part0026

Steph and Mia returned to Falkirk for the combined 35th birthday party Abby was throwing for Ailsa, her now live in fiancée, and their engagement. Gibraltar had come as a shock to Abby. Steph and Mia had told her by skype a couple of weeks ago. She loved Mia and knew she was great for Steph, it was just that she had hoped that Steph would be home when her contract ended in London. She wanted her best friend there with her when she was planning her wedding, there when she chose her dress, there to arrange her hen weekend, all of it. She was trying hard, but she couldn’t help but resent Mia.

Abby was returning from the kitchen with more punch when she overheard Mia talking about their plans.

“Yes Gibraltar, amazing isn’t it, I can’t wait for the weather, the food. There are so many places we want to visit locally in Spain and Morocco is so close too. Of course, I’d have followed Steph anywhere.”

“Well, I’m not great in the cold so I might have struggled with Antarctica, and my claustrophobia may have made the moon a bit difficult, but otherwise yes.”

A short time later Mia came across Abby in the kitchen when she went for some water. Abby was filling the dishwasher, having retreated to the kitchen to have a few minutes to herself. Mia’s timing was poor, she didn’t know that she was the last person Abby wanted to see right now, she was upset and angry.

“Hey Abby, let me do that, you’ve worked hard enough, go and enjoy the party.”

Abby’s tone was sharp. “No, it’s fine.”

Mia flinched. She stopped and looked at her, seeing her expression. “Is everything okay, have I done something wrong?”

Abby stood up, closing the dishwasher and leaning against the kitchen unit. “I heard what you said earlier.... about following Steph anywhere, did you mean it?”

Mia’s surprise was written all over her face. “Yes of course, you know I do.... why wouldn’t I?”

Abby crossed her arms, holding them tightly over her chest. “Does she know that?”

“Well I hope so, she certainly hasn’t said anything to me too suggest she doubts me. You’re her best friend, are you telling me she doesn’t?”

“I don’t know Mia, it’s just I know Steph has to travel for work, but I also suspect she’s struggled with being away from family and friends just being in London, an hour’s flight away. She’s never shown any interest in working abroad that I’ve heard and now well you’re still together and what a surprise she’s going to Gibraltar.”

“And what, you think that’s just because of me?”

At that they heard Ailsa calling for Abby. Abby leant off the unit and walked towards the door, walking past her. “You tell me!”

Mia wandered around the party for the next couple of hours, making small talk. She couldn’t get Abby’s words out her head, was that what everyone thought, that Steph was just trying to make her happy at the expense of her own? She had seemed excited about the prospect of working abroad, Mia had thought so, after all Steph had told her about it, she had been interested in the job. Working abroad wasn’t something they’d ever discussed, or something she had asked her to do. Now seeing her relaxing with friends and family Abby’s words rung in her ears, she couldn’t help wondering. Abby had known her when she was at school and a bit of a wild child, Steph’s friends and now even their partners had good jobs or their own businesses, whilst no one had ever said anything, she couldn’t help wondering if they didn’t think she was good enough for her.

They taxied home. Mia had just recovered from a stomach upset and had chosen not to drink so she was sober, they had come up by bike, stopping in the lake district for a couple of nights on the way and intending a leisurely route home. She hadn’t brought it to the party so Steph could drink.

Steph could sense something was wrong, she had never seen Mia so quiet. The taxi took 20 minutes and Mia scarcely looked her way and couldn’t be drawn into any conversation, she even pulled away when she reached to touch her thigh. She would ask her once they were alone. She was glad that their parents were away for the weekend, she would prefer that they didn’t witness an argument or them falling out. Steph was confused, she had no idea what she had done.

It was almost 2 a.m. when they got home. Steph paid the taxi and followed Mia to the house where she was opening the door. “Mia, is everything okay, you seem tense?” She followed her into the house, reaching out to try and hug her. “I’m sorry if I’m a bit drunk, I was just enjoying the party, catching up with friends.”

Mia stepped back, after what Abby had said Steph’s comments felt like a punch to the guts. “If I asked you something would you be honest with me?”

Steph looked surprised. “Of course.”

“Why are you taking the contract in Gibraltar?”

Her surprise increased. “What? because I want to, it will be good for us. we’ve talked about this.”

“Not because you think I’ll only stay with you if we travel?”

Steph’s expression changed to shock. “Seriously? No, not totally no.”

“Mia, I know you love to travel, and I know you’d be happy, but it had to be right for me too.”

