I love food. I love to eat it, I love to prepare it, I love to explore through it.
Food is the basis of a joyful, happy life—a life worth relishing—and eating well is a framework through which I see all the other things that make life rewarding, exciting, and fun. Sharing food with people turns strangers into friends and friends into family, and it gives me an excuse to sit down with my nearest and dearest and dish about the day. It’s how we bond, how we get close, how we nourish ourselves and take care of each other.
For me, life builds around and from the kitchen. A homemade meal brings family to the table and grounds a happy home. A happy home begets a confident lady. A confident lady presents herself well: She has purpose, drive, and zest for life. Zest for life leads to longing for adventure. Adventure means travel and experience that bring friends and more-than-friends back to the home table. A well-rounded life begins with a well-balanced meal. And a well-rounded life is what I want—and what this book is all about.
I wrote this book for a reader who is a lot like I was—and in some ways still am. Someone who relishes life and wants to live the biggest and best that she can but often lets life get in the way. Who cares about her health and wants to keep fit but doesn’t always have time for the gym and, frankly, would often rather spend her cash on a killer blazer than a session with a trainer. Who adores going out to eat on the weekends but could do with fewer mediocre, rushed meals out of a box or a bag on Monday through Thursday.
Does that sound like you? If I’m right, your home is your castle, but you wouldn’t say no to a personal organizer. Custom curtains are a few pay bumps away, but you know what you like and you fill your current digs with a mix of retail-store gems, flea-markets finds, and family heirlooms—aka hand-me-downs—that you’ve made your own. You clean up nice, but your closet is full of things you never wear (and never will unless you drop two sizes and crushed velvet comes back in style). You like to entertain and mean to have people over more. Just like you mean to go to the farmers’ market more often. Just like you mean to remember birthdays. Just like you mean to go to Tulum….
Am I getting warm? How about the rest of your life? Are you happy, fulfilled, excited? Are you an emotional giver or taker? What do your family and friends like best about you? Do you like these things about yourself? Would you want to marry you?
Speaking of which, are you married? Or seeing anybody? If no, do you want to be? If yes, are you being the best partner possible or just coasting? How about your job—are you in love or simply paying bills? When was the last time you took a vacation? What do you do for fun; what gets you giddy? What do you nerd out over? And how do you give back? What’s your purpose for getting out of bed every day? Where do you see yourself in twenty years? What makes you tick?
I’m sure you ask yourself these questions all the time. How am I so sure? Because I ask myself the same ones. I wonder if I’m doing it right, if I’m making mistakes, if I could be creating bigger and better opportunities for myself. And so do all of my friends! Sure, life is good, and we’ve got so much to be grateful for. But in our minds, we know life could be even better if we could figure out what we wanted and how to put a plan in action to get us there.
Most of us have at least an inkling of what we might like our better lives to resemble. What holds us back from going for that goal, I’ve found, is a combination of not being sure how to get started and worrying/expecting/hoping that the moment to embark down that path isn’t right now. For some reason or another, we convince ourselves that we’d better just sit tight and hold off on going for gold because we’re not supposed to have it until we’re pushing retirement. Even though we have absolutely no idea what the future holds, we’re putting all our betting money on it to make our wildest dreams come true while we go plugging along doing what we think is good enough for now.
What confuses me is why we think we have to wait for this better life. Who taught us that the life we’ve been waiting for kicks in when we’re older, wiser, wrinklier? Why does it have to be the life we’ve been waiting for instead of the life we’ve been living all along or at least practicing to live? In fact, if we don’t get a jump-start now, how can we be guaranteed that better life will find us down the road? When do we start making choices and taking action?
This is what I ask myself: Am I paving the way to make my dream life not only possible but probable? Or am I sitting on my heels, waiting for that life to land in my lap?
I spent my early twenties trying hard instead of trying smart. Focused on the wrong goals, relying on ineffective techniques, I found myself treading water instead of forging ahead full-steam. I knew that I was doing some things right and that I wanted to be doing lots of things better, but I wasn’t sure how to make those changes without becoming an insane, workaholic maniac! I wanted to be able to enjoy life and enjoying living it, too.
In many ways, I was waiting for my twenties to end because I assumed real life, and all the things I thought (and think) I want as part of that life, would hit in my thirties and forties. The part of the equation I was forgetting is that to have that life down the line, you need to start living like you want it—laying the foundation, acting the part, doing the searching and finding—now.
