Bella awoke slowly, realizing where she was and whom she was with. Hudson’s arms surrounded her as she lay on her side with him spooned against her. She held no illusions about what had happened last night. She had no expectations. Disappointed before, she didn’t want to hope. Yet she couldn’t help but remember each kiss, each touch, each word they’d exchanged.
She ran her hand lightly over the hair on his forearm, knowing in her soul that Hudson’s strength was more than skin-deep. She admired the man. No, she more than admired him. She’d tumbled over a cliff and fallen in love with him.
Love. How long had it been since she’d known love from anyone other than her brother?
However, she suspected Hudson’s feelings didn’t run as deep. She’d learned the hard way that men’s sexual desire often dictated their actions. Certainly Hudson was no exception. Wanting her and loving her were two entirely different things.
She thought Hudson was still asleep, but a light nip on her shoulder told her that he wasn’t.
Could she face him and the fact that one night might have been enough for him? After last night, how would they react to each other at Just Us Kids? She’d followed her heart and now felt foolish.
She started to inch toward the edge of the king-size bed. Better to leave than to face the awkward conversation that told her it was over before it had begun.
But she didn’t get very far. Hudson’s arm tugged her back to him. He moved over a bit so she could turn to her back, and now she had no choice but to face him.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked.
“I have to get dressed and go back to the ranch.”
“It’s not even sunrise,” Hudson reminded her.
“When babies are hungry, they don’t care if the sun’s up or not. I told Jamie I’d be home this morning to help him.”
Hudson studied her, then removed his arm from around her. “Do you want to go?”
Just what was Hudson asking her? To be vulnerable and lay her feelings out on the bed? She didn’t know if she could do that. “I thought you’d want me to leave.”
He stroked a wisp of hair behind her ear. “I don’t want you to leave. If it was up to me, we’d stay here all day. I know we can’t. We need to talk about how we’re going to handle our relationship in public.”
She felt heart-tugging joy that he wanted a relationship. Was it possible she could dream again and have that dream come true?
“We should probably keep this—” she motioned to the bed and everything that had gone on there “—a secret.”
“I thought you might say that, but I disagree. We have to think about our situation realistically. I would agree, no public displays of affection at work, even though at times I don’t know how I’m going to resist kissing you.”
She felt a blush start to creep into her cheeks.
He leaned forward, possessively captured her lips and said good-morning in a way that had her tingling all over.
When he broke the kiss and backed away, he asked, “See what I mean? You smile that certain way and I just want to pull you into my arms. I won’t do that at work, but I don’t want to be secret about us being together either. If someone sees you here, so be it. We’re consenting adults. What we do on our off time is no one’s business but ours.”
“I don’t know how much off time we’ll have,” she said honestly. “Yes, Jamie has help, and Fallon stayed late last night because he asked her to, but I can’t do that often. I can’t leave him in the lurch.”
“Then I guess we’ll just have to steal as much time as we can in between, including lunch hours. My truck is roomy, and the heat we generate should counteract the cold weather, don’t you think?”
The idea of a quickie with Hudson was as exciting as spending all day here with him. His crooked grin told her he wasn’t just daring her to have sex with him in the truck. He was serious about it.
“And just where would we park your truck?”
“Oh, believe me, I’d find us a secluded spot. And the falls aren’t so far out of town that we couldn’t make it there and back in an hour. If we put our minds to being together, we can be.”
He slid a hand under her and nudged her in his direction.
“You did say we were two consenting adults,” she drawled coyly. “And we could practice for that truck rendezvous.”
With a low growl, he grabbed a condom packet from the nightstand. After she helped him roll it on, he pulled her on top of him, then ran his hands down her bare back. She could feel him against her, fully aroused and ready whenever she was. Maybe that’s why he wanted her on top, so she could set the pace. This morning her pace would be as fast as his. She slid back and forth against him until he groaned.
“Keep that up and this will be the shortest rendezvous on record.”
“Practice makes perfect,” she teased and rubbed against him again.
