Chapter Fifty

Returning to the bedchamber, Alec could see the anxiety in Connie’s eyes. “It’s fine,” he quickly reassured her. “The police know the truth of what happened and aren’t here to arrest you; they just needed to inform you that you’re required to provide a statement after you’ve recovered.”

Connie let out a long sigh. “Oh, that is a relief! I thought he was here to cart me off to prison.”

Alec strode over to where she was lying in the bed and sat down on the side of the mattress next to her. He picked up her hand and caressed her knuckles. “I would never let that happen. They would have to go through me first.”

She smiled gloriously up at him, and Alec’s heart did a little flip. He knew he was in serious trouble. This woman had captured his heart, and she didn’t even know it. The thought of telling her suddenly terrified him. What if she rejected him? And really, she should reject him. She was a duchess, for goodness’ sake, while he was only the second son of an earl, who worked for a living.

“What’s wrong, Alec?” The smile that had lit up her face was now clouding over in concern. “Is there something you’re not telling me?” She squeezed his fingers with her own. “Whatever it is, I know that together we can work it out.”

He suddenly had never felt so nervous in his life. The only other two women he’d ever uttered the words “I love you” to had been his mother and then Elise. And they’d both ended up abandoning him. Could he risk his heart again? For a moment, he didn’t think he could.

But then he glanced down into Connie’s eyes, the sapphire color drawing him in and making him so content to simply stare into their depths that he knew he had to risk telling her. Heartache would be better than her never knowing how he truly felt.

He cleared his throat. “Constance Eugenia… I… I um, well, damn it, I love you.”

Not the exact words of love he’d been meaning to say, but he’d said it, and found himself holding his bloody breath like a teenager.

“You do?” she asked, her voice somewhat tentative.

He couldn’t stand it, he stood and began to pace across the room. “I know I can’t give you a title, or a castle with hundreds of servants. Hell, I can’t even give you the proper life you deserve.” Alec paused and took in a very deep breath before walking back to her and taking her hand in his own again. “But I can give you my heart, for whatever it’s worth.”

“There’s no need to feel sorry for me, Alec,” Connie said. “I’m going to be fine; you don’t need to pretend to love me out of some sense of guilt.”

“It’s nothing of the sort!” How could he make her understand the depths of his feelings? “When you were shot, and I thought I’d lost you, it felt like my whole world had ended. Then when I discovered you still had a pulse, and that I might be able to save you, it seemed like I was getting a second chance. I could finally acknowledge my feelings and how very much you mean to me.”

Alec stood and wandered over to the window. “But then of course, I was tested again, when not a second later Iain was shot, and I had to choose in that instant, if it came down to it, who I was going to save.” He turned back to face her. “I didn’t even hesitate when I chose you. Of course, I felt guilty as hell, but it wasn’t even really a choice; I would always save you above anyone, even myself. That’s how much I love you, Connie, and even if you don’t love me or don’t want to be with me, I will always save you first.”

“You would?” There was a sense of astonishment in her words.

“Of course I would.” He walked back over to her. “I would choose you a thousand times over.” He sat again down beside her and took her hand tentatively in his own. “I know you’ve been through so much, and I know you have no intention of marrying again. But I’m just hoping that maybe you might change your mind? I can promise to protect you, and to love you with all that I am, for the rest of my life. And I will never, ever raise a hand against you, and I promise you, you will have an equal say in what goes on in our household. I shall give up my practice in Cheapside and we can move to Mayfair, where I’ll start acting like the second son of an earl. If you’ll have me, that is… Will you marry me, Connie?”

Alec felt every fiber of his being brace as he watched her expression, hardly daring to breathe in wait of her response.

There was a sadness, tempered with the steely-eyed determination that appeared in the depths of her gaze. His heart sank.

“I can’t,” she uttered with gentleness.

Alec slowly nodded, his whole body sagging of its own accord. “Of course. I understand.” And he did, really. After all, she was born and bred to live the life of a grand lady. He’d been foolish to think that what they’d shared would be enough to overcome the differences in their lives. Foolish to think she would want to marry someone like him. “I knew I was clutching at straws to even ask you. I will leave you in peace.”

He went to release her hand, but she gripped his palm even tighter. “Don’t you dare leave me, Alec McGuiness.”