In the meantime, I had my placeholder life: I lived in a white box apartment that looked like an insane asylum because I refused to invest in decorating a rental—even though I spent two years there. I ate bland meals because I didn’t want to “waste time” preparing delicious courses if I was the only one who was going to be eating them. I allowed clutter to collect, metaphorically and physically, and let it cloud my ability to see clearly. I worked a job that I knew wasn’t the be-all and end-all. I was very lucky to have met my boyfriend (now husband!) in college, but I wasn’t taking full advantage of all the wonderful things he and I could have been exploring together when we moved to New York City after graduation.
Bottom line: I kept making choices that put my maximized life—the life I want for myself—on hold.
And you know what? My placeholder life came really easily: It was comfortable and gave me a kind of free pass to go about my business rather than approach every day like the shiny, new opportunity it represented. I was happy, but I also recognized that this life wasn’t totally filling me up. I looked around and saw so many people, places, and things I wanted to meet and visit and try. But busy days kept turning into busy weeks, and busy months became busy years, and I felt like I was missing out.
About the time I started feeling like life was passing by way too quickly, I realized that days where I’m busy and engaged fly by but feel substantial—like an incredible meal with great company that passes in a blink but leaves you full of sustenance on every level—whereas lazy, disconnected days speed away without a trace. I wanted to make my mark, and I wanted to do it in a way that would give me many volumes of memories to leaf through when I’m old and gray.
So I started trying new things and doing research and asking questions. I experienced failures and successes, read dozens of books and magazine articles about living in the moment, posed thousands of questions to everyone I met—from world experts, to friends and family, to average Joes and Janes—about what makes them blissfully, exuberantly happy.
Here’s a pared-down version of what I learned: Happiness is an attitude, but it’s easier to have that happy outlook when you’re living a life that is just right for you.
Relish is about adding a little something special that changes everything, about not only living in the moment but loving that moment, too. It’s about savoring highs and lows, gives and takes, and seeing that maximizing joy, potential, and growth while minimizing fear, worry, or (gasp!) boredom begins when you find that balance between effort and laissez-faire. Where you’re working toward something better but loving where you are and making the most of every day. Half the fun of getting to your destination is the journey itself!
A desire to relish our lives comes naturally; it’s no secret we all want to enjoy the best there is, to be happy, fulfilled, nourished on the inside and out. The trick is not to work harder, longer, more to have this abundance; you just need to work smarter and remind yourself of what to pay attention to, what to forget, and what to savor. Relish is an exciting, active approach to life that embraces the adventure of every moment without letting you lose sight of the big picture.
As my grandmother loves to say, “Only boring people get bored.” In other words, you’re responsible for creating a life worth relishing.
Verbs mean action—as in Get up and do this now. I’m challenging you to dig out that laundry list of things you always mean to do and do them. Don’t let self-sabotage get in the way. Don’t let doubt or fear masquerade as logic in your life. A perfect example of this is when we put our dreams on hold, “just until we get settled.”
Perhaps you’re not totally, fully, 100 percent maximizing this time in your life because you, like I once did, think that real life starts later. What you’re telling yourself is that you’re not ready now. Or maybe you’re working so hard to try to get to that “later” faster that you’re not enjoying this precious moment the way you should. Maybe money is a barrier, location is a barrier, partners or kids (or lack thereof) are barriers, your job is a barrier, not having a job is a barrier, time is a barrier … you get the idea. These aren’t barriers; they’re all merely excuses you can list off when you think about why you’re putting life on pause or rushing by in a hurry.
If your plan is to get through the next few years—decades, even—waiting for the moment when a timer will go off and you can finally start investing in yourself the way you want to, then here’s some cold, hard truth: Life won’t wait around until you’re ready. If you don’t live in the moment, you cannot adequately plan or prepare for the future you want; if you don’t set yourself up for the shot—heck, if you’re not even on the court—you’re never going to sink a basket and win the game.
Whether you’ve been postponing the home design redo, the fitness plan, or that trip of a lifetime overseas, taking that cooking class or asking for the raise you deserve, I’m here to tell you that waiting until an undefined “later” is probably the biggest mistake you’re making.
This is your real life, and no matter how much you have to be grateful for, you can make it even better.
Relish is about seeing your potential and reaching for it. It’s about waking up to the reality of those areas of your life—physical, mental, emotional—you’re doing right and those you could be improving.
I’ve broken the book into chapters that focus on eating well, living well, and loving well, offering the essential tools you need to find that centered place of happiness and balance that will let you achieve your perfect-fit, full-plate life right now.