“Really...honestly?”

“Yes, you know how important my work is to me, do you really think I’d take a job that I dislike just because of where it is? Please Mia I don’t understand, where is this coming from?” She reached for her, but she pulled away again. “Did something happen tonight? Did someone say something?”

“Look I just need some space, go to bed Steph.”

“Just give me some time okay.” Mia kissed her gently on the cheek, she grabbed her leather jacket and went back outside. A few minutes later Steph heard her bike start and Mia drive off, her heart sank.

Mia returned after 4 a.m., finding Steph in the living room on the couch, covered in a blanket, fully awake. She had done a lot of thinking, she wanted to be with Steph and thought she understood that she was more important to her than travelling, she just needed to convince her of that.

She walked into the living room, pulling off her jacket. “Hey, why aren’t you in bed?”

“Because I’d never have been able to sleep. It was too empty without you and I was worried about you out on your bike.”

“I’m a good driver Steph, I’ve been driving for years you don’t need to worry about me.”

“I know that, I trust you, I just don’t trust the other drivers, especially at 3 in the morning at the weekend. Especially when you were upset.”

Mia stood in the doorway. “It gave me time to think, Steph maybe we haven’t communicated as well as we should have, maybe......”

Steph was watching her, she thought she knew what was coming, and wanted to avoid that at all costs, throwing the cover off she quickly crossed the room, taking Mia’s cold hands in hers. “Mia please, just hear me out before you say anything else, give me a chance please. What you asked before you left, about the job, I need you to understand, it’s what I want too. The job is great, would I have done it alone, no probably not, but that’s because I’ve done that, moved away from home on my own and been lonely. No family, no friends and I’m not the most sociable person and it’s even more difficult when working long hours, and that’s when I speak the language. To go to another country alone, well I’m not brave enough either, it would scare me, but you’ve done that, and together it would be great, combining both our talents, an adventure, one I want more than anything. I can’t wait.”

“I want the job Mia; my insecurity would have prevented me even considering it. You’ve given me the confidence; don’t you see that?”

Tear filled eyes met hers. “You know that it doesn’t matter where we go right, Steph all I want is to be with you?”

“You don’t want to go to Gibraltar?”

“Yes... yes of course I do, I’ve never been, and it sounds great, and as you say it’s an adventure we can have together. I just need to know that you understand that if you got another contract in London, back in Falkirk, or anywhere else in the UK, that I would be okay with that. I’d still have followed you Steph. Please tell me you believe that?”

Steph pulled her into her arms. “I do babe, and nothing makes me happier, but you’ve reawakened my love of travelling too. I always enjoyed it I just allowed work to get in the way in the past few years. Seeing places though your eyes and your vast knowledge about other countries and cultures adds to that, I love it, you’re in your element.”

Mia was surprised. “Seriously?”

“Yes seriously, look at what you bring back with you too, your decoration ideas, the food you make. You teach me the history of the places we go to as well, I love that.” Suddenly she noticed Mia shiver. “God you’re cold, come on let’s go to bed, I don’t want you to catch a chill, you’ve just got over your stomach upset. I’ll hold you until you warm up.”

Ten minutes later Steph was spooning her in bed, she could feel the warmth had returned to her body. She kissed her shoulder. “I don’t know if you want to hear this, but I spoke with Abby.”

“Because it was obvious something happened tonight, that someone said something to you, or you overheard it. I needed to find out what that was. She told me.”

“What did she say?”

“What do you think she said?”

Mia lay on her back, exhaling loudly. “Well if she was honest, she accused me of taking you to Gibraltar against your will, for me rather than meeting your needs. She thinks you’d rather be here with friends and family.” Mia turned on her side. “I know what you said earlier, but if that’s what you want then you need to tell me Steph. Look I realise I’m not as successful as you and your friends... I’m just a nurse. I can understand if they don’t think I’m good enough for you.... if they don’t think you should change your life for me.”

Steph rolled onto her side, raising herself up on her arms. “What the hell Mia, where is that coming from? Abby told me what she said, she knows she was out of order, she’s invited us to brunch tomorrow, to apologise.”

“I don’t need an apology, she’s your friend and she’s looking out for you, that’s what friends do. If she thought I was asking you to do something you didn’t want she was right to challenge me.”

“Mia, she does need to apologise, to both of us, and she knows it.”

