On Saturday morning Hudson rose before sunrise. After downing a protein shake along with one of Greta’s cinnamon rolls, he went for a ride on Breeze, contemplating his day. He considered what Bella had said about purpose and realized except for handling the day care’s PR problems, he didn’t have one. He thought about last evening, meeting Jamie and watching him handle the triplets, as well as his ranch. The guy needed more than a baby chain. Since he’d noticed fencing on Jamie’s ranch that needed to be repaired, Hudson decided what he was going to do with his day before bad weather moved in. Throughout his adult life, he’d never had to consult anyone when he wanted to go somewhere or do something. So he didn’t now.
He drove his truck to the lumberyard, bought the supplies he needed and headed out to the Stockton ranch, down a rutted road on the side field. The ground was frozen, so he couldn’t repost fence. But he could replace slats and make repairs that would keep cattle in and horses safe.
Before 9 a.m. he was working on the fence line, the physical labor feeling good. He’d missed it. After an hour, he sat inside his truck, warmed up with another cinnamon roll, then went back at it. It was noon when he spotted Jamie rushing out the back of the house and across the field. Hudson didn’t at all expect the reaction he got when Jamie was within earshot of him.
The rancher asked, “What are you doing out here?”
“I thought you needed help with the fence line. You don’t want your cattle or horses getting out, do you?”
Hudson could see the angry expression on Jamie Stockton’s face now that he was closer. “Of course I don’t want them getting out. But I don’t want you doing my work.”
“I was trying to help out, just like the baby chain helps you with the triplets.”
Jamie’s words puffed white in the almost frigid air. “That’s different. I have to accept help so Katie, Henry and Jared stay healthy and happy and content. But as far as the ranch goes, I can handle it on my own. Did Bella tell you I needed help out here?”
“No,” Hudson said honestly and quickly. “I saw it when we drove by. Your fence slats are falling off. Your posts are leaning. I would have helped with those, but I can’t with the ground frozen. If the snow rots them and takes them down, you might have to put up something temporary.”
“That’s my worry, not yours.”
To top things off, Hudson caught sight of Bella running toward them. He could see she hadn’t even taken time to zip her parka. She jogged toward them and came to an abrupt stop. When she did, he saw how troubled she looked. He hadn’t meant to make things harder for her or for her brother.
He addressed Jamie again. “I understand if you want me to stop. But I already bought the supplies. What if I unload them in your barn?”
“I don’t need charity,” Jamie insisted stubbornly. “You can take your planks and nails and leave.”
Bella went to her brother and put her hand on his arm. “Jamie.”
“I mean it, Jones,” Jamie said tersely. “You took over the day care center under Bella’s nose when she’d done nothing wrong. Maybe you had to because you were invested in it. But you have no investment here. Just let me and mine take care of ourselves.”
Hudson knew about pride. Walker had been the big brother who bailed Hudson out of scrapes and then tried to tell him what to do. Hudson had always balked and his pride got in the way of a good relationship with Walker.
Jamie had lost his wife. He had to juggle more than a man should have to. At the end of the day, his pride was a valuable asset.
So Hudson didn’t argue with him. He just tipped his Stetson to Bella, nodded to Jamie and said, “I understand. I’m out of here.”
He gathered up the few supplies he had lying about and stowed them in the back of the truck. When he stole a glance at Bella, he saw she was caught in the middle. He wouldn’t want to be in her position. She had to support her brother, and if that meant watching him turn down help, then that’s what she had to do.
Hudson climbed in his truck, and as he drove away, he peered into the rearview mirror. Bella looked appalled that he was leaving like this. But he’d had no choice. He’d miscalculated badly. What was that old saying? No good deed goes unpunished.
He’d found that out today. Wandering, rambling, not being connected to anyone seemed to be the easier road to take. Yet he realized now it might be a road that no longer satisfied him, a road that had kept him from forming real connections and friendships.
* * *
The Monday morning influx of babies and children under the age of five was the ultimate mayhem. But somehow Bella managed it and kept everybody, from parents to kids to teachers, smiling when she did it.