We’ll get the party started in the kitchen, continue through the rest of your home, send you out into the world ready for anything, make time for the places you want to go and people you want to see, and then bring you home to roost full of memories and inspiration and no regrets.
All great achievements take hard work—and I would consider creating a life you’ll love nothing short of a great achievement—but the masters make it look effortless because they love the process! And that’s the trick: Having more fun in the kitchen, at home, and in life is just about jumping in headfirst, learning how to do little things a little bit better, and enjoying the ride!
I’ll say it again: I love food, and I believe it promotes joy in every part of our lives. For this reason, I’ve let food thread this text much the way delicious meals punctuate our days. You’ll find recipe chapters for breakfast and brunch, lunch, cocktails, dinner, and dessert laced in between all the other good stuff we’ll be talking about—from home, to style, to beaus and BFFs. After all, growing gals need good eats! And we’ll be doing lots of growing (and eating) together in the coming pages.
Eating well is a wonderful way to see firsthand the difference it makes when you invest effort in homemade goodness instead of simply accepting what’s on the hot line at the cafeteria. Good food nourishes us, and the disparity between processed, packaged junk and fresh, delicious meals is analogous to the difference between falling out of bed with a one-night stand and falling in love with Mr. Right, between accepting a job that pays the bills and discovering a path that is your passion.
Of course, this book isn’t just about food. Food is simply the starting point that can open the door for conversations about everything else going on in your life—your style, your home, your work, your playtime, your hobbies, your heart.
My journey toward a relished existence began in the kitchen. It’s where I learned firsthand how small changes can yield big results right away, and that’s why we’re starting our adventure together with food first.
There are two basic things you need to become the master of your kitchen:
1. You need to love to eat. (I think we’ve got this covered.)
2. You need a reliable arsenal of easy, delicious recipes that will have you comfortable in the kitchen in no time.
To help you get started, I chose a selection of my favorite everyday recipes to include in this book—ideas for grab-’n’-go breakfasts that power me up, scrumptious brunches, and lazy lunches; weeknight dinners and weekend feasts; cocktail-hour favorites; and decadent desserts. They’re all based in wholesome ingredients you’ll easily find at your local grocery store (or even more easily order online for delivery straight to your front door). Best of all, you’ll be shocked by how simply all these recipes come together.
I’m no Iron Chef, but a good home cook knows how to play to her strengths, and these are the dishes that make me look damn good. I turn to these over and over again, whether I want to eat well for one, impress for two, or throw an epic dinner party for twelve, because they deliver maximum results for minimum effort every time.
You’ll notice that I use butter, full-fat dairy, white flour, and forms of sugar in some of my recipes. Don’t be alarmed! I want to give you a sampling of how I like to eat in my everyday life, the recipes that keep me happy and healthy, along with a balance of foods that are super-healthful, supereasy, or superdelicious—preferably all three!
DASH
When it comes to getting a recipe down pat, it helps to have some tricks up your sleeve. For those dishes where a bit of expert knowledge will make your life easier, or a little something extra will make your results ten times tastier, I’ve included some pointers under the heading DASH, which stands for Delicious Additions and Smart Help. You’ll see these quick DASH tips as you work your way through the book, and they’ll make the journey even more delicious!
Eating food that helps you look and feel the way you want is crucial to creating a relish-worthy life. That means having plenty of easy, healthful recipes up your sleeve. But part of letting food add all its possible richness to our lives is making sure we leave plenty of room for worthy indulgences!
I’ll begin with recipes for breakfast and brunch and then dish about the basics of smart, nutritious eating, giving you all the tools you need to navigate the supermarket and your kitchen like a pro.
After a nice lunch, I’ll invite you to think about how you feel inside and how you look on the outside. From meditation and mindfulness techniques to help you reach center, to cultivating a personal appearance that has style and verve without relying too heavily on trends so you can show your best self to the world, it’s all about creating a personal ethos and aesthetic that supports who you are.
Then it’s on to cocktails to get your creative juices flowing as you turn into a domestic goddess! I’ll help make you the mistress of your domain and the hostess with the mostess with simple tips for decorating, organizing, and cleaning your home and how to show it off when you throw some killer, stress-free parties.
Dinner, as always, invites deeper conversations about work, playtime, and your many relationships—families, friends, and sweethearts. Even the most independent women need a support team … and a vacation. Speaking of which, I’ll also give you all my favorite tips for strategic packing and trip planning to make your time away from home as relaxing as it should be.
And then, naturally, we have dessert—because life is a celebration, and sometimes the best way to have your cake is to eat it, preferably with a glass of bubbly!
But first, breakfast.