A sense of confusion was warring with a glimmer of hope starting to bloom in his chest. “I don’t understand… You just said you can’t…”

“Of course I can’t. Do you really think I care about all that nonsense anymore? Do you think I care about a title, or how many servants I have?” There was a note of incredulity in Connie’s voice. “After all I’ve been through and experienced from chasing such things when I was younger? Trying to live up to Mother’s expectations? All for what? Nothing at the end of the day. And after all we’ve been through together? I love you, Alec. And you don’t need to sacrifice all that you’ve worked so hard to achieve for me. You save people’s lives. You saved my life. And if you think I’m going to let you give that up for me, and for some ludicrous notion of what I need, you’re mad. I won’t let you do it.”

“But how else do I give you the life you deserve?” He could see no other way to ensure she led a life somewhat similar to what she was used to.

“I don’t want that life.” Connie released one of his hands and raised her palm to his cheek. “Don’t you see? I want you, exactly as you are. I want to help you make a difference for those who cannot help themselves. I’ve been thinking for a while now that I want to make a difference with my life. I want to use the horrible experiences I had with Duncan and help others who feel helpless and so very victimized. If only there had been someone who could have helped me…it would have made all the difference. I want us to work together to help those who actually need it. You make a difference in the world, Alec, and I want to help you do that.”

“But you can’t live in Cheapside with me.” Alec crossed his hands across his chest.

“Why on earth not?”

“You’re a duchess, and an earl’s daughter at that. You cannot live in the slums of London.”

A mutinous expression crossed her features, and for a moment all Alec could think of was how adorably charming she looked. He really was besotted. It was rather ridiculous, but for some reason he didn’t seem to care.

“I certainly can.” She wagged her finger at him. “Don’t you dare be telling me otherwise. I fully intend to work there with you. And I was actually hoping we could establish some sort of clinic in your surgery to help other women who are experiencing abuse like I had to endure. Women who have nowhere else to go or no one else to turn to in order to help them.”

Once, long ago, the idea of Connie wanting to work anywhere would have had him in stitches, but this brave and bold woman in front of him was as determined as he’d ever seen her. And he knew that after all she’d experienced, she really was resolved to help other women who were in a similar domestic situation as she herself had been up until Duncan’s death. He’d never been so proud of her. “You really want to work with me?”

She nodded. “Indeed, I do intend to do so. So I suggest you get used to the idea, as my mind is quite made up.”

“It is, is it?” He wanted nothing more, right at that moment, than to scoop her up into his arms and kiss her. But he didn’t want her to feel as though he wasn’t listening to her. And physically, she was still too weak for such a display.

“It is,” she replied.

Alec sighed, trying not to show the grin that was eager to spread across his face. “Well then, I’ll have you know that I won’t be having my wife and any future children of mine growing up in Cheapside, especially when I can certainly afford a house elsewhere, in a safer part of London.” He paused, as the thought of her pregnant with his child filled a deep place in his heart. Never had anything felt so right.

“But what about the surgery, and your work with the poor?”

“It’s hard work, Connie. Are you certain you want to be a part of that?” He knew she could do it, but it was by no means necessary.

“Extremely certain,” she said. “I truly want to help those who need it. My days of sitting idly by and twiddling my thumbs are well and truly over. For the last few years, every time I had to endure attending a ball, all the while pretending everything was fine, I could see how idle and purposeless my life as a duchess was. I don’t want that sort of life again. I only ever chased it because it was expected, and I wanted to please my mother. Now, after all I’ve been through, I wish to make a difference and be useful for once. To use the pain and suffering I endured to help others.”

He could understand her sentiments, as that was how he felt, too. “Very well. I will keep my surgery, and we shall travel there together and help those who truly need it. Though we shall have to revisit that when you’re pregnant, to ensure you stay safe and protected.”

A soft blush spread across her cheeks. Whether it was from the mention of children, or that he was agreeing to her working with him, he wasn’t certain. But it was delightful nonetheless.

“Oh… Then you’d be happy for me to work with you?” she asked. “Most men would forbid such a thing.”

“Then most men are fools.” A grin split his lips. “So, you’ll have me?”

A slow smile spread across her face, and Alec thought she’d never been more beautiful. “Aye. I’ll have you, Alec McGuiness,” she said, using his often-used expression. “I’ll have you, indeed.”

Unable to contain the whoop of joy, Alec leaned over her and kissed her softly. “I love you, Constance. More than I would have ever believed possible. You fill a part of me I didn’t even know was empty. And I’m going to love you until my very last breath. I promise you that with my whole heart.”

“I love you, too.” Connie wrapped her arms around his neck. “I will love you, my sinful Scot, until my very last breath.”