Hudson hadn’t had a chance to talk to her, and he wasn’t sure she’d want to talk to him. Now when he looked back on what he’d done, he saw how it could be misconstrued. His actions could be considered high-handed, arrogant, maybe even condescending. She might want to stay far away from him. So he was surprised when, after the last child was logged in for the morning, Bella came to his office and rapped on the open door.
He stood and came around his desk, not wanting a barrier between them. It seemed as if they had enough of those, though he wasn’t even sure what some of them were.
“I wanted to talk to you,” she said, looking as if she had something serious on her mind.
“I wanted to talk to you,” he returned.
They were about two feet apart, and Bella looked lovely today in a pale blue sweater and navy slacks. She’d worn boots, too, no doubt in anticipation of the snow that was predicted for later. It seemed Bella was the type who liked to be prepared.
They both said “I’m sorry” at the same time. He stopped and waved at her to go first. “Go ahead,” he said. “But you have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I’m sorry for Jamie’s behavior,” she apologized.
“His behavior was my fault,” Hudson assured her.
Shaking her head vigorously, she responded, “No, it wasn’t. One thing I’ve learned is that we have to own our actions. Jamie simply overreacted. It was a wonderful thing you tried to do.”
Hudson stuffed his hands in his pockets so he didn’t think as much about reaching out and touching her. “Wonderful didn’t turn out so well.”
“It’s nothing against you, Hudson. Jamie’s already accepting so much help with the triplets, he’s touchy about it. He feels as if his life is running him instead of him running his life. Do you know what I mean?”
Thinking about what she’d said, he nodded. “Yes, I do. I can see the responsibilities he has sitting on his shoulders. They’re wearing him down. I think they’re wearing you down a bit, too.”
“I’m fine,” she assured him. “But I am worried about Jamie. I had a break on Friday, thanks to you. I really needed that afternoon nap. And that dinner. But Jamie won’t take a break.”
“Maybe he feels if he does, everything will fall apart. I should have discussed fixing that fence with him before I did it. I never meant to cause such a ruckus.”
“You did fix the worst part, and whether he realizes it or not, he’s going to be grateful when he thinks about it.” She took a step closer to Hudson, and he felt his heart beating faster.
Before he realized what she was going to do, she stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek. That kiss was as light as the touch of a butterfly’s wings, but he felt it in every fiber of his being.
When she stepped away, she said simply, “Thank you,” and then she was gone from his office.
Hudson brushed his fingers over the place on his cheek where her lips had touched his skin.
He did that often over the next hour, aware that he’d been touched by that gesture as he hadn’t by anything in a long time.
Throughout the morning, he found himself staring out the window more than at his computer. Around noon he watched the first snowflakes begin to fall. They didn’t start lightly but multiplied quickly, coating the grass and the pavement in no time.
The phone began ringing, and he knew why. Parents would want to pick up their kids early. To his surprise, every single one of them did. Usually there were stragglers but not today. And that gave Hudson an idea.
After the teachers had left, Bella was reaching for her parka in the break room when he found her there and asked, “How would you like to go riding in the snow?”
She zipped up her parka. “Are you serious?”
“I am. If you’re game, I’ll follow you to your brother’s, where I can apologize to him for my high-handedness, then we can go for a short ride and chase the snowflakes. What do you think?”
“At your place?”
“Yeah, at my place. There’s a horse who will be perfect for you, a little chestnut named Boots. She’s got four white ones.”
Bella laughed. “Okay, I’m game. Let’s go.”
A short time later, they pulled up at Jamie’s ranch. He parked behind Bella and walked up to the door with her. She opened it, went inside and called “Jamie? Somebody’s with me who’d like to talk to you.”
Jamie came from the kitchen, his finger over his lips. “Not too loud. All three of them are napping. I think it’s a first. Country Kids let out early, and Fallon’s upstairs sorting the triplets’ clothes. Some of them are already too small.”
As Jamie spotted Hudson, he went silent. But Hudson didn’t hesitate to walk right up to the man.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I never meant to overstep. You want to run your ranch and your life your way. I get that. I should have talked to you before I brought in supplies and did anything.”
Jamie was silent as he studied Hudson, maybe trying to figure out if he was being sincere. Then he extended his hand. “No hard feelings. You did a good job and saved me a lot of work. But I want the bill for those supplies and the time you put in.”