“Bella, really, if you don’t stop—”
“I’m not going to stop,” she warned him. “I’m as ready as you are.”
One look into her eyes and he was assured of that fact.
She rose up on her knees and then guided him inside her. She watched pleasure overtake him. Her orgasm came quickly, surprising her.
“We’re not done yet,” he said as he continued to stroke her. As she kept riding him, she found her body tightening all over again, the tension mounting till she thought she’d go wild. He pulled her down on him, and together they climaxed in a thunderous orgasm.
“Was that quick enough for you?” she asked after she’d collapsed on him.
“Quick enough but not nearly enough,” he responded, and she smiled against his chest.
* * *
Hudson felt shaken up, off balance, unsettled and definitely out of his depth. Making love with Bella had blown his mind, and he couldn’t seem to sort his thoughts or his feelings. He felt rattled to his core, though he thought he’d hidden it well. He’d tried to be practical about the whole thing. But now at work, catching glimpses of Bella now and then, he just wanted to pull her into his arms and take her to bed again.
Would they be able to work together? He wasn’t sure. He had to think about their relationship at work, but he wasn’t considering much more than that. The job in Big Timber? Bella’s commitment to her brother? His own wanderlust? The questions seemed too big to fit into the mix right then.
Though it was the day before Thanksgiving and many of the kids were home with their families, it was almost noon by the time Bella left her desk. She came into his office, and he braced himself for the feelings that came rushing back when he saw her.
“Are you busy?” she asked.
“No more than usual. What can I do for you?” He hadn’t meant the question to have a sexual undertone, but it seemed to.
She blushed a little. “We could talk about that later,” she said and gave him a big smile.
He laughed, and that broke the tension—tension that had been caused by mind-blowing sex and possibly the consequences of it. But he didn’t want to cut off whatever was happening between them, and apparently she didn’t either.
“Jamie has help tonight, so I’m free...free for a few hours. I thought we could spend some time together.”
When he didn’t answer right away, she hurried to say, “It’s okay if you don’t want to. I just thought I’d ask.” She turned to leave his office.
But he was out of his chair before she could reach the door and blocked her way. “You didn’t even give me a chance to think about it.”
“I didn’t want to put you on the spot. It’s okay if you have other things to do.”
He was aware of where they were, in his office with glass windows, and teachers and kids not far away. So it wasn’t as if he could hold her and reassure her.
“How would you like to put up a Christmas tree with me?” he asked.
“Really?”
He nodded. “Since we’re closing early today, we’ll have enough light to find one to cut down. Then I’ll set it up. I have Greta’s crocheted ornaments. We could buy a few more on the way to the Lazy B.”
“Sounds good.”
“If I didn’t have glass windows where everybody can see in, I’d kiss you.”
“Later,” she said with a wink.
Again, he felt as if his world had rocked on its axis.
Later that afternoon, Hudson could see Bella was excited about the prospect of putting up a Christmas tree at his house. He wondered if she hadn’t had many Christmas trees since her parents had died. Would her grandparents have even thought of getting a tree for two kids who needed a little Christmas?
After a stop for ornaments, they’d gone to the Lazy B, then to the stables. Now they were bundled up, riding on a buckboard to a stand of trees he’d seen while on his horse one day last week. “I’m glad we got to the general store early while they still had a collection of balls and garlands. I like your idea of blue and silver mixed with Greta’s white ornaments.”
“I’ve always wanted to decorate a Christmas tree with blue and silver,” she said.
“Can you tell me why?”
“I remember one like that when my parents were still alive. Mom said it reminded her of heaven and the stars. I’ve always remembered that.”
“Did you have Christmas trees after your parents died?” After all, if they were going to be in some kind of relationship, they should be able to ask the tougher questions.
She was quiet for a little while, but then she told him, “A Christmas tree was too much trouble for my grandparents. I snuck a little one into my room one year, after Grandma died, but Gramps said it would just make a mess and I should get rid of it.”
