?”

The man cleared his throat and produced a white envelope from his jacket pocket. “This was left for you while you were out.”

Taking the envelope, Alec saw it had no name on the front or anything written on the back. “It’s not addressed to anyone. How do you know it’s for me?

The manager shrugged. “The man who delivered it said to give it to Doctor McGuiness and the blond lady who was traveling with him.”

“And who was this man?” Alec asked, placing the envelope on the table.

“I am sorry, but he refused to leave his name,” the man replied. “Though I assure you, I did ask. But alas, what is one to do? I thought it best to take the envelope and deliver it, rather than not. I do hope that was acceptable?”

Alec nodded. “Aye, it’s fine. Thank you.”

The man bowed and then turned on his heel and left them.

Connie breathed in sharply, her eyes following the manager as he strode away, weaving around the tables toward the main hallway. “Who would know we are here?” she asked, a note of panic in her voice. “Perhaps we should leave? Maybe Fergus has found us…”

Alec picked up the envelope and flicked open the flap before pulling out the letter and quickly reading the contents. He stood abruptly. “Come. We need to go.”

“What is it? Is it Fergus?”

“No, it’s not Fergus.” Alec once again took her arm and guided her in the opposite direction of the entrance.

“Alec, what’s going on?” There was frustration and fear in her voice. “If it’s not Fergus, why are we leaving, and out the back, too?”

“Because the author of the note is waiting for us in the back alley.”