“How about if we split it down the middle? I’ll give you the bill for the supplies, but my time was free.”
Bella’s brother considered Hudson’s words, then he nodded. “All right. But I owe you one. If you need a favor for something, you come to me.”
“Deal,” Hudson said with a grin. “For right now, though, I’d like to take your sister riding in the snow at my place. Is that all right with you?”
Cocking his head, Jamie seemed to weigh what Bella might want.
She said, “I’d like to go if you don’t need me. Is Fallon going to stick around?”
“She is. She said she can stay the night if need be.”
“I’m just going to change into warmer clothes. I’ll be quick—five minutes.”
As Bella hurried up the steps, Jamie murmured, “Riding in the snow. We did that when we were kids.”
“Before your grandparents took you in?” Hudson asked, still curious about Bella’s upbringing.
“Oh, yeah, before they took us in. After that, we didn’t have a whole lot of fun.”
“Bella told me they didn’t want you. I can’t believe that.”
“Oh, believe it, because it was true. I’m surprised she talked to you about it. She never talks about our childhood. Did she tell you anything else?”
“Just that she believed her grandfather blamed the two of you for your grandmother’s death.”
“True, too, and he might have been right.”
The way Jamie was looking at him, Hudson wondered if he expected him to go on, to say more that Bella might have told him. But there wasn’t anything else. Now Hudson was even more curious.
He forgot about Bella’s past, though, when she came rushing down the stairs in jeans, riding boots and a pretty pink-and-white turtleneck sweater. He had a sudden urge to cuddle her in his arms. To be honest, he actually wanted to do more than that. But the cuddling sure would be nice, too.
She grabbed her parka and made sure she had her gloves and hat.
“Let’s go,” he said. “I’ll call Edmond on the way, and he can get the horses saddled up.”
As Bella rode beside Hudson in his truck, she wasn’t sure what had made her agree to this crazy proposal. Maybe it was Hudson’s enjoyment of the idea. Maybe it was his enthusiasm. Maybe she just needed a little fun in her life.
Hudson didn’t pull into the driveway at the house but rather drove farther down the lane and pulled over at a big red barn. She spotted a log cabin not far away.
“Is that where the foreman lives?”
“Yes. It’s a homey place. Greta’s into crafts as well as cooking. I think you’d like it. Maybe we can stop there afterward.”
At the door to the barn, snowflakes swirled lazily around them as Bella said, “I feel guilty for leaving Jamie back there with the triplets.”
“They’re his kids, Bella, not yours.”
For a moment, she was almost angry at the remark, and Hudson must have seen that. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so blunt. But it’s true. At some point he’s going to have to be able to handle his own life. He said Fallon was there, so you don’t have to worry about him, at least not for the next few hours.”
“You can look at the situation pragmatically. I can’t.”
He took a step closer to her and held her by the shoulders. “Someone has to. Maybe I can help you find a balance.”
“And what can I do for you?”
The way Hudson was looking at her, she knew exactly what she could do for him, and it involved a kiss. She kept perfectly still, but he didn’t bend his head. He didn’t squeeze her tighter.
Rather he said, “Not everything’s a negotiation, Bella. I meant it with Jamie when I said I don’t want anything in return, and I mean it with you, too. I just enjoy being with you. Maybe that will work to both our advantages.”
“How’s that?”
“You think I need purpose in my life. Maybe I’ll get a better sense of that by being around you.”
“Sometimes, Hudson, I can’t tell if you’re making fun of me or if you’re serious.”
“I will never make fun of you, Bella. You’re a beautiful, intelligent woman who deserves to be listened to. Why would I want to make fun of that?”
A snowflake landed on her nose, but she didn’t care, didn’t move. Suddenly it had become more important that Hudson understand her and where she’d been, at least part of it. So she explained.