“Did you?”
“No, I didn’t,” she said defensively. “I put it in my closet. Jamie and I couldn’t get each other much. I used my spending money to buy yarn, and I knitted him a scarf. He gave me a card of barrettes for my hair, and we put our presents under the tree in the closet. That probably sounds silly to you.”
He transferred the horses’ reins to one hand and wrapped his arm around her. “It doesn’t sound silly at all. The two of you were trying to make the day special.”
After they rode a little bit farther, he asked, “Do you think Jamie will put up a tree this year?”
“I don’t know. The triplets are still too young to understand what it would mean, even though they might like looking at all the lights. I’m afraid it would remind Jamie of his Christmases with Paula, so I don’t even want to suggest it. If he decides to do it, then I’ll certainly help him with it any way I can.”
Hudson drew up in front of a stand of pines. He said, “We have to walk a little ways in.”
“I wore my boots.”
He laughed. He liked the way Bella seemed to take things in stride. He liked the way she was ready for a new adventure even if it was just cutting down a Christmas tree.
“Look around and see if you can find one you like. They might have bare spots from being too close to the other trees, but we can always fill that in with garland or ornaments.”
While Hudson took a saw from the back of the buckboard, Bella forged ahead, circling the pines, one after another. He had to smile as she looked at each with a critical eye.
“Imagining those blue and silver balls on them?”
“You bet, and a silver star on the top. We were lucky they had one of those.”
Yes, they had been. That silver star could make some of Bella’s dreams come true. At least her Christmas tree dreams.
She called from around a pine, “If Jamie doesn’t put up a tree, maybe I can bring the triplets over to see yours.”
That thought startled him for a moment. The babies in his house. Well, not his house, technically. What kind of havoc could they wreak? But once he thought about it, he decided he wouldn’t care. Having the babies and their laughter in his house would fill it in a way that it hadn’t been filled before.
Bella called from the end of a row. “I think I found one. It will be perfect.”
From Hudson’s experience, rarely was anything perfect. But he had to admit, Bella had found a pretty nice tree. It was about eight feet tall with no gaping holes. Now all he had to do was cut it down.
As he told Bella to stand back and he scrambled under the tree with the saw, she asked, “Have you ever done this before?”
“Believe it or not, I once worked on a Christmas tree farm.”
“Why am I not surprised?”
He looked up at her. She wasn’t wearing a hat, and her hair was being mussed by the wind. Her eyes were bright. Her cheeks were pink from the cold air. She’d never looked more beautiful.
“I bet I have a few more surprises up my sleeve. Or maybe not exactly up my sleeve,” he said with a wink.
“You’re incorrigible.”
“You’re not the first to tell me that. I think that was my dad’s favorite word for me.”
“Did you purposely try to live up to that opinion?”
“Sure. It set me apart from the others.”
While she was still shaking her head, he took the saw to the base of the pine. It took elbow grease and a bit of work, but a short time later, he called to Bella to step way back, and the tree fell.
“Do you need help carrying it?” she asked.
“No. You run ahead to the buckboard and get out of the snow or you’re going to be an icicle.”
“No more than you are,” she shot back.
“All right, if you want to help, make sure the tarp’s laid out across the buckboard. That way when we want to take it in the house, we can just wrap it in the tarp.”
Bella made sure the tarp was spread from one side of the wagon to the other. It seemed to cause Hudson no stress at all to pick up the tree by its trunk and load it.
Once he had, she looked at it and said, “It’s going to be a beautiful tree.”
Beautiful. Just like her. As he looked at her, he felt a wet flake on his nose and realized snow was falling now.
“It’s just like in the movies,” she said with a laugh of sheer joy. “Cutting down the Christmas tree, putting it in the buckboard and having snow fall.” She lifted her hands up to the heavens as if to catch a few flakes.
There were no glass windows around them now, and no one to see them for miles. He captured Bella in his arms and swung her around. “I’ve never cut down a tree quite like this before.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, I’ve cut down trees, but not with someone I cared about. That changes everything.”