“Because this wasn’t about you, she was annoyed at me and she took it out on you, and that’s not right. She caused you to question yourself and be unhappy and it’s because she was angry at me. She admitted that she was unhappy that I’d not be around. I’m her bridesmaid/best women whatever we call it. She wanted me around to help plan the wedding, to be a part of it all. She wanted me to enjoy it with her, and she said that it suddenly hit her tonight that I’d not be there for all of that. Because of that she hurt you, she caused you to doubt yourself. God for a second there I really thought you were about to break up with me, I couldn’t have handled that.”

Mia kissed her gently on the lips. “I’m sorry Steph.”

“I need to apologise too, to them. I’ve not been a great friend since London. I didn’t just run from you, I ran from my feelings and because I knew they would challenge me about it I avoided my friends as well. It’s really sad that she doesn’t think I’d make time for her, because I will make time, whatever the distance. Janie deserved more too. I thought maybe we could suss out a great venue for a hen weekend over in Spain. I know Abby, she would love some sort of beachfront paradise.”

“As for your comment about my friends thinking you’re beneath me, you’re so far from the reality on that one it’s not true. From the first time we all went out Abby and Janie told me they thought you liked me. When I said I thought you were out my league they gave me such a hard time. They thought we were well matched.”

“Then at our parents’ engagement party when I was struggling with the sister thing, they were so mad, they could see I was incredibly attracted to you, and that you’d be great for me. They couldn’t believe that I was needlessly putting obstacles in our way.”

“After you’d met her at the salon Abby even engineered a reason to come to London, there was no way that hairdressing conference was her usual thing. I’m not sure she even went to it. She knew I wouldn’t be able to refuse my hospitality if she was going to be on my doorstep, and she was right. She’d hardly got her coat off before she told me off for how I’d treated you. God Mia she’s your biggest fan, Janie too. Why would you think otherwise?”

“Why, because you’re all so successful, Abby is dating a lawyer, and have you ever seen Janie with anyone who isn’t a professional?”

Steph thought for a second. “Not recently no, not since I’ve known you, but then I’ve never seen her with anyone who makes her happy long term either. You’re a nurse for god sake, it’s a much more honourable profession than any we are in and you aren’t doing it for the money.”

Steph watched Mia as tears began to run down her face. She pulled her towards her body for a hug. “I hope these are happy tears.”

Mia sat up blowing her nose.

Watching her Steph suspected that this wasn’t all. “So, come on out with it, is that it, or are there other reasons you think you’re inferior?”

Mia swallowed. “My past, let’s face it I’ve not exactly been a virgin and they all know that... I’m sorry Steph, maybe you do deserve better.” She lay back on the bed unable to meet her gaze. Suddenly she realised the bed was shaking slightly. Oh god is she crying? Sitting up she realised it was quite the opposite, Steph was laughing, she looked at her with disbelief. “Well I’m glad to know you think my sluttish behaviour is funny!”

“I’m sorry Mia, I’m not laughing at you I promise. You know we all have a past. I was fairly promiscuous when I first came out. When I realised what I wanted and admitted it to myself, well I went for it.”

Steph could see the surprise written across Mia’s face.

“But you told me you weren’t like that.”

“Did I? Present tense yes, you’re right I did, but I meant now. Casual sex wasn’t for me, I eventually realised it just made me feel crap and used, but that’s me and I’ve never judged anyone for what they can handle. So, I’m not a saint either, as for Janie and Abby well they aren’t vestal virgins either, but that’s their story not mine. They know about me, Janie was my wing woman and I’ve never hidden it from Abby, and they don’t judge me either.”

“They love you Mia. They love me and know how happy you’ve made me. Abby feels like shit about what she said, she admitted she took her feelings out on you. She made me text her when you got home safely, she was really worried. If anything had happened to you, I’m not sure she’d have been able to forgive herself. I’m not sure I would have either. The brunch and apology were her idea, what she doesn’t realise is that I plan to apologise too, to her and Janie, she’s been invited.”

Mia lay back down with a thud. “God, I hope it’s a late one involving cocktails, sounds like we are going to need it, it’ll be a lovefest.”

“Mm, we’d better get some sleep, turn around and I’ll cuddle in.”

“I’m sorry Steph, I’ve been a prat, I overreacted. I should have said something.”

“Yes, you should babe, please there’s been too many misunderstandings between us already, most of my making I admit. We need to talk to each other, to discuss things like this. You were upset and you didn’t need to be. Now come on sleep, you need all your energy to be forgiving tomorrow, that’s if you don’t intend to make Abby suffer.”