“My parents were great, at least what I can remember. I have some pictures of them in an album. Thank goodness, our grandparents let us keep those. In those photos, Mom and Dad were laughing and playing ball with us, and even jumping under the hose on a hot summer day. We felt listened to...important...loved. But after my parents were gone, my grandparents talked only to each other. They made decisions with each other. They never consulted us. They sent—”
She stopped. She wasn’t going to tell him about the brothers and sisters they never saw. She didn’t want him to feel sorry for her. She just wanted him to know the way it had been and why she reacted sometimes now the way she did. “My grandparents just didn’t listen, and after Grandma died, my grandfather shut off. It was as if he wasn’t even there. He put food on the table. He barked orders at us. But he was never kind the way a parent should be kind. He was never there to listen to what happened at school or after school. He was cold and hard, and I couldn’t wait to leave.”
Now Hudson did put his arms around her. The brim of his Stetson kept snow from falling on her face. He admitted, “I know about cold parents. My mother’s that way. But she calls it reserved. It comes down to the same thing.”
“I think Gramps was born that way. Then when he was in a situation he didn’t want to be in, burdened with us, he withdrew more into himself. Why do you think your mom was cold?”
“I’m not sure. My guess is she wasn’t happy in the marriage. When you’re not happy, when the other person doesn’t try to make you happy, what’s left but resentment and maybe even contempt? That’s always what I felt vibrating between them.”
“But you had your brothers.”
“Yes, I did. We established our own rules, kept each other safe, fought, yelled, but told each other our secrets.”
“Like brothers should. Is that why you helped Walker when he needed you?”
“That’s one of the reasons.”
He brushed snowflakes from her hair, and the stroke of his hands almost made her purr. “Let’s get you inside before you become a snow woman.”
She laughed, and he opened the barn door for her.
“Edmond, how goes it?” Hudson called when he saw his foreman in one of the stalls.
“Just getting Boots ready. Your Breeze is champing at the bit. She can’t wait to get out there.”
“They might not be so happy once that snow’s falling all around them. But we won’t keep them out long.”
“Greta wants to know if you’d like to come to supper when you get back. She has a huge pot of chili on the stove, and she says it’s just what you’ll need after a ride in the snow.”
Hudson looked at Bella. “Do you think Jamie can do without you?”
She considered everything Hudson had said about having her own life, about Jamie needing a life of his own, too. Yet she knew right now their lives had converged. Still, Fallon was helping him, and she said she’d even stay the night. Bella had the feeling that Fallon wanted to spend as much time as she could with Jamie. Maybe it was a good thing if she stayed away for a little while.
“Let me give him a call and make sure before we saddle up.”
The call took only a few minutes, and she was ready to mount Boots. Hudson stood next to the pretty horse holding its reins. “What did he say?”
“He said I should have supper here with you. Everything is under control back there.”
“Good. I lowered the stirrup a bit so you could mount easier. Once you’re up, I’ll fix it for you.”
He could have just given her a leg up, but she was glad he’d done it this way instead. Hudson’s touch made her skittish, and maybe he knew that. What she’d heard about Hudson, about him being a love-’em-and-leave-’em cowboy, just didn’t mesh with who he really was. She’d found him to be a gentleman, and she liked that. She liked it a lot.
She’d been right about the way Hudson sat on a horse. His back was straight and his shoulders square. Yet his body had enough flexibility that he seemed one with the horse. He looked as if he’d been made for riding. And he looked incredibly handsome, especially against the snow that frosted the landscape.
She followed Hudson since he knew the terrain better than she did. Besides that, she trusted him to lead. Odd that she thought of that now. She hadn’t trusted him when he’d first come to Just Us Kids, but she’d learned better. Her experience with men—other than her brother—had been anything but positive. Trusting seemed as far away as dreaming or loving someone who would love you back forever.
The atmosphere out here was positively church-like. The tall pines, the hushed silence, the pure whiteness of fresh snow. Bella felt herself relaxing into the moment, simply enjoying being alive.
Hudson suddenly changed direction and gestured for her to follow him due south. They rode along a copse of pine and aspen and rounded a corner. She felt a gasp come from her soul when she saw a pond before her with white softness edging its borders. The water reflected the gray sky, but there were places where it picked up sparkle from somewhere.
Hudson waited for her to ride up beside him, then he asked, “Are you game to dismount for a while? Those trees will protect us from the snow.” He motioned to a canopy that looked like a little haven.