Still, if he had to list what, he probably couldn’t right then. He just knew that this seemed to be the start of something.
He was still holding her when he put her on the ground. “We could have a quickie out here,” he whispered into her neck.
“And literally freeze our buns off?”
“Of all times for you to be practical,” he grumbled.
“Of all times for us to think about whether we’d want the exciting experience of polar lovemaking, or if we’d rather go back to your place, switch on the fire and think about doing it there.”
“Both are tempting,” Hudson admitted with a joking air. “Snow, pines, the buckboard and a tarp. Or a glass of wine, a blazing fire, fewer clothes to fumble with.”
“I think you’re convincing me. But just to make sure, let’s experiment a little.”
With that he took her cheeks in his hands. They were as cold as his hands were warm. The sensation of touching her like this was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. They didn’t kiss at first, but rather rubbed noses. They laughed and teased, snuck cheek kisses and neck kisses before they finally came together in a lip-lock kiss.
Bella had removed the top of her gloves. Although her palms were covered with fabric, her fingers weren’t. She could dive her fingers into his hair that way. And when she did, he realized they were taking freedoms with each other, and that was good.
The snow began falling harder as they experimented, him burying his nose at the base of her throat and giving her a kiss there, her reaching her hands inside his coat so she was plenty warm. He could have stood with her all night like that, rocking back and forth, kissing, snuggling.
But the snow was becoming a fuzzy curtain of white now. He whispered close to her ear, “We have to get back.”
She nodded as if she knew it were so, but she gave a sigh. What they had done had been fun. They’d just have to do it again sometime.
They both had snowflakes on their hair and their eyelashes by the time they returned to the house. Edmond was at the barn to help Hudson dismantle the buckboard and take care of the horse. Hudson suggested Bella go into the house instead of staying out in the cold. He’d bring the tree inside and set it up, and then they could start decorating.
Bella said, “I’ll make hot chocolate to warm us up.”
Hudson gave her a look that said they didn’t need hot chocolate for that. Edmond no doubt caught the look because as soon as Bella left the barn, he gave Hudson a thumbs-up.
“Something’s different between the two of you,” he said. “Are you a couple now?”
Hudson shrugged. “We’ll see.”
Were they a couple now? That was a question to ponder while he set up the tree.
* * *
Less than an hour later, Bella watched Hudson string the lights on the tree. They’d chosen tiny white twinkle lights. She thought about their excursion to cut down the pine, and she had to smile. She was so glad Jamie hadn’t needed her tonight. She was so glad she could do this with Hudson. She suddenly realized that she wouldn’t want to be doing it with anyone else.
The problem was, she didn’t know what Hudson expected next. For that matter, she didn’t know what she expected next. Was this just an affair or a fling? Or could it be more? If it could be more, what would happen if she told Hudson she couldn’t have children? Or that at least the likelihood of it happening was very slim?
He was great with kids, even babies, but as he turned to her now and said, “Ready for the ornaments,” she pushed questions and doubts out of her mind. It had been years since she’d lived in the moment, and that’s what she wanted to do now. Tomorrow, her world could crash down around her. For just today, she wanted to be happy.
Hudson took a break to sip his hot chocolate. “Yours is getting cold.”
She went over to the coffee table and picked up her cup. She clinked her mug against his, then she turned toward the tree. “We’re doing a fine job. Do we put the star on first or save it till last?”
“Let’s save it till last. Are you getting hungry?” he asked. “I put that casserole Greta made into the oven.”
“That sounds good,” Bella agreed. “I’ll start unpacking these ornaments.” As she took blue ones from the box and attached little hooks to each one, she heard Hudson moving around in the kitchen. Then she heard the buzz of his cell phone and the rumble of his voice as he spoke with someone. But she couldn’t hear the conversation.
Five minutes later he returned to the living room. His expression was thoughtful. “That was Walker on the phone. We were discussing Thanksgiving tomorrow. I know you’ll probably want to spend it with Jamie and the triplets. Do you have plans?”
“It snuck up on us so quickly we didn’t even buy a turkey. I told Jamie I’d stop at the store on the way home tonight to buy fixings for a dinner.”
“I might have a solution for that. Walker and Lindsay want you and Jamie and the triplets to come to dinner at the Dalton ranch.”
“All of us?”
“All of you. Lindsay has a huge clan who think the more the merrier. Do you think Jamie will go for it?”
“He might. It would be good for all of us to get out.”
“Do you want to give him a call, then I can call Walker back?”
“Sure. I can check in and make sure everything’s okay, too.”
At first Jamie wasn’t sure he wanted to join the Daltons, but then Bella said, “Don’t you think it would be good to spend the holiday away and make a new memory?”
After a moment of silence, Jamie responded, “I suppose it would. All right. Tell Hudson to tell his brother he’ll have five more at his table.”
When Bella did, Hudson laughed. “Apparently it’s going to be a big table.” He approached Bella and motioned to the ornaments on the coffee table. “We’d better get to tree decorating. What time did you tell Jamie you’d be home?”
“I told him around nine.”
Hudson stepped even closer. “When we have limited time together, we have to decide what’s most important—decorating the tree, eating or...”
The or turned into a kiss that took Bella to a place where happiness was possible, where dreams could come true and where Hudson filled her world.
Hudson was passion and sensuality and all man. Hunger swelled inside her, a hunger like she’d never known. Conscious thought didn’t seem possible as Hudson’s tongue plundered her mouth, as she chased it back into his, as they kissed each other like they might never do it again. She slid her hands into his thick hair, then needing the touch of skin on skin, she massaged the nape of his neck. When Hudson slid his hand under her sweater, she wanted to give him freer access. She backed away slightly, and he broke the kiss.
“We have too many clothes on,” he mumbled, finding the edge of her sweater and bringing it up over her head. After he tossed it onto the sofa, he just looked at her for a few moments.
She was glad she’d worn the bra edged with lace. He unhooked it, then he began unbuttoning his shirt. Not long after, they were on the floor in front of the fire, both naked.
“Decorating the tree seemed important when we were cutting it down, but now this is more important.” He whispered his hot breath against her skin as he trailed his lips down to her nipple and suckled it.
Bella thought she was ready to make love with Hudson again. But he apparently had no intention of rushing it. He laid her back on the rug and swept her body with featherlight kisses and butterfly touches, sensual, heady and thrilling. Everywhere they touched, his hands ignited a heat that threatened to sear her skin. As his hands slid down her stomach to her thigh, exquisite sensations bombarded her. This much need, this much want and this much hunger couldn’t be right, could it?
She didn’t have an answer to that question because she’d never experienced anything like this before. She felt like one of the logs on the fireplace grate that glowed with an inner heat that couldn’t be contained.
Although Bella could feel Hudson’s hunger in his kisses and his touches, she could also feel tenderness. That’s what undid her most of all. Leaning over her on the rug, Hudson kissed her once more while his hand slipped between her thighs. He wanted to see how ready she was. She passed her hand down his back to his backside and heard the growl that came from deep in his throat.
“Do you know what you do to me?” he asked her.
“Probably the same thing you do to me.”
“Don’t move,” he said, sitting up, reaching for his jeans. She knew what he was doing. He was getting a condom from his pocket. She should tell him now. She should reveal that she could become pregnant yet would probably never be able to carry a baby to term. But she didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to spoil this day by ending it with a conversation that could separate them completely.
A minute later he was poised over her again, looking down into her shadowed eyes, and she wished she could take a picture of him right there and then. Then he entered her, and she held on to him tightly, wishing the moment could last forever. Wishing reality wouldn’t poke its head back into her life. Wishing she’d been more responsible as a teenager so that she didn’t have a secret to keep now.
She knew she couldn’t keep the secret much longer because she wanted honesty between her and Hudson as much as she wanted anything else.