“Sure,” she said, giving him a smile. “It’s beautiful out here.”
He gave a nod and then dismounted first so he could give her a hand. She would have just jumped off her horse, but Hudson was right there, his hands on her waist, helping her to the ground. He lifted her down, and she felt like air in his arms. There was strength there and a sure grip that assured her she wouldn’t fall.
He took hold of their horse’s leads. They walked about twenty feet into the copse of trees, and she saw immediately why he’d wanted to bring her here. It was a more in-depth view of the lake, the snow on the reeds, the white birch on the far shore, the pine canopy that kept snow from falling on them.
“Sometimes we don’t realize how much noise surrounds us all day until we’re in a quiet place like this.”
“Do you come here often?” she asked, almost in a whisper because that seemed fitting here.
“I do. I have that luxury because I don’t have to take care of triplets when I go home.”
Facing him, she asked, “Are you trying to make a point?”
He gazed down at her with sincerity in his eyes. “Nope. Just attempting to show you the other side of having a purpose.”
She felt mesmerized by him...so drawn to him. “I think you have a purpose when you come out here.”
“What would that be?”
“To connect with something outside yourself, something bigger than yourself. My guess is you find here what many people find in meditation or in church.”
“Wide-open space has always meant freedom to me. I don’t like fences or boundaries that predict where I have to stay.”
That statement prompted her to probe deeper. “Do you think you were born to be a risk taker or an adventurer? Or did you learn it?”
“I only take calculated risks. And as far as being born an adventurer, I’d say I learned it, in order to escape my siblings and my parents.”
“I wish I had gone that route,” she admitted with a sigh, and then was appalled she’d said it. What she didn’t want to do was get into her background. What she didn’t want to do was explain what had happened when she was a teenager rebelling against her grandparents who didn’t love her, against fate that had taken her parents from her, along with her other siblings, too.
Apparently Hudson’s thoughts ran in another direction from her teenage years because he turned to face her, adjusted the chin strap on her hat and said, “You can still be an adventurer. It’s never too late to start.”
The darkening of his eyes, the heat she suddenly felt between them, the vibrations that were all about male and female awareness made her ask jokingly, “You mean I should catch a plane to Paris?”
“No,” he said honestly. “I was thinking that you should kiss me again.”
When Hudson wrapped his arms around her, she didn’t hesitate to let him pull her close. He dragged his thumb down her cheek and kissed the trail his finger had taken. His sensual touch sent tremors through her, and in spite of herself, she envisioned them naked in his bed. She should have stopped the thought right there. If she had, when his lips sealed to hers, maybe then she wouldn’t have felt like melting into his body. The cold seemed to swell around them, but they were warm, getting hot, even hotter. His lips seemed to burn hers, and when his tongue breached her lips, forged into her mouth, took the kiss deeper and wetter, she wrapped her arms around his neck and held on for dear life.
Hudson stopped the kiss suddenly...didn’t end it...just stopped it.
She knew he wanted another one because he kissed along her lower lip, then the corner of her mouth. After a deep breath, he said, “You make me feel too much.”
“You make me shake,” she admitted.
His soft chuckle said he liked that idea, and he came back for another kiss, and then another until time didn’t matter. The swish of pine boughs didn’t matter. Snow mounting around their boots didn’t matter. Only Hudson’s desire, his hands at the nape of her neck and his body heat mattered.
He broke away again, then he looked down at her, breathing hard. He assured her, “If we were someplace else, someplace warmer and more comfortable, we’d be doing more than kissing.”
But we shouldn’t be, a voice inside her yelled. Why not? echoed back. She ignored both and said to Hudson, “I’m not sure we know what we’re doing.”
“That’s the fun of it—the adventure of it,” he reminded her. “Let’s just see where this goes, Bella.” Just in case her response wasn’t what he wanted to hear, he brushed her lips with his again and wrapped his arm around her. “I think that chili at Greta and Edmond’s is good and done. Let’s go get a bowl and warm up.”
She didn’t need chili to warm up. She’d been plenty warm when Hudson had been kissing her. She had a feeling she’d be plenty warm every time she thought about it, too. Could she be an adventurer and take it further?
Thank goodness, she didn’t have to answer that question now.